1 00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:37,453 [NARRATOR READS ON-SCREEN TEXT] 2 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,819 MAN 1: Houston, this is Condor. 3 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:12,947 We are doing an EVA of the payload. 4 00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:16,200 We are about to present the module with-- 5 00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:17,368 [BEEPlNG] 6 00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:18,661 What the...? 7 00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:22,081 Oh, my gentle Jesus! 8 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,418 Houston, we have a probIem. 9 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:30,089 COMPUTERlZED VOlCE: Launch procedure commence. 10 00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:34,135 [MAN 2 CACKLlNG] 11 00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:46,522 WOMAN: Oh, yeah! 12 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:49,859 Oh, yes! Yes! Oh! 13 00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:55,990 And l'm spent. Whoo. 14 00:01:56,408 --> 00:02:00,119 -Do you smoke after sex? -l don't know, baby. I never looked. 15 00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:05,625 -Whoo! -Oh, Austin. 16 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,378 -What shall we do now? -Well, l've got an idea. 17 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,798 -Why don't we shag? -Again? 18 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,218 Sure, baby. We're onIy up to chapter 11 in the Kamasutra. 19 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:18,763 Don't you wanna try the Wheelbarrow or the Praying Donkey... 20 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:21,182 ...or the Chinese Shag Swing? 21 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,768 l'm gonna get us some more champagne, Jungle Boy. 22 00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:24,977 [TAPE REWlNDS] 23 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,814 l'm gonna get us some more champagne, Jungle Boy. 24 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,861 Are you okay? 25 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:36,113 l've never felt better, Austin. 26 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,408 AIl right, then. 27 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:42,995 l'm just gonna go watch a movie. 28 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:45,748 [MUSlC PLAYS ON TV] 29 00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:49,377 Hey , In Like Flint. That's my favorite movie. 30 00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:01,180 Vanessa, what's going on? 31 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,269 l don't know what you mean, Austin. l'm the same-- 32 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,770 [MUTED DlALOGUE] 33 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,147 You must-- 34 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,066 [SPEAKlNG lN SPANlSH] 35 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,277 Oh, my God! 36 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,116 Vanessa! 37 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,076 You're a Fembot! 38 00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:23,870 VANESSA: No shit, Sherlock. 39 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,541 Machine-gun jubblies? 40 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:31,252 How did I miss those, baby? 41 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:34,171 VANESSA: Perhaps next time you should try foreplay. 42 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,799 Right. Oh, my God. 43 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,153 DR. EVlL [ON RECORDlNG]: Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers. 44 00:03:57,321 --> 00:04:02,366 A kamikaze bride from me, Dr. Evil. 45 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,588 Oh, thank God. 46 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:25,014 l can't believe Vanessa... 47 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,141 ...my bride... 48 00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:29,644 ...my one true love... 49 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:33,689 ...the woman who taught me the beauty of monogamy... 50 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:37,526 ...was a Fembot alI aIong. 51 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:41,697 Wait a tick. That means l'm single again. 52 00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:44,659 Oh, behave! 53 00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:46,953 Yeah! 54 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,288 Yeah, baby, yeah! 55 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,040 Halt! 56 00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,043 [GRUNTS] 57 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,295 [GROWLS] 58 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,722 WOMAN: Disgusting. 59 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,312 AUSTlN: Yeah, baby, yeah! 60 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,202 Ooh. 61 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:31,580 Yeah. 62 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,967 Hey, how are you? Good to see you. 63 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:45,386 Good. Hey. Yeah. 64 00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:47,471 WOMAN: Revolting. 65 00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:51,934 What's that? What's that? Oh. 66 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,603 Yes. Yeah, that looks good on you, man! 67 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,148 Hey, what's going on? Good to see you guys. 68 00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:59,817 Yes. Good to see you. 69 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,361 Yeah. 70 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:07,033 Rabbis, how are you? Nice meat. Yes, nice meat. 71 00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:08,701 Photo op. 72 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,036 [ALL SPEAK lN HEBREW] 73 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,019 Yeah, baby. 74 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,189 [CHEERlNG] 75 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,746 GENERAL: Keep a close eye on that Kreplachistan situation. 76 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:37,414 Sir. 77 00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:43,879 AUDlENCE [CHANTlNG ON TV]: Jerry, Jerry. 78 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,841 SPRlNGER: Okay. Thank you. Thank you very much. 79 00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,093 If you just joined us, today's topic is: 80 00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:52,054 "My father is evil and he wants to take over the world." 81 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,223 [AUDlENCE BOOlNG] 82 00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:57,726 Okay, let's meet Scott Evil. 83 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:01,522 [AUDlENCE APPLAUDlNG] 84 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,900 -Hi, Scott. Nice to have you with us. -Thanks, Jerry. 85 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:06,735 Tell us about your father. 86 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:10,906 Well, my dad is the head of a worldwide evil organization... 87 00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:13,242 ...with aspirations of world domination. 88 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,413 Wow, pretty serious stuff. Where is he now? 89 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:21,959 He's, like, cryogenically frozen, orbiting the Earth or something. 90 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,377 SPRlNGER: That's what you think. 91 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,462 But we have a surprise for you, Scott. 92 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,757 Okay, let's bring out Scott's father, Dr. Evil. 93 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,259 [AUDlENCE BOOlNG] 94 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,596 What? I didn't-- What? 95 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,266 General, we've got a situation here. 96 00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:41,645 What is it, sergeant? 97 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,230 DR. EVlL: Hello, Scott. 98 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,816 Daddy's back. 99 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:49,612 How could you do this to me? On national television. 100 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:52,114 DR. EVIL: Well, throw me a fricking bone here, Scott. 101 00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:55,159 Why'd you run out on me? 102 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,120 Because you're not quite evil enough. 103 00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,622 [AUDlENCE GROANlNG] 104 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,123 Well, it's true. 105 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:03,918 You're quasi-evil. 106 00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,628 You're semi-evil. 107 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,588 You're the margarine of evil. 108 00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,758 You're the Diet Coke of evil. 109 00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:13,469 Just one calorie. Not evil enough. 110 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,387 What are you? Some kind of freak? 111 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,973 -Hey, shut up, ****off! -Okay. Okay, come on. 112 00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:21,310 -I'll kick your ***, punk! -Bring it on, you skanky *****. 113 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:22,937 DR. EVlL: All right, all right. Come on. 114 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:25,314 No one talks to my son like that. It's okay. 115 00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:27,733 You mother******* piece of ****! 116 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,988 Yeah, ****! I'll kick your ***, you ****ing ****sucker! 117 00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:34,281 You piece of ****! 118 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,828 You were born in your mother's ****, you **********. 119 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,664 AUDlENCE: Jerry, Jerry. DR. EVlL: I'm okay. 120 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:42,998 I'm okay. 121 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:46,168 All right, you were born in your mother's ******* *******! 122 00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:49,421 -I'll ****ing kill you! SCOTT: I'll kill you both! 123 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,174 DR. EVlL: There you go. Great. 124 00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:55,344 There you go, I got your hood! I got your hood! 125 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,097 Settle down. Okay, settle down. It's okay. Okay, okay. 126 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,099 It's only a television show. Calm down. 127 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:03,018 -Okay, I'm all right. I'm easy. -Okay. Everything okay? 128 00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:06,730 -Get this jerk out of here. -I'll give you a **** piece of ****-- 129 00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:08,274 You mother******. 130 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,278 He's biting me! 131 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,030 He's biting me! The ****er's biting me! 132 00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,949 **** off, you ****! 133 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,535 Give me that! The world is mine! 134 00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,996 The world is mine, you *******! 135 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:28,836 Chh. Ah. 136 00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:33,132 [R.E.M.'S "DRAGGlN' THE LlNE" PLAYS OVER CAR STEREO] 137 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,551 [DASHBOARD BEEPlNG] 138 00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:38,470 COMPUTERlZED VOlCE: You've got mail. AUSTlN: Hello, Basil. 139 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,973 Hello, Austin. How was your honeymoon? 140 00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:44,310 Well, it turns out that Vanessa was a Fembot. 141 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,646 Yes, we knew all along, sadly. 