2
00:02:40,583 --> 00:02:44,850
Craig, honey, it's time for bed.
3
00:02:46,883 --> 00:02:50,950
Craig, honey, time to get up.
4
00:02:51,184 --> 00:02:54,951
Craig, honey, time to get up.
5
00:02:55,184 --> 00:02:58,418
I'm sorry. I didn't know Orrin Hatch
was out of his cage.
6
00:02:58,651 --> 00:03:01,618
- Come here. Morning, sweetheart.
- Morning.
7
00:03:01,852 --> 00:03:03,485
What are you gonna do today, honey?
8
00:03:03,752 --> 00:03:05,385
Working in the workshop.
9
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:09,452
I was thinking, maybe you'd feel better
if you got a job.
10
00:03:09,719 --> 00:03:10,786
We've been over this.
11
00:03:11,052 --> 00:03:15,753
Nobody's looking for a puppeteer
in today's wintry economic climate.
12
00:03:16,020 --> 00:03:20,220
I know, honey, but I thought, you know...
13
00:03:20,453 --> 00:03:23,820
...maybe something else
until this puppet thing turns around.
14
00:03:24,054 --> 00:03:25,887
Derek Mantini doesn't need a day job.
15
00:03:26,154 --> 00:03:30,488
Not everybody can be Derek Mantini.
16
00:03:30,721 --> 00:03:34,188
I gotta get to the shop. We have
a shipment of kitty litter coming in.
17
00:03:34,421 --> 00:03:37,355
Will you do me a favor?
Will you take a look at Elijah today?
18
00:03:37,622 --> 00:03:42,322
- He's not feeling very good again.
- Which one is Elijah again?
19
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:46,089
- The chimp, honey.
- Yeah, okay.
20
00:03:49,156 --> 00:03:52,257
On the lighter side of the news
in Westchester County today...
21
00:03:52,490 --> 00:03:56,057
... puppeteer Derek Mantini
thrilled onlookers as he performed...
22
00:03:56,290 --> 00:04:01,457
...The Belle of Amherst
with a 60-foot Emily Dickinson puppet.
23
00:04:02,424 --> 00:04:04,491
"How dreary to be somebody!"
24
00:04:04,758 --> 00:04:09,858
"How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day"
25
00:04:10,092 --> 00:04:13,059
Gimmicky bastard.
26
00:04:15,092 --> 00:04:18,859
You don't know how lucky you are,
being a monkey.
27
00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:21,393
Because consciousness...
28
00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:24,260
...is a terrible curse.
29
00:04:24,526 --> 00:04:29,627
I think, I feel, I suffer.
30
00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:35,661
And all I ask in return
is the opportunity to do my work.
31
00:04:37,028 --> 00:04:40,361
And they won't allow it...
32
00:04:40,861 --> 00:04:44,195
...because I raise issues.
33
00:04:52,329 --> 00:04:54,829
While we enjoyed the pleasures
of an uneasy love...
34
00:04:55,096 --> 00:04:58,597
... and abandoned ourselves to fornication...
35
00:04:58,863 --> 00:05:01,430
... we were spared God's severity.
36
00:05:01,697 --> 00:05:04,897
Say no more, I beg you,
and cease from complaints like these...
37
00:05:05,131 --> 00:05:09,998
... which are so far-removed
from the true depths of love.
38
00:05:10,664 --> 00:05:13,431
Look, a puppet show!
39
00:05:13,698 --> 00:05:16,132
Okay, honey, just for a minute.
Mommy's waiting.
40
00:05:16,365 --> 00:05:20,532
Even during the celebration of Mass
when our prayers should be pure...
41
00:05:20,799 --> 00:05:25,733
... lewd visions of these pleasures
take such a hold upon my unhappy soul...
42
00:05:25,999 --> 00:05:29,433
... that my thoughts are
on their very wantonness...
43
00:05:29,666 --> 00:05:32,967
... instead of my prayers.
44
00:05:36,467 --> 00:05:38,801
Sometimes my thoughts are betrayed...
45
00:05:39,067 --> 00:05:42,134
... by the movement of my body.
46
00:05:42,401 --> 00:05:45,835
I took my fill
of my wretched pleasures in you...
47
00:05:46,101 --> 00:05:50,235
... and this was the sum total of my love.
48
00:06:20,605 --> 00:06:23,538
You motherfucker!
49
00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:32,573
Oh, Craig!
50
00:06:32,806 --> 00:06:35,473
Honey, not again!
51
00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:38,773
Why do you do this to yourself, honey?
52
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,940
I'm a puppeteer.
53
00:08:12,649 --> 00:08:14,016
Seven and a half, right?
54
00:08:14,283 --> 00:08:18,250
- Yeah.
- I'll take you through it.
55
00:08:36,252 --> 00:08:38,452
Seven and a half.
56
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:41,385
Thank you.
57
00:09:13,155 --> 00:09:15,989
Welcome to Lestercorp.
How may we meet your filing needs?
58
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,756
No. My name's Craig Schwartz.
59
00:09:18,989 --> 00:09:21,456
I have an interview with Dr. Lester.
60
00:09:21,723 --> 00:09:24,923
- Please have a seat, Mr. Juarez.
- Schwartz.
61
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,090
- Pardon?
- Schwartz.
62
00:09:27,357 --> 00:09:31,657
I'm sorry, I have no idea
what you're saying to me right now.
63
00:09:31,891 --> 00:09:36,091
- My name is Schwartz.
- "My name is Warts."
64
00:09:44,392 --> 00:09:47,059
Mr. Juarez?
65
00:09:47,459 --> 00:09:48,225
Yes?
66
00:09:48,492 --> 00:09:50,692
- Chest?
- I said, "Yes".
67
00:09:50,959 --> 00:09:52,759
You suggest what?
68
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:57,693
I'm sorry. I have no time for piddling
suggestions from mumbling job applicants.
69
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,827
Besides, Dr. Lester will see you now.
70
00:10:02,827 --> 00:10:06,261
Come in, Mr. Juarez.
71
00:10:06,661 --> 00:10:09,961
My name is Craig Schwartz, Dr. Lester.
72
00:10:10,228 --> 00:10:10,961
Security!
73
00:10:11,228 --> 00:10:14,295
No, sir, it's just a little mix-up
with your secretary.
74
00:10:14,561 --> 00:10:17,395
My name is Craig Schwartz.
I tried to explain that to her.
75
00:10:17,628 --> 00:10:19,429
She's not my secretary.
76
00:10:19,695 --> 00:10:22,162
She's what they call an executive liaison.
77
00:10:22,396 --> 00:10:25,229
And I am not banging her,
if that's what you're implying.
78
00:10:25,496 --> 00:10:30,330
No, sir, not at all.
I think I must have simply misspoke.
79
00:10:37,997 --> 00:10:40,731
Well, now, tell me, Dr. Schwartz...
80
00:10:40,997 --> 00:10:45,365
...what do you feel
you can bring to Lestercorp?
81
00:10:45,365 --> 00:10:47,531
Well, sir, I'm an excellent filer.
82
00:10:47,798 --> 00:10:52,165
Are you? All right. Let's see about that.
83
00:10:56,566 --> 00:11:02,100
Which of these two letters comes first?
This one or this one?
84
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,933
The symbol on the left is not a letter, sir.
85
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,934
Damn, you're good.
86
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,467
- I was trying to trick you.
- I see.
87
00:11:11,734 --> 00:11:17,534
- Well then, put these in order.
- Yes, sir.
88
00:11:21,702 --> 00:11:23,968
Floris, get Guinness on the phone.
89
00:11:24,202 --> 00:11:26,869
Yes, sir. Genghis Khan Capone. Fine.
90
00:11:27,135 --> 00:11:28,302
Damn fine woman, Floris.
91
00:11:28,536 --> 00:11:33,769
I don't know how she puts up
with this speech impediment of mine.
92
00:11:34,136 --> 00:11:37,303
You don't have a speech impediment,
Dr. Lester.
93
00:11:37,536 --> 00:11:40,337
Flattery will get you everywhere, my boy.
94
00:11:40,603 --> 00:11:43,470
I'm afraid I have to trust Floris on that one.
95
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,404
You see, she's got her doctorate...
96
00:11:45,637 --> 00:11:48,404
...in Speech Impedimentology
from Case Western.
97
00:11:48,638 --> 00:11:51,138
I apologize if you can't understand
a word I'm saying.
98
00:11:51,404 --> 00:11:53,971
No, I understand perfectly.
99
00:11:54,238 --> 00:11:56,438
It's very kind of you to lie.
100
00:11:56,705 --> 00:11:58,472
You see, I've been very Ionely...
101
00:11:58,739 --> 00:12:03,706
...in my isolated tower
of indecipherable speech.
102
00:12:08,506 --> 00:12:10,573
You got the job.
103
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,740
- Any questions?
- Well, just one.
104
00:12:14,007 --> 00:12:16,140
Why are these ceilings so low?
105
00:12:16,374 --> 00:12:20,641
Low overhead, my boy!
We pass the savings on to you.
106
00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:25,508
But seriously, that'll all be covered
in orientation.
107
00:12:54,011 --> 00:12:56,711
Welcome to the 7 1/2 floor
of the Mertin-Flemmer building.
108
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,078
As you'll now be spending
your workday here...
109
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:03,345
... it's important that you learn a bit
about the history of this famous floor.
110
00:13:03,578 --> 00:13:05,179
- Hello, Don.
- Hello, Wendy.
111
00:13:05,412 --> 00:13:07,745
Don, I was wondering, do you know why...
112
00:13:08,012 --> 00:13:10,046
... our workplace has such low ceilings?
113
00:13:10,312 --> 00:13:14,013
It's an interesting story.
Many years ago in the late 1800s...
114
00:13:14,279 --> 00:13:17,846
... James Mertin, an Irish ship captain,
came to this town...
115
00:13:18,113 --> 00:13:20,547
... and decided to erect an office building.
116
00:13:20,813 --> 00:13:24,147
He called this building the Mertin-Flemmer
building after himself and...
117
00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:27,414
... someone else, who local legend
has it was named Flemmer.
118
00:13:27,647 --> 00:13:30,914
Well, one day, old Captain Mertin received
an unexpected visitor.
119
00:13:31,148 --> 00:13:34,748
- Captain Mertin?
- Aye. What want ye, girl child?
120
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:38,915
I'm not a child, but rather an adult lady
of miniature proportions.
121
00:13:39,149 --> 00:13:42,416
I see. Well, if it's charity you're after...
122
00:13:42,649 --> 00:13:45,083
... be gone with ye, you foul demon!
123
00:13:45,349 --> 00:13:47,049
I'm not asking for alms, Captain...
124
00:13:47,283 --> 00:13:50,183
... but, rather, the ear of a kind man
with a noble heart.
125
00:13:50,416 --> 00:13:53,017
Well, speak then, if you must.
126
00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:56,917
Captain Mertin, I'm afraid that the world
was not built with me in mind.
127
00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:59,851
Doorknobs are too high,
chairs are unwieldy...
128
00:14:00,084 --> 00:14:02,818
... and high-ceilinged rooms
mock my stature.
129
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:06,951
Why cannot there be a place for me
to work that's safe and comfortable?
130
00:14:07,185 --> 00:14:09,618
Thy story has moved me like no other.
131
00:14:09,852 --> 00:14:14,385
Therefore, I shall make ye me wife.
132
00:14:14,652 --> 00:14:16,952
And I shall build a floor for ye...
133
00:14:17,186 --> 00:14:20,919
... between the seventh and the eighth
in me own building...
134
00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:24,653
... so at least there'll be one place
on God's green earth...
135
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:29,487
... where ye and your accursed kind
can live in peace.
136
00:14:29,987 --> 00:14:32,554
So that's the story of 7 1/2.
137
00:14:32,787 --> 00:14:36,188
Since the rents are considerably lower,
this floor has been adopted...
138
00:14:36,421 --> 00:14:39,788
... by businesses which have been forced
to cut corners.
139
00:14:40,055 --> 00:14:43,855
After all, the overhead is low.
140
00:14:53,889 --> 00:14:56,890
Moving story, huh?
141
00:14:57,223 --> 00:15:01,023
Unfortunately, the story's bullshit.
142
00:15:03,624 --> 00:15:06,591
Listen, I'm Craig Schwartz.
I'm just starting out at Lestercorp.
143
00:15:06,824 --> 00:15:10,191
Where are you starting out?
144
00:15:13,325 --> 00:15:15,658
Shut up! Shut up!
145
00:15:15,925 --> 00:15:17,892
- Shut up! Shut up!
- Hey, shut up!
146
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:21,425
- Shut up!
- I'm sorry, honey.
147
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,626
Sorry, honey.
148
00:15:23,892 --> 00:15:25,793
Sorry, honey.
149
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,926
- Shut up!
- Sorry!
150
00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:30,760
- Help! She's locking me in a cage.
- Isn't that cute?
151
00:15:31,026 --> 00:15:35,694
- I just taught him that today.
- Yeah, that's adorable.
152
00:15:36,427 --> 00:15:39,161
- You want to do some dishes for me?
- Put that down.
