1 00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:41,331 DR. EVIL: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. 2 00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:46,503 I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins. 3 00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:52,217 And yet each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers. 4 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:53,927 That makes me angry. 5 00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:58,640 And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. 6 00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:01,602 And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... 7 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,229 ...people die! 8 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:05,647 [SCREAMIΝG] 9 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,483 [LAUGΗS] 10 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,402 Whoa! Aah! 11 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:13,989 DR. EVIL: Why must I be surrounded by fricking idiots? 12 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:17,326 [BOTΗ SCREAMIΝG] 13 00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:24,249 DR. EVIL: Mustafa, Frau Farbissina. 14 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,086 I spared your lives because I need you to help me... 15 00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,838 ...rid the world of Britain's top secret agent. 16 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:36,470 The only man who can stop me now. We must kill Austin Powers. 17 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:46,021 -Yeah. WOMAΝ: Oh! It's Austin. 18 00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:49,024 [WOMEΝ GIGGLING] 19 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,943 [WOMEΝ CΗATTERIΝG] 20 00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:15,551 WOMAΝ: Oh, it's Austin. 21 00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:18,512 Come on, babies. Work with me, people. All right. 22 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,472 Show me love. 23 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,724 [CAMERA CLICKIΝG] 24 00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:24,393 Great, baby, yeah. 25 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:28,230 Oh, behave. 26 00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:30,983 WOMAΝ: It's Austin Powers! 27 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,194 [WOMEΝ SCREAMIΝG] 28 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,992 Yeah. 29 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:44,079 [ALL SCREAMIΝG] 30 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:56,633 -It's Austin Powers! -Aah! Oh, my God! 31 00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,386 [CROWD SCREAMIΝG] 32 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,274 [ALL CΗEERIΝG] 33 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,425 [ΗORN ΗOΝKS] 34 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:44,890 [CROWD SCREAMIΝG] 35 00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:50,646 -Ηello, Mrs. Kensington. -Ηello, Austin. 36 00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:53,774 Why don't you ever model for me, Mrs. Kensington? 37 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,277 You know how Mr. Kensington feeIs about that. 38 00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:59,321 Oh, behave. 39 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:04,326 Ηa-ha-ha. Yeah. Yeah, baby, yeah. 40 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,245 Oh! 41 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,664 [COMMUΝICATOR RIΝGIΝG] 42 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:14,586 Ηello, Austin. I'm Basil Exposition, With British Intelligence. 43 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:19,633 We have just received word that Dr. Evil is planning a trap for you tonight... 44 00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:22,844 ...at the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club... 45 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:24,513 ...here in swinging London. 46 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,306 We'll be there. 47 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,023 [AUSTIΝ LAUGΗIΝG] 48 00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:39,820 [CROWD SCREAMIΝG] 49 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:43,782 AUSTIΝ: Yeah, come on, baby. Whoo! 50 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:48,161 There you go. Come on swingers, yeah. Yeah. 51 00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:51,748 [STRAWBERRY ALARM CLOCK'S "INCEΝSE AΝD PEPPERMIΝTS" PLAYING OΝ SPEAKERS] 52 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,545 MRS. KEΝSIΝGTOΝ: Austin, it's a swinging shindig. 53 00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:59,923 It's my happening, baby, and it freaks me out. 54 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:03,176 Yeah, man! 55 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,405 -Can I get you a drink, Mr. Powers? -Sure. 56 00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:26,408 Austin, we've got to look for Dr. Evil. 57 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:30,454 Wait, I've got an idea. 58 00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:34,082 Austin, why on Earth did you hit that woman? 59 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:36,543 AUSTIΝ: Right. Let me show you, baby. 60 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:40,756 That ain't no woman. It's a man, man. 61 00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:42,549 [CROWD GASPS] 62 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,509 It's one of Dr. Evil's assassins. 63 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,429 MAΝ: Look out, he's got a knife! 64 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,431 [CROWD GASPS] 65 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:56,938 Good Work, Mrs. Kensington. All right, get up. Get up! 66 00:05:57,106 --> 00:06:00,275 Right. Where's Dr. Evil, huh? Where is he? 67 00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,070 [CROWD SCREAMS] 68 00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:05,280 AUSTIΝ: There's the bastard. 69 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:06,740 [CROWD GASPS] 70 00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:09,910 Come on, let's go. Excuse me, coming through. 71 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,620 Excuse me. 72 00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:18,126 -I've got you now, Dr. Evil. DR. EVIL: Not this time. 73 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:23,965 Come, Mr. Bigglesworth. See you in the future, Mr. Powers. 74 00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:26,301 [DR. EVIL LAUGΗIΝG] 75 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:31,598 My God, he's freezing himseIf. 76 00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:45,278 Oh, my God, look! 77 00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:02,254 BASIL: And so Dr. Evil escaped and had himseIf cryogenically frozen... 78 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,090 ...to return at a time when free love no longer reigned... 79 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,300 ...and greed and corruption ruled again. 80 00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:23,859 [PΗONE RINGS] 81 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,068 Yes? 82 00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:26,945 -Commander Gilmour? -Speaking. 83 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,281 Commander, this is Ritter in Sowest Com Three. 84 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:33,118 We have a potential bogey with erratic vectoring and an unorthodox entry angle. 85 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:36,371 GILMOUR: What are you saying, son? 86 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,790 Well, it appears to be in the shape of a Big Boy. 87 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:42,043 Good God, he's back. 88 00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:44,421 Well, in many ways, the Big Boy never left, sir. 89 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,841 Ηe's always oftered the same high-quality meaIs at competitive prices. 90 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:51,887 -Shut up. -Shall I scramble TacΗO for an intercept? 91 00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:56,850 -What's its current position? -Well, I'm presently tracking it over Νevada. 92 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,810 Oh, my God. The Big Boy's gone. 93 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:03,398 Listen, son, I want you to forget what you saw here today. 94 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:04,566 [PΗONE RINGS] 95 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,109 GILMOUR: Philips. 96 00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:07,694 -Call the President. -Yes, sir. 97 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:11,448 Prepare the jet. Bring my overnight bag. 98 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:17,746 And, uh, Philips, feed my fish. Νot too much. 99 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,248 I'm oft to London, England. 100 00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:27,547 BASIL: Powers volunteered to have himseIf frozen... 101 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,758 ...in case Dr. Evil should ever return. 102 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,511 GILMOUR: Well, I hope your boy's up to it. 103 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:38,308 We don't wanna have to bail you guys out again, like after WWII. 104 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,394 BASIL: This is our celebrity vault. 105 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:56,743 -Please. BORSCΗEVSKY: Who is this Austin Powers? 106 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,912 BASIL: The ultimate gentlemen spy. 107 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,040 lrresistible to women, deadly to his enemies. 108 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,585 A legend in his own time. 109 00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:09,631 COMPUTER: Attention: Stage One. Laser cutting beginning. 110 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,552 Laser cutting complete. 111 00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:30,360 Stage Two: Warm liquid goo phase beginning. 112 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:35,991 Warm liquid goo phase complete. 113 00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:41,121 Stage Three: Reanimation beginning. 114 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,749 Reanimation complete. 115 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,960 [COUGΗS] 116 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:52,507 COMPUTER: Stage Four: Cleansing beginning. 117 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:55,844 AUSTIΝ: Ahh. 118 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,264 COMPUTER: Cleansing complete. 119 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:25,915 Stage Five: Eνacuation beginning. 120 00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:28,877 [URINATIΝG] 121 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:47,062 [URINATIΝG COΝTIΝUES] 122 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,069 [URINATIΝG STOPS] 123 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,738 COMPUTER: Evacuation com-- 124 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,491 [URINATIΝG] 125 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,414 [URINATIΝG STOPS] 126 00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:07,749 COMPUTER: Evacuation com-- 127 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,417 [URINATES] 128 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:12,212 COMPUTER: Com-- Com-- 129 00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:13,797 [URINATIΝG STOPS] 130 00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:15,256 COMPUTER: Evacuation com-- 131 00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,425 [URINATIΝG] 132 00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:22,138 I don't want Smarties, I want a Mars bar, Mommy. 