142 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:51,233 Anyway, I have a new assignment for you, Austin. 143 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,402 You're scheduled for a photo shoot... 144 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,739 ...and one of the models works for Dr. Evil. 145 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,157 Groovy, baby! 146 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,118 Shaguar, ho! 147 00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:10,878 Show me to the models, baby. 148 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:14,006 Let the magic begin. 149 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:17,134 Who have we got today? Okay, great. 150 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,927 Austin, l've heard a lot about you. 151 00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:21,889 l'm Rebecca Romijn. l don't believe l've had the pIeasure. 152 00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:26,101 Well, of course you haven't had the pleasure, Rebecca. 153 00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,228 We just met, baby, yeah. 154 00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:34,068 Who are you, baby? 155 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,861 lvana. 156 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,280 lvana Humpalot. 157 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:39,907 Excuse me? 158 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,784 lvana Humpalot. 159 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:46,246 And "lvana" toilet made out of gold, but it's just not in the cards, now, is it? 160 00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,208 You know. 161 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,460 Okay, everyone. Let's get started. 162 00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,796 Yes! Beautiful! Feeling it! 163 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:57,257 Let's get some smiles. lt's all in here. That's it. Yes. 164 00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:58,926 Let's let the inside out. 165 00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:00,302 Okay, you're an animal! 166 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:02,971 Yes! There we go! You're a tiger! 167 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,306 You're Tony the Tiger! 168 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,974 You're great! 169 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:09,061 Very good. Loving it. Now you're a lemur. 170 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,272 Running as a pack. Yes, yes. We go left. 171 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,316 We go right. Yes, yes, yes. 172 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,111 There's a predator out in the jungle. What's going on? 173 00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:18,570 Burrow! Burrow! 174 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,489 You're a lemur! lt's all you've got! 175 00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,783 You don't have sharp teeth capable of biting. 176 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:25,244 Make interconnected tunnels like the Vietcong. 177 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:26,453 And look! Look, look! 178 00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:28,580 l'm not even shooting you. lt's crazy. 179 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,249 And l'm spent. 180 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,626 Right, that's a wrap, everyone. 181 00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:34,336 Miss Humpalot. 182 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:36,088 Da, darling? 183 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:39,842 -Shall we? -Give me moment. 184 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:51,979 MAN: Dr. Evil... 185 00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:56,525 ...several years ago, we invested in a small, Seattle-based coffee company. 186 00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:02,030 Today, Starbucks offers premium-quaIity coffee... 187 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,032 ...at affordable prices. 188 00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:06,785 Delish. 189 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,121 Dr. Evil... 190 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:14,877 ...if we shift our resources away from evil empires and toward Starbucks... 191 00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,880 ...we can increase our profits fivefoId. 192 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:21,592 Number Two, I make the decisions here, okay? 193 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,886 l demand a littIe respect. 194 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:27,055 Dr. Evil, you have a littIe of the-- 195 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:28,974 Silence! 196 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:32,519 l will not toIerate your insolence! 197 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,062 Frau Farbissina. 198 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:37,733 [SPEAKS lN GERMAN] 199 00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:39,026 How are things? 200 00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:43,030 l have come to embrace the love that dare not speak its name. 201 00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:45,199 To my right is my lover. 202 00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:47,493 We met at the LPGA tour. 203 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,537 Her name is Unibrau. 204 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,206 Right on. 205 00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:55,542 Welcome, Unibrau. 206 00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:58,921 Doctor, you.... 207 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,923 -What? -You have a little... 208 00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,008 ...milk nose mustache. 209 00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,262 l know. I know, I know. 210 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:11,266 Meant to. lt's how we drink it in Belgium. 211 00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:12,726 lt's called a Belgian Dip. 212 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:16,104 Dr. Evil, while you were frozen... 213 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,775 ...we began a program to clone you. 214 00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:23,111 -Cool. -Send in the clone! 215 00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:26,782 He is exactly like you in every way... 216 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,247 ...except one-eighth your size. 217 00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,083 DR. EVlL: Breathtaking. 218 00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,544 l shaIl call him... 219 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,046 ...Mini-Me. 220 00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,928 Your stock is rising, Number Two. 221 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,808 Come, Mr. Bigglesworth. 222 00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,813 Mini-Me, are you hungry? 223 00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,439 Something to eat? 224 00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:00,732 Not even a Hot Pocket? 225 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:03,485 An Eggo? 226 00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:07,114 No. No, we don't gnaw on our kitty. 227 00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:08,615 Leave-- No. 228 00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,742 Leave Mini-Mr. Bigglesworth aIone. 229 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,537 Just love him and stroke him. 230 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:19,042 As you know, every diabolical scheme that l've hatched... 231 00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:22,170 ...has been thwarted by Austin Powers. 232 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,506 And why is that, ladies and gentIemen? 233 00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:27,676 You never kill him when you get the chance, and you're a dope? 234 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,429 No, no, no. 235 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,389 No, no. 236 00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:35,017 [SQUlRTlNG] 237 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,436 Down. Down, Mini-Me. 238 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:43,150 No. Austin Powers always defeats me because he has mojo. 239 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,526 Mojo? 240 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,403 Mojo. 241 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:50,532 The libido, the life force, the essence, the right stuff. 242 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:53,535 What the French call a certain... 243 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,454 ...l don't know what. 244 00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,539 Ladies and gentlemen... 245 00:15:57,707 --> 00:16:01,335 ...l've developed a device for traveling through time which I caIl... 246 00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,545 ...a "time machine." 247 00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:06,715 Using this "time machine"... 248 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:11,136 ...l'm going to go back to the '60s and steal Austin Powers' mojo. 249 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,721 lf you have a time machine... 250 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:17,267 ...why not just go back and kill Austin when he's sitting on the crapper? 251 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:21,355 How about no, Scott, okay? 252 00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:26,193 Why not use your knowIedge of the future to play the stock market? 253 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:28,070 We could make trillions. 254 00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:31,740 Why make trillions when we could make... 255 00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,326 ...billions? 256 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:38,246 A trilIion is more than a billion, numbnuts. 257 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,082 AIl right, zip it. 258 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:41,917 -You can't even-- -Zip it! 259 00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:43,543 Zip. 260 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,713 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-"zip it" A. 261 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:50,759 -Number Two, would you pIease--? -Look, l'm Zippy Longstocking. 262 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:54,179 [SlNGlNG] When a problem comes along You must zip it 263 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:55,514 [lMlTATES WHlP CRACKlNG] 264 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,182 Zip it good 265 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,350 Frau, would you--? 266 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,435 [SPEAKlNG lN FORElGN LANGUAGE] 267 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:02,896 Subtitle: Zip it. 268 00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,189 -l'm just trying-- -Zip! 269 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,775 Would you like to have a suckle of my zipple? 270 00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:08,735 -l want you-- Stop-- -Zip! Eh. 271 00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:09,986 -Zip it! Zip it! SCOTT: This-- 272 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,196 [DR. EVlL MUMBLlNG] 273 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,572 SCOTT: You know-- 274 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:13,782 You're like a child. 275 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:17,536 Talking-- lf you-- Just-- One time-- 276 00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,372 Zip it. Unveil the time portal. 277 00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:32,968 As you know... 278 00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:35,804 ...Austin Powers was frozen in 1967. 279 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:40,225 Therefore, I will traveI to 1969... 280 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,936 ...two years after he was frozen. 281 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,730 He'll be helpless. 282 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:49,443 Ladies and gentlemen, l'm about to travel through time. I bid you adieu. 