153
00:15:39,394 --> 00:15:41,494
Here, Elijah. Here you go.
154
00:15:41,728 --> 00:15:45,761
You know, I have an appointment
tomorrow with Elijah's shrink.
155
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,495
I think we're finally getting down
to the bottom...
156
00:15:48,728 --> 00:15:53,362
...of this acid stomach, aren't we?
Come here.
157
00:15:55,196 --> 00:15:56,329
Get down from the...
158
00:15:56,562 --> 00:16:01,329
She thinks that it's some sort
of childhood trauma.
159
00:16:01,996 --> 00:16:05,663
Feelings of inadequacy as a chimp,
you know?
160
00:16:05,930 --> 00:16:10,064
Careful. Isn't that interesting?
161
00:16:10,497 --> 00:16:13,997
I find it really interesting.
162
00:16:17,064 --> 00:16:22,065
So, honey, have you thought any more
about us having a baby?
163
00:16:24,865 --> 00:16:28,999
I think it's just so tough right now,
economically and all...
164
00:16:29,232 --> 00:16:34,833
...that I think maybe we should just wait
and see if this job thing pays off.
165
00:16:35,066 --> 00:16:37,700
You know?
166
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,901
I was thinking about what you said
the other day...
167
00:16:46,167 --> 00:16:49,368
...about the orientation film being bullshit.
- Yes?
168
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,368
I think maybe you're on to something.
169
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:55,502
- And 50 other lines to get in a girl's pants.
- No, no!
170
00:16:55,768 --> 00:16:59,235
No, I was just talking about the film.
171
00:16:59,469 --> 00:17:02,002
Here's the thing.
172
00:17:02,269 --> 00:17:08,370
If you ever got me, you wouldn't
have a clue what to do with me.
173
00:17:10,803 --> 00:17:14,870
I wasn't. I was talking about the film.
174
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:23,538
What magic those fingers could work
on the right cabinet.
175
00:17:23,771 --> 00:17:26,371
Maybe you could alphabetize me.
176
00:17:26,605 --> 00:17:27,838
And don't forget...
177
00:17:28,071 --> 00:17:32,905
..."I" comes before "U".
178
00:17:33,805 --> 00:17:36,672
Floris, I think you're very nice...
179
00:17:36,906 --> 00:17:41,273
...but the truth is that I'm in love
with someone else.
180
00:17:41,506 --> 00:17:45,173
I'm afraid I have no idea
what you're saying to me.
181
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,374
- You bastard.
- What?
182
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,474
- Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz.
- No.
183
00:17:51,741 --> 00:17:54,474
If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears.
184
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,808
I wasn't toying with her, sir. I wouldn't...
185
00:17:58,074 --> 00:18:01,775
- Pardon me. How old are you, sir?
- 105.
186
00:18:02,042 --> 00:18:04,475
Carrot juice, and lots of it.
187
00:18:04,742 --> 00:18:08,342
I swear, sometimes it's not worth it.
I piss orange.
188
00:18:08,576 --> 00:18:10,376
And I have to piss sitting down...
189
00:18:10,609 --> 00:18:14,076
...like a goddamn girly-girl,
every 15 minutes.
190
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:17,210
But nobody wants to die.
191
00:18:17,443 --> 00:18:20,477
To be a young man again.
192
00:18:20,710 --> 00:18:24,510
Maybe then Floris would care for me.
193
00:18:24,744 --> 00:18:27,977
The elderly have so much to offer.
They're our link with history.
194
00:18:28,211 --> 00:18:30,478
I don't wanna be your goddamn link,
damn ya.
195
00:18:30,711 --> 00:18:34,511
I want to feel Floris's naked thighs
next to mine.
196
00:18:34,778 --> 00:18:36,945
I want my body to inspire lust...
197
00:18:37,178 --> 00:18:39,645
...in that beautiful, complex woman.
198
00:18:39,912 --> 00:18:42,746
I want her to shiver
with a spasm of ecstasy...
199
00:18:42,979 --> 00:18:44,946
...as I penetrate her wet...
200
00:18:45,179 --> 00:18:48,746
Dr. Lester, while I'm flattered
you would share your feelings with me...
201
00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:53,380
...the workplace isn't the most suitable
environment for this type of discussion.
202
00:18:53,613 --> 00:18:55,214
You're right. I'll tell you what.
203
00:18:55,447 --> 00:18:59,347
Meet me after work today
at Jerry's Juiceteria on Lex...
204
00:18:59,581 --> 00:19:03,681
...and I'll spill my goddamn guts for ya.
205
00:19:05,015 --> 00:19:08,081
No, I won't be late, Lotte.
I just have to, you know...
206
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:11,882
...listen to Lester's sexual fantasies
and drink carrot juice for a while.
207
00:19:12,149 --> 00:19:15,416
It's a job thing, really.
208
00:19:16,882 --> 00:19:20,349
So, I'll talk to you later, okay?
Yeah. You, too.
209
00:19:20,616 --> 00:19:24,216
Gotta go back to work. Okay, bye.
210
00:19:25,183 --> 00:19:29,117
Hi. Do you know that I don't even know
your name or where you work?
211
00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:31,951
Yeah.
212
00:19:34,317 --> 00:19:35,584
How about this?
213
00:19:35,818 --> 00:19:41,585
If I can guess your name in three tries,
you have to have a drink with me tonight.
214
00:19:41,818 --> 00:19:43,718
Why not?
215
00:19:43,952 --> 00:19:46,419
Okay.
216
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:49,586
You look like a...
217
00:19:52,019 --> 00:19:54,719
...Bar...
218
00:19:54,953 --> 00:19:57,786
...Ru...
219
00:19:58,053 --> 00:20:00,887
...Bell...
220
00:20:01,153 --> 00:20:03,820
...Carol...
221
00:20:04,054 --> 00:20:06,754
...Ta, Cher...
222
00:20:07,021 --> 00:20:09,154
...Susan...
223
00:20:09,388 --> 00:20:12,988
...Emily...
224
00:20:13,221 --> 00:20:15,888
...Marlar...
225
00:20:16,155 --> 00:20:19,222
...Maxine. Maxine?
226
00:20:19,489 --> 00:20:21,856
Yeah! Who told you?
227
00:20:22,122 --> 00:20:27,989
Nobody told me.
That just came out. Isn't that odd?
228
00:20:28,123 --> 00:20:30,756
So where do you live and stuff?
229
00:20:30,990 --> 00:20:32,590
I am dubious...
230
00:20:32,823 --> 00:20:34,457
...but I don't welsh.
231
00:20:34,723 --> 00:20:38,457
Okay, meet me at The Stuck Pig, 7:00.
232
00:20:38,724 --> 00:20:40,624
If you're late, I walk.
233
00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:43,024
Nubile. Blonde.
234
00:20:43,258 --> 00:20:45,858
Wet with desire. Me in leather.
235
00:20:46,091 --> 00:20:47,425
A harness, if you like.
236
00:20:47,691 --> 00:20:51,092
And all eyes, Craig,
are upon me as I speak.
237
00:20:51,358 --> 00:20:53,025
"Ladies", I begin.
238
00:20:53,259 --> 00:20:56,992
"I am the love god Eros." They like that.
239
00:20:57,226 --> 00:20:59,026
"I intoxicate you."
240
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:02,126
"My spunk is, to you, manna from heaven."
241
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:05,327
Dr. Lester, this is all really fascinating
and stuff...
242
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,227
...but I gotta get back home to my wife.
243
00:21:08,494 --> 00:21:10,960
- You have a wife. I'd like to meet her.
- Yes, sir.
244
00:21:11,194 --> 00:21:13,961
Shall we say dinner Thursday?
245
00:21:14,194 --> 00:21:16,028
You can come, too, if you like.
246
00:21:16,294 --> 00:21:19,628
Get that? That was a joke.
You hear what I said? You can come, too.
247
00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:21,295
That was a good one.
248
00:21:21,562 --> 00:21:25,229
- All right. Thank you.
- Yeah.
249
00:21:33,229 --> 00:21:35,130
Maxine.
250
00:21:35,396 --> 00:21:37,463
- I made it, Maxine.
- Just.
251
00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:39,630
Buy you a drink, Maxine?
252
00:21:39,897 --> 00:21:42,830
Are you married?
253
00:21:43,530 --> 00:21:47,264
- Yeah. But enough about me.
- Yeah.
254
00:21:48,097 --> 00:21:51,198
- What'll you have?
- I'll have more of the same, please, Barry.
255
00:21:51,431 --> 00:21:55,865
And I'll have a light beer, or something.
256
00:21:58,832 --> 00:22:01,199
So...
257
00:22:01,566 --> 00:22:04,599
I don't know, I like you.
258
00:22:04,832 --> 00:22:07,466
- I don't know what it is about you. I just...
- My tits?
259
00:22:07,699 --> 00:22:09,933
- No!
- No?
260
00:22:10,166 --> 00:22:12,600
It's your energy,
the way you carry yourself.
261
00:22:12,833 --> 00:22:14,267
You're not a fag, are you?
262
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,334
No. I am really attracted to you.
263
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,934
"I am really attracted to you."
You are a fag.
264
00:22:19,167 --> 00:22:21,234
Well, we can share recipes, Darlene.
265
00:22:21,467 --> 00:22:26,268
- Wait! I love your tits. I wanna fuck 'em.
- Now we're gettin' somewhere.
266
00:22:26,535 --> 00:22:29,302
Not a chance.
267
00:22:29,602 --> 00:22:32,635
So tell me about yourself.
268
00:22:32,902 --> 00:22:36,902
If you can get your mind
out of the gutter long enough, dog boy.
269
00:22:37,169 --> 00:22:39,169
Well, I'm a puppeteer.
270
00:22:39,403 --> 00:22:42,503
- I've been...
- Check.
271
00:22:49,837 --> 00:22:54,871
I'm sorry I'm so late.
Lester just wouldn't let me get away.
272
00:22:55,138 --> 00:22:58,438
Hi, Elijah. We're supposed to have dinner
with him on Thursday...
273
00:22:58,671 --> 00:23:00,705
...but I can get us out of it, if you want.
274
00:23:00,971 --> 00:23:04,738
It's amazing. He's like this insane old lech,
and it's kind of amusing...
275
00:23:04,972 --> 00:23:07,605
...once you get past
how disgusting it actually is.
276
00:23:07,839 --> 00:23:09,839
- Did you eat?
- No. I'm not hungry.
277
00:23:10,106 --> 00:23:12,773
I'm sorry I didn't call.
It was just hard to get away.
278
00:23:13,006 --> 00:23:16,773
- I was worried.
- I'm sorry.
279
00:23:18,206 --> 00:23:20,907
You know...
280
00:23:21,774 --> 00:23:25,074
...you wanted me to work.
281
00:23:27,174 --> 00:23:30,374
How was your evening?
282
00:23:30,608 --> 00:23:33,008
Tom-Tom's puncture wound is infected.
283
00:23:33,241 --> 00:23:37,242
- The ferret?
- The iguana.
284
00:23:37,675 --> 00:23:39,175
So I just dressed the wound...
285
00:23:39,409 --> 00:23:44,809
...and I've just been feeding everyone
and putting everybody to bed.
286
00:23:45,209 --> 00:23:48,676
- You want a beer?
- No. I think I'm going to go to bed.
287
00:23:48,943 --> 00:23:51,210
Elijah's gonna sleep with us tonight.
288
00:23:51,476 --> 00:23:55,677
- I don't think he's feeling very well.
- Okay.
289
00:23:56,677 --> 00:24:00,844
You know what? I'm gonna go
in my workshop for a little while.
290
00:24:01,111 --> 00:24:05,145
- But I'll be in in a little while.
- Okay.
291
00:24:46,149 --> 00:24:50,416
Tell me, why do you love puppeteering?
292
00:24:51,983 --> 00:24:55,750
Well, Maxine, I'm not sure exactly.
293
00:24:55,983 --> 00:24:59,250
Perhaps it's the idea of becoming
someone else for a little while.
294
00:24:59,483 --> 00:25:01,950
Being inside another skin...
295
00:25:02,217 --> 00:25:05,251
...thinking differently, moving differently...
296
00:25:05,517 --> 00:25:08,051
...feeling differently.
297
00:25:08,284 --> 00:25:10,718
Interesting, Craig.
298
00:25:10,951 --> 00:25:13,618
Would you like to be inside my skin...
299
00:25:13,885 --> 00:25:19,019
...think what I think, feel what I feel?
300
00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:24,486
More than anything, Maxine.
301
00:25:26,819 --> 00:25:29,386
It's good in here, Craig.
302
00:25:29,653 --> 00:25:33,787
It's better than your wildest dreams.
303
00:26:00,623 --> 00:26:02,856
You're not somebody
I could get interested in.
304
00:26:03,090 --> 00:26:05,023
You play with dolls.
305
00:26:05,257 --> 00:26:06,690
Puppets, Maxine.
306
00:26:06,923 --> 00:26:10,090
It's the idea of being inside
someone else's skin...
307
00:26:10,357 --> 00:26:13,857
...and seeing what they see
and feeling what they feel.
