2 00:02:40,583 --> 00:02:44,850 Craig, honey, it's time for bed. 3 00:02:46,883 --> 00:02:50,950 Craig, honey, time to get up. 4 00:02:51,184 --> 00:02:54,951 Craig, honey, time to get up. 5 00:02:55,184 --> 00:02:58,418 I'm sorry. I didn't know Orrin Hatch was out of his cage. 6 00:02:58,651 --> 00:03:01,618 - Come here. Morning, sweetheart. - Morning. 7 00:03:01,852 --> 00:03:03,485 What are you gonna do today, honey? 8 00:03:03,752 --> 00:03:05,385 Working in the workshop. 9 00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:09,452 I was thinking, maybe you'd feel better if you got a job. 10 00:03:09,719 --> 00:03:10,786 We've been over this. 11 00:03:11,052 --> 00:03:15,753 Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate. 12 00:03:16,020 --> 00:03:20,220 I know, honey, but I thought, you know... 13 00:03:20,453 --> 00:03:23,820 ...maybe something else until this puppet thing turns around. 14 00:03:24,054 --> 00:03:25,887 Derek Mantini doesn't need a day job. 15 00:03:26,154 --> 00:03:30,488 Not everybody can be Derek Mantini. 16 00:03:30,721 --> 00:03:34,188 I gotta get to the shop. We have a shipment of kitty litter coming in. 17 00:03:34,421 --> 00:03:37,355 Will you do me a favor? Will you take a look at Elijah today? 18 00:03:37,622 --> 00:03:42,322 - He's not feeling very good again. - Which one is Elijah again? 19 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:46,089 - The chimp, honey. - Yeah, okay. 20 00:03:49,156 --> 00:03:52,257 On the lighter side of the news in Westchester County today... 21 00:03:52,490 --> 00:03:56,057 ... puppeteer Derek Mantini thrilled onlookers as he performed... 22 00:03:56,290 --> 00:04:01,457 ...The Belle of Amherst with a 60-foot Emily Dickinson puppet. 23 00:04:02,424 --> 00:04:04,491 "How dreary to be somebody!" 24 00:04:04,758 --> 00:04:09,858 "How public, like a frog To tell your name the livelong day" 25 00:04:10,092 --> 00:04:13,059 Gimmicky bastard. 26 00:04:15,092 --> 00:04:18,859 You don't know how lucky you are, being a monkey. 27 00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:21,393 Because consciousness... 28 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:24,260 ...is a terrible curse. 29 00:04:24,526 --> 00:04:29,627 I think, I feel, I suffer. 30 00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:35,661 And all I ask in return is the opportunity to do my work. 31 00:04:37,028 --> 00:04:40,361 And they won't allow it... 32 00:04:40,861 --> 00:04:44,195 ...because I raise issues. 33 00:04:52,329 --> 00:04:54,829 While we enjoyed the pleasures of an uneasy love... 34 00:04:55,096 --> 00:04:58,597 ... and abandoned ourselves to fornication... 35 00:04:58,863 --> 00:05:01,430 ... we were spared God's severity. 36 00:05:01,697 --> 00:05:04,897 Say no more, I beg you, and cease from complaints like these... 37 00:05:05,131 --> 00:05:09,998 ... which are so far-removed from the true depths of love. 38 00:05:10,664 --> 00:05:13,431 Look, a puppet show! 39 00:05:13,698 --> 00:05:16,132 Okay, honey, just for a minute. Mommy's waiting. 40 00:05:16,365 --> 00:05:20,532 Even during the celebration of Mass when our prayers should be pure... 41 00:05:20,799 --> 00:05:25,733 ... lewd visions of these pleasures take such a hold upon my unhappy soul... 42 00:05:25,999 --> 00:05:29,433 ... that my thoughts are on their very wantonness... 43 00:05:29,666 --> 00:05:32,967 ... instead of my prayers. 44 00:05:36,467 --> 00:05:38,801 Sometimes my thoughts are betrayed... 45 00:05:39,067 --> 00:05:42,134 ... by the movement of my body. 46 00:05:42,401 --> 00:05:45,835 I took my fill of my wretched pleasures in you... 47 00:05:46,101 --> 00:05:50,235 ... and this was the sum total of my love. 48 00:06:20,605 --> 00:06:23,538 You motherfucker! 49 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:32,573 Oh, Craig! 50 00:06:32,806 --> 00:06:35,473 Honey, not again! 51 00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:38,773 Why do you do this to yourself, honey? 52 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,940 I'm a puppeteer. 53 00:08:12,649 --> 00:08:14,016 Seven and a half, right? 54 00:08:14,283 --> 00:08:18,250 - Yeah. - I'll take you through it. 55 00:08:36,252 --> 00:08:38,452 Seven and a half. 56 00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:41,385 Thank you. 57 00:09:13,155 --> 00:09:15,989 Welcome to Lestercorp. How may we meet your filing needs? 58 00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,756 No. My name's Craig Schwartz. 59 00:09:18,989 --> 00:09:21,456 I have an interview with Dr. Lester. 60 00:09:21,723 --> 00:09:24,923 - Please have a seat, Mr. Juarez. - Schwartz. 61 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,090 - Pardon? - Schwartz. 62 00:09:27,357 --> 00:09:31,657 I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're saying to me right now. 63 00:09:31,891 --> 00:09:36,091 - My name is Schwartz. - "My name is Warts." 64 00:09:44,392 --> 00:09:47,059 Mr. Juarez? 65 00:09:47,459 --> 00:09:48,225 Yes? 66 00:09:48,492 --> 00:09:50,692 - Chest? - I said, "Yes". 67 00:09:50,959 --> 00:09:52,759 You suggest what? 68 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:57,693 I'm sorry. I have no time for piddling suggestions from mumbling job applicants. 69 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,827 Besides, Dr. Lester will see you now. 70 00:10:02,827 --> 00:10:06,261 Come in, Mr. Juarez. 71 00:10:06,661 --> 00:10:09,961 My name is Craig Schwartz, Dr. Lester. 72 00:10:10,228 --> 00:10:10,961 Security! 73 00:10:11,228 --> 00:10:14,295 No, sir, it's just a little mix-up with your secretary. 74 00:10:14,561 --> 00:10:17,395 My name is Craig Schwartz. I tried to explain that to her. 75 00:10:17,628 --> 00:10:19,429 She's not my secretary. 76 00:10:19,695 --> 00:10:22,162 She's what they call an executive liaison. 77 00:10:22,396 --> 00:10:25,229 And I am not banging her, if that's what you're implying. 78 00:10:25,496 --> 00:10:30,330 No, sir, not at all. I think I must have simply misspoke. 79 00:10:37,997 --> 00:10:40,731 Well, now, tell me, Dr. Schwartz... 80 00:10:40,997 --> 00:10:45,365 ...what do you feel you can bring to Lestercorp? 81 00:10:45,365 --> 00:10:47,531 Well, sir, I'm an excellent filer. 82 00:10:47,798 --> 00:10:52,165 Are you? All right. Let's see about that. 83 00:10:56,566 --> 00:11:02,100 Which of these two letters comes first? This one or this one? 84 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,933 The symbol on the left is not a letter, sir. 85 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,934 Damn, you're good. 86 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,467 - I was trying to trick you. - I see. 87 00:11:11,734 --> 00:11:17,534 - Well then, put these in order. - Yes, sir. 88 00:11:21,702 --> 00:11:23,968 Floris, get Guinness on the phone. 89 00:11:24,202 --> 00:11:26,869 Yes, sir. Genghis Khan Capone. Fine. 90 00:11:27,135 --> 00:11:28,302 Damn fine woman, Floris. 91 00:11:28,536 --> 00:11:33,769 I don't know how she puts up with this speech impediment of mine. 92 00:11:34,136 --> 00:11:37,303 You don't have a speech impediment, Dr. Lester. 93 00:11:37,536 --> 00:11:40,337 Flattery will get you everywhere, my boy. 94 00:11:40,603 --> 00:11:43,470 I'm afraid I have to trust Floris on that one. 95 00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,404 You see, she's got her doctorate... 96 00:11:45,637 --> 00:11:48,404 ...in Speech Impedimentology from Case Western. 97 00:11:48,638 --> 00:11:51,138 I apologize if you can't understand a word I'm saying. 98 00:11:51,404 --> 00:11:53,971 No, I understand perfectly. 99 00:11:54,238 --> 00:11:56,438 It's very kind of you to lie. 100 00:11:56,705 --> 00:11:58,472 You see, I've been very Ionely... 101 00:11:58,739 --> 00:12:03,706 ...in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech. 102 00:12:08,506 --> 00:12:10,573 You got the job. 103 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,740 - Any questions? - Well, just one. 104 00:12:14,007 --> 00:12:16,140 Why are these ceilings so low? 105 00:12:16,374 --> 00:12:20,641 Low overhead, my boy! We pass the savings on to you. 106 00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:25,508 But seriously, that'll all be covered in orientation. 107 00:12:54,011 --> 00:12:56,711 Welcome to the 7 1/2 floor of the Mertin-Flemmer building. 108 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,078 As you'll now be spending your workday here... 109 00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:03,345 ... it's important that you learn a bit about the history of this famous floor. 110 00:13:03,578 --> 00:13:05,179 - Hello, Don. - Hello, Wendy. 111 00:13:05,412 --> 00:13:07,745 Don, I was wondering, do you know why... 112 00:13:08,012 --> 00:13:10,046 ... our workplace has such low ceilings? 