283 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,154 [GRUNTS] 284 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,493 l'm okay. l'm okay. 285 00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:02,330 Not turned on, I suppose. Yeah. 286 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,332 Do you think you could...? 287 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:06,918 Yeah, thanks. 288 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,171 Come, Mini-Me! 289 00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:15,510 Don't be scared, Mini-Me. 290 00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,188 Ah. 291 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:30,442 Dr. Evil. Welcome to 1969. 292 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,736 Thank you, Number Two. 293 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:35,739 You look so healthy and youthful. 294 00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:37,073 Well, thank you. 295 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:41,661 FARBlSSlNA: Heil, doctor. -And Frau, you look so.... 296 00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:46,833 Right. 297 00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:50,545 You know, Dr. Evil, I received your memo from the future. 298 00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:52,714 Your new lair is up and running. 299 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,717 ls it a hollowed-out volcano, like I asked for? 300 00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:58,887 Of course. 301 00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,264 DR. EVlL: Good. 302 00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:04,392 Then it's all going perfectly to plan. 303 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,938 [CACKLlNG] 304 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,506 Yeah, baby, yeah! 305 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:41,972 When did you get the clapper? 306 00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:46,351 November, 1964. Dutch East lndies, shore leave. 307 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:49,354 Do you know how we keep warm in Russia? 308 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,605 [CHORTLES] 309 00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,607 l can guess, baby. 310 00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:53,900 We play chess. 311 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,111 l guessed wrong. 312 00:19:56,279 --> 00:20:00,532 lt takes a keen intellect to play chess, Mr. Powers. 313 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:04,870 l assume you know how to play. 314 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,788 [CHUCKLES] 315 00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:08,039 Of course, baby. 316 00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:11,626 [GASPS] 317 00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:31,146 What to do, what to do. 318 00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,041 [MAKES SQUlRTlNG NOlSE] 319 00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:04,346 Let me ask you a question. 320 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:06,681 And be honest. 321 00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:09,142 Do I make you horny, baby? 322 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:10,352 Do l? 323 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,771 Do I make you randy? 324 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,147 Yeah? 325 00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,026 No more games. 326 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:21,321 Dr. Evil sent me here to kilI you... 327 00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,198 ...but I find you so.... 328 00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,660 -Sexy and.... -Yes. Yes. 329 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:29,162 Just make love to me. 330 00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:32,791 Now, Austin Powerovich. Hurry. 331 00:21:34,502 --> 00:21:36,711 [lVANA GASPS] 332 00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:39,798 You are hairy, like animal! 333 00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:42,717 Grr, baby. Very grr. 334 00:21:42,885 --> 00:21:45,345 Make love to me, monkey man. 335 00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:52,227 Dr. Evil, I don't understand how we can hope to steal Austin Powers' mojo. 336 00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:54,062 We've tried this before. 337 00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,816 The security around Powers is foolproof. 338 00:21:58,192 --> 00:22:02,570 Ah, but this time we have an operative inside the Ministry of Defense. 339 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:03,822 RealIy? 340 00:22:04,907 --> 00:22:07,033 Yes, reaIly. 341 00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:12,247 He's steaIing Austin Powers' mojo even as we speak. 342 00:22:12,415 --> 00:22:13,581 RealIy? 343 00:22:15,710 --> 00:22:17,335 RealIy. 344 00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,880 He's a disgruntled Scottish guard... 345 00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:24,426 ...known for his lethal temper and his unusual eating habits. 346 00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:26,261 He weighs a metric ton. 347 00:22:26,429 --> 00:22:27,721 His name: 348 00:22:27,888 --> 00:22:30,098 Fat Bastard. 349 00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:36,104 We've had reports there's a spy in the Ministry of Defense. 350 00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:38,606 The contents of this room are vital to the country. 351 00:22:38,774 --> 00:22:41,192 Be on special alert. 352 00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:42,944 Yes, sir! 353 00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:46,614 And try to lose some weight, for God's sake. 354 00:22:47,074 --> 00:22:48,533 Yes, sir! 355 00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:54,456 Mr. English Colonel, telling me to Iose weight. 356 00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:58,126 Oh, l'm a hard case, he says. 357 00:22:58,294 --> 00:23:02,964 Well, Iisten up, sonny Jim, I ate a baby! 358 00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:04,299 Oh, aye. 359 00:23:04,467 --> 00:23:07,469 Baby: The other Other White Meat. 360 00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:10,472 Baby: lt's what's for dinner. 361 00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:23,651 [LAUGHlNG] 362 00:23:35,539 --> 00:23:38,958 Oh, l've got your mojo now, sonny Jim! 363 00:23:41,796 --> 00:23:44,839 -What's wrong? -Crikey! 364 00:23:45,007 --> 00:23:47,675 l've lost my mojo. 365 00:23:51,472 --> 00:23:55,141 BASlL: Austin, the test results confirm that you've lost your mojo. 366 00:23:55,309 --> 00:23:57,644 And it couldn't come at a worse time. 367 00:23:57,812 --> 00:24:01,689 We have evidence that Dr. Evil has developed a time machine... 368 00:24:01,857 --> 00:24:04,818 ...and has traveIed back to the year 1969. 369 00:24:05,319 --> 00:24:08,113 Luckily, we too have developed a time-travel device... 370 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,491 ...to transport you back to the '60s. 371 00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:16,162 This is where you input your destination. 372 00:24:16,330 --> 00:24:19,833 Wait a tick. Basil, if I travel back to 1969... 373 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,668 ...and I was frozen in 1967... 374 00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:24,170 ...presumably, l couId go visit my frozen self. 375 00:24:24,338 --> 00:24:26,965 But if l'm stiIl frozen in 1967... 376 00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:29,884 ...how could I have been unthawed in the '90s and traveIed-- 377 00:24:30,052 --> 00:24:32,011 Oh, no, l've gone cross-eyed. 378 00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:36,558 l suggest you don't worry about this sort of thing and just enjoy yourself. 379 00:24:36,725 --> 00:24:40,228 -That goes for you all too. -Yes. 380 00:24:40,396 --> 00:24:41,896 This is smashing, Basil. 381 00:24:42,064 --> 00:24:48,820 l'll go back to the '60s, recharge my mojo, defeat Dr. Evil and be back in time for tea. 382 00:24:48,988 --> 00:24:51,906 Swinging '60s, here I come, baby, yeah! 383 00:24:52,074 --> 00:24:53,533 Move! Move! 384 00:24:53,701 --> 00:24:55,285 Move! 385 00:24:57,079 --> 00:24:58,746 No, Austin, no! No! 386 00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:00,498 Sorry. 387 00:25:00,666 --> 00:25:03,126 -l bet that's expensive. MAN 1: Quite aIl right. 388 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,088 AUSTlN: Oh, sorry, here we go. MAN 2: Yes, yes. 389 00:25:07,256 --> 00:25:08,298 MAN 3: Almost. -Sorry! 390 00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:09,799 MAN 4: Easy, easy. 391 00:25:09,967 --> 00:25:11,634 God damn barrels, Austin. 392 00:25:11,802 --> 00:25:14,179 Yeah, see, here we go, here we go. AIl right. 393 00:25:14,346 --> 00:25:16,598 Yeah, baby, yeah! 394 00:25:17,933 --> 00:25:20,101 Godspeed, Austin Powers. 395 00:25:30,112 --> 00:25:33,656 [STEPPENWOLF'S "MAGlC CARPET RlDE" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] 396 00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:40,914 l'm home. 397 00:25:50,799 --> 00:25:52,300 Austin Powers! 398 00:25:52,468 --> 00:25:55,178 -Austin Powers? -Yes. 399 00:25:56,222 --> 00:26:00,266 l'm back in the '60s, baby, yeah! 400 00:26:04,021 --> 00:26:05,563 Yeah, all right, there you are. 401 00:26:14,365 --> 00:26:16,074 Yeah! 402 00:26:18,827 --> 00:26:23,331 Hey, hey, hey. Get your hands off my heinie, baby. 403 00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:44,811 Who are you today, baby? 404 00:26:46,021 --> 00:26:48,356 My name is Robin Swallows. 405 00:26:48,524 --> 00:26:51,192 Swallows. That's an interesting name. 406 00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:53,945 Maiden name is Spitz. 407 00:26:54,113 --> 00:26:56,698 Well, which is it, baby? Spitz or Swallows? 408 00:27:01,203 --> 00:27:05,665 [THE GUESS WHO'S "AMERlCAN WOMAN" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] 409 00:27:20,222 --> 00:27:21,264 [GROWLS] 410 00:27:45,581 --> 00:27:49,709 Those are skintight. How do you get into those pants, baby? 411 00:27:49,877 --> 00:27:52,003 You can start by buying me a drink. 412 00:27:58,177 --> 00:28:00,261 Hm. Nuh-uh-uh-uh. 413 00:28:03,265 --> 00:28:05,516 l want. I want. 414 00:28:24,453 --> 00:28:27,872 You better play it cool. Your friend works for Dr. Evil. 415 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,793 And just who do you work for, baby? 416 00:28:34,755 --> 00:28:36,964 ROBlN: Tell me, Mr. Powers. 417 00:28:37,466 --> 00:28:38,716 Do you swing? 418 00:28:38,884 --> 00:28:40,635 Are you kidding, baby? 419 00:28:40,803 --> 00:28:44,347 l put the "grr" in "swinger," baby! 420 00:28:45,057 --> 00:28:47,809 Then why don't you come right... 421 00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:49,644 ...over...here. 422 00:28:49,812 --> 00:28:51,437 Okay, I could do that. 423 00:28:53,148 --> 00:28:54,524 Easy. 424 00:28:54,691 --> 00:28:55,733 Cheeky. 425 00:29:03,033 --> 00:29:05,451 [WOMEN SCREAMlNG] 426 00:29:06,161 --> 00:29:08,579 Prepare to die, Powers! 427 00:29:10,457 --> 00:29:11,916 Use the machine gun! 428 00:29:20,467 --> 00:29:21,676 [GUN CLlCKS EMPTY] 429 00:29:21,844 --> 00:29:24,178 Say goodbye, Powers! 430 00:29:26,265 --> 00:29:28,641 Use the bazooka! 431 00:29:29,810 --> 00:29:33,271 No! 432 00:29:36,650 --> 00:29:38,192 [SCREAMlNG] 433 00:29:40,737 --> 00:29:44,657 The fall will kill us both, Powers! 434 00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:56,169 You can't win, Powers. 435 00:29:58,297 --> 00:30:00,590 Why won't you die? 436 00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:05,845 [HORN HONKlNG] 437 00:30:06,013 --> 00:30:07,054 Care for a ride? 438 00:30:11,435 --> 00:30:14,061 AUSTlN: Go! Go! Go! 439 00:30:14,229 --> 00:30:16,105 Go! 440 00:30:19,359 --> 00:30:21,235 Austin Powers, I presume. 441 00:30:21,403 --> 00:30:22,945 Powers by name... 442 00:30:23,113 --> 00:30:26,157 ...Powers by reputation. 443 00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:28,367 Felicity Shagwell, ClA. 444 00:30:28,535 --> 00:30:32,413 Shagwell by name, Shag-very-welI by reputation. 445 00:30:32,581 --> 00:30:34,123 Oh, behave. 446 00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:37,835 Not if I can help it. 447 00:30:40,297 --> 00:30:43,633 Yes. Ooh. 448 00:30:50,182 --> 00:30:51,516 You know what's remarkable... 449 00:30:51,683 --> 00:30:56,270 ...is how much England looks in no way like southern California. 450 00:31:13,163 --> 00:31:14,247 Crikey! 451 00:31:14,414 --> 00:31:17,291 We've got company. lt looks like one of Dr. Evil's assassins. 