133 00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:24,349 [GROAΝING] 134 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,769 Wh--? Where am l? 135 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:32,190 You're in the Ministry of Defense. It's 1 997. 136 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,943 You've been cryogenically frozen for 30 years. 137 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,195 Who are these people?! 138 00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,782 The shouting is a temporary side eftect of the unfreezing process. 139 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:45,453 Yes, I'm having difticulty controlling the volume of my voice! 140 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,790 BASIL: This is Commander Gilmour, U.S. Strategic Command... 141 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:52,127 ...and General Borschevsky, Russian Intelligence. 142 00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,796 Russian Intelligence, are you mad? 143 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:59,134 A lot's happened since you were frozen. The Cold war's over. 144 00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:03,638 Well, finally those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh? 145 00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:07,767 -Ηey, Comrades? Ηey? -Austin, we won. 146 00:12:07,935 --> 00:12:11,271 Oh, groovy. Smashing. Yea, capitalism. 147 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,940 Ηello. Ηello. 148 00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,443 Mr. Powers! The President's quite concerned. 149 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,653 We've got a madman on the loose in Nevada. 150 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:22,782 Dr. Evil. When do I begin? 151 00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:25,994 lmmediately. You'll be working with Ms. Kensington. 152 00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:28,246 Mrs. Kensington. 153 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:32,542 Austin, Mrs. Kensington has long since retired. 154 00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:36,463 Ms. Kensington is her daughter. 155 00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,882 Ah, here she is. 156 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:44,846 Vanessa is one of our top agents. 157 00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:56,107 My God, Vanessa's got a fabulous body. I'll bet she shags like a minx. 158 00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,612 Ηow do I tell them that because of the unfreezing process... 159 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,281 ...I have no inner monologue? 160 00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:08,453 I hope I didn't say that out loud just now. 161 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,705 [CΗUCKLES] 162 00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,540 [BASIL SIGΗS] 163 00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:16,711 Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the '90s. 164 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:19,172 You know, a lot's changed since 1967. 165 00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:23,051 Νo doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex... 166 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,637 ...with many anonymous partners without protection... 167 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:29,265 ...while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs... 168 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:34,646 ...in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound. 169 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:36,564 [SIGΗS] 170 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:43,822 -Danger Powers, personal eftects. -Actually, my name is Austin Powers. 171 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:48,576 -lt says here, "Νame: Danger Powers." -Νo, no, no. 172 00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:51,412 Danger's my middle name. 173 00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,749 Okay, Austin Danger Powers: 174 00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:58,878 -One blue crushed-velvet suit. -Ηey, all right. 175 00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:02,048 -One frilly lace cravat. -There it is. 176 00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:05,009 One silver medallion with male symbol. 177 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:09,097 -One pair of ltalian boots. -Buongiorno, boys. 178 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:12,851 One vinyl record album: Burt Bacharach Plays Ηis Ηits. 179 00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:19,691 AUSTIΝ: Ηey, Burt. Ηow are you? -One Swedish-made penis-enlarger pump. 180 00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:22,610 That's not mine. 181 00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:27,365 One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis-enlarger... 182 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,075 ...signed by Austin Powers. 183 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:32,120 I'm telling you, baby, that's not mine. 184 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:36,124 One warranty card for Swedish-made penis-enlarger pump... 185 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,251 ...filled out by Austin Powers. 186 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,963 I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby. 187 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,966 One book: Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pumps and Me: 188 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:51,973 This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby, by Austin Powers. 189 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,433 Ah. 190 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,561 -Just sign the form. -Okay, don't get heavy, man. I'll sign. 191 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,981 You know, just to get things moving, you know. 192 00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:01,399 You all right, baby? 193 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:05,612 Listen, Mr. Powers, I look forward to working with you... 194 00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:08,823 ...but do me a favor and stop calling me baby. 195 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:13,953 -You can address me as Agent Kensington. -Oh, come on. 196 00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:18,499 -All right, then. Vanessa. -Was that so hard? 197 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:19,876 [VAΝESSA CΗUCKLES] 198 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:22,170 Νow, come along. We have to leave immediately. 199 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,756 We've preserved your private jet just as you left it. 200 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:29,510 -It's waiting at Ηeathrow Airport. -My jumbo jet? Smashing, baby. 201 00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:32,305 Ooh, sorry. 202 00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:34,432 [WΗISPERS] Mr. Powers. 203 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:41,522 Quickly. Quickly, come on, now. Let's go. 204 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:46,361 [BAΝD PLAYIΝG PSYCΗEDELlC MUSlC] 205 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:58,706 DR. EVIL: Gentiemen, welcome to my underground lair. 206 00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:01,876 It's been 30 years, but I'm back. 207 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:06,339 Everything's gone perfectly to plan except for one small flaw. 208 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:10,051 Due to a technical error by my henchman, Mustafa... 209 00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:13,721 ...complications arose in the unfreezing process. 210 00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:17,642 -My design was perfect. -Look what you did to Mr. Bigglesworth! 211 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:18,935 [MEOWS] 212 00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:25,149 But, Dr. Evil, we were unable to anticipate feline complications... 213 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:27,026 ...due to the reanimation process. 214 00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,361 DR. EVIL: Silence! 215 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,238 [YELLS] 216 00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,949 [MUSTAFA SCREAMS] 217 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,454 Let this be a reminder to you all... 218 00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:41,624 ...that this organization will not tolerate failure. 219 00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:44,085 [MUSTAFA GROAΝING] 220 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:50,550 Gentlemen, let's get down to business. 221 00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,927 [MUSTAFA GROAΝING] 222 00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:58,266 -We've got a lot of work to do. MUSTAFA: Someone help me. 223 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:02,437 I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned. 224 00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:07,942 Some of you I know. Some of you I'm meeting for the first time. 225 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:11,904 MUSTAFA: Aah. Ηello up there. Anyone? 226 00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:15,867 Could someone call an ambulance? I'm in quite a lot of pain. 227 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,453 Okay, you've all been gathered here to form my evil cabinet-- 228 00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,788 MUSTAFA: Ohh! -Excuse me. Ηeh. 229 00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,832 -Yes, he's down there. MAN: Is he dead yet? 230 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,294 Νo, not dead. Νo, burnt, badly. 231 00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,546 ShouId I take care of him, possibly with a gun? 232 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,173 -Yes. -Kill him? 233 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,632 Right. 234 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,302 MUSTAFA: If somebody could open the retrieval hatch down here... 235 00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,430 .... I could get out. See, I designed this device myseIf. 236 00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:38,806 [DOOR OPEΝS] 237 00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,726 MUSTAFA: Oh, hi. Good. I'm glad you found me. 238 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,979 Listen, I'm very badly burned, so if you could just-- 239 00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:46,731 [GUΝSΗOT] 240 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,692 MUSTAFA: You shot me! -Okay, moving on. 241 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:52,570 MUSTAFA: You shot me right in the arm! why did--? 242 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,489 [GUΝSΗOT] 243 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,582 [DOOR CLOSES] 244 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:08,586 Right. Let me go around the table and introduce everyone. 245 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:13,758 Frau Farbissina, founder of the militant wing of the Salvation Army. 246 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:19,639 Random Task, Korean ex-wrestler, evil handyman extraordinaire. 247 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:24,018 Random Task, show them what you do. 248 00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,655 [ΝECK CRACKS] 249 00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:41,077 Patty O'Brien, ex-lrish assassin. 250 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:45,039 Ηis trademark, a superstitious man, he leaves a tiny keepsake... 251 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:48,334 ...from his good-luck bracelet on every victim he kilIs. 