308
00:26:14,091 --> 00:26:15,258
Yikes!
309
00:26:15,524 --> 00:26:17,858
It's just that, well...
Please, let me explain.
310
00:26:18,124 --> 00:26:20,358
I've never done this before, but...
311
00:26:20,625 --> 00:26:24,892
...I feel something for you,
and I've never felt this way before...
312
00:26:25,159 --> 00:26:28,926
...you know, about anybody,
not even my wife.
313
00:26:29,159 --> 00:26:30,826
And I just...
314
00:26:31,092 --> 00:26:35,693
I really feel that you and I belong together.
315
00:27:01,495 --> 00:27:03,929
Shit.
316
00:28:32,705 --> 00:28:35,638
What's the file number?
317
00:30:36,817 --> 00:30:40,484
You know what?
The puppeteer told me he loved me today.
318
00:30:40,717 --> 00:30:44,651
I know. I can't think
of anything more pathetic.
319
00:30:44,885 --> 00:30:47,551
I'm sorry.
320
00:30:48,452 --> 00:30:51,285
Afternoon, sir.
321
00:31:01,786 --> 00:31:05,387
The Broadhurst Theatre, please.
322
00:31:11,420 --> 00:31:14,254
Say, ain't you that actor guy?
323
00:31:14,521 --> 00:31:16,288
Yes.
324
00:31:16,554 --> 00:31:20,221
John, what is, John...
325
00:31:21,121 --> 00:31:22,722
Don't tell me. Maplethorpe?
326
00:31:22,988 --> 00:31:27,189
- Malkovich.
- Malkovich. Right.
327
00:31:27,422 --> 00:31:29,989
Yeah. I thought you were all right
in that one movie.
328
00:31:30,222 --> 00:31:31,422
Thank you.
329
00:31:31,689 --> 00:31:33,889
The one where you played a jewel thief.
330
00:31:34,156 --> 00:31:37,556
- I never played a jewel thief.
- No?
331
00:31:37,823 --> 00:31:41,624
- Who am I thinkin' of?
- I don't know.
332
00:31:43,590 --> 00:31:47,824
No, no, I'm pretty sure it was you.
333
00:32:25,361 --> 00:32:28,395
Yeah. Absolutely, doll.
334
00:32:28,395 --> 00:32:33,595
I'm just about to close up.
Wanna meet at The Pig in 20 minutes?
335
00:32:33,829 --> 00:32:36,129
Cool. Bye.
336
00:32:36,362 --> 00:32:39,663
I'm splittin' for the day, puppet man.
Lock up for me, okay?
337
00:32:39,929 --> 00:32:42,096
Don't you wanna know
what happened to me?
338
00:32:42,330 --> 00:32:42,996
No.
339
00:32:43,263 --> 00:32:46,563
- Please, this is important.
- Better be.
340
00:32:46,797 --> 00:32:49,297
It is.
341
00:32:54,131 --> 00:32:56,564
There's a tiny door in my office, Maxine.
342
00:32:56,798 --> 00:33:01,231
It's a portal, and it takes you
inside John Malkovich.
343
00:33:01,465 --> 00:33:03,932
You see the world
through John Malkovich's eyes...
344
00:33:04,198 --> 00:33:06,599
...and then after 15 minutes,
you're spit out...
345
00:33:06,865 --> 00:33:09,432
...into a ditch on the side
of the New Jersey Turnpike.
346
00:33:09,699 --> 00:33:12,933
Sounds great!
Who the fuck is John Malkovich?
347
00:33:13,199 --> 00:33:16,800
He's an actor. He's one of the great
American actors of the 20th century.
348
00:33:17,033 --> 00:33:19,200
Oh, yeah? What's he been in?
349
00:33:19,467 --> 00:33:21,567
Lots of things. That jewel thief movie.
350
00:33:21,834 --> 00:33:24,967
He's very well-respected.
Anyway, the point is...
351
00:33:25,201 --> 00:33:28,101
...this is a very odd thing.
352
00:33:28,334 --> 00:33:31,134
It's supernatural, for lack of a better word.
353
00:33:31,368 --> 00:33:35,735
I mean, it raises all sorts
of philosophical-type questions...
354
00:33:35,968 --> 00:33:39,335
...about the nature of self,
about the existence of a soul.
355
00:33:39,602 --> 00:33:43,336
You know, am I me?
Is Malkovich Malkovich?
356
00:33:43,602 --> 00:33:45,703
I had a piece of wood in my hand, Maxine.
357
00:33:45,936 --> 00:33:49,303
I don't have it any more. Where is it?
358
00:33:49,570 --> 00:33:51,737
Did it disappear? How could that be?
359
00:33:51,970 --> 00:33:56,504
Is it still in Malkovich's head?
I don't know!
360
00:33:57,004 --> 00:34:02,204
Do you see what a metaphysical
can of worms this portal is?
361
00:34:05,471 --> 00:34:11,172
I don't see how I could go on living my life
the way I've lived it before.
362
00:34:26,807 --> 00:34:27,307
Yeah?
363
00:34:27,573 --> 00:34:30,407
So I've been thinking,
is this Malkovich fellow appealing?
364
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,807
Maxine! Yes, of course, Maxine.
He's a celebrity.
365
00:34:34,074 --> 00:34:36,974
Good. We'll sell tickets.
366
00:34:37,241 --> 00:34:40,075
- Tickets to Malkovich?
- Exactly.
367
00:34:40,308 --> 00:34:43,642
$200 a pop.
368
00:34:43,708 --> 00:34:46,909
But, Maxine, there's something,
I don't know, like, profound here.
369
00:34:47,175 --> 00:34:51,509
I don't know if we should exploit it.
You think?
370
00:34:51,743 --> 00:34:55,176
I need you for this, Craigy.
You're my man on the inside.
371
00:34:55,410 --> 00:34:59,477
You need me? I'm your man?
372
00:35:00,243 --> 00:35:03,077
Sure, whatever.
373
00:35:03,577 --> 00:35:05,777
Hey everybody, I'm home.
374
00:35:06,011 --> 00:35:08,344
- Treats for everyone.
- Maxine?
375
00:35:08,611 --> 00:35:12,878
- Yeah?
- We don't know the significance of this.
376
00:35:13,145 --> 00:35:16,345
It might be dangerous to toy with?
377
00:35:16,612 --> 00:35:20,312
I'll protect you, doll face.
378
00:35:20,412 --> 00:35:22,979
Bye-bye.
379
00:35:25,513 --> 00:35:27,779
Who was that?
380
00:35:28,046 --> 00:35:31,380
I'm going to be working a lot of late nights
with this partner...
381
00:35:31,613 --> 00:35:35,414
...'cause Lestercorp's open during the day,
so I'll be working a lot of nights.
382
00:35:35,647 --> 00:35:38,581
It's a good thing. It'll get us
out of the hole financially...
383
00:35:38,847 --> 00:35:40,947
...'cause we're gonna turn it
into a business.
384
00:35:41,214 --> 00:35:43,948
But I don't understand.
385
00:35:44,214 --> 00:35:48,548
There's no such thing as a hole,
or a portal into somebody's brain.
386
00:35:48,815 --> 00:35:52,849
Yes, there is. A brain or soul or whatever.
387
00:35:53,082 --> 00:35:56,516
I was inside John Malkovich lookin' out.
388
00:35:56,782 --> 00:35:57,982
- Really?
- Yep.
389
00:35:58,216 --> 00:36:00,816
- I wanna try it then.
- Pardon?
390
00:36:01,049 --> 00:36:03,516
I want to be John Malkovich tomorrow.
391
00:36:03,783 --> 00:36:06,383
That'd be perfect,
'cause then I can meet your partner.
392
00:36:06,650 --> 00:36:10,817
The thing is, Lestercorp's open during
the day, so we can't go during the day.
393
00:36:11,084 --> 00:36:14,117
But if you want to, we can do it right now.
394
00:36:14,351 --> 00:36:18,885
- Now? Right now?
- Tonight, on the way to Lester's.
395
00:36:30,086 --> 00:36:35,286
I'll meet you on the side of the road
by the New Jersey Turnpike.
396
00:36:39,687 --> 00:36:42,387
I'm scared.
397
00:36:42,587 --> 00:36:46,387
You don't have to do this, you know.
398
00:36:47,354 --> 00:36:48,788
No.
399
00:36:49,021 --> 00:36:51,488
No, I wanna go.
400
00:36:51,721 --> 00:36:55,055
- You sure?
- Yeah.
401
00:37:14,390 --> 00:37:16,990
It's wet.
402
00:37:17,724 --> 00:37:20,224
Weird.
403
00:37:27,125 --> 00:37:29,892
That's nice.
404
00:37:37,226 --> 00:37:41,359
God, I feel sexy.
405
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:51,027
Lotte, are you all right?
406
00:37:54,961 --> 00:37:56,694
Craig, I gotta go back!
407
00:37:56,961 --> 00:37:58,961
- No!
- Maybe tomorrow.
408
00:37:59,228 --> 00:38:04,895
- No! I gotta go back now!
- We'll talk about it later.
409
00:38:06,929 --> 00:38:10,029
Being inside did something to me.
410
00:38:10,262 --> 00:38:13,229
I knew who I was.
411
00:38:16,930 --> 00:38:20,363
It's like everything made sense.
I knew who I was.
412
00:38:20,597 --> 00:38:23,264
But you weren't you.
You were John Malkovich.
413
00:38:23,530 --> 00:38:27,831
God, I was. I was, wasn't I?
414
00:38:31,565 --> 00:38:34,698
I was John Malkovich.
415
00:38:35,498 --> 00:38:39,932
I was John fucking Malkovich!
416
00:38:42,599 --> 00:38:46,799
- Take me back, Craig.
- We're late for Lester.
417
00:38:50,233 --> 00:38:54,567
So tell me, Lotte,
can you understand a word I'm saying?
418
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,600
Oh, yes, Dr. Lester. Absolutely.
419
00:38:56,834 --> 00:39:00,134
You were just explaining
the nutritional value...
420
00:39:00,401 --> 00:39:05,135
...of ingesting minerals through a colloidal
form which I couldn't agree more with.
421
00:39:05,401 --> 00:39:08,435
Be still, my heart.
422
00:39:11,335 --> 00:39:14,836
Dr. Lester, would you point me
in the direction of the restroom?
423
00:39:15,069 --> 00:39:20,736
With the greatest pleasure, my dear.
You go up the grand "escalier"...
424
00:39:20,803 --> 00:39:25,403
...and once atop the stairs you'll want
to enter the fifth door on my left.
425
00:39:25,670 --> 00:39:30,837
- Watch the step down. It's sunken.
- Okay. Thank you.
426
00:40:43,711 --> 00:40:48,812
What do you think Lester's relationship
with John Malkovich is?
427
00:40:50,112 --> 00:40:51,912
That portal's been boarded up forever.
428
00:40:52,179 --> 00:40:56,912
I bet Lester's not even aware of it, him,
the portal. Why?
429
00:40:57,179 --> 00:40:58,713
No reason. I was just thinking.
430
00:40:58,946 --> 00:41:02,646
Do you think that it's kind of weird
that John Malkovich has a portal?
431
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:06,013
Do you think it might have some sort
of significance, for example?
432
00:41:06,247 --> 00:41:08,980
I don't know. Why do you think that?
433
00:41:09,214 --> 00:41:10,647
I don't even care.
434
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:14,347
I think it's kind of sexy
that John Malkovich has a portal.
435
00:41:14,614 --> 00:41:16,881
Sort of like he's a vagina.
436
00:41:17,148 --> 00:41:19,115
It's sort of vaginal, like he has a...
437
00:41:19,348 --> 00:41:22,582
...he has a penis and a vagina.
438
00:41:22,815 --> 00:41:24,682
It's sort of like...
439
00:41:24,949 --> 00:41:28,449
...Malkovich's feminine side.
440
00:41:29,349 --> 00:41:32,116
I like that.
441
00:41:34,383 --> 00:41:36,416
"Visit J.M. Inc., Mertin-Flemmer Building...
442
00:41:36,650 --> 00:41:39,450
...nightly from 9:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m."
443
00:41:39,717 --> 00:41:42,550
Sounds good. Oblique, but intriguing.
Phone it in.
444
00:41:42,784 --> 00:41:46,251
- Want me to phone it in?
- No.
445
00:41:47,617 --> 00:41:50,284
- Lotte!
- Hi.
446
00:41:50,551 --> 00:41:54,485
- I heard your voice.
- What are you doing here?
447
00:41:54,718 --> 00:41:57,885
Is this your partner? She's pretty.
448
00:41:58,152 --> 00:42:01,586
I had to do the Malkovich ride again,
you know? Is this her?
449
00:42:01,852 --> 00:42:03,619
- Hi. You're Craig's wife?
- Yeah. Hi.
450
00:42:03,852 --> 00:42:06,453
Lotte, Maxine. Maxine, Lotte.
451
00:42:06,686 --> 00:42:11,520
- Have you done Malkovich yet?
- Hi. Yeah, I want to place an ad.