452 00:31:27,302 --> 00:31:28,928 [SCREAMlNG] 453 00:31:40,482 --> 00:31:42,149 AUSTlN: Steady now. Steady. 454 00:31:42,317 --> 00:31:44,068 Hands up. 455 00:31:45,028 --> 00:31:47,572 Do you remember me, Austin Powers? 456 00:31:47,990 --> 00:31:54,161 l don't recalI your name, but your fez is familiar. 457 00:31:57,666 --> 00:31:59,792 My name is Mustafa. 458 00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:02,795 And l'm the man who will be killing you now. 459 00:32:02,963 --> 00:32:04,338 [YELLlNG] 460 00:32:16,226 --> 00:32:17,310 Who sent you? 461 00:32:17,477 --> 00:32:18,603 You'll have to kill me. 462 00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:20,104 Who sent you? 463 00:32:20,272 --> 00:32:22,023 Kiss my ass, Powers. 464 00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:23,524 Who sent you? 465 00:32:23,859 --> 00:32:25,693 Dr. Evil. 466 00:32:27,029 --> 00:32:29,363 -That was easy. -That was easy. 467 00:32:29,531 --> 00:32:31,032 Why did you tell us? 468 00:32:31,199 --> 00:32:33,743 l can't stand to be asked the same question three times. 469 00:32:33,910 --> 00:32:35,286 lt just irritates me. 470 00:32:35,454 --> 00:32:37,371 Where is Dr. Evil hiding? 471 00:32:37,539 --> 00:32:40,583 Why wouId he tell me? l'm just one of his low-level functionaries. 472 00:32:40,751 --> 00:32:44,378 -Where is Dr. Evil hiding? -You'll have to torture me. I'll never tell. 473 00:32:44,546 --> 00:32:48,007 -Where's Dr. EviI hiding? -Damn. Three times. 474 00:32:48,342 --> 00:32:51,177 He's hiding in the secret volcano lair. 475 00:32:51,345 --> 00:32:54,513 Where's Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair? 476 00:32:55,557 --> 00:32:57,224 l spit at that question! 477 00:32:57,392 --> 00:33:00,061 Do I reaIly have to ask you two more times? 478 00:33:00,228 --> 00:33:01,687 Go to hell, Powers. 479 00:33:02,314 --> 00:33:03,689 Fine. 480 00:33:03,857 --> 00:33:08,903 Where is Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair? 481 00:33:09,071 --> 00:33:11,906 -l will take it to the grave with me! -Aha! 482 00:33:12,074 --> 00:33:13,991 You have to answer. He asked three times. 483 00:33:14,159 --> 00:33:16,077 No, no, no. 484 00:33:16,703 --> 00:33:20,081 The second question was, "Do l really have to ask you two more times?" 485 00:33:20,499 --> 00:33:23,417 That would be the first question in a new line of questioning... 486 00:33:23,585 --> 00:33:26,170 ...and wouldn't count in the other line of questioning. 487 00:33:26,338 --> 00:33:27,588 Yeah, he's right. 488 00:33:27,756 --> 00:33:29,924 l'm just trying to get information from you. 489 00:33:30,092 --> 00:33:33,386 l don't need any consistency in the questions, do l? 490 00:33:33,553 --> 00:33:36,514 No, no. You're preaching to the converted. l-- Uh! 491 00:33:36,682 --> 00:33:38,641 Well, if l'm preaching to the converted... 492 00:33:38,809 --> 00:33:41,727 ...why are you being so sIavish to the three-question form? 493 00:33:41,895 --> 00:33:44,939 You're not even looking at me, man. Now you're just being rude. 494 00:33:45,107 --> 00:33:46,774 You're not listening, man. 495 00:33:46,942 --> 00:33:48,776 [SCREAMlNG] 496 00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:51,278 [THUDS] 497 00:33:51,446 --> 00:33:53,280 Oh, crikey. 498 00:33:56,952 --> 00:34:00,287 Well, Austin, I think this time you may have finalIy met your match. 499 00:34:00,455 --> 00:34:01,872 Oh, no, baby. 500 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,418 l've beaten Dr. Evil before, and I'll beat him again. 501 00:34:05,585 --> 00:34:07,545 l was talking about me. 502 00:34:12,509 --> 00:34:13,509 [AUSTlN LAUGHS] 503 00:34:13,677 --> 00:34:15,302 AUSTlN: Yeah. 504 00:34:15,721 --> 00:34:19,265 MUSTAFA: Hello, up there. l seem to have fallen down a cliff. 505 00:34:19,433 --> 00:34:22,101 l'm still alive, but l'm very badly injured. 506 00:34:22,269 --> 00:34:25,187 l think my legs might be broken, but I'll try to stand up. 507 00:34:25,355 --> 00:34:26,689 [CRACKlNG AND GROANlNG] 508 00:34:26,857 --> 00:34:28,357 Yes, they are broken. 509 00:34:28,525 --> 00:34:32,319 Perhaps you could toss me a Band-Aid or some antibacterial cream. 510 00:34:32,487 --> 00:34:36,240 l'm in an extraordinarily large amount of pain. 511 00:34:36,408 --> 00:34:40,995 The bone has gone through the skin. l fear it might be gangrenous. 512 00:34:41,163 --> 00:34:45,499 The wound is beginning to smell a little like almonds, which is not good. 513 00:34:45,667 --> 00:34:46,876 PIease? 514 00:34:47,210 --> 00:34:48,419 No one? 515 00:34:48,587 --> 00:34:50,171 -Sorry. -l'll try the other leg. 516 00:34:50,338 --> 00:34:51,756 [CRACKlNG AND GROANlNG] 517 00:34:55,969 --> 00:34:57,303 [HORN HONKlNG] 518 00:34:57,471 --> 00:35:01,015 Two of my assassins are dead. l will not toIerate failure. 519 00:35:01,183 --> 00:35:05,853 l'm the man who will maintain the dignity of this evil organization. 520 00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:08,022 What the hell was that? 521 00:35:08,190 --> 00:35:09,982 FARBlSSlNA: Volcanic eruption! 522 00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:23,496 May I present to you my spy in the Ministry of Defense: 523 00:35:24,539 --> 00:35:26,791 Fat Bastard. 524 00:35:27,876 --> 00:35:31,003 First things first. Where's your shitter? 525 00:35:31,171 --> 00:35:34,548 l've got a turtle head poking out. 526 00:35:35,550 --> 00:35:36,717 Charming. 527 00:35:37,219 --> 00:35:38,677 l'm not kidding. 528 00:35:38,845 --> 00:35:42,932 l got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. 529 00:35:43,558 --> 00:35:45,684 lt's squidgey. 530 00:35:46,937 --> 00:35:50,189 Christ, l'm getting all emotional from it, you know? 531 00:35:51,233 --> 00:35:52,733 Right.... 532 00:35:52,901 --> 00:35:56,570 Fat Bastard, could I have my mojo, please? 533 00:35:56,738 --> 00:35:58,572 Where's my money? 534 00:35:58,740 --> 00:36:01,033 DR. EVlL: AIl right, give him his money. 535 00:36:03,620 --> 00:36:06,747 Jesus Christ, he's tiny. 536 00:36:07,207 --> 00:36:10,835 l've had bigger chunks of corn in my crap. 537 00:36:12,212 --> 00:36:14,338 Wait a minute. 538 00:36:14,923 --> 00:36:17,550 He kind of Iooks Iike a baby. 539 00:36:17,717 --> 00:36:20,594 Come here, l'm gonna eat you! 540 00:36:20,762 --> 00:36:23,806 l'm bigger than you, l'm higher on the food chain. 541 00:36:23,974 --> 00:36:26,100 Get in my belly! 542 00:36:26,268 --> 00:36:28,227 Come on! 543 00:36:29,396 --> 00:36:31,105 You're lucky, wee man! 544 00:36:32,691 --> 00:36:34,316 Can I have a hug? 545 00:36:35,527 --> 00:36:36,777 Dr. Evil. 546 00:36:37,529 --> 00:36:39,905 Let me make you a deal, alI right? 547 00:36:40,073 --> 00:36:42,616 You get the mojo, you keep your money... 548 00:36:42,784 --> 00:36:45,286 ...and I'll get your baby. 549 00:36:47,289 --> 00:36:50,040 Right.... 550 00:36:50,292 --> 00:36:53,627 [SINGlNG] I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs 551 00:36:53,795 --> 00:36:57,590 I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs 552 00:36:57,757 --> 00:36:59,133 Excuse me. 553 00:36:59,301 --> 00:37:03,137 Chili, baby back ribs 554 00:37:03,305 --> 00:37:06,724 Dr. Evil, what are we going to do about Powers? 555 00:37:06,892 --> 00:37:10,728 Austin Powers is no longer a threat to me. 556 00:37:10,896 --> 00:37:13,564 l have his mojo. 557 00:37:13,732 --> 00:37:15,482 [CACKLES] 558 00:37:50,018 --> 00:37:53,520 AIl right, everyone. You're dismissed. 559 00:37:54,022 --> 00:37:56,231 Private time. 560 00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:31,225 Dr. Evil, I don't want this to interfere with our work. 561 00:38:31,393 --> 00:38:33,560 Don't worry, mama. 562 00:38:33,728 --> 00:38:36,146 Things won't get weird. 563 00:38:44,406 --> 00:38:46,407 One for me. 564 00:38:48,576 --> 00:38:50,828 And one for my homeys. 565 00:38:52,914 --> 00:38:54,248 Herr Doctor . 566 00:39:01,464 --> 00:39:03,090 [lN GERMAN] 567 00:39:24,112 --> 00:39:25,571 Hello. 568 00:39:25,739 --> 00:39:27,489 So, what happened here? 569 00:39:27,657 --> 00:39:29,783 Apparently a rogue agent named Fat Bastard... 570 00:39:29,951 --> 00:39:32,536 ...infiItrated the unit assigned to guard your chamber. 571 00:39:32,704 --> 00:39:36,373 He used some sort of nerve gas. These men don't remember a thing. 572 00:39:36,541 --> 00:39:40,961 Captain, crosscheck Fat Bastard's profile with the mainframe at Langley. 573 00:39:41,129 --> 00:39:43,255 -Yes, ma'am. AUSTlN: Can I borrow that, please? 574 00:39:43,423 --> 00:39:45,799 Thank you. Yes, Austin, yes, yes. 575 00:39:45,967 --> 00:39:49,136 Look at me. l'm a sexy bitch, baby, yeah. 576 00:39:49,304 --> 00:39:50,804 You're a popsicle, yes. 577 00:39:51,181 --> 00:39:53,474 Yes. No! No! 578 00:39:53,641 --> 00:39:55,476 And l'm spent. 579 00:39:55,643 --> 00:39:57,978 Let's go, baby. Yeah! 580 00:40:02,609 --> 00:40:03,901 Hey there. How are you? 581 00:40:16,831 --> 00:40:18,999 Come on, Felicity, come on. 582 00:40:48,988 --> 00:40:50,697 Yeah, babe! Whoo! 583 00:40:50,865 --> 00:40:52,658 Yeah! Whoo! 584 00:40:52,826 --> 00:40:55,202 -Shall we sit down? Yeah. -Yeah. 585 00:40:55,370 --> 00:40:58,664 AUSTlN: This is great. -Groovy. 586 00:40:59,874 --> 00:41:02,668 So, Austin, what's the future like? 587 00:41:02,836 --> 00:41:05,754 Well, everyone has a flying car... 588 00:41:05,922 --> 00:41:08,298 ...entire meals come in pill form... 589 00:41:08,466 --> 00:41:12,219 ...and the Earth is ruIed by damned dirty apes! 590 00:41:12,679 --> 00:41:13,720 Oh, my God. 591 00:41:14,264 --> 00:41:15,722 Had you for a second. 592 00:41:17,392 --> 00:41:19,560 You can have me for even longer, if you want. 593 00:41:20,478 --> 00:41:23,730 You're one groovy baby... 594 00:41:25,233 --> 00:41:26,358 ...baby. 595 00:41:28,069 --> 00:41:30,445 Too many "babys." 596 00:41:31,281 --> 00:41:34,241 Don't you dare move. 597 00:41:36,828 --> 00:41:42,166 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacharach and Mr. Elvis CosteIlo. 598 00:41:45,879 --> 00:41:49,089 [SlNGlNG] What do you get when you fall in love? 599 00:41:49,757 --> 00:41:52,050 A guy with a pin to burst your bubble 600 00:41:52,218 --> 00:41:54,094 -WouId you care to dance? -l'd love to. 601 00:41:54,262 --> 00:41:57,055 That's what you get for all your trouble 602 00:41:57,223 --> 00:42:08,609 I'll never fall in love again 603 00:42:10,278 --> 00:42:15,115 Don't tell me what it's all about 604 00:42:15,283 --> 00:42:19,203 Because I've been there And I'm glad I'm out 605 00:42:19,370 --> 00:42:22,998 Out of those chains Those chains that bind you 606 00:42:23,166 --> 00:42:27,044 -That is why I'm here to remind you -Ooh! 607 00:42:27,212 --> 00:42:30,547 What do you get when you fall in love 608 00:42:30,715 --> 00:42:34,468 You only get lies and pain and sorrow 609 00:42:34,636 --> 00:42:38,263 So for at least until tomorrow 610 00:42:38,431 --> 00:42:52,527 I'll never fall in love again 611 00:42:52,695 --> 00:42:54,613 You're quite good on your feet. 612 00:42:54,781 --> 00:42:57,157 l'm even better off my feet. 613 00:43:10,296 --> 00:43:12,297 Oh, behave, baby. 614 00:43:18,888 --> 00:43:19,930 -Hi. -Hi. 615 00:43:20,098 --> 00:43:21,848 Hi there. 616 00:43:23,393 --> 00:43:26,186 -How are things? -Good, Herr Doctor. And you? 617 00:43:26,354 --> 00:43:29,147 Great. 618 00:43:29,315 --> 00:43:31,358 Just taking a break? 619 00:43:32,443 --> 00:43:35,779 Try the Hot Pockets. They're breathtaking. 620 00:43:39,033 --> 00:43:40,909 -lt got weird, didn't it? -Yeah. 621 00:43:41,077 --> 00:43:42,619 l knew it. 622 00:43:43,162 --> 00:43:44,788 You haven't caIled. 623 00:43:44,956 --> 00:43:46,206 Look, we talked about this. 624 00:43:46,374 --> 00:43:49,126 We promised each other it wouldn't get weird. 625 00:43:49,294 --> 00:43:52,629 l can't let my feelings for you interfere with my taking over the world. 626 00:43:52,797 --> 00:43:54,214 You know that. 627 00:43:54,382 --> 00:43:57,718 You know, I will never love another man. 628 00:43:59,721 --> 00:44:01,138 Yes, that's true. 629 00:44:01,681 --> 00:44:03,181 Yeah. 630 00:44:04,726 --> 00:44:07,144 Dr. Evil, l'm late. 631 00:44:07,312 --> 00:44:09,688 -No, you got here right on time. -No. 632 00:44:09,856 --> 00:44:13,650 l mean l'm late. 633 00:44:20,700 --> 00:44:22,242 SCOTT: Dad. 634 00:44:22,869 --> 00:44:24,328 Scott. 635 00:44:25,038 --> 00:44:26,413 Hey there, sport. 636 00:44:27,290 --> 00:44:28,623 What are you doing here? 637 00:44:28,791 --> 00:44:32,461 l was just thinking that maybe we can work all this out. 638 00:44:32,628 --> 00:44:35,255 After all, you are my father. 639 00:44:35,423 --> 00:44:39,551 Scott, you had your chance, okay? 640 00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:42,054 l already had someone created in my image. 641 00:44:42,221 --> 00:44:44,264 He's eviI, he wants to take over the world... 642 00:44:44,432 --> 00:44:47,851 ...and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins. 643 00:44:48,561 --> 00:44:49,603 SCOTT: Him? DR. EVlL: Yes. 644 00:44:49,771 --> 00:44:51,646 Look at him. He's crazy. 645 00:44:51,814 --> 00:44:54,608 He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. 646 00:44:56,402 --> 00:44:58,236 He'll kill me the first chance he gets. 647 00:44:58,404 --> 00:44:59,738 Probably. 