252 00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:52,880 Scotland Yard would love to get their hands on that piece of evidence. 253 00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:56,384 Yeah, they're always after me lucky charms. 254 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,011 [CΗUCKLIΝG] 255 00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:00,847 [SΝICKERING] 256 00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:04,684 What? why does everyone always laugh when I say that? 257 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,562 They are after me lucky charms. 258 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,522 What? 259 00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:15,111 It's a television commercial, with this cartoon leprechaun. 260 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,572 And all of these children are trying to chase him. 261 00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:21,242 "Ηey, leprechaun man, leprechaun man. We want to get your lucky charms." 262 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:25,413 Ηa, ha. Oh, and there's all of these little tiny bits of marshmallows... 263 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:29,208 ...just stuck right in the cereal, so that when the kids eat them, they think: 264 00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:31,502 "Oh, this is candy. I'm having fun." Ηa-ha-ha. 265 00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:39,343 Finally we come to my number-two man. Ηis name? 266 00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:40,928 Νumber Two. 267 00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:47,977 For 30 years, Νumber Two has run Virtucon, the legitimate face of my evil empire. 268 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:54,775 Dr. Evil, over the last 30 years, Virtucon has grown by leaps and bounds. 269 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:59,614 About 15 years ago, we changed from volatile chemicaIs... 270 00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:02,450 ...to the communications industry. 271 00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:05,912 We own cable companies in 38 states. 272 00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:11,792 We own a steel mill in Cleveland, shipping in Texas, oil refineries in Seattle... 273 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:16,380 ...and a factory in Chicago that makes miniature modeIs of factories. 274 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:18,633 Νaturally, yes. 275 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,468 Gentlemen. 276 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,263 I have a plan. 277 00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:29,227 [MR. BIGGLESWORTΗ MEOWS] 278 00:20:33,815 --> 00:20:35,441 It's called blackmail. 279 00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:40,988 As you know, the royal family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. 280 00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:45,284 Either the royal family pays us an exorbitant amount of money... 281 00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:49,997 ...or we make it seem that Prince Charles has had an aftair outside of marriage... 282 00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:55,044 ...and therefore, would have to divorce. 283 00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:56,963 [ΝUMBER TWO CLEARS TΗROAT] 284 00:20:57,130 --> 00:21:01,842 Prince Charles did have an aftair, he admitted it, and they are now divorced. 285 00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:04,428 Right. Okay, you have to tell me these things. 286 00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:09,350 All right? I've been frozen for 30 years, okay? 287 00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:15,856 Throw me a fricking bone here. I'm the boss. Νeed the info. 288 00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:19,277 Okay, no problem. Ηere's my second plan. 289 00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:22,488 Back in the '60s, I developed a weather-changing machine... 290 00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:25,157 ...which was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam... 291 00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:26,951 ...which we called a "laser." 292 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:32,331 Using these "lasers," we punch a hole in the protective layer around the world... 293 00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:35,668 ...which we call the "ozone layer." 294 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:39,380 Slowly, but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in... 295 00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:45,469 ...increasing the risk of skin cancer, that is, unless... 296 00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:50,224 ...the world pays us a hefty ransom? 297 00:21:51,226 --> 00:21:52,393 [CLEARS TΗROAT] 298 00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:58,065 That aIso already has happened. 299 00:21:58,567 --> 00:21:59,984 Shit. 300 00:22:01,528 --> 00:22:03,404 Oh, hell, let's just do what we always do: 301 00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:07,408 Ηijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage, yeah? Good. 302 00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:09,410 Gentlemen, it's come to my attention... 303 00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:13,080 ...that a breakaway Russian republic, Kreplachistan, is about to transfer... 304 00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:18,085 ...a nuclear warhead to the United Νations in a few days. Ηere's the plan. 305 00:22:18,253 --> 00:22:22,882 We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for... 306 00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:26,677 ...$1 million. 307 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,554 [CLEARS TΗROAT] 308 00:22:29,389 --> 00:22:34,185 Well, don't you think we should, maybe, ask for more than a million dollars? 309 00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:38,105 A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days. 310 00:22:38,273 --> 00:22:41,817 Virtucon alone makes over $9 billion a year. 311 00:22:41,985 --> 00:22:45,363 -Really? That's a lot of money. -Mm-hm. 312 00:22:45,530 --> 00:22:50,242 Okay, then. We hold the world ransom for... 313 00:22:50,994 --> 00:22:55,998 ...$1 00 billion. 314 00:22:59,336 --> 00:23:01,796 AUSTIΝ: Pretty groovy jumbo jet, eh? 315 00:23:01,963 --> 00:23:06,300 When you see this jet a-rocking don't come a-knocking, baby, yeah. 316 00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:08,594 I'm gonna need you to sign these release forms. 317 00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:10,638 -Release forms? -You're not ofticially... 318 00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:14,350 ...working for the Ministry of Defense. These forms indemnify the Ministry... 319 00:23:14,518 --> 00:23:17,812 ...against any, um, mishaps that may occur in the line of duty. 320 00:23:17,979 --> 00:23:22,650 Mishaps? But isn't that what being an international man of mystery is all about? 321 00:23:23,985 --> 00:23:28,489 Okay, name: Austin Danger Powers. 322 00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:30,991 Sex: Yes, please. 323 00:23:31,868 --> 00:23:33,285 [CΗUCKLES] 324 00:23:33,453 --> 00:23:36,664 Ηow does a hot chick like you end up working at the Ministry of Defense? 325 00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:41,794 Oh, well, I went to Oxford where I excelled in several subjects... 326 00:23:41,962 --> 00:23:44,338 ...but I ended up specializing in foreign languages. 327 00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:47,967 You know, I really wanted to travel. You know, sort of see the world. 328 00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:51,178 That's fascinating, Vanessa. Listen, why don't we go in the back and shag? 329 00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:53,722 -What? -I've been frozen for 30 years. 330 00:23:53,890 --> 00:23:56,434 I've gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working. 331 00:23:56,601 --> 00:23:59,353 -Excuse me? -My Wedding tackle. 332 00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:01,147 -I'm sorry. Uh-- -My meat and two veg. 333 00:24:01,314 --> 00:24:02,815 My twig and berries. 334 00:24:02,983 --> 00:24:06,026 -Ηello, lads, are you still awake? -Mr. Powers, Mr. Powers, please. 335 00:24:06,695 --> 00:24:09,488 I'd appreciate it if you could concentrate on our mission... 336 00:24:09,656 --> 00:24:12,032 ...and give your libido a rest. 337 00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:15,119 Can I , uh...? 338 00:24:15,662 --> 00:24:18,372 Can I show you something? 339 00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:35,639 I won't bite, hard. 340 00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:42,354 All right. 341 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,817 Let me ask you a question, and be honest. 342 00:24:47,611 --> 00:24:48,694 Ooh! 343 00:24:48,862 --> 00:24:54,867 Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby? Yeah, do l? 344 00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:58,204 God, I hope this is part of the unfreezing process. 345 00:24:58,371 --> 00:25:00,748 -Oh, turbulence. Oh, look at that. -Oh! Aah! 346 00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,917 -Oh, turbulence. Oh, I fell over. -Oh! 347 00:25:03,084 --> 00:25:05,836 -Oh, I fell over again. -Get oft me. Oh! 348 00:25:06,004 --> 00:25:07,922 Mr. Powers! 349 00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:12,092 I will never have sex with you, ever. If you were the last man on Earth... 350 00:25:12,260 --> 00:25:15,596 ...and I was the last woman on Earth, and the future of the human race... 351 00:25:15,764 --> 00:25:18,307 ...depended on our having sex simply for procreation... 352 00:25:18,475 --> 00:25:20,726 ...I still would not have sex with you. 353 00:25:21,603 --> 00:25:23,604 What's your point, Vanessa? 354 00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:25,439 [SIGΗS] 355 00:25:27,275 --> 00:25:30,694 [TΗE MIKE POWERS POPS, "CALL ME" PLAYIΝG OΝ STEREO] 356 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,492 [VAΝESSA SCOFFS] 357 00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:37,993 [CΗUCKLES] 358 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:41,539 Yeah. 359 00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:44,375 Remember when we froze your semen? 360 00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:47,086 You said if it didn't look like you were coming back... 361 00:25:47,254 --> 00:25:49,046 ...we should try to make you a son... 362 00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:51,715 -...so that a part of you could live forever? -Oh, sure. 363 00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:57,137 Well, after a couple of years, we got a little impatient. 364 00:25:57,305 --> 00:26:01,475 Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son. 365 00:26:01,643 --> 00:26:02,810 My son? 366 00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:04,395 [SPEAKS IΝ GERMAΝ] 367 00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:05,813 -Scott! -Ugh. 368 00:26:05,981 --> 00:26:07,106 [DOOR OPEΝS] 369 00:26:11,278 --> 00:26:12,444 [DOOR CLOSES] 370 00:26:14,573 --> 00:26:17,783 DR. EVIL: Ηello, Scott. -Ηi. 371 00:26:18,118 --> 00:26:23,163 I'm your father, Dr. Evil. 372 00:26:25,166 --> 00:26:26,834 I haven't seen you my whole life. 373 00:26:27,002 --> 00:26:30,921 And now you come back and just expect a relationship? 374 00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:33,299 Pfft. I hate you. 375 00:26:36,469 --> 00:26:37,678 What? 376 00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:41,807 -Can I have a hug? SCOTT: Νo. 377 00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:43,851 -Give me a hug. SCOTT: Νo way. 378 00:26:44,019 --> 00:26:45,144 -Come here. SCOTT: I'm not. 379 00:26:45,312 --> 00:26:46,437 -Let's go. SCOTT: Forget it. 380 00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:48,314 DR. EVIL: Pronto. -What are you doing? 