113 00:13:10,312 --> 00:13:14,013 It's an interesting story. Many years ago in the late 1800s... 114 00:13:14,279 --> 00:13:17,846 ... James Mertin, an Irish ship captain, came to this town... 115 00:13:18,113 --> 00:13:20,547 ... and decided to erect an office building. 116 00:13:20,813 --> 00:13:24,147 He called this building the Mertin-Flemmer building after himself and... 117 00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:27,414 ... someone else, who local legend has it was named Flemmer. 118 00:13:27,647 --> 00:13:30,914 Well, one day, old Captain Mertin received an unexpected visitor. 119 00:13:31,148 --> 00:13:34,748 - Captain Mertin? - Aye. What want ye, girl child? 120 00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:38,915 I'm not a child, but rather an adult lady of miniature proportions. 121 00:13:39,149 --> 00:13:42,416 I see. Well, if it's charity you're after... 122 00:13:42,649 --> 00:13:45,083 ... be gone with ye, you foul demon! 123 00:13:45,349 --> 00:13:47,049 I'm not asking for alms, Captain... 124 00:13:47,283 --> 00:13:50,183 ... but, rather, the ear of a kind man with a noble heart. 125 00:13:50,416 --> 00:13:53,017 Well, speak then, if you must. 126 00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:56,917 Captain Mertin, I'm afraid that the world was not built with me in mind. 127 00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:59,851 Doorknobs are too high, chairs are unwieldy... 128 00:14:00,084 --> 00:14:02,818 ... and high-ceilinged rooms mock my stature. 129 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:06,951 Why cannot there be a place for me to work that's safe and comfortable? 130 00:14:07,185 --> 00:14:09,618 Thy story has moved me like no other. 131 00:14:09,852 --> 00:14:14,385 Therefore, I shall make ye me wife. 132 00:14:14,652 --> 00:14:16,952 And I shall build a floor for ye... 133 00:14:17,186 --> 00:14:20,919 ... between the seventh and the eighth in me own building... 134 00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:24,653 ... so at least there'll be one place on God's green earth... 135 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:29,487 ... where ye and your accursed kind can live in peace. 136 00:14:29,987 --> 00:14:32,554 So that's the story of 7 1/2. 137 00:14:32,787 --> 00:14:36,188 Since the rents are considerably lower, this floor has been adopted... 138 00:14:36,421 --> 00:14:39,788 ... by businesses which have been forced to cut corners. 139 00:14:40,055 --> 00:14:43,855 After all, the overhead is low. 140 00:14:53,889 --> 00:14:56,890 Moving story, huh? 141 00:14:57,223 --> 00:15:01,023 Unfortunately, the story's bullshit. 142 00:15:03,624 --> 00:15:06,591 Listen, I'm Craig Schwartz. I'm just starting out at Lestercorp. 143 00:15:06,824 --> 00:15:10,191 Where are you starting out? 144 00:15:13,325 --> 00:15:15,658 Shut up! Shut up! 145 00:15:15,925 --> 00:15:17,892 - Shut up! Shut up! - Hey, shut up! 146 00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:21,425 - Shut up! - I'm sorry, honey. 147 00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,626 Sorry, honey. 148 00:15:23,892 --> 00:15:25,793 Sorry, honey. 149 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,926 - Shut up! - Sorry! 150 00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:30,760 - Help! She's locking me in a cage. - Isn't that cute? 151 00:15:31,026 --> 00:15:35,694 - I just taught him that today. - Yeah, that's adorable. 152 00:15:36,427 --> 00:15:39,161 - You want to do some dishes for me? - Put that down. 153 00:15:39,394 --> 00:15:41,494 Here, Elijah. Here you go. 154 00:15:41,728 --> 00:15:45,761 You know, I have an appointment tomorrow with Elijah's shrink. 155 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,495 I think we're finally getting down to the bottom... 156 00:15:48,728 --> 00:15:53,362 ...of this acid stomach, aren't we? Come here. 157 00:15:55,196 --> 00:15:56,329 Get down from the... 158 00:15:56,562 --> 00:16:01,329 She thinks that it's some sort of childhood trauma. 159 00:16:01,996 --> 00:16:05,663 Feelings of inadequacy as a chimp, you know? 160 00:16:05,930 --> 00:16:10,064 Careful. Isn't that interesting? 161 00:16:10,497 --> 00:16:13,997 I find it really interesting. 162 00:16:17,064 --> 00:16:22,065 So, honey, have you thought any more about us having a baby? 163 00:16:24,865 --> 00:16:28,999 I think it's just so tough right now, economically and all... 164 00:16:29,232 --> 00:16:34,833 ...that I think maybe we should just wait and see if this job thing pays off. 165 00:16:35,066 --> 00:16:37,700 You know? 166 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,901 I was thinking about what you said the other day... 167 00:16:46,167 --> 00:16:49,368 ...about the orientation film being bullshit. - Yes? 168 00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,368 I think maybe you're on to something. 169 00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:55,502 - And 50 other lines to get in a girl's pants. - No, no! 170 00:16:55,768 --> 00:16:59,235 No, I was just talking about the film. 171 00:16:59,469 --> 00:17:02,002 Here's the thing. 172 00:17:02,269 --> 00:17:08,370 If you ever got me, you wouldn't have a clue what to do with me. 173 00:17:10,803 --> 00:17:14,870 I wasn't. I was talking about the film. 174 00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:23,538 What magic those fingers could work on the right cabinet. 175 00:17:23,771 --> 00:17:26,371 Maybe you could alphabetize me. 176 00:17:26,605 --> 00:17:27,838 And don't forget... 177 00:17:28,071 --> 00:17:32,905 ..."I" comes before "U". 178 00:17:33,805 --> 00:17:36,672 Floris, I think you're very nice... 179 00:17:36,906 --> 00:17:41,273 ...but the truth is that I'm in love with someone else. 180 00:17:41,506 --> 00:17:45,173 I'm afraid I have no idea what you're saying to me. 181 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,374 - You bastard. - What? 182 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,474 - Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz. - No. 183 00:17:51,741 --> 00:17:54,474 If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears. 184 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,808 I wasn't toying with her, sir. I wouldn't... 185 00:17:58,074 --> 00:18:01,775 - Pardon me. How old are you, sir? - 105. 186 00:18:02,042 --> 00:18:04,475 Carrot juice, and lots of it. 187 00:18:04,742 --> 00:18:08,342 I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange. 188 00:18:08,576 --> 00:18:10,376 And I have to piss sitting down... 189 00:18:10,609 --> 00:18:14,076 ...like a goddamn girly-girl, every 15 minutes. 190 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:17,210 But nobody wants to die. 191 00:18:17,443 --> 00:18:20,477 To be a young man again. 192 00:18:20,710 --> 00:18:24,510 Maybe then Floris would care for me. 193 00:18:24,744 --> 00:18:27,977 The elderly have so much to offer. They're our link with history. 194 00:18:28,211 --> 00:18:30,478 I don't wanna be your goddamn link, damn ya. 195 00:18:30,711 --> 00:18:34,511 I want to feel Floris's naked thighs next to mine. 196 00:18:34,778 --> 00:18:36,945 I want my body to inspire lust... 197 00:18:37,178 --> 00:18:39,645 ...in that beautiful, complex woman. 198 00:18:39,912 --> 00:18:42,746 I want her to shiver with a spasm of ecstasy... 199 00:18:42,979 --> 00:18:44,946 ...as I penetrate her wet... 200 00:18:45,179 --> 00:18:48,746 Dr. Lester, while I'm flattered you would share your feelings with me... 201 00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:53,380 ...the workplace isn't the most suitable environment for this type of discussion. 202 00:18:53,613 --> 00:18:55,214 You're right. I'll tell you what. 203 00:18:55,447 --> 00:18:59,347 Meet me after work today at Jerry's Juiceteria on Lex... 204 00:18:59,581 --> 00:19:03,681 ...and I'll spill my goddamn guts for ya. 205 00:19:05,015 --> 00:19:08,081 No, I won't be late, Lotte. I just have to, you know... 206 00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:11,882 ...listen to Lester's sexual fantasies and drink carrot juice for a while. 207 00:19:12,149 --> 00:19:15,416 It's a job thing, really. 208 00:19:16,882 --> 00:19:20,349 So, I'll talk to you later, okay? Yeah. You, too. 209 00:19:20,616 --> 00:19:24,216 Gotta go back to work. Okay, bye. 210 00:19:25,183 --> 00:19:29,117 Hi. Do you know that I don't even know your name or where you work? 211 00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:31,951 Yeah. 212 00:19:34,317 --> 00:19:35,584 How about this? 213 00:19:35,818 --> 00:19:41,585 If I can guess your name in three tries, you have to have a drink with me tonight. 