648 00:45:00,948 --> 00:45:03,784 l love you. 649 00:45:12,293 --> 00:45:16,046 l am a sexy bitch, yes. 650 00:45:16,214 --> 00:45:19,633 Felicity, make yourself at home, baby. 651 00:45:19,801 --> 00:45:21,927 What do you think of my shag pad, darling? 652 00:45:22,095 --> 00:45:24,388 lt's amazing, Austin. 653 00:45:28,434 --> 00:45:30,227 Wait a tick. 654 00:45:35,900 --> 00:45:38,860 That's how my mojo was stolen. Fat Bastard. 655 00:45:39,570 --> 00:45:41,154 Uh-oh. 656 00:45:41,322 --> 00:45:45,784 She's a professional agent. She's not interested in shagging. 657 00:45:45,952 --> 00:45:49,496 PIease, God. Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch. 658 00:45:49,664 --> 00:45:52,499 FELlClTY: Austin, l'm waiting. 659 00:45:58,714 --> 00:46:01,967 How about one of your world-famous massages? 660 00:46:02,802 --> 00:46:06,346 You mean a sensual massage? 661 00:46:06,848 --> 00:46:10,684 Right, then. Okay.... 662 00:46:11,060 --> 00:46:12,769 Here we go. Yes. 663 00:46:12,937 --> 00:46:14,855 Yes. 664 00:46:18,276 --> 00:46:21,361 Oh, wait a minute. Something's itching me. 665 00:46:22,530 --> 00:46:24,030 That's better. 666 00:46:24,198 --> 00:46:25,824 Crikey! 667 00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:36,126 How does that feel, baby? 668 00:46:36,294 --> 00:46:37,794 Lower. 669 00:46:38,171 --> 00:46:40,922 How does that feel, baby? 670 00:46:42,133 --> 00:46:43,216 What? 671 00:46:43,384 --> 00:46:46,052 You don't have to be cute with me. We're way past that. 672 00:46:46,971 --> 00:46:48,013 We are? 673 00:46:48,598 --> 00:46:50,307 What do you think? 674 00:46:51,684 --> 00:46:53,560 Listen, Felicity... 675 00:46:55,021 --> 00:46:56,480 ...l'm sorry. 676 00:46:57,398 --> 00:46:59,065 l can't do this. 677 00:47:00,568 --> 00:47:01,860 l have to go. 678 00:47:06,073 --> 00:47:07,199 ls it me? 679 00:47:09,285 --> 00:47:11,244 l can't explain. 680 00:47:19,420 --> 00:47:21,755 [BEEPlNG] 681 00:47:22,715 --> 00:47:25,425 Hello, Agent Shagwell. Where's Austin? 682 00:47:25,593 --> 00:47:28,678 l must've said something wrong, so he just left all of a sudden. 683 00:47:29,263 --> 00:47:33,683 Listen, Felicity. I don't want you getting too close to Austin. 684 00:47:33,851 --> 00:47:36,061 It's not meant to be. 685 00:47:36,229 --> 00:47:38,146 l don't get too close to anybody, BasiI. 686 00:47:38,314 --> 00:47:41,566 -My interest is purely professional. -Good. 687 00:47:41,734 --> 00:47:44,444 Then you won't mind tracking down Fat Bastard tonight. 688 00:47:44,612 --> 00:47:45,612 No problem. 689 00:47:45,780 --> 00:47:50,325 We need you to plant this homing device on him by any means necessary. 690 00:47:50,493 --> 00:47:51,618 No problem. 691 00:47:51,953 --> 00:47:53,745 Keep up the good work. 692 00:47:53,913 --> 00:47:57,624 Remember, by any means necessary. 693 00:48:15,101 --> 00:48:16,643 Look at yourself. 694 00:48:17,353 --> 00:48:20,146 You used to be so virile. 695 00:48:21,148 --> 00:48:23,441 You were a swinger, man. 696 00:48:24,193 --> 00:48:26,570 And now you're nothing. 697 00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:31,157 But at least it can't get any worse. 698 00:48:31,576 --> 00:48:34,160 Well, surprise, surprise, huh? 699 00:48:34,328 --> 00:48:36,621 Look at that meal. 700 00:48:36,789 --> 00:48:38,540 l'm dead sexy. 701 00:48:38,708 --> 00:48:41,334 Look at my sexy body. 702 00:48:41,502 --> 00:48:42,669 Oh, yeah. 703 00:48:42,837 --> 00:48:45,130 Oh, look, l'm like a singer. 704 00:48:45,298 --> 00:48:48,341 [SlNGlNG] Sexy man, sexy man 705 00:48:48,509 --> 00:48:51,261 Eating like a sexy man can 706 00:48:51,429 --> 00:48:52,762 By the way... 707 00:48:52,930 --> 00:48:55,140 ...would you like some chicken? l've got more. 708 00:48:55,308 --> 00:48:56,683 No, thanks. 709 00:48:57,518 --> 00:49:00,562 Let's see, what have we got here? l'm done with that. 710 00:49:00,730 --> 00:49:02,355 AIl right. 711 00:49:03,232 --> 00:49:05,025 AIl right, then. 712 00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:06,693 l'll just put this down here. 713 00:49:11,657 --> 00:49:14,701 Remember, by any means necessary. 714 00:49:14,869 --> 00:49:16,536 Must've eaten them already. 715 00:49:17,371 --> 00:49:18,663 Ooh! 716 00:49:19,707 --> 00:49:22,125 Frisky, are we? 717 00:49:23,169 --> 00:49:24,461 -Give it up! -Ah! 718 00:49:25,296 --> 00:49:30,050 Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to begin phase two of our evil project. 719 00:49:30,217 --> 00:49:32,886 Or is it phase...? I don't know phases. 720 00:49:33,054 --> 00:49:38,725 Anyways, this is the phase in which we put a giant "laser" on the moon. 721 00:49:38,893 --> 00:49:43,647 As you know, the moon rotates around the Earth, like so: 722 00:49:49,737 --> 00:49:53,573 When the moon reaches its appropriate lunar alignment... 723 00:49:53,741 --> 00:49:56,576 ...it will destroy Washington, D.C. 724 00:49:57,078 --> 00:50:01,498 You see, l've turned the moon into what I like to calI... 725 00:50:01,666 --> 00:50:03,875 ...a "death star." 726 00:50:04,168 --> 00:50:05,543 [LAUGHS] 727 00:50:06,128 --> 00:50:08,380 -What? -Nothing, Darth. 728 00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:09,714 What did you call me? 729 00:50:09,882 --> 00:50:12,092 No, nothing. Rip-off! 730 00:50:13,594 --> 00:50:14,886 BIess you. 731 00:50:15,054 --> 00:50:17,847 Anyways, the key to this plan is the giant laser. 732 00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:21,851 lt was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist Dr. Parsons. 733 00:50:22,019 --> 00:50:26,648 Therefore we shall caIl it "the Alan Parsons Project." 734 00:50:26,816 --> 00:50:29,109 Oh, my God. 735 00:50:29,610 --> 00:50:30,610 What now? 736 00:50:30,778 --> 00:50:34,948 The AIan Parsons Project is a progressive rock band in 1982. 737 00:50:35,116 --> 00:50:38,743 Why don't you just call it "Operation Wang Chung," ass. 738 00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:40,704 -Well, what should we...? SCOTT: Nothing. 739 00:50:40,871 --> 00:50:43,206 l'm sure "Operation Bananarama" will be huge. 740 00:50:43,374 --> 00:50:44,958 -What are you saying? -lf you-- 741 00:50:45,126 --> 00:50:46,876 -Shh! -Trying to be hip-- 742 00:50:47,044 --> 00:50:49,129 Www.Ssh.com. 743 00:50:49,296 --> 00:50:52,048 -Dot-org. -You're so-- 744 00:50:52,216 --> 00:50:55,885 Dr. Evil, if we could put aside the famiIy squabbling for a moment... 745 00:50:56,053 --> 00:50:58,972 ...l think we can get down to some serious business here. 746 00:50:59,140 --> 00:51:00,724 -Really? -Yeah. 747 00:51:00,891 --> 00:51:02,642 l don't like that insolent tone. 748 00:51:02,810 --> 00:51:04,310 NUMBER TWO: I meant nothing by it. DR. EVlL: No, no. 749 00:51:04,478 --> 00:51:07,689 -You want to run things here? ls that it? -No, not at all. 750 00:51:07,857 --> 00:51:10,400 You wanna be daddy? ls that it, Number Two? 751 00:51:10,568 --> 00:51:12,152 You wanna wear the daddy pants? 752 00:51:12,319 --> 00:51:15,113 -Are you gonna cry? Are you gonna cry? -l don't think so. 753 00:51:15,281 --> 00:51:18,324 -You gonna cry? You gonna cry? -What are you--? 754 00:51:18,951 --> 00:51:20,660 Are you gonna squirt some? Are you gonna cry? 755 00:51:20,828 --> 00:51:22,120 [CRYlNG] 756 00:51:22,288 --> 00:51:24,998 Yeah, see? You're gonna cry, huh? You're a big man now, huh? Yeah. 757 00:51:25,166 --> 00:51:27,000 Thought so. 758 00:51:48,189 --> 00:51:49,564 Felicity. 759 00:51:49,732 --> 00:51:50,774 Austin. 760 00:51:50,941 --> 00:51:53,193 About what happened last night.... 761 00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:56,112 -That's okay. You don't have to explain. -No, no, no. 762 00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:58,281 You don't understand. You see... 763 00:52:00,409 --> 00:52:02,660 ...l've lost my mojo. 764 00:52:04,371 --> 00:52:06,873 -So that's why you...? -Yes, yes. 765 00:52:09,001 --> 00:52:10,710 l thought you didn't like me. 766 00:52:10,878 --> 00:52:13,963 Oh, no, baby. You're very shagadelic. 767 00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:16,049 l just didn't wanna fall in love again... 768 00:52:16,217 --> 00:52:19,219 ...and I thought you'd never love me without my mojo. 769 00:52:19,386 --> 00:52:21,387 lt's not you. You're fab. 770 00:52:21,555 --> 00:52:25,683 You're switched on. You're a bit of aIl right, yes. 771 00:52:26,393 --> 00:52:30,230 That is so great. There's something I shouId telI you too. 772 00:52:30,397 --> 00:52:33,358 Last night, I planted a homing device on Fat Bastard. 773 00:52:33,526 --> 00:52:37,153 Smashing, baby. Then we can track down Fat Bastard, get my mojo... 774 00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:41,741 ...go back to my place, hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. 775 00:52:41,909 --> 00:52:45,453 But there's more. ln order to get close to Fat Bastard, I had to-- 776 00:52:45,621 --> 00:52:49,582 Oh! Hello, hello. The signal's coming through. He's at Paddington Station. 777 00:52:49,750 --> 00:52:51,584 Let's go! 778 00:52:53,712 --> 00:52:55,046 AUSTlN: We're close, baby. 779 00:52:55,214 --> 00:52:58,925 FELlClTY: This way. Straight. No, no, left. Through here. 780 00:53:01,804 --> 00:53:04,556 We've got him. Private, bring up the ram. 781 00:53:09,645 --> 00:53:11,229 Go, go, go! 782 00:53:11,397 --> 00:53:13,022 MAN: Where is he? 783 00:53:13,899 --> 00:53:15,608 Oh, my God! 784 00:53:15,776 --> 00:53:18,611 Fat Bastard left a floater! 785 00:53:18,779 --> 00:53:23,950 ln the name of all things sacred, that is the most foul-smelling thing ever! 786 00:53:24,118 --> 00:53:25,785 Somebody flush it down. 787 00:53:25,953 --> 00:53:27,370 No, no. Nobody touch anything. 788 00:53:27,538 --> 00:53:30,331 We have to get this sample to the lab to be analyzed. 789 00:53:31,917 --> 00:53:33,835 l'm gonna get it. 790 00:53:41,927 --> 00:53:45,388 Austin, there you are. Has the sample been analyzed? 791 00:53:45,556 --> 00:53:50,310 Cor, baby. You look very shagadelic, yeah. 792 00:53:50,477 --> 00:53:55,607 But do we really have to be here, Felicity? l mean, it's so boring. 793 00:53:55,774 --> 00:53:57,734 l don't believe in science. 794 00:53:57,902 --> 00:54:00,820 When it comes to the spy game... 795 00:54:00,988 --> 00:54:02,780 ...to me, it's all instinct. 796 00:54:07,745 --> 00:54:09,746 BASlL: Hello, everybody. -Hello, BasiI. 797 00:54:09,914 --> 00:54:11,831 The results are in. 798 00:54:11,999 --> 00:54:14,834 We've discovered trace elements of a rare vegetable... 799 00:54:15,002 --> 00:54:18,630 ...found only on one isIand, here, in the Caribbean. 800 00:54:18,797 --> 00:54:20,048 Whoop-dee-doo! 801 00:54:20,215 --> 00:54:22,842 What does it all mean, Basil? 802 00:54:23,010 --> 00:54:28,056 lt means that this is the location of Dr. Evil's lair. 803 00:54:28,223 --> 00:54:30,099 Smashing, Basil. 804 00:54:30,267 --> 00:54:31,643 Cor. 805 00:54:31,810 --> 00:54:34,520 This coffee smells like shit. 806 00:54:37,107 --> 00:54:39,317 lt is shit, Austin. 807 00:54:40,027 --> 00:54:42,695 Oh, good, then it's not just me. 808 00:54:47,201 --> 00:54:48,618 lt's a bit nutty. 809 00:54:48,786 --> 00:54:51,579 [PEOPLE GROANlNG] 810 00:54:59,213 --> 00:55:00,797 Excuse me, Dr. Evil. 811 00:55:00,965 --> 00:55:03,967 l have to speak to you about this Mini-Me. 812 00:55:04,134 --> 00:55:05,385 DR. EVlL: He's not fitting in? 813 00:55:05,552 --> 00:55:08,721 ls he giving off too much of a creepy Oompa-Loompa vibe? 814 00:55:08,889 --> 00:55:10,473 NUMBER TWO: No, it's just that... 815 00:55:10,641 --> 00:55:12,183 ...he bites. 816 00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:16,229 He's a biter. 817 00:55:19,191 --> 00:55:21,109 What's wrong, Mini-Me? 818 00:55:21,276 --> 00:55:23,403 Something you wanna tell us? 819 00:55:24,947 --> 00:55:27,740 Teething. Yeah. 820 00:55:28,158 --> 00:55:31,661 Get me the president of the United States of America! 821 00:55:32,705 --> 00:55:36,040 MAN: He's on, he's on. -What do you want, Dr. EviI? 822 00:55:36,208 --> 00:55:38,209 Mr. President, in 12 hours... 823 00:55:38,419 --> 00:55:42,672 ...I will destroy Washington, D.C. with this giant "laser." 824 00:55:44,091 --> 00:55:46,426 What the--? Jesus. 825 00:55:47,469 --> 00:55:48,803 DR. EVlL: Mini-Me. 826 00:55:48,971 --> 00:55:51,097 Stop humping the laser. 827 00:55:51,265 --> 00:55:52,932 Okay. Honest to God. 828 00:55:53,100 --> 00:55:57,770 Why don't you and the giant "laser" get a fricking room, for God sakes? 829 00:55:58,480 --> 00:55:59,605 Mr. President. 830 00:55:59,773 --> 00:56:01,983 After I destroy Washington, D.C... 831 00:56:02,151 --> 00:56:05,737 ...l will destroy another major city every hour, on the hour. 832 00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:08,114 That is, unless, of course, you pay me... 833 00:56:09,491 --> 00:56:13,578 ...one hundred billion dollars. 834 00:56:18,167 --> 00:56:21,044 Doctor Evil, this is 1969. 835 00:56:21,211 --> 00:56:23,963 That amount of money doesn't even exist. 836 00:56:25,632 --> 00:56:29,844 That's like saying, "l want a kajillion-bajiIlion dollars." 837 00:56:31,055 --> 00:56:33,014 Come on, Mr. President... 838 00:56:33,182 --> 00:56:35,308 ...show me the money. 839 00:56:35,476 --> 00:56:36,726 Show you what money? 