452
00:42:11,787 --> 00:42:13,620
Okay. "Ever want to be someone else?"
453
00:42:13,853 --> 00:42:17,020
No, that's the ad, but we can talk
about you in a minute.
454
00:42:17,287 --> 00:42:19,254
"Ever want to be someone else?"
455
00:42:19,487 --> 00:42:22,321
"Now you can. Visit J.M. Inc."
456
00:42:22,588 --> 00:42:24,054
"Inc. Mertin."
457
00:42:24,288 --> 00:42:25,655
"M-E-R-T-I-N. Flemmer."
458
00:42:25,921 --> 00:42:29,422
You should really be at work.
459
00:42:31,122 --> 00:42:36,289
I've been going over and over
my experience last night, Craig.
460
00:42:36,922 --> 00:42:39,756
It was amazing.
461
00:42:40,523 --> 00:42:43,356
I've decided...
462
00:42:43,490 --> 00:42:44,890
...that I'm a transsexual.
463
00:42:45,157 --> 00:42:48,257
- I know it's the craziest thing, Craig!
- Are you fuckin' nuts?
464
00:42:48,524 --> 00:42:53,957
No. It's just that for the first time,
everything just felt right.
465
00:42:53,957 --> 00:42:56,191
I've got to make sure.
466
00:42:56,458 --> 00:43:00,191
But if the feeling is still there...
467
00:43:00,858 --> 00:43:04,758
...I'm going to talk to Dr. Feldman
about sexual reassignment surgery.
468
00:43:04,992 --> 00:43:07,659
This is absurd!
Besides, Feldman is an allergist.
469
00:43:07,925 --> 00:43:10,492
If you're going to do something, do it right.
470
00:43:10,759 --> 00:43:13,493
You get these half-assed ideas
and do a half-assed job.
471
00:43:13,759 --> 00:43:14,626
Just drop it.
472
00:43:14,893 --> 00:43:18,160
It's just that I really like Dr. Feldman.
All right?
473
00:43:18,427 --> 00:43:20,993
So I thought
that I would ask him his opinion.
474
00:43:21,260 --> 00:43:23,394
Is there something so terrible about that?
475
00:43:23,627 --> 00:43:27,194
- Why do you always yell at me like this?
- Sweetie, I'm sorry.
476
00:43:27,427 --> 00:43:31,761
It's just a phase. It's the thrill of seeing
through somebody else's eyes.
477
00:43:32,028 --> 00:43:34,361
Okay? It'll pass.
478
00:43:34,595 --> 00:43:38,729
Don't stand in the way
of my actualization as a man.
479
00:43:38,995 --> 00:43:40,562
Let her go, Craig.
480
00:43:40,829 --> 00:43:43,529
- Okay.
- I mean him.
481
00:43:43,762 --> 00:43:46,463
Right now?
482
00:43:49,296 --> 00:43:52,297
It's the middle of the day.
How will I get her past Lester?
483
00:43:52,530 --> 00:43:54,063
- Yawn. Figure it out.
- Okay.
484
00:43:54,330 --> 00:43:56,530
Let's go. Come on.
485
00:43:56,797 --> 00:43:59,764
- Bye.
- Bye.
486
00:44:09,332 --> 00:44:11,665
Davey, it's Max.
487
00:44:11,932 --> 00:44:15,866
Listen, can you get me
John Malkovich's home phone?
488
00:44:16,099 --> 00:44:18,766
"But what I had been through."
489
00:44:19,033 --> 00:44:20,899
"I am hungry as the winter."
490
00:44:21,133 --> 00:44:25,867
"I am sick, anxious, poor as a beggar."
491
00:44:26,100 --> 00:44:28,767
"Fate has tossed me hither and thither."
492
00:44:29,034 --> 00:44:31,667
"I have been everywhere. Everywhere."
493
00:44:31,901 --> 00:44:34,001
- "So strong."
- "But wherever I have been..."
494
00:44:34,234 --> 00:44:36,868
- "...every minute, day and night..."
- I want that voice.
495
00:44:37,134 --> 00:44:41,001
- "...my soul has been full..."
- "My soul has been full..."
496
00:44:41,235 --> 00:44:44,502
- "...of mysterious anticipation."
- "I feel the approach of happiness."
497
00:44:44,769 --> 00:44:48,836
"Anya, I see it coming."
498
00:44:52,503 --> 00:44:55,203
- Yeah?
- Mr. John Malkovich?
499
00:44:55,470 --> 00:44:57,970
- Yeah. Who's calling?
- Oh, my goodness!
500
00:44:58,237 --> 00:45:00,737
You don't know me, but I know you.
501
00:45:00,970 --> 00:45:03,337
I'm a great admirer of yours.
502
00:45:03,604 --> 00:45:05,304
How did you get this number?
503
00:45:05,571 --> 00:45:09,071
It's just that...
504
00:45:09,304 --> 00:45:10,471
... I dream about you.
505
00:45:10,738 --> 00:45:15,605
And well, even speaking to you now
has gotten me sort of excited, you know?
506
00:45:15,872 --> 00:45:19,172
The way this woman's talking to him.
507
00:45:19,405 --> 00:45:24,539
Listen, I really don't find this amusing.
Don't call here anymore, okay?
508
00:45:24,773 --> 00:45:28,240
My nipples are at attention,
General Malkovich, sir.
509
00:45:28,506 --> 00:45:29,740
What, her nipples?
510
00:45:30,006 --> 00:45:32,507
So why don't we have dinner tonight?
511
00:45:32,740 --> 00:45:35,240
Bernardo's? 8:00?
512
00:45:35,507 --> 00:45:40,974
I really want to see you.
I just loved you in that jewel thief movie.
513
00:45:44,274 --> 00:45:47,408
You're not gonna meet her there?
Come on!
514
00:45:47,641 --> 00:45:49,942
Meet her. Meet here there.
515
00:45:50,175 --> 00:45:51,942
- Meet her there!
- "...as the winter."
516
00:45:52,175 --> 00:45:56,976
"I am sick, anxious, poor as a beggar."
517
00:45:57,242 --> 00:45:59,876
- Meet her there!
- "Fate has tossed me hither and thither."
518
00:46:00,109 --> 00:46:03,610
"I have been everywhere. Everywhere."
519
00:46:03,876 --> 00:46:07,110
"But wherever I have been,
every minute, day and night..."
520
00:46:07,377 --> 00:46:10,044
Meet her there. Meet her there.
521
00:46:10,277 --> 00:46:12,877
Yes!
522
00:46:17,744 --> 00:46:23,412
- How was it?
- I have to go back at 8:00 exactly tonight.
523
00:46:23,678 --> 00:46:28,146
- Why?
- Don't crowd me, Craig.
524
00:46:36,313 --> 00:46:39,447
- Excuse me. Are you John Malkovich?
- Yes, I am.
525
00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:44,080
Wow. You really are great in that movie
where you play that retard.
526
00:46:44,314 --> 00:46:46,181
Thank you very much.
527
00:46:46,447 --> 00:46:49,214
- I have a cousin who's a retard.
- Thank you.
528
00:46:49,448 --> 00:46:52,715
So, as you might imagine,
it means a lot to me...
529
00:46:52,948 --> 00:46:55,382
...to see retards...
530
00:46:55,615 --> 00:46:58,615
...portrayed on the silver screen
so compassionately.
531
00:46:58,882 --> 00:47:01,849
Well, thank you very much. I appreciate it.
532
00:47:02,082 --> 00:47:04,849
Good night.
533
00:47:06,416 --> 00:47:10,383
- Maxine? It's Maxine.
- Hi.
534
00:47:10,650 --> 00:47:13,883
I'm so glad you decided to come.
I'm Maxine.
535
00:47:14,150 --> 00:47:16,417
I'm John. How do you do?
536
00:47:16,684 --> 00:47:19,151
Good.
537
00:47:21,484 --> 00:47:27,618
I wasn't sure I was going to come,
but I felt oddly compelled.
538
00:47:28,185 --> 00:47:30,252
You're so beautiful.
539
00:47:30,485 --> 00:47:35,419
The way you're looking at me,
I mean, at him, at us.
540
00:47:38,919 --> 00:47:42,953
I've never been looked at like this
by a woman before.
541
00:47:43,220 --> 00:47:44,620
I think I'm sweating.
542
00:47:44,887 --> 00:47:48,053
I must say, I was intrigued by your voice.
543
00:47:48,287 --> 00:47:51,187
And the funny thing is, Mr. Malkovich...
544
00:47:51,421 --> 00:47:56,421
...my voice is probably
the least intriguing thing about me.
545
00:47:59,988 --> 00:48:04,222
So, I mean, how was it?
What was he doing?
546
00:48:04,488 --> 00:48:08,256
He wasn't doing anything, really.
He was just hanging around his apartment.
547
00:48:08,522 --> 00:48:12,789
I think he's probably
just a really Ionely guy.
548
00:48:13,023 --> 00:48:17,190
See, men can feel unfulfilled too, Lotte.
I'm glad you're finally realizing that.
549
00:48:17,456 --> 00:48:19,690
You shouldn't assume
that switching bodies...
550
00:48:19,957 --> 00:48:23,624
...is gonna be the answer to your problems.
551
00:48:23,857 --> 00:48:27,591
You're right, Craig. You're right.
552
00:48:28,591 --> 00:48:31,324
You know what I was thinking?
I was thinking that maybe...
553
00:48:31,591 --> 00:48:34,091
...we should invite Maxine
over for dinner one night...
554
00:48:34,325 --> 00:48:37,958
...because you're partners and
I thought it might be a really nice gesture.
555
00:48:38,225 --> 00:48:41,259
- I think she'd like that.
- Maxine?
556
00:48:41,526 --> 00:48:45,059
The thing is, there's been some tension
between us at work...
557
00:48:45,293 --> 00:48:48,326
...business stuff,
and I would hate to expose you to that.
558
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:50,026
It'll be okay.
559
00:48:50,260 --> 00:48:54,693
I'll cook my lasagna,
we'll smoke a joint, and...
560
00:48:54,994 --> 00:48:58,027
...tensions will just melt away.
561
00:48:58,261 --> 00:49:02,894
Now, when you say that I can be
somebody else, what do you mean exactly?
562
00:49:03,161 --> 00:49:06,461
Well, we mean exactly that.
563
00:49:06,695 --> 00:49:11,429
We can put you inside someone else's body
for 15 minutes.
564
00:49:11,662 --> 00:49:15,362
Can I be anybody that I wanna be?
565
00:49:18,029 --> 00:49:20,563
- Actually...
- You can be John Malkovich.
566
00:49:20,796 --> 00:49:26,930
That's perfect!
It's my second choice, but it's wonderful.
567
00:49:29,597 --> 00:49:32,597
I'm a fat man. I am sad and fat...
568
00:49:32,864 --> 00:49:35,531
$200?
569
00:49:36,931 --> 00:49:39,365
Yes.
570
00:49:46,332 --> 00:49:49,332
Okay. You gotta crawl in there.
571
00:49:49,566 --> 00:49:52,299
Oh, my God.
572
00:50:09,134 --> 00:50:12,968
No, that's what I'm saying.
See, I don't really need an extra bath mat.
573
00:50:13,235 --> 00:50:15,935
So if I get the set, would it be possible...
574
00:50:16,168 --> 00:50:18,302
...if I could just get maybe three...
575
00:50:18,569 --> 00:50:22,236
...extra hand towels...
576
00:50:22,469 --> 00:50:24,636
...if I get the set, instead of the bath mat?
577
00:50:24,903 --> 00:50:28,536
- Yes, sir. Sure, we can do that.
- Great. That sounds good.
578
00:50:28,770 --> 00:50:32,270
And for the color: Periwinkle?
579
00:50:32,537 --> 00:50:37,337
I'm sorry. We're out of stock in periwinkle.
Do you want to back order?
580
00:50:37,570 --> 00:50:41,371
No. I'll go with the Ioden.
581
00:50:41,638 --> 00:50:43,471
Would you like to order anything else?
582
00:50:43,704 --> 00:50:50,438
What is the difference between
the foot-pampering, looped cotton rug...
583
00:50:50,672 --> 00:50:53,705
...and the bath mat?
584
00:51:07,773 --> 00:51:10,240
You're my friends. Thank you.
585
00:51:10,474 --> 00:51:14,774
Did you know that Eskimos have not one...
586
00:51:15,041 --> 00:51:16,941
...but...
587
00:51:17,208 --> 00:51:20,441
...forty-nine words for snow?
588
00:51:21,108 --> 00:51:25,009
It's because they have so much of it.
589
00:51:27,909 --> 00:51:30,709
So much snow.
590
00:51:31,509 --> 00:51:34,676
After dinner, I'll show you my puppets.
591
00:51:34,910 --> 00:51:39,710
After dinner, I'll introduce you
to my chimp Elijah.
592
00:51:40,010 --> 00:51:44,177
He has an ulcer right now
due to suppressed childhood trauma...
593
00:51:44,444 --> 00:51:48,044
...but we're working through it.
594
00:51:49,311 --> 00:51:52,111
Psychotherapy.
595
00:52:11,447 --> 00:52:15,414
- This the bedroom?