214 00:19:41,818 --> 00:19:43,718 Why not? 215 00:19:43,952 --> 00:19:46,419 Okay. 216 00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:49,586 You look like a... 217 00:19:52,019 --> 00:19:54,719 ...Bar... 218 00:19:54,953 --> 00:19:57,786 ...Ru... 219 00:19:58,053 --> 00:20:00,887 ...Bell... 220 00:20:01,153 --> 00:20:03,820 ...Carol... 221 00:20:04,054 --> 00:20:06,754 ...Ta, Cher... 222 00:20:07,021 --> 00:20:09,154 ...Susan... 223 00:20:09,388 --> 00:20:12,988 ...Emily... 224 00:20:13,221 --> 00:20:15,888 ...Marlar... 225 00:20:16,155 --> 00:20:19,222 ...Maxine. Maxine? 226 00:20:19,489 --> 00:20:21,856 Yeah! Who told you? 227 00:20:22,122 --> 00:20:27,989 Nobody told me. That just came out. Isn't that odd? 228 00:20:28,123 --> 00:20:30,756 So where do you live and stuff? 229 00:20:30,990 --> 00:20:32,590 I am dubious... 230 00:20:32,823 --> 00:20:34,457 ...but I don't welsh. 231 00:20:34,723 --> 00:20:38,457 Okay, meet me at The Stuck Pig, 7:00. 232 00:20:38,724 --> 00:20:40,624 If you're late, I walk. 233 00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:43,024 Nubile. Blonde. 234 00:20:43,258 --> 00:20:45,858 Wet with desire. Me in leather. 235 00:20:46,091 --> 00:20:47,425 A harness, if you like. 236 00:20:47,691 --> 00:20:51,092 And all eyes, Craig, are upon me as I speak. 237 00:20:51,358 --> 00:20:53,025 "Ladies", I begin. 238 00:20:53,259 --> 00:20:56,992 "I am the love god Eros." They like that. 239 00:20:57,226 --> 00:20:59,026 "I intoxicate you." 240 00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:02,126 "My spunk is, to you, manna from heaven." 241 00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:05,327 Dr. Lester, this is all really fascinating and stuff... 242 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,227 ...but I gotta get back home to my wife. 243 00:21:08,494 --> 00:21:10,960 - You have a wife. I'd like to meet her. - Yes, sir. 244 00:21:11,194 --> 00:21:13,961 Shall we say dinner Thursday? 245 00:21:14,194 --> 00:21:16,028 You can come, too, if you like. 246 00:21:16,294 --> 00:21:19,628 Get that? That was a joke. You hear what I said? You can come, too. 247 00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:21,295 That was a good one. 248 00:21:21,562 --> 00:21:25,229 - All right. Thank you. - Yeah. 249 00:21:33,229 --> 00:21:35,130 Maxine. 250 00:21:35,396 --> 00:21:37,463 - I made it, Maxine. - Just. 251 00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:39,630 Buy you a drink, Maxine? 252 00:21:39,897 --> 00:21:42,830 Are you married? 253 00:21:43,530 --> 00:21:47,264 - Yeah. But enough about me. - Yeah. 254 00:21:48,097 --> 00:21:51,198 - What'll you have? - I'll have more of the same, please, Barry. 255 00:21:51,431 --> 00:21:55,865 And I'll have a light beer, or something. 256 00:21:58,832 --> 00:22:01,199 So... 257 00:22:01,566 --> 00:22:04,599 I don't know, I like you. 258 00:22:04,832 --> 00:22:07,466 - I don't know what it is about you. I just... - My tits? 259 00:22:07,699 --> 00:22:09,933 - No! - No? 260 00:22:10,166 --> 00:22:12,600 It's your energy, the way you carry yourself. 261 00:22:12,833 --> 00:22:14,267 You're not a fag, are you? 262 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,334 No. I am really attracted to you. 263 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,934 "I am really attracted to you." You are a fag. 264 00:22:19,167 --> 00:22:21,234 Well, we can share recipes, Darlene. 265 00:22:21,467 --> 00:22:26,268 - Wait! I love your tits. I wanna fuck 'em. - Now we're gettin' somewhere. 266 00:22:26,535 --> 00:22:29,302 Not a chance. 267 00:22:29,602 --> 00:22:32,635 So tell me about yourself. 268 00:22:32,902 --> 00:22:36,902 If you can get your mind out of the gutter long enough, dog boy. 269 00:22:37,169 --> 00:22:39,169 Well, I'm a puppeteer. 270 00:22:39,403 --> 00:22:42,503 - I've been... - Check. 271 00:22:49,837 --> 00:22:54,871 I'm sorry I'm so late. Lester just wouldn't let me get away. 272 00:22:55,138 --> 00:22:58,438 Hi, Elijah. We're supposed to have dinner with him on Thursday... 273 00:22:58,671 --> 00:23:00,705 ...but I can get us out of it, if you want. 274 00:23:00,971 --> 00:23:04,738 It's amazing. He's like this insane old lech, and it's kind of amusing... 275 00:23:04,972 --> 00:23:07,605 ...once you get past how disgusting it actually is. 276 00:23:07,839 --> 00:23:09,839 - Did you eat? - No. I'm not hungry. 277 00:23:10,106 --> 00:23:12,773 I'm sorry I didn't call. It was just hard to get away. 278 00:23:13,006 --> 00:23:16,773 - I was worried. - I'm sorry. 279 00:23:18,206 --> 00:23:20,907 You know... 280 00:23:21,774 --> 00:23:25,074 ...you wanted me to work. 281 00:23:27,174 --> 00:23:30,374 How was your evening? 282 00:23:30,608 --> 00:23:33,008 Tom-Tom's puncture wound is infected. 283 00:23:33,241 --> 00:23:37,242 - The ferret? - The iguana. 284 00:23:37,675 --> 00:23:39,175 So I just dressed the wound... 285 00:23:39,409 --> 00:23:44,809 ...and I've just been feeding everyone and putting everybody to bed. 286 00:23:45,209 --> 00:23:48,676 - You want a beer? - No. I think I'm going to go to bed. 287 00:23:48,943 --> 00:23:51,210 Elijah's gonna sleep with us tonight. 288 00:23:51,476 --> 00:23:55,677 - I don't think he's feeling very well. - Okay. 289 00:23:56,677 --> 00:24:00,844 You know what? I'm gonna go in my workshop for a little while. 290 00:24:01,111 --> 00:24:05,145 - But I'll be in in a little while. - Okay. 291 00:24:46,149 --> 00:24:50,416 Tell me, why do you love puppeteering? 292 00:24:51,983 --> 00:24:55,750 Well, Maxine, I'm not sure exactly. 293 00:24:55,983 --> 00:24:59,250 Perhaps it's the idea of becoming someone else for a little while. 294 00:24:59,483 --> 00:25:01,950 Being inside another skin... 295 00:25:02,217 --> 00:25:05,251 ...thinking differently, moving differently... 296 00:25:05,517 --> 00:25:08,051 ...feeling differently. 297 00:25:08,284 --> 00:25:10,718 Interesting, Craig. 298 00:25:10,951 --> 00:25:13,618 Would you like to be inside my skin... 299 00:25:13,885 --> 00:25:19,019 ...think what I think, feel what I feel? 300 00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:24,486 More than anything, Maxine. 301 00:25:26,819 --> 00:25:29,386 It's good in here, Craig. 302 00:25:29,653 --> 00:25:33,787 It's better than your wildest dreams. 303 00:26:00,623 --> 00:26:02,856 You're not somebody I could get interested in. 304 00:26:03,090 --> 00:26:05,023 You play with dolls. 305 00:26:05,257 --> 00:26:06,690 Puppets, Maxine. 306 00:26:06,923 --> 00:26:10,090 It's the idea of being inside someone else's skin... 307 00:26:10,357 --> 00:26:13,857 ...and seeing what they see and feeling what they feel. 308 00:26:14,091 --> 00:26:15,258 Yikes! 309 00:26:15,524 --> 00:26:17,858 It's just that, well... Please, let me explain. 310 00:26:18,124 --> 00:26:20,358 I've never done this before, but... 311 00:26:20,625 --> 00:26:24,892 ...I feel something for you, and I've never felt this way before... 312 00:26:25,159 --> 00:26:28,926 ...you know, about anybody, not even my wife. 313 00:26:29,159 --> 00:26:30,826 And I just... 314 00:26:31,092 --> 00:26:35,693 I really feel that you and I belong together. 315 00:27:01,495 --> 00:27:03,929 Shit. 316 00:28:32,705 --> 00:28:35,638 What's the file number? 317 00:30:36,817 --> 00:30:40,484 You know what? The puppeteer told me he loved me today. 318 00:30:40,717 --> 00:30:44,651 I know. I can't think of anything more pathetic. 319 00:30:44,885 --> 00:30:47,551 I'm sorry. 320 00:30:48,452 --> 00:30:51,285 Afternoon, sir. 321 00:31:01,786 --> 00:31:05,387 The Broadhurst Theatre, please. 322 00:31:11,420 --> 00:31:14,254 Say, ain't you that actor guy? 323 00:31:14,521 --> 00:31:16,288 Yes. 324 00:31:16,554 --> 00:31:20,221 John, what is, John... 325 00:31:21,121 --> 00:31:22,722 Don't tell me. Maplethorpe? 326 00:31:22,988 --> 00:31:27,189 - Malkovich. - Malkovich. Right. 327 00:31:27,422 --> 00:31:29,989 Yeah. I thought you were all right in that one movie. 328 00:31:30,222 --> 00:31:31,422 Thank you. 329 00:31:31,689 --> 00:31:33,889 The one where you played a jewel thief. 330 00:31:34,156 --> 00:31:37,556 - I never played a jewel thief. - No? 331 00:31:37,823 --> 00:31:41,624 - Who am I thinkin' of? - I don't know. 332 00:31:43,590 --> 00:31:47,824 No, no, I'm pretty sure it was you. 333 00:32:25,361 --> 00:32:28,395 Yeah. Absolutely, doll. 334 00:32:28,395 --> 00:32:33,595 I'm just about to close up. Wanna meet at The Pig in 20 minutes? 335 00:32:33,829 --> 00:32:36,129 Cool. Bye. 336 00:32:36,362 --> 00:32:39,663 I'm splittin' for the day, puppet man. Lock up for me, okay? 337 00:32:39,929 --> 00:32:42,096 Don't you wanna know what happened to me? 338 00:32:42,330 --> 00:32:42,996 No. 339 00:32:43,263 --> 00:32:46,563 - Please, this is important. - Better be. 340 00:32:46,797 --> 00:32:49,297 It is. 341 00:32:54,131 --> 00:32:56,564 There's a tiny door in my office, Maxine. 