840 00:56:36,894 --> 00:56:39,645 "Show me the money! Show me the money!" 841 00:56:39,813 --> 00:56:43,107 "You had me at 'hello."' Tear. Nothing? No? 842 00:56:43,275 --> 00:56:46,194 Psst. lt's 1969. 843 00:56:46,361 --> 00:56:49,322 Jerry Maguire won't even come out for another 30 years. 844 00:56:49,615 --> 00:56:52,575 Nobody knows what you're talking about, ass. 845 00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:56,788 Scott, Daddy's working. Okay? 846 00:56:56,955 --> 00:57:00,583 And when you're in the main chamber, try and use the big-boy voice, okay? 847 00:57:01,293 --> 00:57:03,002 Thank you. 848 00:57:03,504 --> 00:57:05,922 Mr. President, allow me to demonstrate... 849 00:57:06,090 --> 00:57:09,509 ...the awesome lethality of the Alan Parsons Project. 850 00:57:09,676 --> 00:57:11,677 Fire the laser! 851 00:57:17,351 --> 00:57:19,519 PRESlDENT: Damage report! Damage report! 852 00:57:20,187 --> 00:57:23,356 lt's okay. lt's aIl right. Come on. 853 00:57:24,024 --> 00:57:27,193 Actually, that was just footage from the movie lndependence Day... 854 00:57:27,361 --> 00:57:30,113 ...but the real laser would be a lot like that. Yeah. 855 00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:31,364 Scary. 856 00:57:33,283 --> 00:57:34,450 Now, Dr. Evil-- 857 00:57:34,618 --> 00:57:38,037 Talk to the hand, because the face don't want to hear it anymore. 858 00:57:38,664 --> 00:57:40,706 What hand? TaIk to your hand? 859 00:57:40,874 --> 00:57:43,793 You ain't all that and a bag of potato chips. 860 00:57:43,961 --> 00:57:45,378 What are you talking about? 861 00:57:45,546 --> 00:57:48,881 Don't go there, girlfriend. Mm-hm. 862 00:57:49,633 --> 00:57:51,342 Whose girlfriend? 863 00:57:51,510 --> 00:57:53,678 Don't mess with me. I'm one crazy mofo. 864 00:57:53,846 --> 00:57:57,515 I had to pop a cop because he wasn't giving me my props in Oaktown. 865 00:57:57,683 --> 00:58:00,143 No? I heard that somewhere. 866 00:58:01,979 --> 00:58:03,229 You're an idiot. 867 00:58:04,398 --> 00:58:08,109 Mr. President, l think we have an understanding. 868 00:58:08,277 --> 00:58:09,402 Bye-bye. 869 00:58:09,862 --> 00:58:13,489 Dr. Evil, what are our plans regarding Austin Powers? 870 00:58:13,657 --> 00:58:18,035 Austin Powers? He's the snake to my mongoose. 871 00:58:18,203 --> 00:58:20,872 Or the mongoose to my snake. 872 00:58:21,039 --> 00:58:24,750 Either way, it's bad. l don't know animals. 873 00:58:24,918 --> 00:58:27,170 But I do know this: 874 00:58:27,337 --> 00:58:29,839 This time, it's personal. 875 00:58:30,591 --> 00:58:32,383 KilI him. 876 00:58:37,806 --> 00:58:39,932 AUSTlN: There's Dr. Evil's island. 877 00:59:14,301 --> 00:59:15,301 Let's set up camp. 878 00:59:15,469 --> 00:59:19,055 AUSTlN: Be careful with that bag. There's explosives in it. 879 00:59:19,890 --> 00:59:22,558 This could be dangerous. 880 00:59:32,277 --> 00:59:36,155 [SlNGlNG] What if God was one of us 881 00:59:36,782 --> 00:59:40,993 Just a slob like one of us 882 00:59:41,662 --> 00:59:44,580 [BABBLlNG] 883 00:59:54,508 --> 00:59:56,050 Well done. Very good. 884 00:59:56,218 --> 00:59:58,844 Dr. Evil. That was fantastic. 885 00:59:59,012 --> 01:00:00,680 Thank you, Number Two. 886 01:00:00,847 --> 01:00:02,181 l wrote that. Yeah. 887 01:00:02,349 --> 01:00:05,351 Dad, he put this in my bed. 888 01:00:05,519 --> 01:00:08,229 -Who? -Your stupid Mini-You. 889 01:00:08,397 --> 01:00:11,190 He put roadkilI in my sheets! 890 01:00:11,608 --> 01:00:13,192 DR. EVlL: What--? Mini-Me. 891 01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:16,028 Don't you ever do that again! You hear me? 892 01:00:16,196 --> 01:00:18,531 Don't you ever do that again! 893 01:00:19,157 --> 01:00:20,783 l can't stay mad at you. 894 01:00:20,951 --> 01:00:23,244 Look at that ponem. 895 01:00:24,246 --> 01:00:28,040 Dr. Evil's headquarters is right over that next ridge. 896 01:00:28,208 --> 01:00:30,126 -Let me look. -Yeah-- Ugh! 897 01:00:30,585 --> 01:00:32,503 Damn it. How do we get in? 898 01:00:32,671 --> 01:00:33,713 Hello, Mommy. 899 01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:37,049 Mommy, can I have some chocolates? l want some Mars Bars. 900 01:00:37,217 --> 01:00:39,969 -Austin. Austin! -Don't smack my bottom, Mommy! 901 01:00:41,346 --> 01:00:42,972 Sorry, Iove. 902 01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:45,975 l got stuck in your dirty pilIows. 903 01:00:46,143 --> 01:00:48,019 FELlClTY: Let's look at the map. 904 01:00:49,354 --> 01:00:50,646 AUSTlN: Oh, great. 905 01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:54,442 FELlClTY: What's our plan? AUSTlN: According to this map... 906 01:00:54,609 --> 01:00:57,403 ...the entire island is crawling with Dr. Evil's guards. 907 01:00:57,571 --> 01:01:00,906 l wanna make sure the explosives didn't get wet, but I can't find them. 908 01:01:01,074 --> 01:01:03,034 Look in the bottom. 909 01:01:03,201 --> 01:01:05,828 Okay. I'll dig a little deeper. 910 01:01:05,996 --> 01:01:07,913 Wow, this bag is really full. 911 01:01:09,458 --> 01:01:11,208 AUSTlN: Just keep digging, darling. 912 01:01:11,376 --> 01:01:13,753 FELlClTY: l'll just feel around for them. 913 01:01:16,923 --> 01:01:20,051 Good Lord, Austin. What sort of things do you keep in here? 914 01:01:20,218 --> 01:01:23,596 AUSTlN: Anything that catches my fancy. MAN: My God. 915 01:01:23,764 --> 01:01:24,764 AUSTlN: Give it a good tug. 916 01:01:26,975 --> 01:01:28,434 FELlClTY: Oh. Do we realIy need this? 917 01:01:28,602 --> 01:01:31,687 l'll ask you not to open that inside, thank you very much, okay? 918 01:01:31,855 --> 01:01:33,773 Oh, my God. 919 01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:36,776 FELlClTY: Oops. lt went off. -Yes. 920 01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:38,611 lt does that from time to time. 921 01:01:38,779 --> 01:01:40,071 FELlClTY: Ugh! Yuck. 922 01:01:40,238 --> 01:01:41,280 Yeah, that's nasty. 923 01:01:41,448 --> 01:01:42,448 [FELlClTY COUGHlNG] 924 01:01:42,616 --> 01:01:44,617 Yeah, sorry about that. 925 01:01:45,452 --> 01:01:46,452 FELlClTY: Smelly. 926 01:01:46,620 --> 01:01:48,996 These peopIe make me sick. 927 01:01:49,164 --> 01:01:51,123 AUSTlN: Can you snap me a beer? 928 01:01:54,628 --> 01:01:56,253 FELlClTY: Ah! AUSTlN: What is it? 929 01:01:56,421 --> 01:01:59,215 FELlClTY: lt's a gerbil. How did that get in your bag? 930 01:02:01,802 --> 01:02:03,969 l don't know. 931 01:02:06,223 --> 01:02:07,973 Dr. Evil. 932 01:02:08,683 --> 01:02:11,435 We have a problem. Austin Powers is on the island. 933 01:02:11,603 --> 01:02:13,354 Bring him to me... 934 01:02:13,772 --> 01:02:15,272 ...alive. 935 01:02:16,525 --> 01:02:17,566 You. 936 01:02:17,734 --> 01:02:21,779 Hit it! This is a very sensitive subject. 937 01:02:21,947 --> 01:02:26,158 ["JUST THE TWO OF US (DR. EVlL MlX)" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] 938 01:02:34,501 --> 01:02:36,168 Yeah. 939 01:02:38,588 --> 01:02:41,132 [SINGlNG] From the moment I heard Frau Say I had a clone 940 01:02:41,299 --> 01:02:43,717 I knew that I'd be safe 'Cause I'd never be alone 941 01:02:43,885 --> 01:02:46,429 An evil doctor shouldn't speak Aloud about his feelings 942 01:02:46,596 --> 01:02:48,764 My hurt and my pain Don't make me too appealing 943 01:02:48,932 --> 01:02:51,350 I'd hoped Scott would look up to me 944 01:02:51,518 --> 01:02:54,103 Run the business of the family 945 01:02:54,271 --> 01:02:56,480 Head an evil empire Just like his dear old dad 946 01:02:56,648 --> 01:02:58,858 Give him my love And the things I never had 947 01:02:59,025 --> 01:03:01,444 Scott would think I was a cool guy 948 01:03:01,611 --> 01:03:03,946 Return the love I have Make me want to cry 949 01:03:04,114 --> 01:03:06,824 Be evil but have my feelings too 950 01:03:06,992 --> 01:03:09,118 Change my life with Oprah And Maya Angelou 951 01:03:09,286 --> 01:03:11,912 But Scott rejected me C'est la vie 952 01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:14,165 Life is cruel Treat you unfairly 953 01:03:14,332 --> 01:03:16,709 Even so A God there must be 954 01:03:17,127 --> 01:03:19,170 Mini-Me, you complete me 955 01:03:22,716 --> 01:03:24,425 Yeah 956 01:03:26,136 --> 01:03:28,095 Just me and you 957 01:03:36,897 --> 01:03:38,189 You and I 958 01:03:50,702 --> 01:03:52,536 FELlClTY: You've got this packed really tight. 959 01:03:53,622 --> 01:03:54,663 Are you okay? 960 01:03:54,831 --> 01:03:57,458 Yeah, I just got a bit of a back cramp, that's all. 961 01:03:58,460 --> 01:04:00,419 Just keep packing it in. 962 01:04:00,587 --> 01:04:02,213 God. 963 01:04:02,380 --> 01:04:05,174 l found the explosives. Help me check them. 964 01:04:05,342 --> 01:04:07,092 You're surrounded! Drop your weapons! 965 01:04:08,136 --> 01:04:09,178 Hands up! 966 01:04:10,805 --> 01:04:12,515 Move out! 967 01:04:15,810 --> 01:04:18,062 DR. EVlL: Ladies and gentlemen, in just a few moments... 968 01:04:18,230 --> 01:04:21,440 ...we're gonna place a giant "laser" on the moon. 969 01:04:21,608 --> 01:04:26,612 From my "death star," l will destroy every city on the planet. 970 01:04:26,780 --> 01:04:27,947 Get out of it! 971 01:04:28,114 --> 01:04:29,365 Ah. 972 01:04:29,533 --> 01:04:34,870 Mr. Powers, Ms. Shagwell, welcome to my hollowed-out volcano. 973 01:04:35,038 --> 01:04:37,331 This is my associate, Fat Bastard. 974 01:04:37,499 --> 01:04:43,128 Felicity, I think you two may have already "met." 975 01:04:43,296 --> 01:04:44,547 Unfortunately. 976 01:04:44,714 --> 01:04:48,551 Oh, is that all the thanks I get for the night of hot sex? 977 01:04:49,135 --> 01:04:51,929 l'm dead sexy. 978 01:04:52,097 --> 01:04:53,305 You were crap. 979 01:04:53,473 --> 01:04:54,640 [AUSTlN LAUGHlNG] 980 01:04:54,808 --> 01:04:57,643 Yes. ln your dreams. 981 01:05:02,732 --> 01:05:05,234 Felicity would never sIeep with you. 982 01:05:06,653 --> 01:05:07,987 Right? 983 01:05:08,446 --> 01:05:11,740 l did what I had to do. l'm a secret agent. 984 01:05:11,908 --> 01:05:13,492 What? 985 01:05:14,411 --> 01:05:18,247 Aw. Boo-hoo. 986 01:05:18,415 --> 01:05:19,832 [FAT BASTARD LAUGHS] 987 01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:22,418 AIl right, that's enough, Fat Bastard. 988 01:05:22,586 --> 01:05:26,297 As much as I like seeing Powers in agony, and I do... 989 01:05:26,464 --> 01:05:29,341 ...the thought of you naked is just gross. 990 01:05:29,843 --> 01:05:32,344 You can't stop me now, Mr. Powers. 991 01:05:32,846 --> 01:05:34,597 l have your mojo. 992 01:05:34,764 --> 01:05:37,683 -My mojo.... -And l'm taking it with me to the moon. 993 01:05:37,851 --> 01:05:40,477 Put them in the jail cell! 994 01:05:40,854 --> 01:05:44,773 My mojo! l'll get you, Dr. Evil, I'll get you! 995 01:05:44,941 --> 01:05:47,526 Oh, look at me, l'm shaking in my Iittle space boots. 996 01:05:47,694 --> 01:05:49,528 l want my mojo! 997 01:05:49,696 --> 01:05:53,032 -Give back my mojo! I'll get you, Dr. Evil. -Great plan, Einstein. 998 01:05:53,199 --> 01:05:56,785 Well, you're gonna put them in a cell with one inept guard and they'll escape. 999 01:05:56,953 --> 01:05:59,288 God, you do this every time. 1000 01:06:00,790 --> 01:06:02,916 You know, Scott... 1001 01:06:03,084 --> 01:06:05,044 ...l've been a fricking evil doctor... 1002 01:06:05,211 --> 01:06:08,922 ...for 30 fricking years, okay? 1003 01:06:09,090 --> 01:06:11,675 Cut me some fricking slack. 1004 01:06:12,260 --> 01:06:14,011 You forget, Scott. 1005 01:06:14,179 --> 01:06:16,180 We're in a volcano. 1006 01:06:16,348 --> 01:06:19,475 We're surrounded by Iiquid-hot magma. 1007 01:06:21,770 --> 01:06:23,062 What are you drawing? 1008 01:06:25,231 --> 01:06:28,108 lt's just a goodbye card, that's alI. 1009 01:06:29,069 --> 01:06:30,944 lt's sweet. 1010 01:06:38,912 --> 01:06:40,746 DR. EVlL: Hey, back off. -Get him! Get the baby! 1011 01:06:40,914 --> 01:06:43,207 -Back off! NUMBER TWO: Simmer down. Simmer down. 1012 01:06:43,375 --> 01:06:45,084 FAT BASTARD: Get in there! Gnaw on him! 1013 01:06:45,251 --> 01:06:47,086 He's my posse. 1014 01:06:47,671 --> 01:06:48,712 Okay. 1015 01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:51,423 You take speciaI care of him. 1016 01:06:51,591 --> 01:06:53,676 He's my special boy. 1017 01:06:53,843 --> 01:06:55,260 MAN [OVER SPEAKERS]: Attention. 1018 01:06:55,428 --> 01:06:56,929 Prepare for launch. 1019 01:06:57,097 --> 01:06:58,597 [HORN HONKlNG] 1020 01:06:58,765 --> 01:07:03,102 Repeat, all technicians to launch positions. 1021 01:07:03,269 --> 01:07:04,937 Gentlemen... 1022 01:07:05,105 --> 01:07:07,731 ...l'm about to go to the moon. 1023 01:07:07,899 --> 01:07:11,318 Initiate prelaunch sequence. 1024 01:07:11,486 --> 01:07:14,113 Main rocket engine ignition-- 1025 01:07:14,280 --> 01:07:17,116 Frau. Begin the countdown. 1026 01:07:17,283 --> 01:07:19,076 Five! Four! 1027 01:07:19,244 --> 01:07:21,036 -Three! Two-- -Frau. 1028 01:07:21,204 --> 01:07:22,955 Begin the countdown at 30. 1029 01:07:24,833 --> 01:07:25,874 Thirty! 1030 01:07:26,042 --> 01:07:30,421 Twenty-nine, 28, 27... 1031 01:07:30,588 --> 01:07:32,756 ...twenty-six, 25... 1032 01:07:33,383 --> 01:07:36,260 ...twenty-four, 23... 1033 01:07:36,428 --> 01:07:39,596 ...twenty-two, 21... 1034 01:07:39,764 --> 01:07:41,974 ...twenty, 19... 