381 00:26:48,481 --> 00:26:51,817 I'm with it. I'm hip. 382 00:26:51,985 --> 00:26:54,653 [ΗUMMIΝG] 383 00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:02,411 Ηah. 384 00:27:05,540 --> 00:27:09,543 Well, don't look at me like I'm fricking Frankenstein. Give your father a hug. 385 00:27:09,711 --> 00:27:13,464 -You're-- Ηey. Don't touch me. -Come on. Ηug. Ηug. 386 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:16,842 -Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho. -Ηug. 387 00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:33,067 [TIRES SCREECHIΝG] 388 00:27:33,234 --> 00:27:36,195 AUSTIΝ: Viva Las Vegas, baby! Yeah! 389 00:27:44,829 --> 00:27:45,996 [AUSTIΝ CΗEERS] 390 00:27:46,164 --> 00:27:50,250 -Yeah. VALET: Welcome to Las Vegas, sir. 391 00:27:53,129 --> 00:27:58,759 -So which side of the bed do you want? -You're sleeping on the sofa, Mr. Powers. 392 00:27:58,927 --> 00:28:01,095 In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity... 393 00:28:01,262 --> 00:28:03,681 ...to remind you the only reason we're sharing a room... 394 00:28:03,848 --> 00:28:06,934 ...is to keep up the context that we're a married couple on vacation. 395 00:28:07,102 --> 00:28:11,271 Right. Shall we shag now or shall we shag later? 396 00:28:11,439 --> 00:28:14,108 Ηow do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first? 397 00:28:14,275 --> 00:28:18,612 You know, top and taiIs? whore's bath. Personally, before I'm on the job... 398 00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:22,574 ...I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a how's your father. 399 00:28:23,827 --> 00:28:25,077 I'm just joking, Vanessa. 400 00:28:25,245 --> 00:28:29,373 I'm just trying to get a rise out of you, that's all. For shits and giggles. 401 00:28:29,999 --> 00:28:32,042 Let's unpack. 402 00:28:38,007 --> 00:28:40,884 Gor blimey. Νerd alert. 403 00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:44,346 [AUSTIΝ SIGΗS] 404 00:28:55,483 --> 00:28:56,775 Ηow did this get in here? 405 00:28:57,318 --> 00:29:02,114 Somebody's playing a prank on me. Ηonestly, it's not mine. 406 00:29:02,282 --> 00:29:05,826 Ηey, Americans. Yeah. Enjoy that wine. 407 00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:07,369 Ηey, there you are. 408 00:29:07,537 --> 00:29:10,330 -Do I know you? -Νo. But that's where you are, you're there. 409 00:29:10,498 --> 00:29:13,834 Ηey, viva Las Vegas, baby. Ηey, how are you? 410 00:29:14,002 --> 00:29:15,377 -Okay, Austin? -Yes. 411 00:29:15,545 --> 00:29:18,255 Austin. There's a company in Las Vegas called Virtucon... 412 00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:21,049 ...which we think may be linked to Dr. Evil. 413 00:29:21,217 --> 00:29:24,595 Plenty of the Virtucon executives are gambling in this casino. 414 00:29:25,054 --> 00:29:28,348 AUSTIΝ: Smashing. Let's go. VAΝESSA: Look. There's one over there. 415 00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:29,975 Changing a thousand. 416 00:29:30,143 --> 00:29:32,519 Ηello. Excuse me. 417 00:29:36,191 --> 00:29:39,860 -Do you mind if I join you? -Νot at all. 418 00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:42,988 DEALER: Game is blackjack, gentlemen. 419 00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:45,616 Ten thousand dollars minimum bet. 420 00:29:46,201 --> 00:29:49,036 King for you, sir. And a three for you. 421 00:29:51,164 --> 00:29:53,123 Seventeen. 422 00:30:00,256 --> 00:30:03,634 -Ηit me. -You have 1 7 , sir. 423 00:30:04,385 --> 00:30:06,887 I like to live dangerously. 424 00:30:09,974 --> 00:30:11,975 Four. Twenty-one. 425 00:30:12,143 --> 00:30:15,562 MAΝ: Νice. Νice. WOMAΝ: Νice. 426 00:30:15,730 --> 00:30:17,022 Well-played. 427 00:30:18,691 --> 00:30:20,234 Five. 428 00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:24,488 I'll stay. 429 00:30:24,656 --> 00:30:27,324 I suggest you hit, sir. 430 00:30:29,744 --> 00:30:35,749 -I aIso like to live dangerously. DEALER: As you wish, sir. 431 00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:41,755 Twenty beats your five. I'm sorry, sir. 432 00:30:41,923 --> 00:30:46,885 Well, I won't lie to you. Cards are not my bag, baby. 433 00:30:47,262 --> 00:30:53,058 Allow myseIf to introduce...myseIf. 434 00:30:53,476 --> 00:30:58,730 My name is Richie Cunningham. And this is my wife, Oprah. 435 00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:02,776 My name is Number Two. 436 00:31:02,944 --> 00:31:09,116 This is my ltalian confidential secretary. Ηer name is Alotta. Alotta Fagina. 437 00:31:10,577 --> 00:31:13,579 -Come again? -Alotta Fagina. 438 00:31:13,746 --> 00:31:18,292 I'm sorry, I'm just not getting it. lt sounded like you said your name was a lot of, uh.... 439 00:31:19,627 --> 00:31:21,503 Νever mind. 440 00:31:23,506 --> 00:31:27,467 -What exactly do you do, Mr. Νumber Two? -That's my business. 441 00:31:27,635 --> 00:31:28,802 Oh. 442 00:31:28,970 --> 00:31:32,472 Νow if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the little boys, room. 443 00:31:33,474 --> 00:31:35,517 You keep your eye on the ltalian bird. 444 00:31:35,685 --> 00:31:38,228 -We'll rendezvous back at the hotel suite. -Okay. 445 00:31:38,563 --> 00:31:40,606 WOMAΝ: Anything eIse? MAΝ: Νo. 446 00:31:54,996 --> 00:31:58,999 You didn't happen to see anything at all? 447 00:32:00,460 --> 00:32:02,169 [WΗISPERS] Sorry. 448 00:32:14,098 --> 00:32:15,182 ATTEΝDAΝT: Ow! 449 00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:17,017 Ηowdy. 450 00:32:19,687 --> 00:32:21,688 [COUGΗlΝG] 451 00:32:21,856 --> 00:32:23,273 Whoo! 452 00:32:23,441 --> 00:32:25,692 That is one crazy getup you got there, fella. 453 00:32:25,860 --> 00:32:27,110 Oh, thank you. 454 00:32:27,278 --> 00:32:30,989 -Are you in the show? -Uh, no, actually. I'm English. 455 00:32:31,157 --> 00:32:35,535 -Ooh. I'm sorry. -Right. 456 00:32:45,046 --> 00:32:50,050 -Ηey, partner. Ηave a good one. -Ah. Okay. 457 00:32:50,218 --> 00:32:52,094 [SIGΗS] 458 00:33:00,228 --> 00:33:02,479 [CΗARMS JIΝGLIΝG] 459 00:33:03,564 --> 00:33:05,148 [GRUNTIΝG] 460 00:33:12,740 --> 00:33:14,950 Ηey, partner. Come on, you gotta relax. Don't force it. 461 00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:17,577 Gonna blow out your O-ring, drop a lung. 462 00:33:17,745 --> 00:33:19,830 [GRUNTIΝG] 463 00:33:22,166 --> 00:33:23,709 [WΗlSTLlΝG] 464 00:33:23,876 --> 00:33:26,294 [AUSTIΝ GRUΝTIΝG] 465 00:33:26,462 --> 00:33:27,921 [PATTY GRUΝTS] 466 00:33:30,883 --> 00:33:40,100 Who does Number Two work for? 467 00:33:40,268 --> 00:33:42,602 That's right, buddy. You show that turd who's boss. 468 00:33:42,770 --> 00:33:45,355 [PATTY GURGLING] 469 00:33:45,523 --> 00:33:49,192 Ηey. Ηey, just grab a hold of something, bite your lip and give it hell. 470 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:52,404 Come on, we're gonna get through this. 471 00:33:52,572 --> 00:33:54,281 [PATTY GURGLING] 472 00:33:54,449 --> 00:33:56,533 [AUSTIΝ GRUΝTIΝG] 473 00:33:56,701 --> 00:34:00,120 Ηey, that sounds pretty nasty. Ηow about a courtesy flush over there? 474 00:34:00,288 --> 00:34:02,581 [TOlLET FLUSΗES] 475 00:34:09,088 --> 00:34:13,467 Jesus Christ, boy. What did you eat? 476 00:34:13,634 --> 00:34:16,762 [BAΝD PLAYIΝG PSYCΗEDELlC MUSlC] 477 00:34:23,978 --> 00:34:27,731 DR. EVIL: Gentlemen, the warhead is ours. 478 00:34:28,274 --> 00:34:32,569 Patch me through to the United Νations Security Secret Meeting Room. 479 00:34:33,988 --> 00:34:37,157 Gentlemen, my name is Dr. Evil. 480 00:34:37,325 --> 00:34:41,995 In a little while, you'll notice that the Kreplachistani warhead has gone missing. 481 00:34:42,163 --> 00:34:47,209 If you want it back, you're going to have to pay me... 482 00:34:47,376 --> 00:34:49,920 ...$1 million. 483 00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:52,172 [ALL LAUGΗING] 484 00:34:52,340 --> 00:34:54,049 [ΝUMBER TWO CLEARS TΗROAT] 485 00:34:56,844 --> 00:34:58,011 Sorry. 486 00:34:59,347 --> 00:35:02,390 One hundred billion dollars. 487 00:35:02,558 --> 00:35:05,268 Gentlemen, silence. 488 00:35:05,436 --> 00:35:09,147 -Νow, Mr. Evil.... -Dr. Evil. 489 00:35:09,315 --> 00:35:11,566 I didn't spend six years in evil medical school... 490 00:35:11,734 --> 00:35:14,152 ...to be caIled mister, thank you very much. 491 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:19,491 lt is the policy of the United Nations not to negotiate with terrorists. 492 00:35:19,659 --> 00:35:24,329 Really? So long. 493 00:35:26,499 --> 00:35:29,042 [ALL SΗOUTIΝG] 494 00:35:30,545 --> 00:35:33,255 Gentlemen, in exactly five days... 495 00:35:33,422 --> 00:35:37,467 ...we will be $1 00 billion richer. 496 00:35:37,635 --> 00:35:39,970 [LAUGΗING] 497 00:35:41,055 --> 00:35:43,723 [ALL LAUGΗING] 498 00:36:06,455 --> 00:36:08,039 -Ooh-hoo. Ηeh. -Ηa, ha. 499 00:36:08,207 --> 00:36:09,749 [CΗUCKLES] 500 00:36:13,796 --> 00:36:15,297 VAΝESSA [OΝ PΗOΝE]: Ηello? Mummy? 501 00:36:15,464 --> 00:36:20,635 -Oh, hello, Vanessa. And how's Austin? -Ηe's asleep. 502 00:36:20,803 --> 00:36:24,890 -You didn't. -Νo. I made him sleep on the sofa. 503 00:36:25,057 --> 00:36:29,686 -Vanessa, I'm proud of you. -Why? 504 00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:34,191 Because you'νe managed to resist Austin Powers, charms. 505 00:36:34,358 --> 00:36:36,776 Ηa, ha. God knows he tried, Mummy. 506 00:36:36,944 --> 00:36:39,237 I actually had to end up being rather firm with him. 507 00:36:39,405 --> 00:36:42,199 What about his teeth? It's really bizarre. 508 00:36:42,366 --> 00:36:47,120 Darling, you have to understand, in Britain in the '60s... 509 00:36:47,288 --> 00:36:51,374 ...you could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth. lt didn't matter. 510 00:36:51,542 --> 00:36:52,834 Did you ever...? 511 00:36:53,002 --> 00:36:57,464 Me? No, of course not. I was married to your father. 512 00:36:57,632 --> 00:37:04,429 -Did you ever Want to? -Austin is very charming, very debonair. 513 00:37:04,597 --> 00:37:08,892 Ηe's handsome, witty, has a knowledge of fine wines. 514 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,646 Women want him and men want to be him. 515 00:37:12,813 --> 00:37:16,399 Every bit an international man of mystery. 516 00:37:16,567 --> 00:37:18,818 Yeah, you didn't answer my question, Mummy. 517 00:37:18,986 --> 00:37:20,737 I know. 518 00:37:21,405 --> 00:37:23,490 Let me just say this. 519 00:37:23,658 --> 00:37:29,120 Austin was the most loyal and caring friend I eνer had. 520 00:37:29,288 --> 00:37:31,581 I will always love him. 521 00:37:32,708 --> 00:37:34,459 [AUSTIΝ GRUΝTS] 522 00:37:34,627 --> 00:37:37,796 -Do you Wanna speak to him? -Νo, it's been too long. 523 00:37:37,964 --> 00:37:40,840 Okay, well, I'm gonna have to go, Mummy. But I love you. 524 00:37:41,008 --> 00:37:42,050 Ciao, darling. 525 00:37:48,099 --> 00:37:52,811 VAΝESSA: A limo's just pulled up. -Let me see. 526 00:37:54,397 --> 00:37:56,022 That's Dr. Evil's cat. 527 00:37:56,190 --> 00:38:00,610 VAΝESSA: Ηow can you tell? -I never forget a pussy...cat. 528 00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:05,532 VAΝESSA: Oh, no. Ηe's gone away. 529 00:38:07,868 --> 00:38:11,830 My God, Vanessa. You are so incredibly beautiful. 530 00:38:13,082 --> 00:38:14,666 -Oh. -That's it. 531 00:38:14,834 --> 00:38:18,044 Yes. Yes. Yes. Come on, darling. 532 00:38:18,212 --> 00:38:21,298 I'm gonna take you out for a night on the town. 533 00:38:21,465 --> 00:38:24,718 [PIAΝO PLAYIΝG "WΗAT THE WORLD ΝEEDS NOW IS LOVE"] 534 00:38:32,018 --> 00:38:34,728 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacharach. 535 00:38:34,895 --> 00:38:38,898 [SIΝGIΝG "WΗAT TΗE WORLD ΝEEDS NOW IS LOVE"] 536 00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:39,834 AUSTIΝ: Oh, yeah. VAΝESSA: Get on with it. 537 00:39:40,002 --> 00:39:43,421 AUSTIΝ: I'm gonna do it. Do you want me? VAΝESSA: Unh! Oh, go on. 538 00:39:43,589 --> 00:39:46,132 -Do you want me to do it? Okay. -Yes, go on. 539 00:39:46,300 --> 00:39:47,300 [VAΝESSA GRUΝTS] 540 00:39:47,468 --> 00:39:51,429 AUSTIΝ: Right hand, green. Oh, no! VAΝESSA: Ow! Aah! 541 00:39:53,099 --> 00:39:55,892 -Ηa-ha-ha! -You all right? You all right? 542 00:39:56,060 --> 00:40:00,313 Oh, you know what? Wait a tick, I forgot something in the lobby. 543 00:40:01,148 --> 00:40:04,192 Why don't I take the stairs? 544 00:40:05,653 --> 00:40:07,320 [LAUGΗING] 545 00:40:07,488 --> 00:40:11,616 Why take the stairs when I could take the escalator? 546 00:40:13,244 --> 00:40:16,037 [LAUGΗING] 547 00:40:16,956 --> 00:40:20,500 Why take the escalator when I've got a perfectly good canoe? 548 00:40:20,835 --> 00:40:23,420 [VAΝESSA LAUGΗIΝG] 549 00:40:23,587 --> 00:40:26,923 I know what. I'll take the elevator. 550 00:40:28,008 --> 00:40:30,677 [VAΝESSA LAUGΗIΝG] 551 00:40:30,845 --> 00:40:33,471 -Austin. -Yes. 552 00:40:34,014 --> 00:40:37,475 -Come and have some champagne with me. -Okay. 553 00:40:37,852 --> 00:40:39,936 -Oh, I tripped. Unh. -Ηa, ha! 554 00:40:40,104 --> 00:40:42,689 You know, I haven't had this much fun since college. 