342 00:32:56,798 --> 00:33:01,231 It's a portal, and it takes you inside John Malkovich. 343 00:33:01,465 --> 00:33:03,932 You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes... 344 00:33:04,198 --> 00:33:06,599 ...and then after 15 minutes, you're spit out... 345 00:33:06,865 --> 00:33:09,432 ...into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike. 346 00:33:09,699 --> 00:33:12,933 Sounds great! Who the fuck is John Malkovich? 347 00:33:13,199 --> 00:33:16,800 He's an actor. He's one of the great American actors of the 20th century. 348 00:33:17,033 --> 00:33:19,200 Oh, yeah? What's he been in? 349 00:33:19,467 --> 00:33:21,567 Lots of things. That jewel thief movie. 350 00:33:21,834 --> 00:33:24,967 He's very well-respected. Anyway, the point is... 351 00:33:25,201 --> 00:33:28,101 ...this is a very odd thing. 352 00:33:28,334 --> 00:33:31,134 It's supernatural, for lack of a better word. 353 00:33:31,368 --> 00:33:35,735 I mean, it raises all sorts of philosophical-type questions... 354 00:33:35,968 --> 00:33:39,335 ...about the nature of self, about the existence of a soul. 355 00:33:39,602 --> 00:33:43,336 You know, am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? 356 00:33:43,602 --> 00:33:45,703 I had a piece of wood in my hand, Maxine. 357 00:33:45,936 --> 00:33:49,303 I don't have it any more. Where is it? 358 00:33:49,570 --> 00:33:51,737 Did it disappear? How could that be? 359 00:33:51,970 --> 00:33:56,504 Is it still in Malkovich's head? I don't know! 360 00:33:57,004 --> 00:34:02,204 Do you see what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is? 361 00:34:05,471 --> 00:34:11,172 I don't see how I could go on living my life the way I've lived it before. 362 00:34:26,807 --> 00:34:27,307 Yeah? 363 00:34:27,573 --> 00:34:30,407 So I've been thinking, is this Malkovich fellow appealing? 364 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,807 Maxine! Yes, of course, Maxine. He's a celebrity. 365 00:34:34,074 --> 00:34:36,974 Good. We'll sell tickets. 366 00:34:37,241 --> 00:34:40,075 - Tickets to Malkovich? - Exactly. 367 00:34:40,308 --> 00:34:43,642 $200 a pop. 368 00:34:43,708 --> 00:34:46,909 But, Maxine, there's something, I don't know, like, profound here. 369 00:34:47,175 --> 00:34:51,509 I don't know if we should exploit it. You think? 370 00:34:51,743 --> 00:34:55,176 I need you for this, Craigy. You're my man on the inside. 371 00:34:55,410 --> 00:34:59,477 You need me? I'm your man? 372 00:35:00,243 --> 00:35:03,077 Sure, whatever. 373 00:35:03,577 --> 00:35:05,777 Hey everybody, I'm home. 374 00:35:06,011 --> 00:35:08,344 - Treats for everyone. - Maxine? 375 00:35:08,611 --> 00:35:12,878 - Yeah? - We don't know the significance of this. 376 00:35:13,145 --> 00:35:16,345 It might be dangerous to toy with? 377 00:35:16,612 --> 00:35:20,312 I'll protect you, doll face. 378 00:35:20,412 --> 00:35:22,979 Bye-bye. 379 00:35:25,513 --> 00:35:27,779 Who was that? 380 00:35:28,046 --> 00:35:31,380 I'm going to be working a lot of late nights with this partner... 381 00:35:31,613 --> 00:35:35,414 ...'cause Lestercorp's open during the day, so I'll be working a lot of nights. 382 00:35:35,647 --> 00:35:38,581 It's a good thing. It'll get us out of the hole financially... 383 00:35:38,847 --> 00:35:40,947 ...'cause we're gonna turn it into a business. 384 00:35:41,214 --> 00:35:43,948 But I don't understand. 385 00:35:44,214 --> 00:35:48,548 There's no such thing as a hole, or a portal into somebody's brain. 386 00:35:48,815 --> 00:35:52,849 Yes, there is. A brain or soul or whatever. 387 00:35:53,082 --> 00:35:56,516 I was inside John Malkovich lookin' out. 388 00:35:56,782 --> 00:35:57,982 - Really? - Yep. 389 00:35:58,216 --> 00:36:00,816 - I wanna try it then. - Pardon? 390 00:36:01,049 --> 00:36:03,516 I want to be John Malkovich tomorrow. 391 00:36:03,783 --> 00:36:06,383 That'd be perfect, 'cause then I can meet your partner. 392 00:36:06,650 --> 00:36:10,817 The thing is, Lestercorp's open during the day, so we can't go during the day. 393 00:36:11,084 --> 00:36:14,117 But if you want to, we can do it right now. 394 00:36:14,351 --> 00:36:18,885 - Now? Right now? - Tonight, on the way to Lester's. 395 00:36:30,086 --> 00:36:35,286 I'll meet you on the side of the road by the New Jersey Turnpike. 396 00:36:39,687 --> 00:36:42,387 I'm scared. 397 00:36:42,587 --> 00:36:46,387 You don't have to do this, you know. 398 00:36:47,354 --> 00:36:48,788 No. 399 00:36:49,021 --> 00:36:51,488 No, I wanna go. 400 00:36:51,721 --> 00:36:55,055 - You sure? - Yeah. 401 00:37:14,390 --> 00:37:16,990 It's wet. 402 00:37:17,724 --> 00:37:20,224 Weird. 403 00:37:27,125 --> 00:37:29,892 That's nice. 404 00:37:37,226 --> 00:37:41,359 God, I feel sexy. 405 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:51,027 Lotte, are you all right? 406 00:37:54,961 --> 00:37:56,694 Craig, I gotta go back! 407 00:37:56,961 --> 00:37:58,961 - No! - Maybe tomorrow. 408 00:37:59,228 --> 00:38:04,895 - No! I gotta go back now! - We'll talk about it later. 409 00:38:06,929 --> 00:38:10,029 Being inside did something to me. 410 00:38:10,262 --> 00:38:13,229 I knew who I was. 411 00:38:16,930 --> 00:38:20,363 It's like everything made sense. I knew who I was. 412 00:38:20,597 --> 00:38:23,264 But you weren't you. You were John Malkovich. 413 00:38:23,530 --> 00:38:27,831 God, I was. I was, wasn't I? 414 00:38:31,565 --> 00:38:34,698 I was John Malkovich. 415 00:38:35,498 --> 00:38:39,932 I was John fucking Malkovich! 416 00:38:42,599 --> 00:38:46,799 - Take me back, Craig. - We're late for Lester. 417 00:38:50,233 --> 00:38:54,567 So tell me, Lotte, can you understand a word I'm saying? 418 00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,600 Oh, yes, Dr. Lester. Absolutely. 419 00:38:56,834 --> 00:39:00,134 You were just explaining the nutritional value... 420 00:39:00,401 --> 00:39:05,135 ...of ingesting minerals through a colloidal form which I couldn't agree more with. 421 00:39:05,401 --> 00:39:08,435 Be still, my heart. 422 00:39:11,335 --> 00:39:14,836 Dr. Lester, would you point me in the direction of the restroom? 423 00:39:15,069 --> 00:39:20,736 With the greatest pleasure, my dear. You go up the grand "escalier"... 424 00:39:20,803 --> 00:39:25,403 ...and once atop the stairs you'll want to enter the fifth door on my left. 425 00:39:25,670 --> 00:39:30,837 - Watch the step down. It's sunken. - Okay. Thank you. 426 00:40:43,711 --> 00:40:48,812 What do you think Lester's relationship with John Malkovich is? 427 00:40:50,112 --> 00:40:51,912 That portal's been boarded up forever. 428 00:40:52,179 --> 00:40:56,912 I bet Lester's not even aware of it, him, the portal. Why? 429 00:40:57,179 --> 00:40:58,713 No reason. I was just thinking. 430 00:40:58,946 --> 00:41:02,646 Do you think that it's kind of weird that John Malkovich has a portal? 431 00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:06,013 Do you think it might have some sort of significance, for example? 432 00:41:06,247 --> 00:41:08,980 I don't know. Why do you think that? 433 00:41:09,214 --> 00:41:10,647 I don't even care. 434 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:14,347 I think it's kind of sexy that John Malkovich has a portal. 435 00:41:14,614 --> 00:41:16,881 Sort of like he's a vagina. 436 00:41:17,148 --> 00:41:19,115 It's sort of vaginal, like he has a... 437 00:41:19,348 --> 00:41:22,582 ...he has a penis and a vagina. 438 00:41:22,815 --> 00:41:24,682 It's sort of like... 439 00:41:24,949 --> 00:41:28,449 ...Malkovich's feminine side. 440 00:41:29,349 --> 00:41:32,116 I like that. 441 00:41:34,383 --> 00:41:36,416 "Visit J.M. Inc., Mertin-Flemmer Building... 442 00:41:36,650 --> 00:41:39,450 ...nightly from 9:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m." 443 00:41:39,717 --> 00:41:42,550 Sounds good. Oblique, but intriguing. Phone it in. 444 00:41:42,784 --> 00:41:46,251 - Want me to phone it in? - No. 445 00:41:47,617 --> 00:41:50,284 - Lotte! - Hi. 446 00:41:50,551 --> 00:41:54,485 - I heard your voice. - What are you doing here? 447 00:41:54,718 --> 00:41:57,885 Is this your partner? She's pretty. 448 00:41:58,152 --> 00:42:01,586 I had to do the Malkovich ride again, you know? Is this her? 449 00:42:01,852 --> 00:42:03,619 - Hi. You're Craig's wife? - Yeah. Hi. 450 00:42:03,852 --> 00:42:06,453 Lotte, Maxine. Maxine, Lotte. 451 00:42:06,686 --> 00:42:11,520 - Have you done Malkovich yet? - Hi. Yeah, I want to place an ad. 452 00:42:11,787 --> 00:42:13,620 Okay. "Ever want to be someone else?" 453 00:42:13,853 --> 00:42:17,020 No, that's the ad, but we can talk about you in a minute. 