- Yeah.
596
00:52:16,847 --> 00:52:19,514
The thing is, the way that I see it...
597
00:52:19,747 --> 00:52:22,548
...I think the world is divided...
598
00:52:22,814 --> 00:52:27,548
...into those who go after what they want
and then those who don't, right?
599
00:52:27,815 --> 00:52:29,248
- Right.
- The passionate ones...
600
00:52:29,515 --> 00:52:31,515
...the ones who go after what they want...
601
00:52:31,749 --> 00:52:36,516
...well, they may not get what they want.
602
00:52:38,049 --> 00:52:40,816
But at least they remain vital.
603
00:52:41,049 --> 00:52:41,883
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
604
00:52:42,150 --> 00:52:48,150
So when they lie on their death beds,
they have few regrets.
605
00:52:48,417 --> 00:52:50,917
Right?
606
00:52:54,717 --> 00:52:57,584
And the ones who don't go after
what they want...
607
00:52:57,818 --> 00:53:03,018
...well, who gives a shit
about them anyway?
608
00:53:04,418 --> 00:53:07,885
- Lotte!
- Craig!
609
00:53:08,119 --> 00:53:10,786
I don't find you attractive.
610
00:53:11,052 --> 00:53:14,853
And, Lotte, I'm smitten with you.
611
00:53:15,086 --> 00:53:17,253
I am. But only when you're in Malkovich.
612
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:20,920
When I looked into his eyes last night,
I could feel you peering out.
613
00:53:21,187 --> 00:53:22,987
- Really?
- Yeah.
614
00:53:23,220 --> 00:53:27,354
Behind the stubble and the too-prominent
brow and the male-pattern baldness...
615
00:53:27,621 --> 00:53:30,688
...I sensed your feminine longing.
616
00:53:30,954 --> 00:53:33,588
And it just slew me.
617
00:53:33,821 --> 00:53:36,522
Oh, my God!
618
00:53:37,955 --> 00:53:42,489
Only as John, sweetie. Sorry.
619
00:53:43,622 --> 00:53:47,156
Thanks for a wonderful dinner.
620
00:53:47,423 --> 00:53:50,756
No hard feelings, partner?
621
00:54:07,058 --> 00:54:07,891
J.M. Inc.
622
00:54:08,158 --> 00:54:10,092
Hi. It's Lotte.
623
00:54:10,358 --> 00:54:13,192
I'd like very much to see you again.
624
00:54:13,425 --> 00:54:17,559
Can you call him and invite yourself over?
625
00:54:17,959 --> 00:54:20,726
When?
626
00:54:22,726 --> 00:54:24,993
Tonight after you close?
627
00:54:25,227 --> 00:54:29,660
Okay, 4:11.
628
00:54:29,927 --> 00:54:31,594
4:11?
629
00:54:31,827 --> 00:54:36,128
- Thank you, Maxine.
- You're welcome.
630
00:55:04,330 --> 00:55:06,997
Thanks so much for having me over,
sugarplum.
631
00:55:07,231 --> 00:55:08,898
I'm glad you called.
632
00:55:09,164 --> 00:55:12,398
Shall we to the "boudoir"?
633
00:55:14,798 --> 00:55:18,432
A couple of minutes. I'm early.
634
00:55:32,500 --> 00:55:37,734
So do you enjoy being an actor?
635
00:55:39,267 --> 00:55:43,734
Sure. It's very rewarding.
636
00:56:00,069 --> 00:56:04,036
- Hi.
- Hi.
637
00:56:17,904 --> 00:56:20,305
My sweet Maxine.
638
00:56:20,571 --> 00:56:24,138
- My darling.
- I love you, Lotte.
639
00:56:29,272 --> 00:56:32,439
Did you call me Lotte?
640
00:56:36,606 --> 00:56:39,373
Do you mind?
641
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,874
No, not really.
642
00:56:44,774 --> 00:56:48,741
- Oh, God.
- My sweet, beautiful Lotte.
643
00:56:49,008 --> 00:56:50,674
Maxine!
644
00:56:50,908 --> 00:56:53,241
Yes, Maxine. Yes.
645
00:56:53,508 --> 00:56:57,708
Maxine, this is so right.
646
00:57:45,813 --> 00:57:49,047
- You were him, weren't you?
- Yeah.
647
00:57:49,314 --> 00:57:51,947
And he was with her!
648
00:57:52,181 --> 00:57:53,347
We love her, Craig.
649
00:57:53,614 --> 00:57:55,648
- We?
- John and me.
650
00:57:55,881 --> 00:57:57,014
Don't forget about me!
651
00:57:57,281 --> 00:58:01,582
You have the Maxine action figure
to play with!
652
00:58:01,748 --> 00:58:05,782
I'm sorry. That was nasty.
653
00:58:34,051 --> 00:58:37,652
You are late, my little cowboy.
654
00:58:39,219 --> 00:58:42,352
Are you torturing me on purpose?
655
00:58:42,619 --> 00:58:46,519
- I've fallen in love.
- I don't think so.
656
00:58:46,786 --> 00:58:49,520
You know why?
Because I've fallen in love!
657
00:58:49,786 --> 00:58:52,253
This is what people
who've fallen in love look like.
658
00:58:52,487 --> 00:58:58,087
You picked the unrequited variety.
It's very bad for the skin.
659
00:59:01,221 --> 00:59:03,454
You're evil, Maxine.
660
00:59:03,721 --> 00:59:06,955
Do you have any idea what it's like
to have two people look at you...
661
00:59:07,221 --> 00:59:08,922
...with total lust and devotion...
662
00:59:09,155 --> 00:59:12,889
...through the same pair of eyes?
663
00:59:15,356 --> 00:59:17,289
No, I don't suppose you would.
664
00:59:17,556 --> 00:59:21,023
It's quite a thrill, Craigy.
665
01:00:08,061 --> 01:00:09,694
What are you doing?
666
01:00:09,928 --> 01:00:12,395
- Oh, my God! Is that real? What is that?
- Yes!
667
01:00:12,661 --> 01:00:18,395
I don't know how to use it very well,
so don't make any sudden moves!
668
01:00:19,362 --> 01:00:22,029
I'm serious! I'm serious.
669
01:00:22,296 --> 01:00:25,196
Suck my dick!
670
01:00:25,529 --> 01:00:29,796
Shut up, okay? Just shut up.
671
01:00:44,131 --> 01:00:47,565
- Craig!
- Tell her you need to see her.
672
01:00:47,798 --> 01:00:51,965
J.M. Inc. Be all that someone else can be.
673
01:00:52,032 --> 01:00:53,465
I need to see you.
674
01:00:53,732 --> 01:00:55,466
Sweetie!
675
01:00:55,732 --> 01:00:58,099
I had so much fun with you last night.
676
01:00:58,366 --> 01:01:01,933
Shoot. But it's business hours.
677
01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:05,867
Tell her, "What the hell,
close early, live dangerously."
678
01:01:06,100 --> 01:01:08,667
Say it.
679
01:01:09,500 --> 01:01:13,567
What the hell, you know?
680
01:01:14,134 --> 01:01:17,034
Live dangerously. Close early.
681
01:01:17,301 --> 01:01:18,635
Doll.
682
01:01:18,868 --> 01:01:22,768
I love this new devil-may-care side of you.
683
01:01:23,002 --> 01:01:27,302
All right. I'll track down lover-boy
and see both of you in one hour.
684
01:01:27,535 --> 01:01:30,336
Exactamundo.
685
01:01:37,170 --> 01:01:44,037
- What's the matter with you? Stop it!
- Sit up, okay? Just sit up. Just sit up.
686
01:01:50,571 --> 01:01:54,071
Help! He's locking me in a cage!
687
01:01:54,338 --> 01:01:57,772
Shut the hell up!
688
01:01:57,838 --> 01:02:01,105
Shut up!
689
01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:14,140
"Was ever woman in this humor wooed?"
690
01:02:14,373 --> 01:02:19,174
"Was ever woman in this humor won?"
691
01:02:23,108 --> 01:02:26,641
Tommy, can I take 15?
692
01:02:27,241 --> 01:02:32,442
Good night, everybody.
See you back here at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow.
693
01:02:41,476 --> 01:02:45,410
Lotte, this is so good!
694
01:02:45,510 --> 01:02:49,010
My God! This is amazing.
695
01:02:49,244 --> 01:02:52,211
I want to touch her breast.
Touch her breast.
696
01:02:52,477 --> 01:02:54,411
Move right hand across left breast now.
697
01:02:54,678 --> 01:02:57,044
Move right hand across left breast now!
698
01:02:57,311 --> 01:02:59,311
Move right hand across left breast now!
699
01:02:59,545 --> 01:03:02,078
- Holy shit, yes!
- Holy shit, yes!
700
01:03:02,345 --> 01:03:06,145
- Holy shit, he said what I said!
- Shit, he said what I said!
701
01:03:06,379 --> 01:03:10,146
- Lotte? Is that you?
- Yes, yes, sweetheart.
702
01:03:10,379 --> 01:03:12,813
Yes, sweetheart, yes.
703
01:03:13,079 --> 01:03:16,813
What the fuck is going on?
That's not me! I didn't say that.
704
01:03:17,080 --> 01:03:20,180
- Lotte.
- Maxine.
705
01:03:21,647 --> 01:03:23,680
Something was making me talk.
706
01:03:23,947 --> 01:03:26,747
Some goddamn thing
was making me move.
707
01:03:26,981 --> 01:03:29,281
- I've gotta get out of here.
- Doll face!
708
01:03:29,548 --> 01:03:32,981
It was just your passion for me taking hold.
709
01:03:33,248 --> 01:03:37,948
No, doll face. I know what
my passion taking hold feels like.
710
01:03:38,215 --> 01:03:39,382
Bye!
711
01:03:39,615 --> 01:03:41,882
I did it!
712
01:03:42,116 --> 01:03:48,150
I made him move his arm
across your girlfriend's glorious tit!
713
01:03:48,350 --> 01:03:51,883
And I made him talk, sort of.
714
01:03:52,150 --> 01:03:54,717
It's just a matter of practice
before Malkovich...
715
01:03:54,984 --> 01:04:00,451
...is nothing more than another puppet
hanging next to my work table.
716
01:04:01,451 --> 01:04:04,184
I'll tell you about it when I get home, okay?
All right?
717
01:04:04,451 --> 01:04:08,652
Craig! I wanna...
718
01:04:17,652 --> 01:04:19,653
No, man, I'm sorry...
719
01:04:19,919 --> 01:04:24,687
...I'm sorry to have called you like that,
but I was just really scared.
720
01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:26,187
I was so freaked out.
721
01:04:26,420 --> 01:04:31,687
I mean, it was like, somebody was
just moving all the way through me...
722
01:04:31,921 --> 01:04:34,554
...moving my arms, moving my hands,
talking for me.
723
01:04:34,788 --> 01:04:37,821
I mean, literally,
I feel like I'm going crazy, Charlie.
724
01:04:38,055 --> 01:04:39,921
I'm sure you're not going crazy.
725
01:04:40,188 --> 01:04:44,022
You don't understand, man.
It was like nothing I've ever felt before.
726
01:04:44,288 --> 01:04:46,989
- Were you stoned?
- Yes, I was...
727
01:04:47,222 --> 01:04:49,722
Jesus.
728
01:04:50,389 --> 01:04:53,189
Yes, I was stoned.
729
01:04:53,456 --> 01:04:56,023
But that doesn't have
anything to do with it.
730
01:04:56,290 --> 01:04:58,590
Charlie, someone was talking
through my mouth.
731
01:04:58,823 --> 01:05:03,757
You were stoned.
Case closed. End of story.
732
01:05:03,790 --> 01:05:06,624
- How hot is this babe?
- You know what?
733
01:05:06,891 --> 01:05:09,458
Maybe it was this Lotte woman talking...
734
01:05:09,724 --> 01:05:12,391
...because it could have been her
talking through me.
735
01:05:12,625 --> 01:05:14,792
Because the weird thing is...
736
01:05:15,058 --> 01:05:18,259
...this Maxine likes to call me Lotte.
737
01:05:18,525 --> 01:05:21,259
Ouch. That is hot.
738
01:05:21,526 --> 01:05:24,893
Maybe she's using you
to channel some dead, lesbian lover.
739
01:05:25,126 --> 01:05:27,859
She's my kind of gal.
Tell me when you're done with her.
740
01:05:28,093 --> 01:05:31,827
What are you talking about,
"done with her"? Tonight freaked me out.
741
01:05:32,060 --> 01:05:35,560
You're nuts to let a girl go
that calls you Lotte.
742
01:05:35,827 --> 01:05:40,494
I don't know anything about the girl.
She could be a fucking witch or something.
743
01:05:40,727 --> 01:05:42,294
That's even better!
744
01:05:42,528 --> 01:05:47,461
Hot, lesbian witches.
Think about it. It's fucking genius.
745
01:05:48,362 --> 01:05:51,529
I gotta know the truth, Charlie.
746
01:05:51,795 --> 01:05:55,662
The truth is for suckers, Johnny boy.