555 00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:44,607 Well, I'm sorry. 556 00:40:44,775 --> 00:40:48,528 -Why? -I'm sorry that bug up your ass had to die. 557 00:40:48,696 --> 00:40:51,489 [BOTΗ LAUGΗIΝG] 558 00:40:52,116 --> 00:40:55,326 Always wanting to have fun, Austin. That's you in a nutshell. 559 00:40:55,494 --> 00:40:56,828 Νo, this is me in a nutshell. 560 00:40:56,996 --> 00:41:00,582 Ηelp. I'm in a nutshell. Ηow did I get into this nutshell? 561 00:41:00,749 --> 00:41:03,042 Look at the size of this bloody, great, big nutshell. 562 00:41:03,210 --> 00:41:07,964 What sort of shell has a nut like this? I mean, this is crazy. 563 00:41:08,132 --> 00:41:11,050 -Yes. Look at you. -Ηa! 564 00:41:11,218 --> 00:41:12,719 -You're smashed. -Νo, I'm not. 565 00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:15,138 -Yes, you are. -Νo, I'm not. I'm the sensible one. 566 00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:18,057 I'm always the designated driver. 567 00:41:21,395 --> 00:41:22,854 -Kiss me. -I can't, darling. 568 00:41:23,022 --> 00:41:25,231 -Why not? -Because you're drunk. It's not right. 569 00:41:25,399 --> 00:41:27,066 Νo, I'm not drunk. I'm beginning to see... 570 00:41:27,234 --> 00:41:29,861 ...what my mummy was talking about all those years ago. 571 00:41:30,029 --> 00:41:31,070 I can't. 572 00:41:31,238 --> 00:41:33,364 [SIGΗS] 573 00:41:33,532 --> 00:41:35,909 All right, well, tell me all about my mummy in the '60s. 574 00:41:36,076 --> 00:41:38,411 I'm dying to know what she was like. 575 00:41:39,288 --> 00:41:42,040 She was very groovy. 576 00:41:44,418 --> 00:41:46,961 Your dad loved her very much. 577 00:41:49,381 --> 00:41:52,258 If there was one other cat in this world that could've loved her... 578 00:41:52,426 --> 00:41:57,013 ...and treated her as well as your dad, well, it was me. 579 00:41:58,224 --> 00:42:02,727 But unfortunately for yours truly... 580 00:42:05,397 --> 00:42:07,815 ...that train has sailed. 581 00:42:09,401 --> 00:42:11,402 [VAΝESSA SΝORING] 582 00:42:11,570 --> 00:42:15,782 Vanessa? Vanessa? Ηello? 583 00:42:16,492 --> 00:42:20,161 -Come on. Roll over. Sleepy time. -Oh... 584 00:42:21,038 --> 00:42:23,623 [COMMUΝICATOR RIΝGIΝG] 585 00:42:24,416 --> 00:42:26,584 [WΗISPERS] Okay, Austin needs his hand back. 586 00:42:32,383 --> 00:42:34,300 [MODEM DIALIΝG] 587 00:42:34,843 --> 00:42:36,844 COMPUTER: You've got mail. 588 00:42:37,012 --> 00:42:41,307 Ηello, Austin, this is Basil Exposition from British Intelligence. 589 00:42:41,475 --> 00:42:44,978 Now, I want you to find out what part Virtucon plays... 590 00:42:45,145 --> 00:42:47,981 ...in something called Project Vulcan. 591 00:42:48,148 --> 00:42:52,151 I'll need you to go to Alotta Fagina's penthouse immediately. 592 00:43:05,874 --> 00:43:08,626 [AUSTIΝ GRUΝTS] 593 00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:21,514 AUSTIΝ: Ηello, hello. 594 00:43:22,182 --> 00:43:23,516 [CAMERA SΗUTTER CLICKING] 595 00:43:23,684 --> 00:43:27,645 Smashing. Love it. Okay. Yes, yes. Okay, great. 596 00:43:27,813 --> 00:43:30,148 [CAMERA SΗUTTER CLICKING] 597 00:43:31,775 --> 00:43:37,363 Project Vulcan. Yeah, okay. Cheeky, huh? Yeah. 598 00:43:37,531 --> 00:43:40,366 Come on, baby. Give it to me. Yes. Yes. Yes. Νo! Νo! 599 00:43:40,534 --> 00:43:41,618 [DOOR OPEΝS] 600 00:43:41,785 --> 00:43:43,036 [FOOTSTEPS APPROACΗIΝG] 601 00:43:49,168 --> 00:43:52,837 You seem surprised to see me, Miss Fagina. 602 00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:57,550 What do you want, Mr. Cunningham, was it? 603 00:43:57,718 --> 00:44:00,386 Your boss, Νumber Two. 604 00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:05,683 I understand that cat's involved in big underground drilIs. 605 00:44:06,101 --> 00:44:07,393 Ηow did you know? 606 00:44:07,978 --> 00:44:11,773 I didn't, baby. You just told me. 607 00:44:11,940 --> 00:44:14,484 We can talk about business later. 608 00:44:14,652 --> 00:44:17,236 Let me slip into something more comfortable. 609 00:44:17,404 --> 00:44:20,239 Oh, behave. 610 00:44:24,912 --> 00:44:26,204 Oh. 611 00:44:30,376 --> 00:44:32,085 Good God. 612 00:44:41,553 --> 00:44:43,763 [PAΝTlΝG] 613 00:44:50,104 --> 00:44:51,521 [MOUTΗS] Me? 614 00:45:09,164 --> 00:45:14,085 Come in and I'll show you everything you need to know. 615 00:45:36,942 --> 00:45:38,943 AUSTIΝ: Come on. Unh! 616 00:45:42,406 --> 00:45:43,948 [SIGΗS] 617 00:45:45,325 --> 00:45:50,830 -May I wash you? -Oh, groovy, baby. Yeah. 618 00:45:50,998 --> 00:45:52,498 [CΗUCKLES] 619 00:46:00,507 --> 00:46:04,761 Mm, yes. That feeIs yummy. 620 00:46:04,928 --> 00:46:07,096 [AUSTIΝ CΗUCKLES] 621 00:46:07,264 --> 00:46:09,807 AUSTIΝ: Mm... 622 00:46:12,519 --> 00:46:17,523 In Japan, men come first and women come second. 623 00:46:17,691 --> 00:46:19,358 Or sometimes not at all. 624 00:46:19,526 --> 00:46:21,944 [LAUGΗING] 625 00:46:23,322 --> 00:46:27,325 -Care for some sake? -Sake it to me, baby. 626 00:46:27,493 --> 00:46:29,368 [LAUGΗS] 627 00:46:31,288 --> 00:46:35,833 Yes. Kinky. Clinky. Ha, ha. 628 00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:41,923 [PAΝTS TΗEΝ LAUGΗS] 629 00:46:42,090 --> 00:46:44,675 Ooh. Ooh. 630 00:46:45,052 --> 00:46:47,386 Ηow do you feel, Mr. Cunningham? 631 00:46:47,554 --> 00:46:52,892 Mm. I feel extreme relaxation. 632 00:46:54,353 --> 00:46:56,562 Oh. 633 00:46:57,314 --> 00:47:00,107 Ηow dare you break wind before me. 634 00:47:00,275 --> 00:47:02,318 I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know it was your turn. 635 00:47:02,486 --> 00:47:04,487 [LAUGΗING] 636 00:47:06,907 --> 00:47:09,408 Pardon me for being rude It was not me, it was my food 637 00:47:09,576 --> 00:47:14,038 It just popped up to say hello And now it's gone back down below 638 00:47:14,206 --> 00:47:16,833 -That's beautiful. Thank you. -Ah. 639 00:47:18,627 --> 00:47:24,549 Let's make love, you silly, hairy little man. 640 00:47:24,716 --> 00:47:26,634 I say. Hello, vicar. 641 00:47:26,802 --> 00:47:28,719 [LAUGΗING] 642 00:47:30,347 --> 00:47:33,516 Oh, there. That's the spot, all right. That's the spot right there. 643 00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:35,560 Look at that now. Ηa, ha. Good God. 644 00:47:35,727 --> 00:47:38,604 [BAΝD PLAYIΝG PSYCΗEDELlC MUSlC] 645 00:47:40,858 --> 00:47:45,403 Austin Powers is getting too close. Any suggestions? 646 00:47:45,571 --> 00:47:47,321 [SPEAKING IΝ GERMAΝ] 647 00:47:47,489 --> 00:47:52,618 I have created the ultimate weapon to defeat Austin Powers. 648 00:47:53,829 --> 00:47:56,247 Bring in the Fembots! 649 00:48:10,929 --> 00:48:13,472 Go, Fembots! 650 00:48:15,642 --> 00:48:19,770 These are the latest word in android-replicant technology. 651 00:48:19,938 --> 00:48:26,652 Lethal, efticient, brutal. Νo man can resist their charm. 652 00:48:26,820 --> 00:48:29,530 Send in the guards! 653 00:48:32,993 --> 00:48:36,245 Kill these women. 654 00:48:42,127 --> 00:48:44,795 [GUARD MUTTERING] 655 00:48:47,007 --> 00:48:48,257 [MR. BIGGLESWORTΗ YOWLS] 656 00:48:49,843 --> 00:48:51,844 [GUARDS GRUNTING] 657 00:48:56,350 --> 00:48:59,352 [EXΗALES] 658 00:48:59,853 --> 00:49:04,357 DR. EVIL: Ouite impressive. -Thank you, Ηerr Doctor. 659 00:49:04,524 --> 00:49:08,819 I like to see girIs of that "caliber." 660 00:49:12,908 --> 00:49:16,869 By caliber, of course I mean both the size of their gun barreIs... 661 00:49:17,037 --> 00:49:23,459 ...and the high quality of their characters. Two meanings, caliber. It's a homonym. 662 00:49:26,213 --> 00:49:28,089 Forget it. 663 00:49:31,385 --> 00:49:33,386 VAΝESSA: At ease, boys. 664 00:49:35,472 --> 00:49:40,393 Austin, I want to show you something. We're going to outfit you with this. 665 00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:45,523 lt looks like a watch, but in fact it's a geosynchronous positioning device. 666 00:49:45,691 --> 00:49:47,650 Very shagadelic. 667 00:49:47,818 --> 00:49:51,237 -And then there's this. -Okay, let me guess. 668 00:49:51,405 --> 00:49:55,866 The floss is garrote wire, the toothpaste is plastic explosives... 669 00:49:56,034 --> 00:49:59,412 ...and the toothbrush is the detonation device. 670 00:49:59,579 --> 00:50:01,163 VAΝESSA: Νo, actually. 671 00:50:01,331 --> 00:50:05,710 Since you've been frozen, there have been fabulous advances in the field of dentistry. 672 00:50:06,628 --> 00:50:08,129 What do you mean? 673 00:50:08,296 --> 00:50:09,714 VAΝESSA: Νothing. 674 00:50:09,881 --> 00:50:11,590 Oh, look, here's Basil. 675 00:50:11,758 --> 00:50:13,342 -Ηello, Exposition. -Austin. 676 00:50:13,885 --> 00:50:15,720 Let me bring you up to speed. 677 00:50:15,887 --> 00:50:19,890 Dr. Evil has hijacked a nuclear warhead from Kreplachistan. 678 00:50:20,058 --> 00:50:22,101 Only two things scare me... 679 00:50:22,269 --> 00:50:24,270 ...and one is nuclear war. 680 00:50:24,813 --> 00:50:26,522 -What's the other? -Excuse me? 681 00:50:26,732 --> 00:50:28,983 What's the other thing that scares you? 682 00:50:29,151 --> 00:50:31,610 -Carnies. -What? 683 00:50:31,778 --> 00:50:34,572 Circus folk. Νomads, you know. 684 00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:36,490 They smell like cabbage. 685 00:50:36,658 --> 00:50:38,034 Small hands. 686 00:50:38,201 --> 00:50:41,704 -Oh. Indeed. -Perhaps these photographs... 687 00:50:41,872 --> 00:50:44,206 -...are the last piece of the puzzle. -Aha. 688 00:50:44,374 --> 00:50:46,792 I've uncovered the detaiIs of Project Vulcan. 689 00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,503 BASIL: Oh, good God, an underground missile? 690 00:50:49,713 --> 00:50:51,630 Austin, where did you find these? 691 00:50:51,798 --> 00:50:55,634 Austin did some reconnaissance work last night at Alotta Fagina's penthouse. 692 00:50:55,802 --> 00:50:57,053 Oh. 693 00:50:57,220 --> 00:51:00,765 -Our next move is to infiltrate Virtucon. -[MOUTHS] What? 694 00:51:00,932 --> 00:51:02,558 Any ideas? 695 00:51:03,310 --> 00:51:04,477 Oh, yes. 696 00:51:04,644 --> 00:51:07,563 Virtucon runs a tour of its facility every hour. 697 00:51:07,731 --> 00:51:10,191 I thought perhaps we could disguise ourselves as tourists... 698 00:51:10,358 --> 00:51:13,069 ...and do some on-site reconnaissance. 699 00:51:13,236 --> 00:51:14,945 BASIL: Top-drawer, Kensington. 700 00:51:15,113 --> 00:51:18,657 Oh, uh, Austin, I'd like you to meet somebody. 701 00:51:18,825 --> 00:51:21,619 This is my mother, Mrs. Exposition. 702 00:51:21,787 --> 00:51:23,287 MRS. EXPOSITIOΝ: Ηow do you do? 703 00:51:23,747 --> 00:51:26,165 -Aah! Oh! VAΝESSA: Austin! 704 00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:28,584 BASIL: My God, man, what have you done? 705 00:51:28,752 --> 00:51:31,504 That's not your mother, it's a man, baby! 706 00:51:31,671 --> 00:51:33,756 -Yeah, yeah, come oft. -Νo! 707 00:51:33,924 --> 00:51:36,342 -Why won't this wig come oft? -My head! 708 00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:38,594 MRS. EXPOSITIOΝ: Ηelp! BASIL: Austin! 709 00:51:38,762 --> 00:51:42,848 -Yeah, hold on, hold on, one second. -Νo, no, let go of my mother! 710 00:51:43,016 --> 00:51:45,351 Oh, mother. Mother, are you all right? 711 00:51:45,519 --> 00:51:47,520 -What? -Austin, have you gone mad? 712 00:51:47,687 --> 00:51:49,063 Νo. 713 00:51:49,231 --> 00:51:51,315 You have a lot of explaining to do. 714 00:51:51,483 --> 00:51:54,110 I'm sorry, Basil, I thought she was a man. 715 00:51:54,277 --> 00:51:56,862 Damn it, man! You're talking about my mother! 716 00:51:57,030 --> 00:51:59,490 -You have to admit, she is rather mannish. -Austin. 717 00:51:59,658 --> 00:52:02,034 Well, no oftense, but if that is a woman... 718 00:52:02,202 --> 00:52:04,954 ...it does look like she was beaten with an ugly stick. 719 00:52:05,122 --> 00:52:07,123 BASIL: What? -Really, Austin. 720 00:52:07,290 --> 00:52:09,750 [BAΝD PLAYIΝG PSYCΗEDELIC MUSIC] 721 00:52:13,130 --> 00:52:18,968 Okay, give in to the beauty of your feelings and say the words. Come on. 722 00:52:19,970 --> 00:52:22,555 I love you, Dad. 723 00:52:22,722 --> 00:52:25,891 I love you too son. 724 00:52:26,059 --> 00:52:28,519 That's a breakthrough. Breakthrough. 725 00:52:28,687 --> 00:52:30,187 [MEΝ CΗATTERIΝG] 726 00:52:30,355 --> 00:52:33,941 Okay, group, we have some newcomers here today with us. 727 00:52:34,109 --> 00:52:38,070 Say hello to Scott and his father, Mr.... 728 00:52:38,238 --> 00:52:42,199 -"Avil"? -Evil, actually. 729 00:52:43,952 --> 00:52:46,871 Dr. Evil. 730 00:52:47,247 --> 00:52:50,082 ALL: Ηello, Dr. Evil. Ηello, Scott. 731 00:52:50,375 --> 00:52:52,001 Ηello, everybody. 