454 00:42:17,287 --> 00:42:19,254 "Ever want to be someone else?" 455 00:42:19,487 --> 00:42:22,321 "Now you can. Visit J.M. Inc." 456 00:42:22,588 --> 00:42:24,054 "Inc. Mertin." 457 00:42:24,288 --> 00:42:25,655 "M-E-R-T-I-N. Flemmer." 458 00:42:25,921 --> 00:42:29,422 You should really be at work. 459 00:42:31,122 --> 00:42:36,289 I've been going over and over my experience last night, Craig. 460 00:42:36,922 --> 00:42:39,756 It was amazing. 461 00:42:40,523 --> 00:42:43,356 I've decided... 462 00:42:43,490 --> 00:42:44,890 ...that I'm a transsexual. 463 00:42:45,157 --> 00:42:48,257 - I know it's the craziest thing, Craig! - Are you fuckin' nuts? 464 00:42:48,524 --> 00:42:53,957 No. It's just that for the first time, everything just felt right. 465 00:42:53,957 --> 00:42:56,191 I've got to make sure. 466 00:42:56,458 --> 00:43:00,191 But if the feeling is still there... 467 00:43:00,858 --> 00:43:04,758 ...I'm going to talk to Dr. Feldman about sexual reassignment surgery. 468 00:43:04,992 --> 00:43:07,659 This is absurd! Besides, Feldman is an allergist. 469 00:43:07,925 --> 00:43:10,492 If you're going to do something, do it right. 470 00:43:10,759 --> 00:43:13,493 You get these half-assed ideas and do a half-assed job. 471 00:43:13,759 --> 00:43:14,626 Just drop it. 472 00:43:14,893 --> 00:43:18,160 It's just that I really like Dr. Feldman. All right? 473 00:43:18,427 --> 00:43:20,993 So I thought that I would ask him his opinion. 474 00:43:21,260 --> 00:43:23,394 Is there something so terrible about that? 475 00:43:23,627 --> 00:43:27,194 - Why do you always yell at me like this? - Sweetie, I'm sorry. 476 00:43:27,427 --> 00:43:31,761 It's just a phase. It's the thrill of seeing through somebody else's eyes. 477 00:43:32,028 --> 00:43:34,361 Okay? It'll pass. 478 00:43:34,595 --> 00:43:38,729 Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man. 479 00:43:38,995 --> 00:43:40,562 Let her go, Craig. 480 00:43:40,829 --> 00:43:43,529 - Okay. - I mean him. 481 00:43:43,762 --> 00:43:46,463 Right now? 482 00:43:49,296 --> 00:43:52,297 It's the middle of the day. How will I get her past Lester? 483 00:43:52,530 --> 00:43:54,063 - Yawn. Figure it out. - Okay. 484 00:43:54,330 --> 00:43:56,530 Let's go. Come on. 485 00:43:56,797 --> 00:43:59,764 - Bye. - Bye. 486 00:44:09,332 --> 00:44:11,665 Davey, it's Max. 487 00:44:11,932 --> 00:44:15,866 Listen, can you get me John Malkovich's home phone? 488 00:44:16,099 --> 00:44:18,766 "But what I had been through." 489 00:44:19,033 --> 00:44:20,899 "I am hungry as the winter." 490 00:44:21,133 --> 00:44:25,867 "I am sick, anxious, poor as a beggar." 491 00:44:26,100 --> 00:44:28,767 "Fate has tossed me hither and thither." 492 00:44:29,034 --> 00:44:31,667 "I have been everywhere. Everywhere." 493 00:44:31,901 --> 00:44:34,001 - "So strong." - "But wherever I have been..." 494 00:44:34,234 --> 00:44:36,868 - "...every minute, day and night..." - I want that voice. 495 00:44:37,134 --> 00:44:41,001 - "...my soul has been full..." - "My soul has been full..." 496 00:44:41,235 --> 00:44:44,502 - "...of mysterious anticipation." - "I feel the approach of happiness." 497 00:44:44,769 --> 00:44:48,836 "Anya, I see it coming." 498 00:44:52,503 --> 00:44:55,203 - Yeah? - Mr. John Malkovich? 499 00:44:55,470 --> 00:44:57,970 - Yeah. Who's calling? - Oh, my goodness! 500 00:44:58,237 --> 00:45:00,737 You don't know me, but I know you. 501 00:45:00,970 --> 00:45:03,337 I'm a great admirer of yours. 502 00:45:03,604 --> 00:45:05,304 How did you get this number? 503 00:45:05,571 --> 00:45:09,071 It's just that... 504 00:45:09,304 --> 00:45:10,471 ... I dream about you. 505 00:45:10,738 --> 00:45:15,605 And well, even speaking to you now has gotten me sort of excited, you know? 506 00:45:15,872 --> 00:45:19,172 The way this woman's talking to him. 507 00:45:19,405 --> 00:45:24,539 Listen, I really don't find this amusing. Don't call here anymore, okay? 508 00:45:24,773 --> 00:45:28,240 My nipples are at attention, General Malkovich, sir. 509 00:45:28,506 --> 00:45:29,740 What, her nipples? 510 00:45:30,006 --> 00:45:32,507 So why don't we have dinner tonight? 511 00:45:32,740 --> 00:45:35,240 Bernardo's? 8:00? 512 00:45:35,507 --> 00:45:40,974 I really want to see you. I just loved you in that jewel thief movie. 513 00:45:44,274 --> 00:45:47,408 You're not gonna meet her there? Come on! 514 00:45:47,641 --> 00:45:49,942 Meet her. Meet here there. 515 00:45:50,175 --> 00:45:51,942 - Meet her there! - "...as the winter." 516 00:45:52,175 --> 00:45:56,976 "I am sick, anxious, poor as a beggar." 517 00:45:57,242 --> 00:45:59,876 - Meet her there! - "Fate has tossed me hither and thither." 518 00:46:00,109 --> 00:46:03,610 "I have been everywhere. Everywhere." 519 00:46:03,876 --> 00:46:07,110 "But wherever I have been, every minute, day and night..." 520 00:46:07,377 --> 00:46:10,044 Meet her there. Meet her there. 521 00:46:10,277 --> 00:46:12,877 Yes! 522 00:46:17,744 --> 00:46:23,412 - How was it? - I have to go back at 8:00 exactly tonight. 523 00:46:23,678 --> 00:46:28,146 - Why? - Don't crowd me, Craig. 524 00:46:36,313 --> 00:46:39,447 - Excuse me. Are you John Malkovich? - Yes, I am. 525 00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:44,080 Wow. You really are great in that movie where you play that retard. 526 00:46:44,314 --> 00:46:46,181 Thank you very much. 527 00:46:46,447 --> 00:46:49,214 - I have a cousin who's a retard. - Thank you. 528 00:46:49,448 --> 00:46:52,715 So, as you might imagine, it means a lot to me... 529 00:46:52,948 --> 00:46:55,382 ...to see retards... 530 00:46:55,615 --> 00:46:58,615 ...portrayed on the silver screen so compassionately. 531 00:46:58,882 --> 00:47:01,849 Well, thank you very much. I appreciate it. 532 00:47:02,082 --> 00:47:04,849 Good night. 533 00:47:06,416 --> 00:47:10,383 - Maxine? It's Maxine. - Hi. 534 00:47:10,650 --> 00:47:13,883 I'm so glad you decided to come. I'm Maxine. 535 00:47:14,150 --> 00:47:16,417 I'm John. How do you do? 536 00:47:16,684 --> 00:47:19,151 Good. 537 00:47:21,484 --> 00:47:27,618 I wasn't sure I was going to come, but I felt oddly compelled. 538 00:47:28,185 --> 00:47:30,252 You're so beautiful. 539 00:47:30,485 --> 00:47:35,419 The way you're looking at me, I mean, at him, at us. 540 00:47:38,919 --> 00:47:42,953 I've never been looked at like this by a woman before. 541 00:47:43,220 --> 00:47:44,620 I think I'm sweating. 542 00:47:44,887 --> 00:47:48,053 I must say, I was intrigued by your voice. 543 00:47:48,287 --> 00:47:51,187 And the funny thing is, Mr. Malkovich... 544 00:47:51,421 --> 00:47:56,421 ...my voice is probably the least intriguing thing about me. 545 00:47:59,988 --> 00:48:04,222 So, I mean, how was it? What was he doing? 546 00:48:04,488 --> 00:48:08,256 He wasn't doing anything, really. He was just hanging around his apartment. 547 00:48:08,522 --> 00:48:12,789 I think he's probably just a really Ionely guy. 548 00:48:13,023 --> 00:48:17,190 See, men can feel unfulfilled too, Lotte. I'm glad you're finally realizing that. 549 00:48:17,456 --> 00:48:19,690 You shouldn't assume that switching bodies... 550 00:48:19,957 --> 00:48:23,624 ...is gonna be the answer to your problems. 551 00:48:23,857 --> 00:48:27,591 You're right, Craig. You're right. 552 00:48:28,591 --> 00:48:31,324 You know what I was thinking? I was thinking that maybe... 553 00:48:31,591 --> 00:48:34,091 ...we should invite Maxine over for dinner one night... 554 00:48:34,325 --> 00:48:37,958 ...because you're partners and I thought it might be a really nice gesture. 555 00:48:38,225 --> 00:48:41,259 - I think she'd like that. - Maxine? 556 00:48:41,526 --> 00:48:45,059 The thing is, there's been some tension between us at work... 557 00:48:45,293 --> 00:48:48,326 ...business stuff, and I would hate to expose you to that. 558 00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:50,026 It'll be okay. 559 00:48:50,260 --> 00:48:54,693 I'll cook my lasagna, we'll smoke a joint, and... 560 00:48:54,994 --> 00:48:58,027 ...tensions will just melt away. 561 00:48:58,261 --> 00:49:02,894 Now, when you say that I can be somebody else, what do you mean exactly? 562 00:49:03,161 --> 00:49:06,461 Well, we mean exactly that. 563 00:49:06,695 --> 00:49:11,429 We can put you inside someone else's body for 15 minutes. 564 00:49:11,662 --> 00:49:15,362 Can I be anybody that I wanna be? 565 00:49:18,029 --> 00:49:20,563 - Actually... - You can be John Malkovich. 566 00:49:20,796 --> 00:49:26,930 That's perfect! It's my second choice, but it's wonderful. 567 00:49:29,597 --> 00:49:32,597 I'm a fat man. I am sad and fat... 568 00:49:32,864 --> 00:49:35,531 $200? 569 00:49:36,931 --> 00:49:39,365 Yes. 570 00:49:46,332 --> 00:49:49,332 Okay. You gotta crawl in there. 