747
01:06:38,533 --> 01:06:40,167
Thanks.
748
01:06:40,433 --> 01:06:43,034
This way.
749
01:07:28,772 --> 01:07:34,139
Excuse me. Exactly what type of service
does this company provide?
750
01:07:34,372 --> 01:07:37,306
You get to be John Malkovich
for 15 minutes.
751
01:07:37,572 --> 01:07:40,573
200 clams.
752
01:07:42,073 --> 01:07:43,806
I see.
753
01:07:44,073 --> 01:07:48,607
- No cutting, by the way.
- No cutting!
754
01:07:52,441 --> 01:07:55,708
Come on! Break it up!
Break it up! Cut it out!
755
01:07:55,941 --> 01:07:58,608
Everybody gets...
It's him. It's John Malkovich.
756
01:07:58,875 --> 01:08:01,608
Sorry, Mr. Malkovich.
Hope we didn't hurt you too terribly.
757
01:08:01,875 --> 01:08:04,575
Get inside!
758
01:08:04,875 --> 01:08:08,676
- Darling!
- What the fuck is going on?
759
01:08:08,876 --> 01:08:12,543
John Malkovich. Mr. Malkovich, sir.
760
01:08:15,010 --> 01:08:18,843
- Mr. Malkovich, I think I can explain.
- Yeah, explain.
761
01:08:19,110 --> 01:08:21,110
My name is Craig Schwartz...
762
01:08:21,344 --> 01:08:23,777
...and we operate a little business here...
763
01:08:24,010 --> 01:08:27,677
...that simulates for our clientele...
764
01:08:27,944 --> 01:08:29,611
...the experience...
765
01:08:29,844 --> 01:08:32,111
...of being you, actually.
766
01:08:32,345 --> 01:08:35,112
- Simulates?
- Yeah, after a fashion.
767
01:08:35,345 --> 01:08:38,979
- What exactly does that mean?
- Well, it's hard to describe.
768
01:08:39,245 --> 01:08:40,245
I want to do it.
769
01:08:40,479 --> 01:08:42,412
That'd pale compared
to the real experience.
770
01:08:42,646 --> 01:08:45,413
- I want to do it!
- Right now Mr. Hiroshi's in the tube...
771
01:08:45,646 --> 01:08:48,413
- Let him do it, Craig.
- Of course.
772
01:08:48,680 --> 01:08:53,013
Right this way, Mr. Malkovich,
compliments of the house.
773
01:09:00,081 --> 01:09:02,581
Jesus.
774
01:09:17,182 --> 01:09:21,416
What happens when a man
goes through his own portal?
775
01:09:21,650 --> 01:09:24,283
We'll see.
776
01:09:54,219 --> 01:09:56,686
Malkovich.
777
01:09:56,920 --> 01:10:00,087
Malkovich. Malkovich.
778
01:11:03,593 --> 01:11:05,993
- How was it?
- It was amazing this time.
779
01:11:06,260 --> 01:11:10,127
- That was no simulation!
- I know. I'm sorry.
780
01:11:10,360 --> 01:11:11,160
It's an honor.
781
01:11:11,427 --> 01:11:15,261
I have been to the dark side.
I've seen a world that no man should see!
782
01:11:15,494 --> 01:11:18,628
Really? For most people,
it's a rather pleasant experience.
783
01:11:18,895 --> 01:11:22,528
That portal is mine,
and it must be sealed forever...
784
01:11:22,762 --> 01:11:25,529
...for the love of God.
785
01:11:25,762 --> 01:11:29,362
But, Mr. Malkovich, sir,
with all due respect...
786
01:11:29,596 --> 01:11:31,763
...I discovered that portal.
787
01:11:32,029 --> 01:11:33,729
It's my livelihood. You understand?
788
01:11:33,996 --> 01:11:39,163
It's my head, Schwartz! It's my head!
789
01:11:39,397 --> 01:11:43,064
I will see you in court!
790
01:11:44,230 --> 01:11:47,131
What makes you think
I won't be seeing what you're seeing...
791
01:11:47,364 --> 01:11:48,564
...in court?
792
01:11:48,831 --> 01:11:52,165
Hey, Malkovich, think fast!
793
01:11:53,165 --> 01:11:55,165
Fuck!
794
01:11:55,432 --> 01:11:57,598
Dinner.
795
01:11:57,832 --> 01:12:01,766
You know, Craig,
once this was a relationship...
796
01:12:01,999 --> 01:12:04,099
...built on love.
797
01:12:04,332 --> 01:12:06,099
Well, you gave up that claim...
798
01:12:06,333 --> 01:12:09,266
...after the first time you stuck your dick
in Maxine, Lotte.
799
01:12:09,500 --> 01:12:11,533
You fell in love with her first, Craig.
800
01:12:11,767 --> 01:12:15,967
But I didn't do anything about it,
out of respect for our marriage.
801
01:12:16,234 --> 01:12:19,367
You didn't do anything about it, Craig...
802
01:12:19,601 --> 01:12:25,368
...because she wouldn't let you near her
with a 10-foot pole!
803
01:12:30,935 --> 01:12:33,702
That's true.
804
01:12:36,869 --> 01:12:40,403
God, Lotte, what have I become?
805
01:12:41,870 --> 01:12:45,503
My wife, in a cage with a monkey.
806
01:12:46,003 --> 01:12:50,304
I need to go to the bathroom
and take a shower.
807
01:12:55,804 --> 01:12:59,905
What am I, some kind of monster?
808
01:12:59,971 --> 01:13:02,638
I don't want to be a monster, Lotte,
I don't want to.
809
01:13:02,905 --> 01:13:05,705
Craig, you're not a monster. No.
810
01:13:05,939 --> 01:13:08,039
I know you're not a monster, honey.
811
01:13:08,272 --> 01:13:10,439
You're just...
812
01:13:10,706 --> 01:13:16,273
...a very, very confused man.
813
01:13:17,273 --> 01:13:20,607
I love you so much.
814
01:13:23,007 --> 01:13:26,207
I love you.
815
01:13:34,308 --> 01:13:37,375
Come on, Craig.
816
01:13:44,342 --> 01:13:47,343
- J.M. Inc.
- Maxine.
817
01:13:47,609 --> 01:13:49,410
Lotte.
818
01:13:49,643 --> 01:13:52,077
I've been thinking about us, you know?
819
01:13:52,310 --> 01:13:54,577
We have to meet.
820
01:13:54,810 --> 01:13:57,544
Okay, I'll see you in Malkovich in one hour.
821
01:13:57,777 --> 01:14:00,977
Craig!
822
01:14:02,311 --> 01:14:05,011
I hate you.
823
01:15:24,219 --> 01:15:25,319
Elijah!
824
01:15:25,586 --> 01:15:29,120
You really are magnificent.
825
01:15:31,920 --> 01:15:33,653
- J.M. Inc.
- Maxine!
826
01:15:33,920 --> 01:15:36,554
Honey pie! I was just heading
out the door to meet you.
827
01:15:36,787 --> 01:15:37,720
Listen, Maxine.
828
01:15:37,954 --> 01:15:41,921
It hasn't been me in Malkovich last time.
It's been that son of a bitch Craig.
829
01:15:42,154 --> 01:15:45,355
He had me locked in a cage with my chimp,
holding a gun to my head.
830
01:15:45,588 --> 01:15:47,221
- Oh, my God!
- He made me call you.
831
01:15:47,455 --> 01:15:49,855
I'm sorry, Maxine.
It's been him the whole time.
832
01:15:50,088 --> 01:15:52,289
I'm so sorry. That's horrible.
833
01:15:52,555 --> 01:15:54,522
I miss you so much, Maxine.
834
01:15:54,756 --> 01:15:56,422
So, but...
835
01:15:56,689 --> 01:16:00,489
...that was Craig inside of Malkovich?
- Yes, it was him.
836
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:02,890
It's because he's a puppeteer, I think.
837
01:16:03,156 --> 01:16:06,057
Well, boy, I'm...
838
01:16:06,357 --> 01:16:08,357
I'm surprised. That's pretty impressive.
839
01:16:08,624 --> 01:16:12,391
- What?
- So if Craig can control Malkovich...
840
01:16:12,657 --> 01:16:15,291
- ... and I can control Craig...
- But, Maxine...
841
01:16:15,524 --> 01:16:18,458
...I thought it was me that you loved!
842
01:16:18,691 --> 01:16:21,325
I do.
843
01:16:24,759 --> 01:16:29,126
It's confusing, you know?
This is a very confusing situation.
844
01:16:29,392 --> 01:16:31,926
I know.
845
01:16:34,226 --> 01:16:37,760
Listen, I should really get going, okay?
846
01:16:38,027 --> 01:16:40,427
'Cause I'm gonna be late
for Malkovich now.
847
01:16:40,693 --> 01:16:43,394
- What?
- We'll talk about this later.
848
01:16:43,627 --> 01:16:48,694
- Maxine! Wait!
- Okay?
849
01:17:20,397 --> 01:17:22,664
What the fuck do you want?
850
01:17:22,931 --> 01:17:26,965
I can explain about the portal, darling.
851
01:17:29,465 --> 01:17:31,432
Listen, don't con me, Maxine.
852
01:17:31,699 --> 01:17:35,899
I don't know who the hell you people are,
but this insanity is now over.
853
01:17:36,132 --> 01:17:38,733
Shut up.
854
01:17:38,866 --> 01:17:41,500
Craigy. Craig.
855
01:17:41,733 --> 01:17:45,233
Schwartzy, are you in there?
856
01:17:48,734 --> 01:17:51,034
How did you know it was me?
857
01:17:51,301 --> 01:17:55,868
Lotte called me.
She escaped your evil clutches.
858
01:17:56,134 --> 01:17:58,868
Really? Well, I'm really sorry
I did that, Maxine...
859
01:17:59,135 --> 01:18:05,035
...but I'm really in love with you,
and I didn't know how else to be with you.
860
01:18:06,335 --> 01:18:08,902
Apparently you can control
this Malkovich fellow now?
861
01:18:09,136 --> 01:18:11,269
Yes, I'm getting better all the time.
862
01:18:11,503 --> 01:18:13,003
I'll say you are.
863
01:18:13,269 --> 01:18:16,736
Hey, let's do it on his dining room table.
864
01:18:16,970 --> 01:18:19,137
Then we'll make him
eat an omelet off of it.
865
01:18:19,403 --> 01:18:20,370
No!
866
01:18:20,603 --> 01:18:24,404
Shut up, you overrated sack of shit!
867
01:18:25,437 --> 01:18:28,038
Craigy.
868
01:18:51,807 --> 01:18:54,007
Yes?
869
01:18:54,273 --> 01:18:55,174
Hi, Dr. Lester.
870
01:18:55,440 --> 01:19:01,074
It's Lotte Schwartz, Craig's wife.
871
01:19:01,107 --> 01:19:01,674
Yes.
872
01:19:01,941 --> 01:19:04,108
Oh, my God.
You'll catch your death out here.
873
01:19:04,341 --> 01:19:09,242
Look at you. You're soaking wet.
Please come in, come in.
874
01:19:14,942 --> 01:19:19,376
- Here you are, my dear.
- Thank you.
875
01:19:19,609 --> 01:19:21,043
How's that?
876
01:19:21,276 --> 01:19:23,343
Much better, thank you.
877
01:19:23,576 --> 01:19:25,377
So, my dear...
878
01:19:25,610 --> 01:19:29,810
...what is it that brings you to my doorway
on such an inhospitable evening?
879
01:19:30,044 --> 01:19:31,744
Well, Dr. Lester...
880
01:19:32,011 --> 01:19:34,711
See, I...
881
01:19:34,978 --> 01:19:39,711
I have a very unhealthy obsession
with John Malkovich.
882
01:19:40,311 --> 01:19:41,645
I see.
883
01:19:41,878 --> 01:19:44,945
You mean, the performer.
884
01:19:45,179 --> 01:19:46,179
Yes.
885
01:19:46,445 --> 01:19:50,679
And what prompted you
to come to me with this issue?
886
01:19:50,946 --> 01:19:55,480
Well, when I was here
with my husband for dinner...
887
01:19:55,513 --> 01:20:00,580
...I came upon a room that seemed to be
some sort of John Malkovich museum.
888
01:20:00,813 --> 01:20:03,380
So I thought, perhaps, maybe you would...
889
01:20:03,614 --> 01:20:07,914
...have some appreciation
for my state of mind.
890
01:20:09,381 --> 01:20:11,381
You look so lovely, my dear...
891
01:20:11,615 --> 01:20:16,448
...standing before the fire
in my oversized man's robe.
892
01:20:17,848 --> 01:20:21,015
Thank you, Dr. Lester.
893
01:20:22,216 --> 01:20:24,082
Tell me...
894
01:20:24,349 --> 01:20:28,350
...what is this strange power
that Malkovich exudes?
895
01:20:28,583 --> 01:20:34,550
You've gotta help me understand.
All I think about is wanting to be him.
896
01:20:35,017 --> 01:20:37,717
- Wanting to what?
- Wanting to be him.