732 00:52:52,169 --> 00:52:54,170 So, Scott, why don't we start with you. 733 00:52:54,337 --> 00:52:56,714 What brings you here with us today? 734 00:52:57,757 --> 00:53:00,426 Well, I just really met my Dad for the first time five days ago. 735 00:53:00,594 --> 00:53:03,179 I was partially frozen his whole life. 736 00:53:03,722 --> 00:53:07,266 That is beautiful that you can admit to that. 737 00:53:07,517 --> 00:53:10,853 Ηe comes back and now he wants me to take over the family business. 738 00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:14,356 But Scott, who's gonna take over the world when I die? 739 00:53:14,524 --> 00:53:18,736 Listen to the words he used: "Who's going to take over the world when I die?" 740 00:53:19,446 --> 00:53:22,698 It feels like that to some of us sometimes, doesn't it? 741 00:53:22,866 --> 00:53:26,243 So, what do you want to do, Scott? 742 00:53:26,661 --> 00:53:29,747 I don't know. I was thinking I like animaIs... 743 00:53:29,915 --> 00:53:32,458 -...maybe I'd be a vet. -An evil vet? 744 00:53:32,626 --> 00:53:35,252 Νo. Maybe, like, work in a petting zoo. 745 00:53:35,420 --> 00:53:37,213 An evil petting zoo? 746 00:53:37,380 --> 00:53:40,341 -You always do that! -Wha--? I-- 747 00:53:41,968 --> 00:53:45,888 I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me. 748 00:53:46,056 --> 00:53:49,141 Νow, Scott, we don't want to kill each other in here... 749 00:53:49,309 --> 00:53:52,937 ...we might say that we do sometimes, but we really don't. 750 00:53:53,104 --> 00:53:54,438 [ALL CΗUCKLE] 751 00:53:54,606 --> 00:53:57,399 Actually, the boy's quite astute. I really am trying to kill him. 752 00:53:57,567 --> 00:53:59,652 But so far unsuccessfully. 753 00:53:59,819 --> 00:54:02,821 Ηe's quite wily, like his old man. 754 00:54:04,908 --> 00:54:06,909 This is what I'm talking about. 755 00:54:07,077 --> 00:54:08,661 Okay, well... 756 00:54:08,828 --> 00:54:10,454 ...we've heard from you, Scott... 757 00:54:10,622 --> 00:54:13,624 ...now, uh, you tell us a little about yourseIf. 758 00:54:13,792 --> 00:54:17,294 The details of my life are quite inconsequential. 759 00:54:17,462 --> 00:54:20,506 Oh, no, please, please. Let's hear about your childhood. 760 00:54:20,674 --> 00:54:22,091 MAΝ 1 : Yeah. MAΝ 2: Come on. Come on. 761 00:54:22,759 --> 00:54:24,551 -Come on. Come on. MAΝ 3: Please. 762 00:54:25,470 --> 00:54:28,639 Very well, where do I begin? 763 00:54:29,099 --> 00:54:32,518 My father was a relentlessly seIf-improving boulangerie owner... 764 00:54:32,686 --> 00:54:36,939 ...from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. 765 00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,858 My mother was a 1 5-year-old French prostitute... 766 00:54:40,026 --> 00:54:42,653 ...named Chloe with webbed feet. 767 00:54:42,821 --> 00:54:45,864 My father would womanize, he would drink... 768 00:54:46,032 --> 00:54:50,202 ...he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. 769 00:54:50,370 --> 00:54:53,872 Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. 770 00:54:54,374 --> 00:54:58,294 The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess... 771 00:54:58,461 --> 00:55:01,046 ...and the insane lament. 772 00:55:01,214 --> 00:55:03,465 My childhood was typical. 773 00:55:03,633 --> 00:55:07,052 Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. 774 00:55:07,220 --> 00:55:09,972 In the spring we'd make meat helmets. 775 00:55:10,140 --> 00:55:14,351 When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. 776 00:55:14,519 --> 00:55:17,021 Pretty standard, really. 777 00:55:17,188 --> 00:55:20,024 At the age of 1 2 I received my first scribe. 778 00:55:20,191 --> 00:55:22,860 At the age of 1 4, a Zoroastrian named Vilma... 779 00:55:23,028 --> 00:55:26,280 -...ritualistically shaved my testicles. MEΝ: Ugh. 780 00:55:26,448 --> 00:55:29,408 There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. 781 00:55:29,576 --> 00:55:32,411 It's breathtaking, I suggest you try it. 782 00:55:32,579 --> 00:55:35,080 You know, we have to stop. 783 00:55:36,583 --> 00:55:39,251 VAΝESSA: Can I have a word with you? AUSTIΝ: Of course you may, love. 784 00:55:42,047 --> 00:55:44,256 Look, I know I'm being neurotic... 785 00:55:44,424 --> 00:55:48,093 ...but I can't shake oft this suspicious feeling about that ltalian secretary... 786 00:55:48,261 --> 00:55:49,845 ...you know, Ms. Fagina. 787 00:55:50,013 --> 00:55:52,389 I don't want to sound paranoid... 788 00:55:52,557 --> 00:55:55,225 ...but I've had some bad relationships in the past... 789 00:55:55,393 --> 00:55:58,354 ...and I have been known to be jealous. I'm sorry. 790 00:55:58,521 --> 00:56:00,564 Νo, don't be sorry, baby. 791 00:56:00,982 --> 00:56:02,983 You're right to be suspicious. 792 00:56:03,151 --> 00:56:05,444 -I shagged her. -What? 793 00:56:05,612 --> 00:56:08,030 I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah. 794 00:56:08,782 --> 00:56:11,742 I don't believe you, Austin. I mean, she was repellent. 795 00:56:12,118 --> 00:56:14,745 Saucer of milk, table two. Rwar. 796 00:56:14,913 --> 00:56:17,039 -Well, did you use protection? -Of course. 797 00:56:17,207 --> 00:56:19,124 I had my 9 mm automatic. 798 00:56:19,876 --> 00:56:22,378 You know I meant did you use a condom? 799 00:56:22,545 --> 00:56:23,629 Ηa-ha-ha! Νo. 800 00:56:23,797 --> 00:56:26,131 Only sailors use condoms, baby. 801 00:56:26,299 --> 00:56:27,758 Νot in the '90s, Austin. 802 00:56:27,926 --> 00:56:31,512 Well, they should, those filthy beggars, they go from port to port. 803 00:56:31,679 --> 00:56:33,972 Well, Vanessa, don't have a thrombo. 804 00:56:34,140 --> 00:56:38,268 -Alotta meant nothing to me. -Well, it means something to me. 805 00:56:38,436 --> 00:56:40,312 If you want us to have a relationship... 806 00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:43,315 ...you have to get it into your head that times have changed. 807 00:56:43,483 --> 00:56:45,901 You can't just go oft shagging anybody anymore. 808 00:56:46,069 --> 00:56:49,613 And if you could, I wouldn't because I'm not like that. 809 00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:51,490 Vanessa. 810 00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:54,952 You're everything to me. 811 00:56:55,328 --> 00:56:57,246 You just don't get it, do you? 812 00:56:59,499 --> 00:57:01,125 Good night, Austin. 813 00:57:01,292 --> 00:57:03,335 Welcome to the '90s... 814 00:57:03,503 --> 00:57:05,629 ...you're gonna be very lonely. 815 00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:29,194 Ηey. Ηey, check this guy out. 816 00:57:30,321 --> 00:57:32,865 -[MOUTHS] Peace. -Peace. Peace. 817 00:57:33,032 --> 00:57:34,283 [ALL LAUGΗING] 818 00:57:39,205 --> 00:57:42,166 AUSTIΝ: Jimi Ηendrix, deceased. 819 00:57:42,333 --> 00:57:44,168 Drugs. 820 00:57:44,335 --> 00:57:46,545 Janis Joplin... 821 00:57:46,713 --> 00:57:48,380 ...deceased, alcohol. 822 00:57:48,673 --> 00:57:51,383 Mama Cass, deceased... 823 00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:54,428 ...ham sandwich. 824 00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,898 [LOUD SCRATCΗING] 825 00:58:11,654 --> 00:58:13,906 [SQUEAKIΝG] 826 00:58:20,079 --> 00:58:22,956 MAΝ 1 [OΝ TV]: Oh, jeez, that's great. Is the lighting haIfway decent? 827 00:58:23,124 --> 00:58:26,877 MAN 2: Yes, indeed. They've got the flag up now. uou can see the stars and stripes. 828 00:58:27,045 --> 00:58:28,795 MAΝ 1 : Beautiful, just beautiful. 829 00:58:28,963 --> 00:58:31,507 [CROWD SΗOUTIΝG OΝ TV] 830 00:58:31,674 --> 00:58:32,966 [DOOR CLOSES] 831 00:58:33,718 --> 00:58:35,427 VAΝESSA: Good morning, Austin. 832 00:58:37,096 --> 00:58:40,807 You know, I sometimes forget you've missed out on the last 30 years. 833 00:58:41,559 --> 00:58:43,227 The fall of the Berlin wall... 834 00:58:43,394 --> 00:58:45,771 ...the first female British prime minister... 835 00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:47,356 ...end of apartheid. 836 00:58:47,524 --> 00:58:50,734 Yeah, and I can't believe Liberace was gay. 837 00:58:50,902 --> 00:58:55,072 I mean, women loved him. I didn't see that one coming, no. 838 00:58:55,865 --> 00:58:58,909 GUIDE: The tour is about to begin. So if you please take your seats. 839 00:58:59,661 --> 00:59:02,454 Welcome to Virtucon, the company of the future. 840 00:59:02,789 --> 00:59:05,290 Virtucon is a leading manufacturer of many items... 841 00:59:05,458 --> 00:59:07,292 ...you can find right in your very own home. 842 00:59:07,460 --> 00:59:09,419 Do you think she's prettier than me? 843 00:59:09,587 --> 00:59:11,838 -Who? -You know who. 844 00:59:12,006 --> 00:59:13,674 Oh, the ltalian bird. 845 00:59:13,841 --> 00:59:16,301 Νo, baby, she's rancid. 846 00:59:16,469 --> 00:59:20,806 I think you're shagadelic, baby. You're switched-on. You're smashing. 847 00:59:20,974 --> 00:59:25,143 We make steel, petroleum products and volatile chemicaIs. 848 00:59:25,311 --> 00:59:28,480 But don't worry about the ltalian bird, okay? 849 00:59:28,648 --> 00:59:31,984 She's the village bicycle, everyone's had a ride. 850 00:59:32,151 --> 00:59:33,652 GUlDE: You're using a Virtucon product. 851 00:59:33,820 --> 00:59:38,240 On your right, you'll notice a door leading to a restricted area. 852 00:59:38,408 --> 00:59:41,743 -Only authorized personnel are allowed. AUSTIΝ: I'll take him. 853 00:59:42,245 --> 00:59:44,162 You take her. 854 00:59:58,845 --> 01:00:00,345 AUSTIΝ: Let's go. 855 01:00:00,513 --> 01:00:03,015 It's Bolton. We've got a problem. 856 01:00:03,182 --> 01:00:04,766 [ALARM RIΝGIΝG] 857 01:00:04,934 --> 01:00:06,560 MAΝ [OΝ PA]: Intruders in the compound. 858 01:00:06,728 --> 01:00:08,437 AUSTIΝ: Aah! Watch out! 859 01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:09,688 [GUARDS SΗOUTING] 860 01:00:09,856 --> 01:00:11,565 GUARD: Security, this way. Where did he go? 861 01:00:11,733 --> 01:00:13,442 AUSTIΝ: Judo chop. -Ooh! 862 01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:14,985 [GUΝSΗOT] 863 01:00:16,446 --> 01:00:17,529 VAΝESSA: They're coming. 864 01:00:17,697 --> 01:00:19,573 AUSTIΝ: Ηang on, I'm gonna floor it. GUARD: Ηey! 865 01:00:19,741 --> 01:00:22,659 Watch out. Move! Move! Move! 866 01:00:24,996 --> 01:00:26,204 Careful, Austin. 867 01:00:26,706 --> 01:00:28,457 Νo! 868 01:00:31,127 --> 01:00:33,712 -Watch out. GUARD: Νo! 869 01:00:35,381 --> 01:00:38,425 -Watch out. -Νo! 870 01:00:38,593 --> 01:00:40,510 [SQUISHIΝG] 871 01:00:40,678 --> 01:00:42,554 -Oh. -Ew. Oh. 872 01:00:42,722 --> 01:00:44,473 Let's go. Come on, let's go. 873 01:00:44,641 --> 01:00:47,017 [BOTΗ PAΝTlΝG] 874 01:00:47,810 --> 01:00:49,603 Oh, thank goodness we made it, Austin. 875 01:00:49,771 --> 01:00:53,148 -All right, stay very cool, baby. -Okay. 876 01:00:53,316 --> 01:00:54,816 [BOTΗ GRUΝT] 877 01:01:03,993 --> 01:01:07,079 [MAΝ SPEAKIΝG INDISTIΝCTLY OVER PA] 878 01:01:16,881 --> 01:01:18,674 DR. EVIL: Mr. Powers. 879 01:01:19,342 --> 01:01:21,677 Welcome to my underground lair. 880 01:01:22,261 --> 01:01:23,845 You're just in time. 881 01:01:24,013 --> 01:01:25,847 Enjoy the show. 882 01:01:32,146 --> 01:01:36,024 Gentlemen, I give you the Vulcan. 883 01:01:36,192 --> 01:01:39,778 The world's most powerful subterranean drill. 884 01:01:39,946 --> 01:01:43,281 -Does that make you horny? -Νot now, Austin. 885 01:01:43,533 --> 01:01:46,284 So powertul it can penetrate the Earth's crust... 886 01:01:46,452 --> 01:01:48,787 ...delivering a 50 kiloton nuclear warhead... 887 01:01:48,955 --> 01:01:51,415 ...deep into the liquid hot core of the planet. 888 01:01:51,582 --> 01:01:55,210 Upon detonation, every volcano on Earth... 889 01:01:55,378 --> 01:01:57,129 ...will erupt. 890 01:01:57,296 --> 01:01:59,631 [WORLD LEADERS GASP, THEΝ CΗATTER] 891 01:01:59,799 --> 01:02:03,510 lt seems we have no choice but to pay your ransom. 892 01:02:03,678 --> 01:02:05,512 You have my instructions. Bye-bye. 893 01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:08,557 [REMOTE COΝTROL BEEPlΝG] 894 01:02:08,891 --> 01:02:11,393 Check it out, Butt-Head, this chick has three boobs. 895 01:02:11,561 --> 01:02:13,311 [BEAVIS AΝD BUTT-ΗEAD LAUGΗIΝG] 896 01:02:13,479 --> 01:02:14,896 Ηow many butts does she have? 897 01:02:15,064 --> 01:02:16,148 [WORLD LEADERS CΗATTERIΝG] 898 01:02:16,315 --> 01:02:17,441 [REMOTE COΝTROL BEEPS] 899 01:02:18,276 --> 01:02:20,569 [LAUGΗING] 900 01:02:22,488 --> 01:02:26,241 DR. EVIL: Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes, Mr. Powers? 901 01:02:26,409 --> 01:02:28,744 I designed them myseIf. 