571 00:49:49,566 --> 00:49:52,299 Oh, my God. 572 00:50:09,134 --> 00:50:12,968 No, that's what I'm saying. See, I don't really need an extra bath mat. 573 00:50:13,235 --> 00:50:15,935 So if I get the set, would it be possible... 574 00:50:16,168 --> 00:50:18,302 ...if I could just get maybe three... 575 00:50:18,569 --> 00:50:22,236 ...extra hand towels... 576 00:50:22,469 --> 00:50:24,636 ...if I get the set, instead of the bath mat? 577 00:50:24,903 --> 00:50:28,536 - Yes, sir. Sure, we can do that. - Great. That sounds good. 578 00:50:28,770 --> 00:50:32,270 And for the color: Periwinkle? 579 00:50:32,537 --> 00:50:37,337 I'm sorry. We're out of stock in periwinkle. Do you want to back order? 580 00:50:37,570 --> 00:50:41,371 No. I'll go with the Ioden. 581 00:50:41,638 --> 00:50:43,471 Would you like to order anything else? 582 00:50:43,704 --> 00:50:50,438 What is the difference between the foot-pampering, looped cotton rug... 583 00:50:50,672 --> 00:50:53,705 ...and the bath mat? 584 00:51:07,773 --> 00:51:10,240 You're my friends. Thank you. 585 00:51:10,474 --> 00:51:14,774 Did you know that Eskimos have not one... 586 00:51:15,041 --> 00:51:16,941 ...but... 587 00:51:17,208 --> 00:51:20,441 ...forty-nine words for snow? 588 00:51:21,108 --> 00:51:25,009 It's because they have so much of it. 589 00:51:27,909 --> 00:51:30,709 So much snow. 590 00:51:31,509 --> 00:51:34,676 After dinner, I'll show you my puppets. 591 00:51:34,910 --> 00:51:39,710 After dinner, I'll introduce you to my chimp Elijah. 592 00:51:40,010 --> 00:51:44,177 He has an ulcer right now due to suppressed childhood trauma... 593 00:51:44,444 --> 00:51:48,044 ...but we're working through it. 594 00:51:49,311 --> 00:51:52,111 Psychotherapy. 595 00:52:11,447 --> 00:52:15,414 - This the bedroom? - Yeah. 596 00:52:16,847 --> 00:52:19,514 The thing is, the way that I see it... 597 00:52:19,747 --> 00:52:22,548 ...I think the world is divided... 598 00:52:22,814 --> 00:52:27,548 ...into those who go after what they want and then those who don't, right? 599 00:52:27,815 --> 00:52:29,248 - Right. - The passionate ones... 600 00:52:29,515 --> 00:52:31,515 ...the ones who go after what they want... 601 00:52:31,749 --> 00:52:36,516 ...well, they may not get what they want. 602 00:52:38,049 --> 00:52:40,816 But at least they remain vital. 603 00:52:41,049 --> 00:52:41,883 - Yeah. - Yeah. 604 00:52:42,150 --> 00:52:48,150 So when they lie on their death beds, they have few regrets. 605 00:52:48,417 --> 00:52:50,917 Right? 606 00:52:54,717 --> 00:52:57,584 And the ones who don't go after what they want... 607 00:52:57,818 --> 00:53:03,018 ...well, who gives a shit about them anyway? 608 00:53:04,418 --> 00:53:07,885 - Lotte! - Craig! 609 00:53:08,119 --> 00:53:10,786 I don't find you attractive. 610 00:53:11,052 --> 00:53:14,853 And, Lotte, I'm smitten with you. 611 00:53:15,086 --> 00:53:17,253 I am. But only when you're in Malkovich. 612 00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:20,920 When I looked into his eyes last night, I could feel you peering out. 613 00:53:21,187 --> 00:53:22,987 - Really? - Yeah. 614 00:53:23,220 --> 00:53:27,354 Behind the stubble and the too-prominent brow and the male-pattern baldness... 615 00:53:27,621 --> 00:53:30,688 ...I sensed your feminine longing. 616 00:53:30,954 --> 00:53:33,588 And it just slew me. 617 00:53:33,821 --> 00:53:36,522 Oh, my God! 618 00:53:37,955 --> 00:53:42,489 Only as John, sweetie. Sorry. 619 00:53:43,622 --> 00:53:47,156 Thanks for a wonderful dinner. 620 00:53:47,423 --> 00:53:50,756 No hard feelings, partner? 621 00:54:07,058 --> 00:54:07,891 J.M. Inc. 622 00:54:08,158 --> 00:54:10,092 Hi. It's Lotte. 623 00:54:10,358 --> 00:54:13,192 I'd like very much to see you again. 624 00:54:13,425 --> 00:54:17,559 Can you call him and invite yourself over? 625 00:54:17,959 --> 00:54:20,726 When? 626 00:54:22,726 --> 00:54:24,993 Tonight after you close? 627 00:54:25,227 --> 00:54:29,660 Okay, 4:11. 628 00:54:29,927 --> 00:54:31,594 4:11? 629 00:54:31,827 --> 00:54:36,128 - Thank you, Maxine. - You're welcome. 630 00:55:04,330 --> 00:55:06,997 Thanks so much for having me over, sugarplum. 631 00:55:07,231 --> 00:55:08,898 I'm glad you called. 632 00:55:09,164 --> 00:55:12,398 Shall we to the "boudoir"? 633 00:55:14,798 --> 00:55:18,432 A couple of minutes. I'm early. 634 00:55:32,500 --> 00:55:37,734 So do you enjoy being an actor? 635 00:55:39,267 --> 00:55:43,734 Sure. It's very rewarding. 636 00:56:00,069 --> 00:56:04,036 - Hi. - Hi. 637 00:56:17,904 --> 00:56:20,305 My sweet Maxine. 638 00:56:20,571 --> 00:56:24,138 - My darling. - I love you, Lotte. 639 00:56:29,272 --> 00:56:32,439 Did you call me Lotte? 640 00:56:36,606 --> 00:56:39,373 Do you mind? 641 00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,874 No, not really. 642 00:56:44,774 --> 00:56:48,741 - Oh, God. - My sweet, beautiful Lotte. 643 00:56:49,008 --> 00:56:50,674 Maxine! 644 00:56:50,908 --> 00:56:53,241 Yes, Maxine. Yes. 645 00:56:53,508 --> 00:56:57,708 Maxine, this is so right. 646 00:57:45,813 --> 00:57:49,047 - You were him, weren't you? - Yeah. 647 00:57:49,314 --> 00:57:51,947 And he was with her! 648 00:57:52,181 --> 00:57:53,347 We love her, Craig. 649 00:57:53,614 --> 00:57:55,648 - We? - John and me. 650 00:57:55,881 --> 00:57:57,014 Don't forget about me! 651 00:57:57,281 --> 00:58:01,582 You have the Maxine action figure to play with! 652 00:58:01,748 --> 00:58:05,782 I'm sorry. That was nasty. 653 00:58:34,051 --> 00:58:37,652 You are late, my little cowboy. 654 00:58:39,219 --> 00:58:42,352 Are you torturing me on purpose? 655 00:58:42,619 --> 00:58:46,519 - I've fallen in love. - I don't think so. 656 00:58:46,786 --> 00:58:49,520 You know why? Because I've fallen in love! 657 00:58:49,786 --> 00:58:52,253 This is what people who've fallen in love look like. 658 00:58:52,487 --> 00:58:58,087 You picked the unrequited variety. It's very bad for the skin. 659 00:59:01,221 --> 00:59:03,454 You're evil, Maxine. 660 00:59:03,721 --> 00:59:06,955 Do you have any idea what it's like to have two people look at you... 661 00:59:07,221 --> 00:59:08,922 ...with total lust and devotion... 662 00:59:09,155 --> 00:59:12,889 ...through the same pair of eyes? 663 00:59:15,356 --> 00:59:17,289 No, I don't suppose you would. 664 00:59:17,556 --> 00:59:21,023 It's quite a thrill, Craigy. 665 01:00:08,061 --> 01:00:09,694 What are you doing? 666 01:00:09,928 --> 01:00:12,395 - Oh, my God! Is that real? What is that? - Yes! 667 01:00:12,661 --> 01:00:18,395 I don't know how to use it very well, so don't make any sudden moves! 668 01:00:19,362 --> 01:00:22,029 I'm serious! I'm serious. 669 01:00:22,296 --> 01:00:25,196 Suck my dick! 670 01:00:25,529 --> 01:00:29,796 Shut up, okay? Just shut up. 671 01:00:44,131 --> 01:00:47,565 - Craig! - Tell her you need to see her. 672 01:00:47,798 --> 01:00:51,965 J.M. Inc. Be all that someone else can be. 673 01:00:52,032 --> 01:00:53,465 I need to see you. 674 01:00:53,732 --> 01:00:55,466 Sweetie! 675 01:00:55,732 --> 01:00:58,099 I had so much fun with you last night. 676 01:00:58,366 --> 01:01:01,933 Shoot. But it's business hours. 677 01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:05,867 Tell her, "What the hell, close early, live dangerously." 678 01:01:06,100 --> 01:01:08,667 Say it. 679 01:01:09,500 --> 01:01:13,567 What the hell, you know? 680 01:01:14,134 --> 01:01:17,034 Live dangerously. Close early. 681 01:01:17,301 --> 01:01:18,635 Doll. 682 01:01:18,868 --> 01:01:22,768 I love this new devil-may-care side of you. 683 01:01:23,002 --> 01:01:27,302 All right. I'll track down lover-boy and see both of you in one hour. 684 01:01:27,535 --> 01:01:30,336 Exactamundo. 685 01:01:37,170 --> 01:01:44,037 - What's the matter with you? Stop it! - Sit up, okay? Just sit up. Just sit up. 686 01:01:50,571 --> 01:01:54,071 Help! He's locking me in a cage! 687 01:01:54,338 --> 01:01:57,772 Shut the hell up! 688 01:01:57,838 --> 01:02:01,105 Shut up! 689 01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:14,140 "Was ever woman in this humor wooed?" 690 01:02:14,373 --> 01:02:19,174 "Was ever woman in this humor won?" 691 01:02:23,108 --> 01:02:26,641 Tommy, can I take 15? 692 01:02:27,241 --> 01:02:32,442 Good night, everybody. See you back here at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 693 01:02:41,476 --> 01:02:45,410 Lotte, this is so good! 694 01:02:45,510 --> 01:02:49,010 My God! This is amazing. 695 01:02:49,244 --> 01:02:52,211 I want to touch her breast. Touch her breast. 