897
01:20:37,984 --> 01:20:41,451
Wanting to be John Malkovich.
898
01:20:42,084 --> 01:20:44,685
I see.
899
01:20:44,751 --> 01:20:48,452
Well, perhaps you can.
900
01:20:48,685 --> 01:20:49,685
But, Dr. Lester...
901
01:20:49,952 --> 01:20:53,719
I am not Dr. Lester.
902
01:20:53,952 --> 01:20:57,152
I am Captain Mertin.
903
01:20:57,219 --> 01:20:58,619
I don't understand.
904
01:20:58,886 --> 01:21:03,253
It was 90 years ago
that I discovered a strange portal.
905
01:21:03,520 --> 01:21:07,587
And I found that this portal led
to a vessel body...
906
01:21:07,853 --> 01:21:13,321
...and that I could live forever
by leaping from vessel to vessel.
907
01:21:15,354 --> 01:21:20,321
- So Dr. Lester is such a vessel?
- Yes, he is.
908
01:21:20,688 --> 01:21:23,955
You still there, sweets?
909
01:21:26,889 --> 01:21:30,356
I figured out how to hang on
as long as I want.
910
01:21:30,622 --> 01:21:33,589
It's all a matter of making friends
with the Malkovich body.
911
01:21:33,823 --> 01:21:38,023
Rather than thinking of it as an enemy
that has to be pounded into submission...
912
01:21:38,290 --> 01:21:41,457
...I've begun imagining it
as a really expensive suit...
913
01:21:41,724 --> 01:21:44,957
...that I enjoy wearing.
914
01:21:51,591 --> 01:21:53,358
This illustrates...
915
01:21:53,591 --> 01:21:56,925
...how I will move
into my next vessel, Malkovich...
916
01:21:57,192 --> 01:21:59,092
...on his 44th birthday.
917
01:21:59,359 --> 01:22:00,892
That's when he becomes ripe.
918
01:22:01,125 --> 01:22:03,859
But I must enter by midnight on that day.
919
01:22:04,092 --> 01:22:09,093
After that, I'd get diverted
into the next newly forming infant vessel.
920
01:22:09,360 --> 01:22:10,826
I don't want that to happen.
921
01:22:11,060 --> 01:22:14,727
- I'd be absorbed.
- Absorbed? What does that mean?
922
01:22:14,994 --> 01:22:19,294
Well, trapped, held prisoner,
if you like, in the host's brain...
923
01:22:19,527 --> 01:22:21,061
...unable to control anything...
924
01:22:21,328 --> 01:22:26,528
...forever doomed to watch the world
through someone else's eyes.
925
01:22:27,795 --> 01:22:29,862
Now I'd like you to meet some friends.
926
01:22:30,128 --> 01:22:32,262
See, I got Ionely in Lester by myself...
927
01:22:32,495 --> 01:22:36,096
...so I figured out a way this time
to take others along with me.
928
01:22:36,329 --> 01:22:38,796
Come.
929
01:22:42,930 --> 01:22:44,863
Everyone, this is Lotte.
930
01:22:45,097 --> 01:22:49,930
- Hi, Lotte!
- She's a new friend of mine.
931
01:22:54,231 --> 01:22:58,031
Do a puppet show for me, Craig, honey.
932
01:22:58,265 --> 01:23:00,598
You mean, with Malkovich?
933
01:23:00,865 --> 01:23:04,699
- I'd love to see your work.
- Really?
934
01:23:06,832 --> 01:23:09,299
Okay.
935
01:23:17,166 --> 01:23:19,467
This is something that I call:
936
01:23:19,700 --> 01:23:25,067
"Craig's Dance of Despair
and Disillusionment."
937
01:24:56,110 --> 01:25:00,277
That was incredible! You're brilliant!
938
01:25:00,510 --> 01:25:04,611
You see, Maxine,
it isn't just playing with dolls.
939
01:25:04,844 --> 01:25:06,944
My darling, it's so much more!
940
01:25:07,177 --> 01:25:10,478
It's playing with people.
941
01:25:15,078 --> 01:25:18,145
Stay in him forever.
942
01:25:19,712 --> 01:25:24,512
How will we make a living
if our clientele can't access to our product?
943
01:25:24,746 --> 01:25:28,413
Well, we'll have all the money
in Malkovich's bank account...
944
01:25:28,680 --> 01:25:30,746
...plus he does get
acting work occasionally.
945
01:25:31,013 --> 01:25:32,913
No, please!
946
01:25:33,180 --> 01:25:37,314
Shut up! We're trying to think here.
947
01:25:38,181 --> 01:25:42,748
It is sort of like puppeteering.
948
01:25:43,014 --> 01:25:47,148
- I like that about it.
- Exactly!
949
01:25:47,381 --> 01:25:52,782
And no one would ever even
have to know it's not him.
950
01:25:53,982 --> 01:25:56,749
And I could use Malkovich's
existing notoriety...
951
01:25:56,982 --> 01:25:59,616
...to launch my own puppeteering career.
952
01:25:59,849 --> 01:26:03,850
Craigy, that's brilliant.
953
01:26:04,116 --> 01:26:07,917
So lovely. I've always wondered
what it would be like to have a penis.
954
01:26:08,150 --> 01:26:10,317
- Now I'll know.
- Really? I know it's very...
955
01:26:10,584 --> 01:26:13,917
Lotte? We like you.
956
01:26:14,151 --> 01:26:17,284
We can see you're a kind
and decent woman...
957
01:26:17,551 --> 01:26:19,018
...and so...
958
01:26:19,251 --> 01:26:23,918
...we've decided to offer you a place
in John Malkovich with us...
959
01:26:24,185 --> 01:26:27,019
...if you like.
960
01:26:30,386 --> 01:26:32,353
Dr. Lester...
961
01:26:32,586 --> 01:26:34,986
...you've been so kind to me...
962
01:26:35,220 --> 01:26:37,020
...and trusting.
963
01:26:37,286 --> 01:26:39,187
And...
964
01:26:39,453 --> 01:26:43,787
...there's something I think you should
know about the Malkovich vessel.
965
01:26:44,020 --> 01:26:45,987
John's here to see you.
Should I send him in?
966
01:26:46,221 --> 01:26:52,288
Of course send him right in. Don't ever
keep him waiting again, you understand?
967
01:26:53,521 --> 01:26:55,455
Hey, John.
968
01:26:55,688 --> 01:26:58,822
Great to see you.
Sorry about the cunt at reception.
969
01:26:59,089 --> 01:27:02,789
- This is my fiancée, Maxine.
- Great to see you, Maxine.
970
01:27:03,056 --> 01:27:07,756
Sorry about the cunt at reception.
Please, have a seat.
971
01:27:11,090 --> 01:27:14,257
Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?
972
01:27:14,523 --> 01:27:16,224
No, thank you.
973
01:27:16,490 --> 01:27:18,591
- Teresa, get me chicken soup.
- Okay.
974
01:27:18,857 --> 01:27:22,191
Chicken soup?
975
01:27:27,325 --> 01:27:31,158
Larry? I want to get right to the point.
976
01:27:31,392 --> 01:27:35,692
From now on, I'm no longer an actor.
I'm a puppeteer.
977
01:27:35,959 --> 01:27:38,759
Okay. Great.
978
01:27:42,593 --> 01:27:45,660
And I would like to redirect my career...
979
01:27:45,927 --> 01:27:48,627
...so that from now on
the name John Malkovich...
980
01:27:48,894 --> 01:27:52,927
...will be synonymous with puppets.
981
01:27:53,161 --> 01:27:54,894
Sure. No problemo.
982
01:27:55,128 --> 01:28:00,261
Poof, you're a puppeteer.
Just let me make a couple calls.
983
01:28:22,130 --> 01:28:26,497
Honey? Maxine?
984
01:28:26,731 --> 01:28:27,998
Maxine?
985
01:28:28,264 --> 01:28:30,864
I'm busy.
986
01:28:32,498 --> 01:28:35,832
Maxine, honey, it's on!
987
01:28:43,232 --> 01:28:45,433
Yeah, there's the truth, and there are lies...
988
01:28:45,666 --> 01:28:48,933
... and, art always tells the truth,
even when it's lying.
989
01:28:49,200 --> 01:28:51,467
The enigmatic John Malkovich...
990
01:28:51,733 --> 01:28:55,267
... one of the world's greatest entertainers
and the man who reinvented...
991
01:28:55,534 --> 01:28:56,900
... how we view puppeteering.
992
01:28:57,134 --> 01:28:59,667
Tonight we look at the man
above the strings...
993
01:28:59,901 --> 01:29:02,401
... and the woman behind the man.
994
01:29:02,668 --> 01:29:07,101
Raised in Evanston, Illinois, Malkovich
had a lifelong interest in theatre arts...
995
01:29:07,368 --> 01:29:09,968
... and as a young man,
was one of the founding members...
996
01:29:10,202 --> 01:29:13,302
... of Chicago's world-renowned
Steppenwolf Theatre Company.
997
01:29:13,535 --> 01:29:16,902
From there, it was a simple transition
to Broadway accolades...
998
01:29:17,169 --> 01:29:18,536
... and Hollywood stardom.
999
01:29:18,803 --> 01:29:23,436
But nothing could prepare the public
for what was to come next.
1000
01:29:23,670 --> 01:29:26,037
And so it was,
that just eight short months ago...
1001
01:29:26,303 --> 01:29:29,370
... John Malkovich dropped the bombshell
that sent shock waves...
1002
01:29:29,637 --> 01:29:31,504
... through the entertainment community.
1003
01:29:31,771 --> 01:29:35,838
Turning his back on his former profession,
Malkovich had to start from scratch...
1004
01:29:36,104 --> 01:29:40,038
... and pay his dues all over again
as a fledgling puppeteer.
1005
01:29:40,271 --> 01:29:44,605
Hello, ladies and gentlemen,
I'm John Malkovich.
1006
01:29:46,739 --> 01:29:48,372
I'm really John Malkovich.
1007
01:29:48,606 --> 01:29:50,506
From these inauspicious beginnings...
1008
01:29:50,739 --> 01:29:54,906
... John Malkovich's rise to stardom
was fast and furious.
1009
01:29:55,173 --> 01:29:58,073
His breakout performance was
at this year's Emmy Awards...
1010
01:29:58,340 --> 01:30:01,307
It's really good! I look really amazing.
1011
01:30:01,540 --> 01:30:02,740
I'd fuck me.
1012
01:30:03,007 --> 01:30:05,174
If there's anything that upsets me
about it...
1013
01:30:05,407 --> 01:30:07,908
... it's feeling like if I move
into it too quickly...
1014
01:30:08,174 --> 01:30:10,474
... l'll be, you know, deemed an imitator.
1015
01:30:10,708 --> 01:30:13,541
But, I think that
once we all get the courage...
1016
01:30:13,808 --> 01:30:16,775
... to follow through on our instincts,
like Malkovich has...
1017
01:30:17,008 --> 01:30:19,542
... I think that a lot of us
will move into puppetry.
1018
01:30:19,809 --> 01:30:23,609
Malkovich's rise to fame brought about
a renaissance in puppeteering.
1019
01:30:23,842 --> 01:30:26,476
No, no, no. What are you doing?
1020
01:30:26,743 --> 01:30:28,010
I'm making him weep, John.
1021
01:30:28,276 --> 01:30:31,076
You're making him weep,
but you're not weeping.
1022
01:30:31,310 --> 01:30:32,910
Don't ever... with your audience.
1023
01:30:33,143 --> 01:30:36,110
Until the puppet becomes...
1024
01:30:36,377 --> 01:30:38,944
... an extension of you, it's a novelty act.
1025
01:30:39,211 --> 01:30:41,878
It's Topo Gigio.
1026
01:30:42,111 --> 01:30:44,511
No?
1027
01:30:46,278 --> 01:30:48,278
He's a technical genius.
1028
01:30:48,545 --> 01:30:51,512
He breathes life into inanimate objects.
1029
01:30:51,745 --> 01:30:53,712
It's a very godlike thing...
1030
01:30:53,979 --> 01:30:57,979
... to be able to take something and,
you know, make it live.
1031
01:30:58,213 --> 01:31:00,379
He was the talk of the town...
1032
01:31:00,646 --> 01:31:03,180
... from the Beltway to Broadway...
1033
01:31:03,446 --> 01:31:07,847
... aided in no small part by his new wife
and manager, Maxine Lund.
1034
01:31:08,114 --> 01:31:10,780
In Maxine,
Malkovich had found his mentor...
1035
01:31:11,014 --> 01:31:13,847
... his muse, his inspiration.
1036
01:31:14,114 --> 01:31:19,481
In Malkovich,
Maxine had found the love of her life.
1037
01:31:19,848 --> 01:31:22,648
There, there, my dear. Relax.
1038
01:31:22,915 --> 01:31:26,082
This travesty will all be over with
by morning.
1039
01:31:26,315 --> 01:31:28,816
And the crowds have been
absolutely sensational...
1040
01:31:29,082 --> 01:31:32,416
... and I'djust like to thank God
for giving us this opportunity...
1041
01:31:32,683 --> 01:31:34,416
... to share our creative vision.