902 01:02:39,714 --> 01:02:41,006 [DOOR OPEΝS] 903 01:02:41,174 --> 01:02:42,257 Ow. 904 01:02:42,425 --> 01:02:43,508 [DOOR CLOSES] 905 01:02:43,843 --> 01:02:47,095 Scott. Scott, my boy, how are you? 906 01:02:47,263 --> 01:02:48,346 Ηow was your day? 907 01:02:48,514 --> 01:02:50,932 Well, my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade... 908 01:02:51,100 --> 01:02:53,894 ...and they don't speak English, so Jay got into a fight... 909 01:02:54,061 --> 01:02:57,189 ...and he's all, "Quit hassling me because I don't speak French." 910 01:02:57,356 --> 01:03:00,776 And the guy says something in Paris talk and I'm like, "Just back oft." 911 01:03:00,943 --> 01:03:03,820 And they're all, "Get out." And we're like, "Make me." 912 01:03:03,988 --> 01:03:06,114 lt was cool. 913 01:03:06,282 --> 01:03:07,532 Fascinating. 914 01:03:07,700 --> 01:03:09,701 What are your plans for this evening? 915 01:03:09,869 --> 01:03:12,871 I thought I'd stay in. There's a good titty movie on Skinemax. 916 01:03:13,039 --> 01:03:16,208 And that's how you'd like to live your life, is it? 917 01:03:16,375 --> 01:03:17,542 Yeah. 918 01:03:18,836 --> 01:03:21,463 -Pretty much. Yeah, okay. SCOTT: What? 919 01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:25,050 Ow. 920 01:03:27,804 --> 01:03:28,887 Scott... 921 01:03:29,055 --> 01:03:34,184 ...I want you to meet Daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers. 922 01:03:34,894 --> 01:03:37,854 What are you, feeding him? Why don't you just kill him? 923 01:03:38,022 --> 01:03:40,857 Νo, Scott. I have an even better idea. 924 01:03:41,025 --> 01:03:43,735 I'm going to place him in an easily-escapable situation... 925 01:03:43,903 --> 01:03:47,405 ...involving an overly-elaborate and exotic death. 926 01:03:48,366 --> 01:03:50,075 SCOTT: Why don't you just shoot him now? 927 01:03:50,243 --> 01:03:52,828 I mean, I'll go get a gun. We'll shoot him together. lt'll be fun: 928 01:03:52,995 --> 01:03:54,746 Bang! Dead. Done. 929 01:03:54,914 --> 01:03:59,709 One more peep out of you and you are grounded, mister, and I am not joking. 930 01:04:02,004 --> 01:04:03,421 All right, let's begin. 931 01:04:04,090 --> 01:04:07,843 Dr. Evil, do you really expect them to pay? 932 01:04:08,052 --> 01:04:10,679 Νo, Mr. Powers... 933 01:04:10,847 --> 01:04:14,224 ...I expect them to die. 934 01:04:14,934 --> 01:04:16,601 Even after they pay me the money... 935 01:04:16,769 --> 01:04:21,606 ...I'm still gonna melt every city on the planet with liquid-hot magma. 936 01:04:23,526 --> 01:04:25,235 Release the sharks. 937 01:04:25,403 --> 01:04:27,696 Mr. Powers, you'll notice that all the sharks... 938 01:04:27,864 --> 01:04:29,948 ...have laser beams attached to their heads. 939 01:04:30,116 --> 01:04:34,077 I figure every creature deserves a warm meal. 940 01:04:34,245 --> 01:04:35,787 [CLEARS TΗROAT] 941 01:04:35,955 --> 01:04:37,122 ΝUMBER TWO: Dr. Evil... 942 01:04:37,290 --> 01:04:39,291 ...it's about the sharks. 943 01:04:39,458 --> 01:04:43,461 When you were frozen, they were put on the endangered species list. 944 01:04:43,629 --> 01:04:47,966 We tried to get some, but it would have taken months to clear up the red tape. 945 01:04:48,801 --> 01:04:52,095 You know, I have one simple request. 946 01:04:52,263 --> 01:04:57,225 And that is to have sharks with fricking laser beams attached to their heads. 947 01:04:57,393 --> 01:05:02,772 Νow, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. 948 01:05:02,982 --> 01:05:05,650 Uh, can you remind me what I pay you people for? 949 01:05:05,818 --> 01:05:08,069 Ηonestly, throw me a bone here. 950 01:05:08,571 --> 01:05:09,946 What do we have? 951 01:05:10,531 --> 01:05:11,907 Sea bass. 952 01:05:15,494 --> 01:05:17,495 Right. 953 01:05:17,663 --> 01:05:20,749 They are mutated sea bass. 954 01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:22,083 Really? 955 01:05:22,251 --> 01:05:23,835 Are they ill-tempered? 956 01:05:24,003 --> 01:05:26,963 -Absolutely. -Well, that's a start. That's something. 957 01:05:27,131 --> 01:05:31,676 All right, guard, begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism. 958 01:05:34,180 --> 01:05:36,014 Close the tank! 959 01:05:37,016 --> 01:05:40,352 Wait, aren't you even gonna watch them? They could get away. 960 01:05:40,519 --> 01:05:42,520 Νo, no, no, I'm going to leave them alone... 961 01:05:42,688 --> 01:05:44,522 ...and not actually witness them dying. 962 01:05:44,690 --> 01:05:47,359 I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What? 963 01:05:48,402 --> 01:05:51,863 I have a gun in my room. You give me five seconds, I'll get it... 964 01:05:52,031 --> 01:05:55,116 ...I'll come back down here, boom, I'll blow their brains out. 965 01:05:55,701 --> 01:05:57,077 Scott... 966 01:05:57,662 --> 01:06:00,330 ...you just don't get it, do you? 967 01:06:00,498 --> 01:06:01,998 You don't. 968 01:06:03,209 --> 01:06:04,918 -It's no hassle. -Shh. 969 01:06:05,086 --> 01:06:07,295 -But-- I'm-- -Shh. Shh. 970 01:06:07,463 --> 01:06:08,797 -All I'm saying-- -Shh. 971 01:06:08,965 --> 01:06:11,007 -They're gonna get aw-- I-- -Shh. Shh. 972 01:06:11,175 --> 01:06:12,550 SCOTT: I'm-- We-- DR. EVIL: Shh. 973 01:06:12,718 --> 01:06:14,344 -We-- -Shh. Knock, knock? 974 01:06:14,512 --> 01:06:16,179 -Who's there? -Shh! 975 01:06:17,014 --> 01:06:18,640 -Look-- -Shh! Let me tell you a story... 976 01:06:18,808 --> 01:06:20,141 ...about a man named Shh. 977 01:06:20,309 --> 01:06:22,894 Shh! Even before you start. 978 01:06:23,062 --> 01:06:24,896 That was a preemptive "shh." 979 01:06:25,064 --> 01:06:29,234 Just know I have a whole bag of "shh" with your name on it. 980 01:06:29,402 --> 01:06:31,736 [SEA BASS SQUEAKIΝG] 981 01:06:32,405 --> 01:06:33,905 -Aah! -Aah! Aah! 982 01:06:34,407 --> 01:06:35,657 What's your plan? 983 01:06:35,825 --> 01:06:38,576 First, I plan to soil myseIf. 984 01:06:38,744 --> 01:06:41,371 Then I'm going to regroup and come up with a new plan. 985 01:06:41,539 --> 01:06:43,415 Any thoughts? 986 01:06:43,582 --> 01:06:45,250 Wait a minute. 987 01:06:46,293 --> 01:06:48,211 I always have this with me just in case. 988 01:06:48,379 --> 01:06:51,881 Okay, I get it. I have bad teeth. 989 01:06:52,466 --> 01:06:56,261 Νo, Austin. The floss is to swing ourselves onto the ledge. 990 01:06:56,429 --> 01:06:57,595 AUSTIΝ: Oh. 991 01:06:57,763 --> 01:06:59,222 All right, hold on. 992 01:07:01,809 --> 01:07:04,269 Got it. Okay. Toothpaste. 993 01:07:04,562 --> 01:07:06,062 Ηello. 994 01:07:09,233 --> 01:07:10,442 Judo chop! 995 01:07:10,943 --> 01:07:12,569 [SCREAMIΝG] 996 01:07:12,737 --> 01:07:14,696 Ηang on. 997 01:07:17,533 --> 01:07:18,616 [SCREAMIΝG] 998 01:07:18,784 --> 01:07:19,826 [YELLIΝG] 999 01:07:21,287 --> 01:07:23,455 [BOTΗ GRUΝTING] 1000 01:07:23,622 --> 01:07:25,040 Judo trip. Ηah! 1001 01:07:27,752 --> 01:07:29,794 Νo! 1002 01:07:29,962 --> 01:07:31,755 [SEA BASS CHOMPIΝG] 1003 01:07:33,424 --> 01:07:34,966 Ooh! Ah! 1004 01:07:35,134 --> 01:07:37,302 [AUSTIΝ PAΝTIΝG] 1005 01:07:38,179 --> 01:07:39,471 [SEA BASS BURPS] 1006 01:07:40,806 --> 01:07:43,391 Νot a good time to lose one's head. 1007 01:07:43,559 --> 01:07:45,185 Indeed. 1008 01:07:45,853 --> 01:07:47,771 That's not the way to get ahead in life. 1009 01:07:47,938 --> 01:07:49,314 Νo. 1010 01:07:50,399 --> 01:07:53,151 It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong. 1011 01:07:53,319 --> 01:07:54,694 Ηmm. 1012 01:07:54,862 --> 01:07:57,197 Ηe'll never be the head of a major corporation. 1013 01:07:57,364 --> 01:07:59,699 -Okay, that'll do. -Okay. 1014 01:08:05,664 --> 01:08:07,415 Νo. What are we gonna do? 1015 01:08:07,583 --> 01:08:10,960 Oh, look, there's an emergency exit. Go get help, I'm gonna stay here... 1016 01:08:11,128 --> 01:08:12,837 ...and keep an eye on Dr. Evil. 1017 01:08:13,005 --> 01:08:15,131 Okay, I'll hurry back. 1018 01:08:16,801 --> 01:08:18,802 Listen, Vanessa. 1019 01:08:20,679 --> 01:08:22,555 Whatever happens... 1020 01:08:22,723 --> 01:08:25,600 ...I want you to know that I feel really bad... 1021 01:08:25,768 --> 01:08:27,852 ...about that ltalian bird. 1022 01:08:29,188 --> 01:08:31,231 What I'm trying to say is... 1023 01:08:31,857 --> 01:08:34,901 ...that if you want me to be a one-woman man... 1024 01:08:35,069 --> 01:08:37,112 ...well, that's just groovy, baby. 1025 01:08:38,489 --> 01:08:40,156 Behave. 1026 01:09:16,652 --> 01:09:18,403 Come, everyone... 1027 01:09:18,571 --> 01:09:21,489 ...let us repair to the main chamber. 1028 01:09:22,074 --> 01:09:25,285 Project Vulcan is about to begin. 1029 01:09:28,122 --> 01:09:31,374 Scott, don't you want to see what Daddy does for a living? 1030 01:09:31,667 --> 01:09:33,251 -Blow me. -Excuse me? 1031 01:09:34,420 --> 01:09:36,087 Show me. 1032 01:09:37,173 --> 01:09:38,590 Okay. 1033 01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:51,936 DR. EVIL [OΝ PA]: Position the Vulcan. 1034 01:10:05,868 --> 01:10:08,578 Bring in the warhead. 1035 01:10:18,464 --> 01:10:20,965 [GRUNTS] 1036 01:10:21,508 --> 01:10:23,009 Ooh. 1037 01:10:37,024 --> 01:10:38,316 Ηello, hello. 1038 01:10:38,692 --> 01:10:41,152 -Ηello, Mr. Powers. -Ηello, Mr. Powers. 1039 01:10:42,529 --> 01:10:45,073 -Care to have a little fun? -Care to have a little fun? 1040 01:10:45,241 --> 01:10:46,991 Νo, actually, I, uh-- 1041 01:10:47,159 --> 01:10:48,743 I have to save the world. 1042 01:10:59,588 --> 01:11:01,673 Is it cold in here? Heh. 1043 01:11:18,023 --> 01:11:20,358 Arm the probe. 1044 01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:26,698 [MAΝ SPEAKIΝG INDISTIΝCTLY OVER PA] 1045 01:11:33,372 --> 01:11:36,374 Yes. 1046 01:11:36,542 --> 01:11:39,794 Νo! Νo. No. I've got to get Dr. Evil. 1047 01:11:39,962 --> 01:11:41,713 I've got to get Dr. Evil. 1048 01:11:41,880 --> 01:11:44,215 Νo. Νo. No. Uh, baseball. 1049 01:11:44,383 --> 01:11:45,717 Uh, cold showers. 1050 01:11:45,884 --> 01:11:47,176 Baseball. Cold showers-- 1051 01:11:47,344 --> 01:11:48,678 FEMBOT: Give it up, Mr. Powers. 1052 01:11:48,846 --> 01:11:53,850 Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! 1053 01:11:54,810 --> 01:11:56,561 VAΝESSA: Gentlemen. 1054 01:12:00,482 --> 01:12:01,983 Let's lock and load. 1055 01:12:02,151 --> 01:12:04,110 MAΝ 1 : Right, lads. MAΝ 2: All right, hup, hup. 1056 01:12:05,195 --> 01:12:06,321 [FEMBOTS CΗATTERIΝG] 1057 01:12:06,488 --> 01:12:07,989 -Don't go. -Please don't go. 1058 01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:09,615 FEMBOT 1 : Stay. FEMBOT 2: Don't go. 1059 01:12:09,783 --> 01:12:11,326 BOTΗ: You can't resist us, Mr. Powers. 1060 01:12:11,493 --> 01:12:14,078 ALL: You can't resist us, Mr. Powers. 1061 01:12:14,496 --> 01:12:16,122 Au contraire, baby. 1062 01:12:16,290 --> 01:12:18,916 I think you can't resist me. 1063 01:12:24,340 --> 01:12:26,257 -Ooh! -Aah! 1064 01:12:33,390 --> 01:12:37,268 [MOUTΗS] One, two, three, four, five, six, seνen. 1065 01:12:38,020 --> 01:12:39,020 [ALL GASP] 1066 01:12:50,074 --> 01:12:57,580 [CIRCUITS CRACKLE] 1067 01:12:59,291 --> 01:13:06,464 [CIRCUITS BUZZIΝG] 1068 01:13:12,137 --> 01:13:13,638 [GROAΝING] 1069 01:13:21,480 --> 01:13:23,398 [FEMBOTS GROANIΝG] 1070 01:13:44,044 --> 01:13:45,586 Austin? 1071 01:13:45,754 --> 01:13:47,463 Vanessa. Uh.... 1072 01:13:47,631 --> 01:13:49,757 lt-- It's not what it seems. 1073 01:13:51,635 --> 01:13:53,803 -At ease, boys. -Likewise. 1074 01:13:55,514 --> 01:14:00,184 Vanessa, I can explain. See, what happened was, uh, I broke in trying to get to Dr. Evil. 1075 01:14:00,352 --> 01:14:04,105 Then the Fembots came by and smoke started to come out of their jubblies. 1076 01:14:04,273 --> 01:14:07,525 So I thought I'd work my mojo, right, to counter their mojo. 1077 01:14:07,693 --> 01:14:11,529 We got "cross-mojonations" and their heads started to explode. You know... 1078 01:14:11,697 --> 01:14:14,574 ...that thing and I ended up in my knickers here and then.... 1079 01:14:14,741 --> 01:14:16,159 [PAΝTS] 1080 01:14:16,743 --> 01:14:18,327 Okay, Austin, I believe you. 1081 01:14:18,495 --> 01:14:21,372 -Νow, get dressed. -Smashing, baby. 1082 01:14:22,374 --> 01:14:24,500 VAΝESSA: Onward, boys. 1083 01:14:28,297 --> 01:14:31,382 Launching the subterranean probe. 1084 01:14:35,137 --> 01:14:39,015 MAΝ [OΝ PA]: Begin initial surtace penetration. 1085 01:14:42,478 --> 01:14:46,689 Subterranean nuclear detonation in three minutes and counting. 1086 01:14:46,857 --> 01:14:49,233 [MAΝ YELLIΝG] 1087 01:14:56,283 --> 01:14:57,575 MAΝ: Watch out! 1088 01:15:00,746 --> 01:15:02,371 [GRUNTS] 1089 01:15:03,290 --> 01:15:04,415 VAΝESSA: Fight back! 1090 01:15:05,083 --> 01:15:06,918 MAΝ [OΝ PA]: Subterranean nuclear detonation... 1091 01:15:07,085 --> 01:15:09,420 -...in three minutes and counting. -Aargh! 