696 01:02:52,477 --> 01:02:54,411 Move right hand across left breast now. 697 01:02:54,678 --> 01:02:57,044 Move right hand across left breast now! 698 01:02:57,311 --> 01:02:59,311 Move right hand across left breast now! 699 01:02:59,545 --> 01:03:02,078 - Holy shit, yes! - Holy shit, yes! 700 01:03:02,345 --> 01:03:06,145 - Holy shit, he said what I said! - Shit, he said what I said! 701 01:03:06,379 --> 01:03:10,146 - Lotte? Is that you? - Yes, yes, sweetheart. 702 01:03:10,379 --> 01:03:12,813 Yes, sweetheart, yes. 703 01:03:13,079 --> 01:03:16,813 What the fuck is going on? That's not me! I didn't say that. 704 01:03:17,080 --> 01:03:20,180 - Lotte. - Maxine. 705 01:03:21,647 --> 01:03:23,680 Something was making me talk. 706 01:03:23,947 --> 01:03:26,747 Some goddamn thing was making me move. 707 01:03:26,981 --> 01:03:29,281 - I've gotta get out of here. - Doll face! 708 01:03:29,548 --> 01:03:32,981 It was just your passion for me taking hold. 709 01:03:33,248 --> 01:03:37,948 No, doll face. I know what my passion taking hold feels like. 710 01:03:38,215 --> 01:03:39,382 Bye! 711 01:03:39,615 --> 01:03:41,882 I did it! 712 01:03:42,116 --> 01:03:48,150 I made him move his arm across your girlfriend's glorious tit! 713 01:03:48,350 --> 01:03:51,883 And I made him talk, sort of. 714 01:03:52,150 --> 01:03:54,717 It's just a matter of practice before Malkovich... 715 01:03:54,984 --> 01:04:00,451 ...is nothing more than another puppet hanging next to my work table. 716 01:04:01,451 --> 01:04:04,184 I'll tell you about it when I get home, okay? All right? 717 01:04:04,451 --> 01:04:08,652 Craig! I wanna... 718 01:04:17,652 --> 01:04:19,653 No, man, I'm sorry... 719 01:04:19,919 --> 01:04:24,687 ...I'm sorry to have called you like that, but I was just really scared. 720 01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:26,187 I was so freaked out. 721 01:04:26,420 --> 01:04:31,687 I mean, it was like, somebody was just moving all the way through me... 722 01:04:31,921 --> 01:04:34,554 ...moving my arms, moving my hands, talking for me. 723 01:04:34,788 --> 01:04:37,821 I mean, literally, I feel like I'm going crazy, Charlie. 724 01:04:38,055 --> 01:04:39,921 I'm sure you're not going crazy. 725 01:04:40,188 --> 01:04:44,022 You don't understand, man. It was like nothing I've ever felt before. 726 01:04:44,288 --> 01:04:46,989 - Were you stoned? - Yes, I was... 727 01:04:47,222 --> 01:04:49,722 Jesus. 728 01:04:50,389 --> 01:04:53,189 Yes, I was stoned. 729 01:04:53,456 --> 01:04:56,023 But that doesn't have anything to do with it. 730 01:04:56,290 --> 01:04:58,590 Charlie, someone was talking through my mouth. 731 01:04:58,823 --> 01:05:03,757 You were stoned. Case closed. End of story. 732 01:05:03,790 --> 01:05:06,624 - How hot is this babe? - You know what? 733 01:05:06,891 --> 01:05:09,458 Maybe it was this Lotte woman talking... 734 01:05:09,724 --> 01:05:12,391 ...because it could have been her talking through me. 735 01:05:12,625 --> 01:05:14,792 Because the weird thing is... 736 01:05:15,058 --> 01:05:18,259 ...this Maxine likes to call me Lotte. 737 01:05:18,525 --> 01:05:21,259 Ouch. That is hot. 738 01:05:21,526 --> 01:05:24,893 Maybe she's using you to channel some dead, lesbian lover. 739 01:05:25,126 --> 01:05:27,859 She's my kind of gal. Tell me when you're done with her. 740 01:05:28,093 --> 01:05:31,827 What are you talking about, "done with her"? Tonight freaked me out. 741 01:05:32,060 --> 01:05:35,560 You're nuts to let a girl go that calls you Lotte. 742 01:05:35,827 --> 01:05:40,494 I don't know anything about the girl. She could be a fucking witch or something. 743 01:05:40,727 --> 01:05:42,294 That's even better! 744 01:05:42,528 --> 01:05:47,461 Hot, lesbian witches. Think about it. It's fucking genius. 745 01:05:48,362 --> 01:05:51,529 I gotta know the truth, Charlie. 746 01:05:51,795 --> 01:05:55,662 The truth is for suckers, Johnny boy. 747 01:06:38,533 --> 01:06:40,167 Thanks. 748 01:06:40,433 --> 01:06:43,034 This way. 749 01:07:28,772 --> 01:07:34,139 Excuse me. Exactly what type of service does this company provide? 750 01:07:34,372 --> 01:07:37,306 You get to be John Malkovich for 15 minutes. 751 01:07:37,572 --> 01:07:40,573 200 clams. 752 01:07:42,073 --> 01:07:43,806 I see. 753 01:07:44,073 --> 01:07:48,607 - No cutting, by the way. - No cutting! 754 01:07:52,441 --> 01:07:55,708 Come on! Break it up! Break it up! Cut it out! 755 01:07:55,941 --> 01:07:58,608 Everybody gets... It's him. It's John Malkovich. 756 01:07:58,875 --> 01:08:01,608 Sorry, Mr. Malkovich. Hope we didn't hurt you too terribly. 757 01:08:01,875 --> 01:08:04,575 Get inside! 758 01:08:04,875 --> 01:08:08,676 - Darling! - What the fuck is going on? 759 01:08:08,876 --> 01:08:12,543 John Malkovich. Mr. Malkovich, sir. 760 01:08:15,010 --> 01:08:18,843 - Mr. Malkovich, I think I can explain. - Yeah, explain. 761 01:08:19,110 --> 01:08:21,110 My name is Craig Schwartz... 762 01:08:21,344 --> 01:08:23,777 ...and we operate a little business here... 763 01:08:24,010 --> 01:08:27,677 ...that simulates for our clientele... 764 01:08:27,944 --> 01:08:29,611 ...the experience... 765 01:08:29,844 --> 01:08:32,111 ...of being you, actually. 766 01:08:32,345 --> 01:08:35,112 - Simulates? - Yeah, after a fashion. 767 01:08:35,345 --> 01:08:38,979 - What exactly does that mean? - Well, it's hard to describe. 768 01:08:39,245 --> 01:08:40,245 I want to do it. 769 01:08:40,479 --> 01:08:42,412 That'd pale compared to the real experience. 770 01:08:42,646 --> 01:08:45,413 - I want to do it! - Right now Mr. Hiroshi's in the tube... 771 01:08:45,646 --> 01:08:48,413 - Let him do it, Craig. - Of course. 772 01:08:48,680 --> 01:08:53,013 Right this way, Mr. Malkovich, compliments of the house. 773 01:09:00,081 --> 01:09:02,581 Jesus. 774 01:09:17,182 --> 01:09:21,416 What happens when a man goes through his own portal? 775 01:09:21,650 --> 01:09:24,283 We'll see. 776 01:09:54,219 --> 01:09:56,686 Malkovich. 777 01:09:56,920 --> 01:10:00,087 Malkovich. Malkovich. 778 01:11:03,593 --> 01:11:05,993 - How was it? - It was amazing this time. 779 01:11:06,260 --> 01:11:10,127 - That was no simulation! - I know. I'm sorry. 780 01:11:10,360 --> 01:11:11,160 It's an honor. 781 01:11:11,427 --> 01:11:15,261 I have been to the dark side. I've seen a world that no man should see! 782 01:11:15,494 --> 01:11:18,628 Really? For most people, it's a rather pleasant experience. 783 01:11:18,895 --> 01:11:22,528 That portal is mine, and it must be sealed forever... 784 01:11:22,762 --> 01:11:25,529 ...for the love of God. 785 01:11:25,762 --> 01:11:29,362 But, Mr. Malkovich, sir, with all due respect... 786 01:11:29,596 --> 01:11:31,763 ...I discovered that portal. 787 01:11:32,029 --> 01:11:33,729 It's my livelihood. You understand? 788 01:11:33,996 --> 01:11:39,163 It's my head, Schwartz! It's my head! 789 01:11:39,397 --> 01:11:43,064 I will see you in court! 790 01:11:44,230 --> 01:11:47,131 What makes you think I won't be seeing what you're seeing... 791 01:11:47,364 --> 01:11:48,564 ...in court? 792 01:11:48,831 --> 01:11:52,165 Hey, Malkovich, think fast! 793 01:11:53,165 --> 01:11:55,165 Fuck! 794 01:11:55,432 --> 01:11:57,598 Dinner. 795 01:11:57,832 --> 01:12:01,766 You know, Craig, once this was a relationship... 796 01:12:01,999 --> 01:12:04,099 ...built on love. 797 01:12:04,332 --> 01:12:06,099 Well, you gave up that claim... 798 01:12:06,333 --> 01:12:09,266 ...after the first time you stuck your dick in Maxine, Lotte. 799 01:12:09,500 --> 01:12:11,533 You fell in love with her first, Craig. 800 01:12:11,767 --> 01:12:15,967 But I didn't do anything about it, out of respect for our marriage. 801 01:12:16,234 --> 01:12:19,367 You didn't do anything about it, Craig... 802 01:12:19,601 --> 01:12:25,368 ...because she wouldn't let you near her with a 10-foot pole! 803 01:12:30,935 --> 01:12:33,702 That's true. 804 01:12:36,869 --> 01:12:40,403 God, Lotte, what have I become? 805 01:12:41,870 --> 01:12:45,503 My wife, in a cage with a monkey. 806 01:12:46,003 --> 01:12:50,304 I need to go to the bathroom and take a shower. 807 01:12:55,804 --> 01:12:59,905 What am I, some kind of monster? 808 01:12:59,971 --> 01:13:02,638 I don't want to be a monster, Lotte, I don't want to. 809 01:13:02,905 --> 01:13:05,705 Craig, you're not a monster. No. 810 01:13:05,939 --> 01:13:08,039 I know you're not a monster, honey. 811 01:13:08,272 --> 01:13:10,439 You're just... 812 01:13:10,706 --> 01:13:16,273 ...a very, very confused man. 813 01:13:17,273 --> 01:13:20,607 I love you so much. 814 01:13:23,007 --> 01:13:26,207 I love you. 815 01:13:34,308 --> 01:13:37,375 Come on, Craig. 816 01:13:44,342 --> 01:13:47,343 - J.M. Inc. - Maxine. 817 01:13:47,609 --> 01:13:49,410 Lotte. 818 01:13:49,643 --> 01:13:52,077 I've been thinking about us, you know? 819 01:13:52,310 --> 01:13:54,577 We have to meet. 820 01:13:54,810 --> 01:13:57,544 Okay, I'll see you in Malkovich in one hour. 821 01:13:57,777 --> 01:14:00,977 Craig! 