1035 01:07:42,142 --> 01:07:43,559 ...eighteen... 1036 01:07:43,727 --> 01:07:46,937 ...seventeen, 16... 1037 01:07:47,105 --> 01:07:50,441 ...fifteen, 14, 13-- 1038 01:07:50,608 --> 01:07:55,654 You know what? When the doors close, just say "go." Better. 1039 01:08:00,326 --> 01:08:02,119 Go! 1040 01:08:31,900 --> 01:08:34,026 Colonel, you better take a look at this radar. 1041 01:08:35,737 --> 01:08:37,362 What is it, son? 1042 01:08:37,530 --> 01:08:40,115 l don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant-- 1043 01:08:40,283 --> 01:08:41,617 -Dick. MAN: Yeah? 1044 01:08:41,785 --> 01:08:43,118 Take a look out of starboard. 1045 01:08:43,286 --> 01:08:46,538 Oh, my God! lt Iooks Iike a huge-- 1046 01:08:46,706 --> 01:08:48,457 -Pecker! -Where? 1047 01:08:48,625 --> 01:08:51,293 Wait, that's not a woodpecker. lt looks like someone's-- 1048 01:08:51,461 --> 01:08:52,544 Privates! 1049 01:08:52,712 --> 01:08:55,631 We have reports of an unidentified flying object! 1050 01:08:55,799 --> 01:08:59,218 lt is a long, smooth shaft, complete with-- 1051 01:08:59,385 --> 01:09:00,552 Two balls! 1052 01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:02,221 What is that? 1053 01:09:02,388 --> 01:09:04,014 That looks just like an enormous-- 1054 01:09:04,182 --> 01:09:05,516 Wang! Pay attention. 1055 01:09:06,017 --> 01:09:08,644 l was distracted by that enormous fIying-- 1056 01:09:08,812 --> 01:09:10,020 -Willie. -Yeah? 1057 01:09:10,188 --> 01:09:11,772 What's that? 1058 01:09:12,607 --> 01:09:14,066 Well, it looks like a giant-- 1059 01:09:14,234 --> 01:09:15,567 -Johnson. -Yes, sir. 1060 01:09:15,735 --> 01:09:19,112 Get on the horn to British intelligence and let them know about this. 1061 01:09:35,421 --> 01:09:36,922 What do we do? 1062 01:09:37,090 --> 01:09:39,716 Why don't you just shag Fat Bastard again? 1063 01:09:39,884 --> 01:09:41,760 Austin, this is no time to get jealous. 1064 01:09:41,928 --> 01:09:44,763 -Well, how could you do it? -l was just doing my job. 1065 01:09:44,931 --> 01:09:47,099 No, I mean literally. How could you do it? 1066 01:09:47,267 --> 01:09:50,227 The man's so fat, the sheer mechanics of it are mind-boggling. 1067 01:09:50,395 --> 01:09:54,022 Look, don't try to lay your hang-ups on me just because you lost your mojo. 1068 01:09:54,774 --> 01:09:56,692 Ouch, baby. 1069 01:09:56,860 --> 01:09:58,944 Very ouch. 1070 01:09:59,112 --> 01:10:01,405 Look, Austin, we're running out of time. 1071 01:10:01,948 --> 01:10:03,031 l'm sorry. 1072 01:10:04,617 --> 01:10:07,411 l just did what I thought you would do in the same situation. 1073 01:10:08,788 --> 01:10:10,956 You're the reason that I became a spy. 1074 01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:14,793 l thought that I wanted to be you... 1075 01:10:14,961 --> 01:10:17,170 ...but then I realized... 1076 01:10:18,089 --> 01:10:20,132 ...that I wanna be with you. 1077 01:10:20,550 --> 01:10:22,092 You do? 1078 01:10:22,468 --> 01:10:24,094 Yeah. 1079 01:10:24,721 --> 01:10:25,804 Hang on, baby. 1080 01:10:25,972 --> 01:10:27,598 AIly-oop! 1081 01:10:27,765 --> 01:10:28,932 [PHONE RlNGS] 1082 01:10:29,100 --> 01:10:30,976 Look, maybe we should talk about this later. 1083 01:10:31,144 --> 01:10:33,020 We need to get past that inept guard. 1084 01:10:33,187 --> 01:10:34,313 Right. Here's the pIan. 1085 01:10:34,480 --> 01:10:36,982 l pretend to be desperateIy ill with food poisoning. 1086 01:10:37,150 --> 01:10:40,277 The guard, drawn by my cries of pain, comes to investigate. 1087 01:10:40,445 --> 01:10:41,945 Meanwhile, you dig a pit... 1088 01:10:42,113 --> 01:10:45,198 ...line it with punji sticks made from sharpened toothbrushes. 1089 01:10:45,366 --> 01:10:48,911 The guard falls in, Bob's your uncle, we escape. What do you think? 1090 01:10:49,078 --> 01:10:51,872 That might work, but what about this? 1091 01:10:53,082 --> 01:10:56,418 -What do you think of these, my man? -Mommy! 1092 01:10:56,586 --> 01:10:58,253 [SCREAMS] 1093 01:10:58,796 --> 01:11:00,589 [FELlClTY & AUSTlN GROANlNG] 1094 01:11:02,759 --> 01:11:05,427 What a burn. 1095 01:11:07,305 --> 01:11:10,098 That sort of thing could get a man... 1096 01:11:10,266 --> 01:11:12,017 ...fired. 1097 01:11:13,353 --> 01:11:15,896 l think he was hot... 1098 01:11:16,064 --> 01:11:18,440 ...for you. 1099 01:11:18,608 --> 01:11:20,859 -That's enough. -Yeah. 1100 01:11:26,324 --> 01:11:28,033 DR. EVlL: Ladies and gentlemen... 1101 01:11:28,201 --> 01:11:30,786 ...welcome to my moon base. 1102 01:11:31,663 --> 01:11:35,958 You've all been chosen to be part of my elite moon unit... 1103 01:11:36,125 --> 01:11:38,627 ...which is divided into two divisions: 1104 01:11:38,795 --> 01:11:43,048 Moon Unit Alpha and Moon Unit Zappa. 1105 01:11:43,216 --> 01:11:48,011 ln exactly six hours, the moon will move in its orbit around the Earth... 1106 01:11:48,179 --> 01:11:50,722 ...bringing Washington, D.C... 1107 01:11:50,890 --> 01:11:54,393 ...within range of my giant "laser." 1108 01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:58,730 Begin "laser" ignition sequence. 1109 01:11:58,898 --> 01:12:01,233 Begin laser ignition! 1110 01:12:02,777 --> 01:12:07,072 MAN [OVER SPEAKERS]: Attention. Moon Unit Zappa to firing stations. 1111 01:12:07,407 --> 01:12:09,950 Initiation sequence in progress. 1112 01:12:10,118 --> 01:12:11,827 Okay. All right. 1113 01:12:11,995 --> 01:12:14,579 Gravity boost to EMS. Steady at full power. 1114 01:12:14,747 --> 01:12:18,166 AIl I asked for was a fricking rotating chair, okay? 1115 01:12:18,334 --> 01:12:19,793 Oh, okay. 1116 01:12:19,961 --> 01:12:24,256 Okay, okay. Getting a little afraid. 1117 01:12:24,424 --> 01:12:27,592 l need an old priest and a young priest. 1118 01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:30,595 The power of Christ compels you! 1119 01:12:30,763 --> 01:12:35,225 The power of Christ compels you! Whoa, hello. 1120 01:12:35,393 --> 01:12:40,772 Okay. Sick as a dog now. 1121 01:12:40,940 --> 01:12:44,276 -Okay. Okay. FARBlSSlNA: Get him a bucket. 1122 01:12:44,444 --> 01:12:46,111 Gonna vom. 1123 01:12:54,078 --> 01:12:57,456 AUSTlN: We need to hitch a ride to the moon, baby. 1124 01:12:57,874 --> 01:13:02,085 MAN 1: Apollo 11 is good to go. Crew to all stations. 1125 01:13:03,963 --> 01:13:08,300 MAN 2: We will have liftoff in T-minus five seconds. Four... 1126 01:13:08,468 --> 01:13:10,385 ...three...two.... 1127 01:13:12,013 --> 01:13:13,638 We have liftoff! 1128 01:13:13,806 --> 01:13:16,391 Apollo 11 has cleared the tower and is heading for... 1129 01:13:16,559 --> 01:13:18,018 ...a rendezvous with the moon. 1130 01:13:18,186 --> 01:13:19,770 [AUSTlN SCREAMlNG] 1131 01:13:19,937 --> 01:13:21,563 [FELlClTY LAUGHlNG] 1132 01:13:27,195 --> 01:13:29,946 Arm the "laser." 1133 01:13:30,448 --> 01:13:32,157 Arming the Iaser! 1134 01:13:32,325 --> 01:13:35,118 MAN: Attention, arming the death star. 1135 01:13:35,286 --> 01:13:37,788 -Battle stations. FARBlSSlNA: Laser armed! 1136 01:13:37,955 --> 01:13:40,916 All crew prepare for ready battle stations. 1137 01:13:41,084 --> 01:13:43,001 Get me the president. 1138 01:13:43,920 --> 01:13:46,171 You're gonna like this part, Mini-Me. 1139 01:13:46,339 --> 01:13:48,840 This is the part where we threaten the world leader. 1140 01:13:49,008 --> 01:13:51,802 l know we do it every time. However, it is important to-- 1141 01:13:51,969 --> 01:13:54,137 [MlNl-ME SCREAMS] 1142 01:13:54,305 --> 01:13:55,514 [THUDS] 1143 01:13:55,681 --> 01:13:57,432 Mini-Me? 1144 01:13:58,267 --> 01:14:01,019 Mini-Me, where are you? 1145 01:14:01,187 --> 01:14:04,981 Can someone put a fricking beIl on him or something? 1146 01:14:05,149 --> 01:14:06,691 [MlNl-ME SQUEALlNG] 1147 01:14:06,859 --> 01:14:07,859 Great. 1148 01:14:08,027 --> 01:14:10,195 Somebody get the stick. 1149 01:14:11,739 --> 01:14:14,282 Just grab on to the hook, all right? 1150 01:14:14,450 --> 01:14:16,535 You complete me. 1151 01:14:16,702 --> 01:14:18,537 l love you. 1152 01:14:19,372 --> 01:14:20,705 Hang in there, Mini-Me. 1153 01:14:20,873 --> 01:14:25,168 lf anything shouId happen to you, l don't know what I would do. 1154 01:14:25,336 --> 01:14:28,046 l'd probably move on and get another replica... 1155 01:14:28,214 --> 01:14:32,384 ...but there'd be a 10-minute period there when I would just be inconsoIable. 1156 01:14:32,844 --> 01:14:34,970 We have your money, but it wasn't easy. 1157 01:14:35,138 --> 01:14:37,514 Papa has to do some work, okay? 1158 01:14:37,682 --> 01:14:40,809 Well, you have exactly 30 minutes to get it to me. 1159 01:14:40,977 --> 01:14:42,435 [SPEAKS lN lTALlAN] 1160 01:14:42,603 --> 01:14:44,729 [CACKLES] 1161 01:14:44,897 --> 01:14:46,189 Jiminy German Jesus! 1162 01:14:46,357 --> 01:14:49,067 l can't believe we're gonna pay that madman. 1163 01:14:49,235 --> 01:14:52,571 l got nukes out the yin-yang. Just let me launch one, for chrissake! 1164 01:14:52,738 --> 01:14:57,659 Sir! Are you suggesting that we blow up the moon? 1165 01:14:57,827 --> 01:15:00,662 Would you miss it? 1166 01:15:04,917 --> 01:15:06,084 AUSTlN: Mission control... 1167 01:15:06,252 --> 01:15:09,588 ...the swinger has landed, yeah. 1168 01:15:10,840 --> 01:15:13,091 COMPUTERlZED VOlCE: Airlock open. 1169 01:15:16,721 --> 01:15:17,929 Repressurize. 1170 01:15:18,097 --> 01:15:19,848 -Let's find Dr. Evil. -Yeah. 1171 01:15:20,016 --> 01:15:22,934 Enjoy your stay on the moon. 1172 01:15:23,227 --> 01:15:24,269 Hello, helIo. 1173 01:15:25,771 --> 01:15:27,439 There he is. 1174 01:15:29,942 --> 01:15:33,570 -l'll cover your rear. -No, you go ahead. 1175 01:15:33,821 --> 01:15:36,114 This time, it's personal. 1176 01:15:49,420 --> 01:15:50,921 [YELLS] 1177 01:15:53,090 --> 01:15:54,883 [AUSTlN GRUNTlNG] 1178 01:16:41,514 --> 01:16:45,141 No more! I can't take it anymore! 1179 01:16:45,768 --> 01:16:46,851 Peace? 1180 01:16:47,853 --> 01:16:51,940 You brought my gIasses. BIess your little heart. 1181 01:16:53,192 --> 01:16:55,110 That's not right, that's-- 1182 01:16:56,112 --> 01:16:59,948 Oh, don't, that's just-- Now l'm pissed! 1183 01:17:00,116 --> 01:17:01,366 Judo flip! 1184 01:17:10,167 --> 01:17:12,043 Poor little bugger. 1185 01:17:12,211 --> 01:17:13,878 He's so small. 1186 01:17:14,046 --> 01:17:16,715 He's like a dog or something. 1187 01:17:17,216 --> 01:17:19,467 Poor little bugger. 1188 01:17:21,304 --> 01:17:22,721 [YELLlNG] 1189 01:17:22,888 --> 01:17:24,306 [YELLS] 1190 01:17:26,684 --> 01:17:29,519 Get off! Off! 1191 01:17:40,197 --> 01:17:41,740 Okay. 1192 01:17:44,076 --> 01:17:46,745 Oh! Oh! Get out of my suit! 1193 01:17:48,080 --> 01:17:50,790 lt tickles. Oh, it tickles. No. 1194 01:17:55,379 --> 01:17:56,588 Gotcha. 1195 01:18:19,320 --> 01:18:21,821 [MlNl-ME YELLlNG] 1196 01:18:24,575 --> 01:18:25,950 Poor little bugger. 1197 01:18:26,786 --> 01:18:28,536 l salute you. 1198 01:18:38,172 --> 01:18:39,631 AIl right, slap-head. 1199 01:18:39,799 --> 01:18:41,466 Turn around. 1200 01:18:41,634 --> 01:18:44,302 Where's my mojo? 1201 01:18:44,470 --> 01:18:47,597 Well, it looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers: 1202 01:18:47,765 --> 01:18:49,432 Save the world... 1203 01:18:49,934 --> 01:18:51,768 ...or save your girlfriend. 1204 01:18:51,936 --> 01:18:54,604 -Austin! -Felicity! 1205 01:18:54,772 --> 01:18:56,481 FELlClTY: Don't worry about me, Austin! 1206 01:18:56,649 --> 01:18:58,149 You've gotta save the world! 1207 01:18:58,317 --> 01:18:59,317 [FELlClTY COUGHlNG] 1208 01:18:59,485 --> 01:19:01,111 KilI him! 1209 01:19:03,739 --> 01:19:04,989 Fire the "laser"! 1210 01:19:05,157 --> 01:19:06,157 MAN: Target locking. 1211 01:19:06,325 --> 01:19:07,951 [GUN CLlCKS EMPTY] 1212 01:19:08,244 --> 01:19:10,995 Laser set to full fatality. 1213 01:19:11,747 --> 01:19:13,498 Judo kick! 1214 01:19:16,001 --> 01:19:18,294 Target missed. Mojo in trouble now. 1215 01:19:18,504 --> 01:19:22,674 You may have won the battle, Mr. Powers, but you lost the war. 1216 01:19:22,842 --> 01:19:25,927 No! No, no! 1217 01:19:26,095 --> 01:19:29,264 Felicity! Wake up, Felicity, wake up! 1218 01:19:31,058 --> 01:19:33,017 [BEEPlNG] 1219 01:19:34,979 --> 01:19:37,147 l love you, Felicity. 1220 01:19:37,314 --> 01:19:38,356 l love you. 1221 01:19:39,483 --> 01:19:41,609 Dr. Evil! I'll kill him! 1222 01:19:46,490 --> 01:19:48,283 Gotcha! 1223 01:19:52,663 --> 01:19:53,663 [CLlCKS SWlTCH] 1224 01:19:53,831 --> 01:19:58,376 Ow! You shot me, you A-hoIe. 1225 01:19:58,544 --> 01:20:01,713 And now l'm going to kill you. 1226 01:20:01,881 --> 01:20:02,881 [CLlCKS SWlTCH] 1227 01:20:03,048 --> 01:20:05,216 Before you do that... 1228 01:20:07,219 --> 01:20:09,471 ...know this: 1229 01:20:11,015 --> 01:20:12,974 Austin... 1230 01:20:16,937 --> 01:20:19,898 ...l am your father. 1231 01:20:21,317 --> 01:20:23,067 RealIy? 1232 01:20:24,361 --> 01:20:27,489 No, not really. I can't back that up. 1233 01:20:28,157 --> 01:20:30,742 Right. ldiot. Yes. 1234 01:20:30,910 --> 01:20:35,788 But isn't it interesting, Mr. Powers, that you would rather kill me... 1235 01:20:35,956 --> 01:20:38,833 ...than save your precious FeIicity? 1236 01:20:39,001 --> 01:20:40,585 What do you mean? 1237 01:20:40,753 --> 01:20:45,256 Remember, there's a time portal in the main chamber. 