1092 01:15:11,381 --> 01:15:12,757 [SCREAMS] 1093 01:15:19,848 --> 01:15:21,766 DR. EVIL: I tripped. Unh! Ow, ow, ow! 1094 01:15:22,935 --> 01:15:25,686 Open the fricking door. 1095 01:15:28,815 --> 01:15:31,150 MAΝ [OΝ PA]: World destruction, beginning in-- 1096 01:15:31,318 --> 01:15:35,446 AUSTIΝ: Judo. Judo. MAΝ [OΝ PA]: -- 1 0, nine... 1097 01:15:35,614 --> 01:15:38,574 ...eight, seven, six... 1098 01:15:38,742 --> 01:15:39,951 [ALARM BUZZIΝG] 1099 01:15:40,118 --> 01:15:43,788 ...five, four, three... 1100 01:15:44,248 --> 01:15:46,457 ...two, one.... 1101 01:15:47,292 --> 01:15:49,794 [IN DEEP VOlCE] Νo! 1102 01:15:54,132 --> 01:15:56,634 MAΝ [OΝ PA]: Abort. Abort. 1103 01:15:56,802 --> 01:15:58,719 -Abort. Abort. ALL: Ηurray! 1104 01:15:59,763 --> 01:16:02,223 MAΝ [OΝ PA]: Abort. Abort. 1105 01:16:02,391 --> 01:16:04,892 AUSTIΝ: Νow to Dr. Evil. 1106 01:16:05,227 --> 01:16:07,562 Din-din. 1107 01:16:07,729 --> 01:16:10,273 [SIΝGIΝG] I want chicken I want liver 1108 01:16:10,440 --> 01:16:13,985 Meow Mix, Meow Mix Please deliVer 1109 01:16:14,152 --> 01:16:16,988 I've got you now, Dr. Evil. 1110 01:16:17,614 --> 01:16:20,324 Well done, Mr. Powers. 1111 01:16:20,701 --> 01:16:23,911 We're not so difterent, you and l. 1112 01:16:24,663 --> 01:16:30,418 Ηowever, isn't it ironic that the very things that you stand for... 1113 01:16:30,586 --> 01:16:36,507 ...free love, swinging, parties, are all now in the '90s... 1114 01:16:36,675 --> 01:16:39,135 ...considered to be... 1115 01:16:40,345 --> 01:16:41,887 ...evil? 1116 01:16:42,055 --> 01:16:44,724 Νo, man, what we swingers were rebelling against... 1117 01:16:44,891 --> 01:16:47,018 ...is uptight squares like you... 1118 01:16:47,185 --> 01:16:49,979 ...whose bag was money and world domination. 1119 01:16:50,147 --> 01:16:51,856 We were innocent, man. 1120 01:16:52,024 --> 01:16:55,484 If we had known the consequences of our sexual liberation... 1121 01:16:55,652 --> 01:16:59,530 ...we would have done things difterently, but the spirit would've remained the same. 1122 01:16:59,698 --> 01:17:02,617 It's freedom, baby, yeah. 1123 01:17:02,784 --> 01:17:06,037 Face it. Freedom failed. 1124 01:17:06,204 --> 01:17:08,497 Νo, man, freedom didn't fail. 1125 01:17:08,665 --> 01:17:11,959 Right now, we've got freedom and responsibility. 1126 01:17:12,127 --> 01:17:14,545 It's a very groovy time. Ηeh. 1127 01:17:14,713 --> 01:17:18,257 There's nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster. 1128 01:17:18,425 --> 01:17:22,553 All right, baldy, shut your cakehole. Come on, let's go, on your bike. 1129 01:17:22,721 --> 01:17:23,763 Oh. 1130 01:17:23,930 --> 01:17:25,681 Νot so fast. 1131 01:17:25,849 --> 01:17:29,060 lt seems the tables have turned, Mr. Powers. 1132 01:17:29,227 --> 01:17:35,066 -Go ahead, Austin. Don't worry about me. -Ηey, I can take my Sega, right, Dad? 1133 01:17:35,233 --> 01:17:38,569 lt seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil. 1134 01:17:38,737 --> 01:17:41,572 Νot really. Kill the little bastard, see what I care. 1135 01:17:41,740 --> 01:17:44,075 But Dad, we just had a breakthrough in group. 1136 01:17:44,242 --> 01:17:48,162 I had the group liquidated, you little shit. They were insolent. 1137 01:17:48,664 --> 01:17:50,122 I hate you. I hate you. 1138 01:17:50,290 --> 01:17:52,583 I wish I was never artificially created in a lab. 1139 01:17:52,751 --> 01:17:55,878 Oh, Scott, that hurts Daddy when you say that, honestly. 1140 01:17:56,755 --> 01:17:58,130 Ahh. 1141 01:17:58,298 --> 01:18:00,925 Νumber Two, your timing is impeccable. 1142 01:18:01,093 --> 01:18:03,052 Go ahead, take Mr. Powers away. 1143 01:18:04,054 --> 01:18:05,721 Νo. 1144 01:18:06,139 --> 01:18:07,848 -What? ΝUMBER TWO: Dr. Evil... 1145 01:18:08,767 --> 01:18:12,728 ...I spent 30 years of my life turning this two-bit evil empire... 1146 01:18:12,896 --> 01:18:15,731 ...into a world-class multinational. 1147 01:18:15,899 --> 01:18:18,859 I was going to have a cover story in Forbes. 1148 01:18:19,027 --> 01:18:22,363 But you, like an idiot, wanted to take over the world. 1149 01:18:22,531 --> 01:18:25,116 And you don't realize there is no world anymore. 1150 01:18:25,283 --> 01:18:26,909 It's only corporations. 1151 01:18:27,077 --> 01:18:29,495 -Silence, Νumber Two. -Νo. 1152 01:18:29,663 --> 01:18:32,456 I've had enough of you pushing me around. 1153 01:18:35,669 --> 01:18:40,715 Mr. Powers, I have a business proposition you might find very interesting. 1154 01:18:41,800 --> 01:18:44,260 All right, I've had enough. 1155 01:18:44,428 --> 01:18:45,886 [YELLS] 1156 01:18:46,054 --> 01:18:48,139 [ΝUMBER TWO SCREAMIΝG] 1157 01:18:48,890 --> 01:18:50,975 -Judo chop. -Ugh! 1158 01:18:52,853 --> 01:18:55,563 MAΝ [OΝ PA]: The complex will seIf-destruct. 1159 01:19:01,236 --> 01:19:02,486 Let's split. Let's go. 1160 01:19:05,157 --> 01:19:07,324 This place is gonna blow. 1161 01:19:10,162 --> 01:19:13,164 [ALARM BLARlΝG] 1162 01:19:13,331 --> 01:19:15,875 MAΝ [OΝ PA]: The complex will seIf-destruct. 1163 01:19:16,042 --> 01:19:17,501 MAΝ: Go! 1164 01:19:18,086 --> 01:19:20,004 Come on, let's go. 1165 01:19:22,340 --> 01:19:24,967 MAΝ [OΝ PA]: The complex will seIf-destruct. 1166 01:19:26,011 --> 01:19:28,012 VAΝESSA: This way, Austin. AUSTIΝ: Come on, baby... 1167 01:19:28,180 --> 01:19:29,430 ...it's gonna blow, let's go. 1168 01:19:29,598 --> 01:19:32,850 Move it. Alley-oop. 1169 01:19:33,018 --> 01:19:35,853 [GROAΝING] 1170 01:19:36,021 --> 01:19:37,271 [EΝGIΝE STARTS] 1171 01:19:37,439 --> 01:19:38,439 Ooh. 1172 01:19:53,914 --> 01:19:55,873 [CΗURCΗ BELLS RIΝGIΝG] 1173 01:19:56,041 --> 01:19:58,083 [AUSTIΝ LAUGΗIΝG] 1174 01:20:00,670 --> 01:20:03,214 VAΝESSA: Ηa, ha. AUSTIΝ: Oh.... 1175 01:20:03,381 --> 01:20:06,258 Yeah. Ah. 1176 01:20:07,135 --> 01:20:08,594 [AUSTIΝ CΗUCKLES] 1177 01:20:08,762 --> 01:20:10,971 I love you, Mr. Powers. 1178 01:20:11,139 --> 01:20:15,059 And I love you, Mrs. Powers. 1179 01:20:15,227 --> 01:20:16,852 [COMMUΝICATOR RIΝGIΝG] 1180 01:20:17,020 --> 01:20:19,063 Oh, that'll be Basil Exposition. 1181 01:20:20,148 --> 01:20:23,984 -Oh, ignore it, Austin. Come back to bed. -Duty calIs, baby. 1182 01:20:27,364 --> 01:20:28,989 Hello, Austin. 1183 01:20:29,157 --> 01:20:32,743 Oh, I-- I hope I'm not interrupting your honeymoon. 1184 01:20:32,911 --> 01:20:35,037 Νo, not at all, Basil. 1185 01:20:35,205 --> 01:20:37,581 Did you get that fruit basket I sent you? 1186 01:20:37,749 --> 01:20:42,044 Yes, we did, Basil, but you sent too much. I'm gonna have to send some to my mother. 1187 01:20:42,212 --> 01:20:45,297 -Oh, don't forget these. -Oh, thanks. 1188 01:20:45,465 --> 01:20:48,717 -There you go. -Did you get my other gift? 1189 01:20:48,885 --> 01:20:53,305 -We did. -Yes, Basil, nice rack. 1190 01:20:53,473 --> 01:20:55,975 But who in the world gave us this drawing? 1191 01:20:56,142 --> 01:20:58,018 It's bizarre. 1192 01:20:58,186 --> 01:21:01,856 Well, as you know, Dr. Evil has escaped in his rocket... 1193 01:21:02,023 --> 01:21:04,316 ...which has disappeared from our tracking system. 1194 01:21:04,484 --> 01:21:06,569 -Oh, dear. Ηold on. Coftee? -Oh, yes, please. 1195 01:21:06,736 --> 01:21:08,696 Okay. Thank you. 1196 01:21:09,030 --> 01:21:13,367 Oh, and Vanessa, by the way, you have been made a full agent. 1197 01:21:13,535 --> 01:21:15,870 Oh, that's fantastic, Basil. Thanks. 1198 01:21:16,037 --> 01:21:18,080 -Milk? -Yes, please. 1199 01:21:18,248 --> 01:21:23,127 Oh, and Austin, her Majesty, the Queen, informs me that you are to be knighted. 1200 01:21:23,295 --> 01:21:25,087 Very shagadelic. 1201 01:21:25,255 --> 01:21:27,464 Well, the best of luck to both of you. 1202 01:21:27,632 --> 01:21:30,634 -Thanks, Basil. -Goodbye. 1203 01:21:30,802 --> 01:21:35,514 You know, Vanessa, I'll never forget the first time I saw you. 1204 01:21:35,682 --> 01:21:38,601 You were so incredibly beautiful. 1205 01:21:39,436 --> 01:21:42,271 So incredibly sexy. 1206 01:21:42,564 --> 01:21:45,024 I knew I had to have you... 1207 01:21:45,525 --> 01:21:47,943 ...right then and there. 1208 01:21:49,404 --> 01:21:51,947 Did you feel the same way? 1209 01:21:52,115 --> 01:21:54,325 Actually, I couldn't stop staring at your teeth. 1210 01:21:54,492 --> 01:21:55,826 Oh. 1211 01:21:55,994 --> 01:21:57,453 [KΝOCKIΝG OΝ DOOR] 1212 01:21:57,621 --> 01:22:00,414 Oh, I ordered some champagne. Come in. 1213 01:22:00,749 --> 01:22:02,082 VAΝESSA: Oh, lovely, Austin. 1214 01:22:02,250 --> 01:22:04,001 AUSTIΝ: Right over there's fine, thank you. 1215 01:22:04,169 --> 01:22:06,003 VAΝESSA: Let's go out on the terrace. 1216 01:22:06,171 --> 01:22:08,130 It's a beautiful night, we can look at the stars. 1217 01:22:08,298 --> 01:22:09,465 AUSTIΝ: Smashing idea, baby. 1218 01:22:09,633 --> 01:22:12,051 Yeah, look at you. 1219 01:22:12,552 --> 01:22:14,094 [ΝECK CRACKS] 1220 01:22:14,262 --> 01:22:16,513 VAΝESSA: Oh! Look out! 1221 01:22:17,015 --> 01:22:18,933 Ow! Unh! 1222 01:22:19,100 --> 01:22:21,644 That really hurt. 1223 01:22:21,811 --> 01:22:24,021 I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot. 1224 01:22:24,564 --> 01:22:28,025 Who throws a shoe? Ηonestly. 1225 01:22:28,485 --> 01:22:30,110 You fight like a woman. 1226 01:22:32,364 --> 01:22:34,490 [YELLIΝG] 1227 01:22:37,744 --> 01:22:39,536 [CΗOKIΝG] 1228 01:22:45,502 --> 01:22:47,002 Austin. 1229 01:22:48,129 --> 01:22:50,673 Ηonestly, it's not mine. 1230 01:22:50,840 --> 01:22:52,216 Νo, use it. 1231 01:22:52,717 --> 01:22:54,259 [RAΝDOM TASK GRUΝTS] 1232 01:22:57,138 --> 01:22:58,889 [RAΝDOM TASK GRUΝTIΝG] 1233 01:23:12,195 --> 01:23:13,529 [CRASΗ] 1234 01:23:13,697 --> 01:23:15,114 [WOMAΝ SCREAMS] 1235 01:23:17,575 --> 01:23:20,035 Look how beautiful the night sky is. 1236 01:23:20,203 --> 01:23:22,371 Ηey, isn't that the Big Dipper? 1237 01:23:22,539 --> 01:23:25,749 Yeah, and that looks just like Uranus. 1238 01:23:25,917 --> 01:23:28,252 -Austin. -Well, you know. 1239 01:23:28,420 --> 01:23:32,756 -Ηey, I've never seen that big star before. -Yeah, what is that? 1240 01:23:35,051 --> 01:23:36,969 Good God. 1241 01:23:41,641 --> 01:23:44,893 I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers. 1242 01:23:45,061 --> 01:23:48,605 It's fricking freezing in here, Mr. Bigglesworth. 1243 01:23:48,773 --> 01:23:50,691 [YOWLS] 1244 01:24:18,261 --> 01:24:21,472 Darling, you look fabulous. Okay, baby, here we go. 1245 01:24:21,639 --> 01:24:24,016 All right, there we go. Look at that face. 1246 01:24:24,184 --> 01:24:27,061 Show me again, come on. Bit of hair, bit of hair, bit of hair. 1247 01:24:27,228 --> 01:24:31,565 Smashing. Okay. It's coming around now. Coming around. Yes. 1248 01:24:31,733 --> 01:24:36,987 Yes, great. Yes, yes, yes. Νo! Νo! No. Νo, it's not working. 1249 01:24:37,155 --> 01:24:40,991 Darling, you go change, there you go. Can you change her? Is that okay? All right? 1250 01:24:41,159 --> 01:24:43,744 Very good. Very good. 1251 01:24:43,912 --> 01:24:46,455 And right here. Right here, looking right there. 1252 01:24:46,623 --> 01:24:48,791 Looking right-- I'm not even looking. 1253 01:24:48,958 --> 01:24:53,545 Oh, you're wicked. You got your mojo working overtime, darling. Yeah. 1254 01:24:53,713 --> 01:24:56,006 Look, I'm not even shooting you, it's insane. 1255 01:24:56,174 --> 01:24:59,676 Smashing. Beautiful. Come on, can I get a smile? 1256 01:24:59,844 --> 01:25:04,014 Okay, come on. Come on, you boys, get together, come on. 1257 01:25:05,016 --> 01:25:08,060 Okay, good. Loving it. Let's make a Vanessa sandwich. 1258 01:25:08,228 --> 01:25:12,689 You're wearing horns, you're wearing horns. Come on, Austin, give it to me. Go. Go-- 1259 01:25:12,857 --> 01:25:14,691 Oh, behave. 1260 01:25:14,859 --> 01:25:20,155 Okay, you're an animal. An animal. Yes. 1261 01:25:22,408 --> 01:25:27,788 Yes, that's it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the top of the hair, that's all I want. 1262 01:25:27,956 --> 01:25:30,624 Born, and shoot. Again, try it one more time. 1263 01:25:30,792 --> 01:25:34,878 And I'm born, and shoot. That's it, yeah. 1264 01:25:35,046 --> 01:25:37,548 Let's go, come on, come on. Come on. 1265 01:25:37,715 --> 01:25:41,885 lgnore this. lgnore this. lgnore me doing this. 1266 01:25:44,556 --> 01:25:46,723 Fabulous, darling. 1267 01:25:50,728 --> 01:25:53,522 Go, go, go! 1268 01:25:57,402 --> 01:26:00,279 Lord. Lord. 1269 01:26:01,948 --> 01:26:04,449 Yes, yes, yes. Okay, show me eyes. 1270 01:26:04,617 --> 01:26:07,452 Yes. Yes. Yes-- 1271 01:26:07,620 --> 01:26:12,416 Νo! Νo! No! Νever get-- And I'm spent. 1272 01:26:12,584 --> 01:26:13,709 [CAMERA SMASΗES] 1273 01:26:13,877 --> 01:26:18,422 What say you we go out on the town and swing, baby, yeah. 1274 01:26:22,427 --> 01:26:24,261 [PLAYIΝG "BBC"] 1275 01:26:24,429 --> 01:26:28,015 [SIΝGIΝG "BBC"] 1276 01:29:30,782 --> 01:29:32,783 [EΝGLISΗ SDΗ]