1042
01:31:34,683 --> 01:31:38,217
Nothing was impossible for John
and Maxine in the early days.
1043
01:31:38,450 --> 01:31:41,884
Their union was a joyous one,
and together they worked tirelessly...
1044
01:31:42,150 --> 01:31:44,350
... to further Malkovich's
puppeteering career.
1045
01:31:44,584 --> 01:31:46,717
John Malkovich, the artist...
1046
01:31:46,984 --> 01:31:49,151
... and Maxine, the entrepreneur...
1047
01:31:49,384 --> 01:31:51,351
... they make this character...
1048
01:31:51,618 --> 01:31:54,985
... this protean figure
that we call John Malkovich.
1049
01:31:55,218 --> 01:31:59,219
But some say Maxine has changed
since becoming pregnant...
1050
01:31:59,485 --> 01:32:01,352
... recoiling from the limelight...
1051
01:32:01,619 --> 01:32:06,353
... and, rumor has it,
from her husband's affections.
1052
01:32:13,620 --> 01:32:16,487
I'm so sorry.
1053
01:32:21,154 --> 01:32:23,954
Malkovich shows us...
1054
01:32:24,221 --> 01:32:27,521
... a reflection of ourselves, our frailties...
1055
01:32:27,755 --> 01:32:33,355
... and our, you know, desperate humanity.
1056
01:32:33,589 --> 01:32:38,189
That's what makes him one
of the most relevant artists of our time.
1057
01:32:38,423 --> 01:32:41,956
And what does the future hold
for John Horatio Malkovich?
1058
01:32:42,190 --> 01:32:46,490
Well, to quote the Bard,
"He's got the world on a string."
1059
01:32:46,723 --> 01:32:51,857
As the poet said, "The puppeteer's voice
need not merely be the record of man."
1060
01:32:52,124 --> 01:32:54,257
"It can be one of the pillars, the props...
1061
01:32:54,491 --> 01:32:58,958
...to help him endure and prevail",
and I believe that.
1062
01:32:59,191 --> 01:33:01,858
It's over!
1063
01:33:03,058 --> 01:33:04,792
Max?
1064
01:33:05,059 --> 01:33:07,625
I've gotta head down to ABT now.
1065
01:33:07,892 --> 01:33:10,592
I've got the "Swan Lake" benefit tonight.
1066
01:33:10,826 --> 01:33:13,693
But when I come back,
we can maybe celebrate...
1067
01:33:13,926 --> 01:33:17,293
...Malkovich's big four-four.
1068
01:33:17,560 --> 01:33:19,260
Okay?
1069
01:33:19,527 --> 01:33:23,194
Jesus! Why couldn't I have found
the portal to a younger body?
1070
01:33:23,427 --> 01:33:27,661
What if I fall tonight and break my hip?
1071
01:34:17,766 --> 01:34:21,033
Like that, little girl?
1072
01:34:21,333 --> 01:34:24,000
Huh, lamb?
1073
01:34:25,033 --> 01:34:27,800
I love you.
1074
01:35:00,937 --> 01:35:03,704
Bravo!
1075
01:35:09,904 --> 01:35:12,438
Maxine?
1076
01:35:31,140 --> 01:35:32,940
Hello? Hello?
1077
01:35:33,173 --> 01:35:35,274
- We have Maxine.
- Oh, my God.
1078
01:35:35,507 --> 01:35:37,674
Please, please, don't hurt her.
1079
01:35:37,941 --> 01:35:41,007
Listen, I'll give you
anything you want. Please.
1080
01:35:41,274 --> 01:35:44,141
You listen to me, asshole.
I don't want your fucking money.
1081
01:35:44,408 --> 01:35:48,442
What I want is for you
to leave John Malkovich now!
1082
01:35:48,708 --> 01:35:51,108
- Who is this, Lester?
- Does it matter?
1083
01:35:51,375 --> 01:35:54,776
We're gonna kill Maxine
if you don't leave the body immediately!
1084
01:35:55,042 --> 01:35:57,076
But I can't do that.
1085
01:35:57,342 --> 01:36:01,009
I mean, if I leave Malkovich,
then I'm Craig Schwartz again.
1086
01:36:01,243 --> 01:36:04,043
No career, no money.
Maxine will have nothing to do...
1087
01:36:04,276 --> 01:36:06,377
She barely has anything
to do with me now.
1088
01:36:06,643 --> 01:36:11,511
Jesus, we're going to kill your wife,
you fucking lunatic!
1089
01:36:11,711 --> 01:36:12,411
God.
1090
01:36:12,677 --> 01:36:15,611
Listen, Schwartz, Malkovich is our vessel.
We're old.
1091
01:36:15,844 --> 01:36:20,511
We're going to die if we don't
get into him by midnight...
1092
01:36:34,746 --> 01:36:37,813
He called our bluff.
1093
01:36:38,780 --> 01:36:40,580
Shit!
1094
01:36:40,813 --> 01:36:43,914
Can't we just go inside the portal
and push Craig out?
1095
01:36:44,147 --> 01:36:45,881
No, he's much too powerful.
1096
01:36:46,114 --> 01:36:51,215
Schwartz would just jam us down
into Malkovich's subconscious.
1097
01:37:14,283 --> 01:37:16,784
Lotte.
1098
01:37:19,251 --> 01:37:23,418
If I can't have you, no one will.
1099
01:37:24,685 --> 01:37:27,718
Lotte, no!
1100
01:37:27,718 --> 01:37:30,318
No, Lotte!
God, no, we can't really kill her!
1101
01:37:30,585 --> 01:37:35,886
She's carrying Malkovich's seed!
My next vessel!
1102
01:37:42,286 --> 01:37:45,587
Hey! Help me!
1103
01:37:48,054 --> 01:37:52,354
- Where the fuck am I?
- We're in Malkovich's subconscious.
1104
01:37:52,587 --> 01:37:56,554
The last thing you'll ever see, Maxine.
1105
01:37:57,554 --> 01:37:59,155
Fag-o-vitch!
1106
01:37:59,388 --> 01:38:02,488
Johnny, baby, Johnny.
1107
01:38:05,889 --> 01:38:09,522
Bad. I am bad. I am bad.
1108
01:38:31,725 --> 01:38:35,792
Maxine, I am gonna kill you!
1109
01:38:38,359 --> 01:38:41,092
You're creepy.
1110
01:38:50,893 --> 01:38:54,360
Little Johnny Malk-o-pee!
1111
01:39:21,463 --> 01:39:25,030
I loved you so much!
1112
01:39:25,197 --> 01:39:28,597
Why did you have to hurt me like that?
1113
01:39:28,864 --> 01:39:30,530
I'm sorry, Lotte.
1114
01:39:30,764 --> 01:39:34,998
I guess I loved you, too, in my way.
1115
01:39:35,231 --> 01:39:39,498
You are so full of shit, Maxine!
1116
01:39:39,731 --> 01:39:41,898
I know.
1117
01:39:42,165 --> 01:39:44,699
I know!
1118
01:39:48,232 --> 01:39:50,866
It's your baby, okay?
1119
01:39:51,132 --> 01:39:52,866
What?
1120
01:39:53,133 --> 01:39:56,933
The baby, it's yours.
1121
01:39:57,166 --> 01:40:00,400
It's ours. I got pregnant
when you were in Malkovich.
1122
01:40:00,633 --> 01:40:05,401
- You can't fuck with me any more, Maxine!
- I'm not!
1123
01:40:05,634 --> 01:40:09,934
I kept it because I knew
you were the father...
1124
01:40:11,535 --> 01:40:13,135
...the other mother, whatever...
1125
01:40:13,401 --> 01:40:17,135
...because it was yours.
1126
01:40:19,202 --> 01:40:22,169
So, we're parents?
1127
01:40:23,069 --> 01:40:25,703
Together?
1128
01:40:26,669 --> 01:40:29,103
Yeah.
1129
01:40:49,705 --> 01:40:51,939
- Aren't you John Malkovich?
- No.
1130
01:40:52,172 --> 01:40:54,439
- Yeah, you are.
- No.
1131
01:40:54,672 --> 01:40:56,839
I can't believe you're in this shithole, man.
1132
01:40:57,106 --> 01:41:00,306
- This is John Malkovich.
- I'm not John Malkovich.
1133
01:41:00,573 --> 01:41:06,040
- This is John Malkovich.
- I am not John Malkovich!
1134
01:41:21,308 --> 01:41:21,975
Yes?
1135
01:41:22,208 --> 01:41:25,142
Lester, please don't do it.
Please don't kill Maxine.
1136
01:41:25,375 --> 01:41:28,376
- So you'll leave?
- Yes, I am leaving.
1137
01:41:28,642 --> 01:41:32,509
All right. Do it now
while I'm on the phone so I can hear...
1138
01:41:32,776 --> 01:41:35,043
...and your lovely bride walks.
1139
01:41:35,310 --> 01:41:37,943
Okay. Okay.
1140
01:41:38,177 --> 01:41:40,843
I'm going.
1141
01:41:49,778 --> 01:41:53,911
Now, my friends. The time is now.
1142
01:42:24,981 --> 01:42:27,548
I'm free.
1143
01:42:30,215 --> 01:42:33,815
I'm back!
1144
01:42:48,750 --> 01:42:51,551
Lotte.
1145
01:43:27,121 --> 01:43:30,521
Hello. Hello, young lady.
1146
01:43:32,955 --> 01:43:36,788
We're Malkovich.
1147
01:43:38,389 --> 01:43:40,555
Maxine! I did it, Maxine!
1148
01:43:40,789 --> 01:43:42,589
I left Malkovich for you, sweetie!
1149
01:43:42,822 --> 01:43:44,889
It's no good being Malkovich without you.
1150
01:43:45,123 --> 01:43:46,923
- It proves I love you!
- Fuck off!
1151
01:43:47,189 --> 01:43:50,723
- Doesn't it?
- He's not with us.
1152
01:43:59,424 --> 01:44:02,258
Maxine, I love you!
1153
01:44:02,524 --> 01:44:05,391
I'm gonna go right back into Malkovich,
and kick Lester out!
1154
01:44:05,658 --> 01:44:09,792
And then you'll love me again! Maxine!
1155
01:44:24,260 --> 01:44:28,594
- Machine.
- Hey. Malcatraz.
1156
01:44:28,827 --> 01:44:30,760
- How are you?
- I'm very well. And you?
1157
01:44:30,994 --> 01:44:32,461
- Good, good.
- You look well.
1158
01:44:32,727 --> 01:44:34,394
Thank you. How's Celeste?
1159
01:44:34,628 --> 01:44:37,194
She's good.
She's sorry she couldn't make it today.
1160
01:44:37,428 --> 01:44:39,461
- She had to go to the store.
- That's okay.
1161
01:44:39,728 --> 01:44:42,262
Charlie, hi! I didn't even hear the door.
1162
01:44:42,528 --> 01:44:47,529
- Lookin' great, Flo.
- I'm looking grateful?
1163
01:44:48,596 --> 01:44:51,563
Charlie, we are not getting any younger.
1164
01:44:51,829 --> 01:44:53,996
Well, don't rub it in.
1165
01:44:54,229 --> 01:44:56,963
Listen, Charlie,
I know this is going to sound crazy...
1166
01:44:57,196 --> 01:45:00,297
...but what would you think
if I told you that I'd found a way...
1167
01:45:00,530 --> 01:45:02,730
...for us to live forever?
1168
01:45:02,997 --> 01:45:04,864
All of us.
1169
01:45:05,131 --> 01:45:07,597
- Johnny boy, what are you talking about?
- All of us.
1170
01:45:07,831 --> 01:45:12,265
Celeste, Floris, you, me.
Gary Sinise, maybe.
1171
01:45:13,498 --> 01:45:16,832
I don't really understand.
1172
01:45:22,732 --> 01:45:27,900
Charlie, this is Emily.
1173
01:45:36,734 --> 01:45:39,701
Isn't she lovely?
1174
01:45:39,934 --> 01:45:40,934
Pass the Cheetos.
1175
01:45:41,201 --> 01:45:43,434
- You need more puffs?
- No, I want more.
1176
01:45:43,701 --> 01:45:46,635
- Okey-doke. They're covered in grease.
- Shut up.
1177
01:45:46,868 --> 01:45:49,702
- Can I swim yet?
- Can you swim yet?
1178
01:45:49,968 --> 01:45:53,035
- What time is it?
- Shall we do the cramp test?
1179
01:45:53,302 --> 01:45:55,969
Check her.
1180
01:45:56,302 --> 01:45:59,603
Let me see.
Are you gonna throw up? Let me see!
1181
01:45:59,836 --> 01:46:02,670
Are you gonna throw up?
Are you gonna vomit?
1182
01:46:02,936 --> 01:46:05,970
Okay, you can swim.
1183
01:46:09,170 --> 01:46:11,304
Maxine.
1184
01:46:11,571 --> 01:46:13,904
Maxine.
1185
01:46:14,137 --> 01:46:17,204
I love you, Maxine.
1186
01:46:17,971 --> 01:46:20,738
Oh, look away.