1238 01:20:45,424 --> 01:20:48,092 You could go back and save her. 1239 01:20:48,260 --> 01:20:49,761 l'll do that. 1240 01:20:49,929 --> 01:20:51,554 [CACKLlNG] 1241 01:20:54,600 --> 01:20:56,351 Felicity! 1242 01:20:57,186 --> 01:20:58,269 [FAlNTLY] Good work. 1243 01:21:00,272 --> 01:21:02,232 Good work! 1244 01:21:03,609 --> 01:21:04,609 [CLlCKS SWlTCH] 1245 01:21:04,777 --> 01:21:05,902 [LOUDLY] Good work! 1246 01:21:06,070 --> 01:21:07,070 [FEEDBACK SQUEALS] 1247 01:21:07,404 --> 01:21:09,531 [MAN SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY OVER SPEAKERS] 1248 01:21:22,211 --> 01:21:25,171 Well, it looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers: 1249 01:21:25,339 --> 01:21:27,048 Save the world... 1250 01:21:27,216 --> 01:21:28,883 ...or save your girlfriend. 1251 01:21:29,051 --> 01:21:30,802 -Austin! -Felicity! 1252 01:21:30,970 --> 01:21:33,972 Don't worry about me, Austin! You've gotta save the world! 1253 01:21:34,139 --> 01:21:35,974 [FELlClTY COUGHlNG] 1254 01:21:36,141 --> 01:21:38,142 l choose love, baby! 1255 01:21:38,310 --> 01:21:39,769 AUSTlN 1: Wait a tick. 1256 01:21:39,937 --> 01:21:43,398 -Who are you? -l'm you, ten minutes from now. 1257 01:21:43,732 --> 01:21:45,692 Damn it, you are handsome. 1258 01:21:45,859 --> 01:21:47,068 [CHUCKLlNG] 1259 01:21:47,236 --> 01:21:48,653 l was just thinking the same. 1260 01:21:50,489 --> 01:21:52,490 We are sexy. 1261 01:21:52,658 --> 01:21:55,577 We are sexy bitches, yeah. 1262 01:21:55,744 --> 01:21:59,747 AIl right, this is ri-goddamn-dicuIous. KilI them both! 1263 01:22:03,502 --> 01:22:05,169 [MOUTHS] Fire the "laser." 1264 01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:06,379 [MOUTHS] Thank you. 1265 01:22:06,547 --> 01:22:08,673 Fire the "laser"! 1266 01:22:08,841 --> 01:22:10,174 AUSTlN 2: Listen, Past Austin. 1267 01:22:10,342 --> 01:22:12,677 Can you save the world while I go get the girl? 1268 01:22:12,845 --> 01:22:15,179 Sure, Austin-From-10-Minutes-From-Now. 1269 01:22:15,347 --> 01:22:17,307 MAN [OVER SPEAKERS]: Target locking. 1270 01:22:18,058 --> 01:22:21,102 Laser set to full fatality. 1271 01:22:25,190 --> 01:22:26,608 MAN: Ah! Target missed. 1272 01:22:26,775 --> 01:22:29,819 AUSTlN 2: Come on, come on. You're all right. Yeah, come on. 1273 01:22:30,362 --> 01:22:32,864 -You all right? Are you okay? -Yeah. 1274 01:22:35,075 --> 01:22:39,329 Say, what's the policy on ménage à trois? 1275 01:22:39,705 --> 01:22:41,998 You are adorable. 1276 01:22:42,750 --> 01:22:43,791 Yes. 1277 01:22:44,627 --> 01:22:47,045 Looking for this, Mr. Powers? 1278 01:22:47,963 --> 01:22:50,048 My mojo. 1279 01:22:50,549 --> 01:22:54,510 COMPUTERlZED VOlCE: Self-destruct in two minutes and counting. 1280 01:22:58,349 --> 01:23:00,892 -No! -No! 1281 01:23:03,687 --> 01:23:04,729 Watch out! 1282 01:23:15,240 --> 01:23:17,533 See you in hell, Powers! 1283 01:23:17,701 --> 01:23:19,369 [CACKLES] 1284 01:23:19,536 --> 01:23:21,245 No, my-- 1285 01:23:21,413 --> 01:23:23,790 Okay, Austin-From-10-Minutes-From-Now. 1286 01:23:23,957 --> 01:23:27,043 This place is gonna blow! Let's go! Come on! 1287 01:23:31,256 --> 01:23:34,509 COMPUTERlZED VOlCE: Self-destruct in 30 seconds and counting. 1288 01:23:34,677 --> 01:23:36,886 -Twenty-nine. -No! 1289 01:23:37,054 --> 01:23:38,930 -Let's go! -No! My mojo! 1290 01:23:39,098 --> 01:23:42,016 -We have to go now! -My mojo! l'm useless without it! 1291 01:23:42,184 --> 01:23:45,103 -You don't need it, you've had it alI aIong. -What do you mean? 1292 01:23:45,270 --> 01:23:49,691 You defeated Dr. Evil, saved the world, and, believe me, you're gonna get the girl. 1293 01:23:50,401 --> 01:23:51,526 Well. 1294 01:23:52,736 --> 01:23:54,278 [BOTH YELL] 1295 01:23:54,446 --> 01:23:57,115 Yeah. All right, then. Maybe later. Yeah, come on. 1296 01:24:00,703 --> 01:24:01,869 Go! 1297 01:24:02,788 --> 01:24:04,956 l'll set the controIs for 1967. 1298 01:24:06,250 --> 01:24:09,460 Felicity, why don't you come with me to 1999? 1299 01:24:09,628 --> 01:24:11,921 Well, I don't know. The '60s were just so groovy. 1300 01:24:12,089 --> 01:24:14,549 l wanna to see what happens in the '70s and '80s. 1301 01:24:14,717 --> 01:24:16,426 The '70s and the '80s? 1302 01:24:16,593 --> 01:24:19,011 You're not missing anything. l looked into it. 1303 01:24:19,179 --> 01:24:24,267 There's a gas shortage and A Flock of Seagulls. That's about it. 1304 01:24:27,062 --> 01:24:28,146 Let's go! 1305 01:24:49,918 --> 01:24:51,294 l love you, Austin Powers. 1306 01:24:51,462 --> 01:24:53,963 And I love you, Felicity Shagwell. 1307 01:24:54,590 --> 01:24:56,174 Wherever we go.... 1308 01:24:56,341 --> 01:24:58,134 There we are. 1309 01:24:59,595 --> 01:25:00,803 [KNOCKlNG ON DOOR] 1310 01:25:00,971 --> 01:25:02,555 MAN: Special delivery. 1311 01:25:04,224 --> 01:25:07,685 Ah! Surprise, surprise! 1312 01:25:09,646 --> 01:25:10,855 Listen, missy. 1313 01:25:11,482 --> 01:25:13,733 Do you fancy another go? 1314 01:25:13,901 --> 01:25:18,112 Because once you've had fat, you never go back. 1315 01:25:18,280 --> 01:25:21,741 You shut your mouth, you bastard... 1316 01:25:23,076 --> 01:25:24,452 ...who is fat. 1317 01:25:24,620 --> 01:25:25,703 That's right, yeah. 1318 01:25:25,871 --> 01:25:29,457 Before you kill us, let me ask you one question: 1319 01:25:29,625 --> 01:25:33,336 -Are you happy? -What kind of stupid-ass question is that? 1320 01:25:33,504 --> 01:25:37,173 l'm rich and l'm dead sexy! 1321 01:25:37,341 --> 01:25:39,133 [CHUCKLlNG] 1322 01:25:39,301 --> 01:25:41,135 Yeah. 1323 01:25:44,681 --> 01:25:47,892 Well, you didn't answer my question. Are you happy? 1324 01:25:48,310 --> 01:25:50,228 Of course l'm not happy. 1325 01:25:50,395 --> 01:25:53,105 Look at me. l'm a big, fat slob. 1326 01:25:53,273 --> 01:25:55,650 l've got bigger titties than you do. 1327 01:25:55,818 --> 01:25:59,737 l've got more chins than a Chinese phone book! 1328 01:25:59,905 --> 01:26:02,073 l've not seen my willy in two years... 1329 01:26:02,241 --> 01:26:06,577 ...which is long enough to declare it legaIly dead! 1330 01:26:08,413 --> 01:26:11,749 l can't stop eating. 1331 01:26:12,417 --> 01:26:14,502 l eat because l'm unhappy. 1332 01:26:17,923 --> 01:26:20,925 And l'm unhappy because I eat. 1333 01:26:21,093 --> 01:26:23,177 lt's a vicious cycle. 1334 01:26:23,762 --> 01:26:25,763 lf you'll excuse me... 1335 01:26:25,931 --> 01:26:29,600 ...there's someone I have to get in touch with and forgive. 1336 01:26:30,853 --> 01:26:32,728 MyseIf. 1337 01:26:34,606 --> 01:26:36,732 [FARTS] 1338 01:26:36,900 --> 01:26:38,734 Oh, God. 1339 01:26:39,444 --> 01:26:41,779 Sorry. I farted. 1340 01:26:43,699 --> 01:26:45,950 lt's a long road ahead. 1341 01:26:48,203 --> 01:26:49,787 Oh, who am I kidding? 1342 01:26:49,955 --> 01:26:51,789 l'm gonna kill you anyway. 1343 01:26:51,957 --> 01:26:53,124 Judo chop! 1344 01:26:53,292 --> 01:26:54,458 [GROANS] 1345 01:26:54,626 --> 01:26:58,129 Right in the mommy-daddy button! 1346 01:26:58,297 --> 01:27:00,798 That's for caIling me crap, you fatty. 1347 01:27:01,258 --> 01:27:03,301 [YELLlNG] 1348 01:27:10,976 --> 01:27:13,436 Listen, baby, l don't care if he is a fat bastard. 1349 01:27:13,604 --> 01:27:18,107 You don't give a man a shot in the pills. lt's just not cricket. 1350 01:27:19,109 --> 01:27:21,110 Do you think I'll be happy here in the '90s? 1351 01:27:21,278 --> 01:27:24,572 Well, I know the '90s might sound boring... 1352 01:27:24,740 --> 01:27:26,866 ...but as far as l'm concerned... 1353 01:27:27,034 --> 01:27:30,870 ...l've brought the best part of the '60s back with me: 1354 01:27:31,705 --> 01:27:32,830 You. 1355 01:27:33,790 --> 01:27:36,000 -Wait a minute. -Where are you going? 1356 01:27:39,671 --> 01:27:42,632 [THE BANGLES' "GET THE GlRL" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] 1357 01:28:22,631 --> 01:28:24,382 Did we get Dr. Evil? 1358 01:28:24,549 --> 01:28:27,301 No, sir. He got away in that rocket that looks like a huge-- 1359 01:28:27,469 --> 01:28:31,097 Penis. The male reproductive organ. 1360 01:28:31,264 --> 01:28:34,392 AIso known as tallywhacker, schlong or-- 1361 01:28:34,559 --> 01:28:35,685 Wiener? 1362 01:28:35,852 --> 01:28:37,770 Any of you kids want another wiener? 1363 01:28:37,938 --> 01:28:39,897 Dad, what's that? 1364 01:28:40,065 --> 01:28:42,984 l don't know, son, but it's got great big-- 1365 01:28:43,151 --> 01:28:46,737 Nuts! Hot, salty nuts! Who wants some--? 1366 01:28:46,905 --> 01:28:48,114 Lord almighty! 1367 01:28:48,281 --> 01:28:50,074 That looks just like my husband's-- 1368 01:28:50,242 --> 01:28:54,578 One-eyed monster! Step right up and see the one-eyed monster! 1369 01:28:55,080 --> 01:28:57,373 [GROWLS] 1370 01:28:57,541 --> 01:28:59,875 Hey, what's that? lt looks like a big-- 1371 01:29:00,043 --> 01:29:01,127 Woody? 1372 01:29:01,294 --> 01:29:03,629 Woody Harrelson? Can I have your autograph? 1373 01:29:03,797 --> 01:29:05,798 Sure, no problem. 1374 01:29:05,966 --> 01:29:08,175 Oh, my Lord! Look at that thing. 1375 01:29:08,343 --> 01:29:09,677 lt's so big. 1376 01:29:09,845 --> 01:29:11,262 l've seen bigger. That's-- 1377 01:29:11,430 --> 01:29:13,556 Just a little prick. 1378 01:29:13,724 --> 01:29:15,224 lt's a flu shot. 1379 01:29:15,392 --> 01:29:19,228 You've been in the coldness of space. l don't want you to get sick. 1380 01:29:19,396 --> 01:29:24,567 lt's one thing to attack me. lt's quite another to attack my Mini-Me. 1381 01:29:24,735 --> 01:29:27,486 l'm gonna get you, Austin Powers. 1382 01:29:27,654 --> 01:29:29,447 l'm gonna get you. 1383 01:29:29,614 --> 01:29:32,366 [CACKLlNG] 1384 01:29:47,674 --> 01:29:48,716 Thank you. 1385 01:29:48,884 --> 01:29:51,886 We're doing a follow-up to a segment we did several months ago... 1386 01:29:52,054 --> 01:29:54,805 ...on fathers who are trying to take over the world. 1387 01:29:55,432 --> 01:29:57,391 Let's begin with Scott Evil. 1388 01:30:00,687 --> 01:30:02,104 What's going on with your dad? 1389 01:30:02,272 --> 01:30:06,275 Well, my dad tried to take over the world with a giant laser on the moon. 1390 01:30:06,443 --> 01:30:07,526 [CROWD BOOlNG] 1391 01:30:07,694 --> 01:30:08,736 I know. 1392 01:30:08,904 --> 01:30:11,989 -Well, Scott, we have a surprise for you. -What? My dad? 1393 01:30:12,157 --> 01:30:14,617 No, it's not your father. It's your mother. 1394 01:30:14,785 --> 01:30:16,327 Come on out. 1395 01:30:16,495 --> 01:30:17,828 [CROWD CHEERlNG] 1396 01:30:17,996 --> 01:30:19,997 CROWD [CHANTlNG]: Mom, mom, mom. 1397 01:30:20,165 --> 01:30:23,167 Mom, mom, mom. 1398 01:30:23,335 --> 01:30:24,460 Mom? 1399 01:30:24,920 --> 01:30:28,964 Scott, you are my love child with Dr. Evil. 1400 01:30:29,508 --> 01:30:31,675 I thought I was a test-tube baby. 1401 01:30:31,843 --> 01:30:34,887 He lies. All lies! 1402 01:30:36,139 --> 01:30:37,723 I love you, Mom. 1403 01:30:38,850 --> 01:30:40,726 I love you too, son. 1404 01:30:46,691 --> 01:30:47,691 Thank you. 1405 01:30:47,859 --> 01:30:50,569 You know, what have we learned here today? 1406 01:30:50,737 --> 01:30:54,657 Perhaps it's that no one can take your mojo. 1407 01:30:54,825 --> 01:30:55,908 You can look around... 1408 01:30:56,076 --> 01:30:58,869 ...but what you're really trying to find is on the inside. 1409 01:31:00,664 --> 01:31:03,249 Take care of yourself, and each other. 1410 01:31:10,215 --> 01:31:12,758 FELlClTY: l think l'm going to like it in the '90s. 1411 01:31:12,926 --> 01:31:17,012 l never knew it could be this way. Oh, baby! Baby, baby! 1412 01:31:17,180 --> 01:31:18,722 Oh, no. 1413 01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:21,058 [FELlClTY LAUGHlNG] 1414 01:31:21,893 --> 01:31:24,562 -Oh, that's good. -Felicity. 1415 01:31:27,065 --> 01:31:29,233 -Austin? -How could you? 1416 01:31:29,401 --> 01:31:30,901 l thought that.... 1417 01:31:31,945 --> 01:31:33,571 AUSTlN 2: Past Austin? 1418 01:31:35,157 --> 01:31:36,991 TechnicaIly, it's not cheating, baby. 1419 01:31:37,159 --> 01:31:39,994 Well, Felicity, I can't blame you. 1420 01:31:40,745 --> 01:31:42,955 The man is handsome, baby. 1421 01:31:43,123 --> 01:31:45,583 We're just plain handsome, man. 1422 01:31:45,750 --> 01:31:48,419 Am I wrong, but this makes me horny, baby? 1423 01:31:48,587 --> 01:31:50,629 Very randy! 1424 01:31:51,298 --> 01:31:55,634 Well, one thing's for sure: l've got my mojo back. 1425 01:31:55,802 --> 01:31:59,555 Oh, yes, yes, yes. lt's definitely back. 1426 01:31:59,723 --> 01:32:01,390 Hello, you all right? 1427 01:32:02,767 --> 01:32:04,935 Me spuds are boiling. 1428 01:32:05,103 --> 01:32:07,980 [ALL LAUGHlNG] 1429 01:32:08,148 --> 01:32:11,525 Come on, darIing, Iet's hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. 1430 01:32:11,693 --> 01:32:14,278 Paging Dr. Freud. 1431 01:34:36,755 --> 01:34:39,757 MUSTAFA: Hello, up there. ls the movie over? 1432 01:34:39,924 --> 01:34:43,135 l'm still down here and l'm still in quite a lot of pain. 1433 01:34:43,303 --> 01:34:45,763 Maybe someone in the lobby could caIl an ambuIance. 1434 01:34:45,930 --> 01:34:48,807 Oh! The pain is really quite severe. 1435 01:34:48,975 --> 01:34:51,852 l've fashioned a makeshift splint. Here goes nothing. 1436 01:34:52,020 --> 01:34:53,103 [CRACKlNG THEN YELLlNG] 1437 01:34:53,271 --> 01:34:54,271 [THUDS] 1438 01:34:56,524 --> 01:34:58,525 [ENGLlSH SDH]