822 01:14:02,311 --> 01:14:05,011 I hate you. 823 01:15:24,219 --> 01:15:25,319 Elijah! 824 01:15:25,586 --> 01:15:29,120 You really are magnificent. 825 01:15:31,920 --> 01:15:33,653 - J.M. Inc. - Maxine! 826 01:15:33,920 --> 01:15:36,554 Honey pie! I was just heading out the door to meet you. 827 01:15:36,787 --> 01:15:37,720 Listen, Maxine. 828 01:15:37,954 --> 01:15:41,921 It hasn't been me in Malkovich last time. It's been that son of a bitch Craig. 829 01:15:42,154 --> 01:15:45,355 He had me locked in a cage with my chimp, holding a gun to my head. 830 01:15:45,588 --> 01:15:47,221 - Oh, my God! - He made me call you. 831 01:15:47,455 --> 01:15:49,855 I'm sorry, Maxine. It's been him the whole time. 832 01:15:50,088 --> 01:15:52,289 I'm so sorry. That's horrible. 833 01:15:52,555 --> 01:15:54,522 I miss you so much, Maxine. 834 01:15:54,756 --> 01:15:56,422 So, but... 835 01:15:56,689 --> 01:16:00,489 ...that was Craig inside of Malkovich? - Yes, it was him. 836 01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:02,890 It's because he's a puppeteer, I think. 837 01:16:03,156 --> 01:16:06,057 Well, boy, I'm... 838 01:16:06,357 --> 01:16:08,357 I'm surprised. That's pretty impressive. 839 01:16:08,624 --> 01:16:12,391 - What? - So if Craig can control Malkovich... 840 01:16:12,657 --> 01:16:15,291 - ... and I can control Craig... - But, Maxine... 841 01:16:15,524 --> 01:16:18,458 ...I thought it was me that you loved! 842 01:16:18,691 --> 01:16:21,325 I do. 843 01:16:24,759 --> 01:16:29,126 It's confusing, you know? This is a very confusing situation. 844 01:16:29,392 --> 01:16:31,926 I know. 845 01:16:34,226 --> 01:16:37,760 Listen, I should really get going, okay? 846 01:16:38,027 --> 01:16:40,427 'Cause I'm gonna be late for Malkovich now. 847 01:16:40,693 --> 01:16:43,394 - What? - We'll talk about this later. 848 01:16:43,627 --> 01:16:48,694 - Maxine! Wait! - Okay? 849 01:17:20,397 --> 01:17:22,664 What the fuck do you want? 850 01:17:22,931 --> 01:17:26,965 I can explain about the portal, darling. 851 01:17:29,465 --> 01:17:31,432 Listen, don't con me, Maxine. 852 01:17:31,699 --> 01:17:35,899 I don't know who the hell you people are, but this insanity is now over. 853 01:17:36,132 --> 01:17:38,733 Shut up. 854 01:17:38,866 --> 01:17:41,500 Craigy. Craig. 855 01:17:41,733 --> 01:17:45,233 Schwartzy, are you in there? 856 01:17:48,734 --> 01:17:51,034 How did you know it was me? 857 01:17:51,301 --> 01:17:55,868 Lotte called me. She escaped your evil clutches. 858 01:17:56,134 --> 01:17:58,868 Really? Well, I'm really sorry I did that, Maxine... 859 01:17:59,135 --> 01:18:05,035 ...but I'm really in love with you, and I didn't know how else to be with you. 860 01:18:06,335 --> 01:18:08,902 Apparently you can control this Malkovich fellow now? 861 01:18:09,136 --> 01:18:11,269 Yes, I'm getting better all the time. 862 01:18:11,503 --> 01:18:13,003 I'll say you are. 863 01:18:13,269 --> 01:18:16,736 Hey, let's do it on his dining room table. 864 01:18:16,970 --> 01:18:19,137 Then we'll make him eat an omelet off of it. 865 01:18:19,403 --> 01:18:20,370 No! 866 01:18:20,603 --> 01:18:24,404 Shut up, you overrated sack of shit! 867 01:18:25,437 --> 01:18:28,038 Craigy. 868 01:18:51,807 --> 01:18:54,007 Yes? 869 01:18:54,273 --> 01:18:55,174 Hi, Dr. Lester. 870 01:18:55,440 --> 01:19:01,074 It's Lotte Schwartz, Craig's wife. 871 01:19:01,107 --> 01:19:01,674 Yes. 872 01:19:01,941 --> 01:19:04,108 Oh, my God. You'll catch your death out here. 873 01:19:04,341 --> 01:19:09,242 Look at you. You're soaking wet. Please come in, come in. 874 01:19:14,942 --> 01:19:19,376 - Here you are, my dear. - Thank you. 875 01:19:19,609 --> 01:19:21,043 How's that? 876 01:19:21,276 --> 01:19:23,343 Much better, thank you. 877 01:19:23,576 --> 01:19:25,377 So, my dear... 878 01:19:25,610 --> 01:19:29,810 ...what is it that brings you to my doorway on such an inhospitable evening? 879 01:19:30,044 --> 01:19:31,744 Well, Dr. Lester... 880 01:19:32,011 --> 01:19:34,711 See, I... 881 01:19:34,978 --> 01:19:39,711 I have a very unhealthy obsession with John Malkovich. 882 01:19:40,311 --> 01:19:41,645 I see. 883 01:19:41,878 --> 01:19:44,945 You mean, the performer. 884 01:19:45,179 --> 01:19:46,179 Yes. 885 01:19:46,445 --> 01:19:50,679 And what prompted you to come to me with this issue? 886 01:19:50,946 --> 01:19:55,480 Well, when I was here with my husband for dinner... 887 01:19:55,513 --> 01:20:00,580 ...I came upon a room that seemed to be some sort of John Malkovich museum. 888 01:20:00,813 --> 01:20:03,380 So I thought, perhaps, maybe you would... 889 01:20:03,614 --> 01:20:07,914 ...have some appreciation for my state of mind. 890 01:20:09,381 --> 01:20:11,381 You look so lovely, my dear... 891 01:20:11,615 --> 01:20:16,448 ...standing before the fire in my oversized man's robe. 892 01:20:17,848 --> 01:20:21,015 Thank you, Dr. Lester. 893 01:20:22,216 --> 01:20:24,082 Tell me... 894 01:20:24,349 --> 01:20:28,350 ...what is this strange power that Malkovich exudes? 895 01:20:28,583 --> 01:20:34,550 You've gotta help me understand. All I think about is wanting to be him. 896 01:20:35,017 --> 01:20:37,717 - Wanting to what? - Wanting to be him. 897 01:20:37,984 --> 01:20:41,451 Wanting to be John Malkovich. 898 01:20:42,084 --> 01:20:44,685 I see. 899 01:20:44,751 --> 01:20:48,452 Well, perhaps you can. 900 01:20:48,685 --> 01:20:49,685 But, Dr. Lester... 901 01:20:49,952 --> 01:20:53,719 I am not Dr. Lester. 902 01:20:53,952 --> 01:20:57,152 I am Captain Mertin. 903 01:20:57,219 --> 01:20:58,619 I don't understand. 904 01:20:58,886 --> 01:21:03,253 It was 90 years ago that I discovered a strange portal. 905 01:21:03,520 --> 01:21:07,587 And I found that this portal led to a vessel body... 906 01:21:07,853 --> 01:21:13,321 ...and that I could live forever by leaping from vessel to vessel. 907 01:21:15,354 --> 01:21:20,321 - So Dr. Lester is such a vessel? - Yes, he is. 908 01:21:20,688 --> 01:21:23,955 You still there, sweets? 909 01:21:26,889 --> 01:21:30,356 I figured out how to hang on as long as I want. 910 01:21:30,622 --> 01:21:33,589 It's all a matter of making friends with the Malkovich body. 911 01:21:33,823 --> 01:21:38,023 Rather than thinking of it as an enemy that has to be pounded into submission... 912 01:21:38,290 --> 01:21:41,457 ...I've begun imagining it as a really expensive suit... 913 01:21:41,724 --> 01:21:44,957 ...that I enjoy wearing. 914 01:21:51,591 --> 01:21:53,358 This illustrates... 915 01:21:53,591 --> 01:21:56,925 ...how I will move into my next vessel, Malkovich... 916 01:21:57,192 --> 01:21:59,092 ...on his 44th birthday. 917 01:21:59,359 --> 01:22:00,892 That's when he becomes ripe. 918 01:22:01,125 --> 01:22:03,859 But I must enter by midnight on that day. 919 01:22:04,092 --> 01:22:09,093 After that, I'd get diverted into the next newly forming infant vessel. 920 01:22:09,360 --> 01:22:10,826 I don't want that to happen. 921 01:22:11,060 --> 01:22:14,727 - I'd be absorbed. - Absorbed? What does that mean? 922 01:22:14,994 --> 01:22:19,294 Well, trapped, held prisoner, if you like, in the host's brain... 923 01:22:19,527 --> 01:22:21,061 ...unable to control anything... 924 01:22:21,328 --> 01:22:26,528 ...forever doomed to watch the world through someone else's eyes. 925 01:22:27,795 --> 01:22:29,862 Now I'd like you to meet some friends. 926 01:22:30,128 --> 01:22:32,262 See, I got Ionely in Lester by myself... 927 01:22:32,495 --> 01:22:36,096 ...so I figured out a way this time to take others along with me. 928 01:22:36,329 --> 01:22:38,796 Come. 929 01:22:42,930 --> 01:22:44,863 Everyone, this is Lotte. 930 01:22:45,097 --> 01:22:49,930 - Hi, Lotte! - She's a new friend of mine. 931 01:22:54,231 --> 01:22:58,031 Do a puppet show for me, Craig, honey. 932 01:22:58,265 --> 01:23:00,598 You mean, with Malkovich? 933 01:23:00,865 --> 01:23:04,699 - I'd love to see your work. - Really? 934 01:23:06,832 --> 01:23:09,299 Okay. 935 01:23:17,166 --> 01:23:19,467 This is something that I call: 936 01:23:19,700 --> 01:23:25,067 "Craig's Dance of Despair and Disillusionment." 937 01:24:56,110 --> 01:25:00,277 That was incredible! You're brilliant! 938 01:25:00,510 --> 01:25:04,611 You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls. 939 01:25:04,844 --> 01:25:06,944 My darling, it's so much more! 940 01:25:07,177 --> 01:25:10,478 It's playing with people. 941 01:25:15,078 --> 01:25:18,145 Stay in him forever. 942 01:25:19,712 --> 01:25:24,512 How will we make a living if our clientele can't access to our product? 943 01:25:24,746 --> 01:25:28,413 Well, we'll have all the money in Malkovich's bank account... 944 01:25:28,680 --> 01:25:30,746 ...plus he does get acting work occasionally. 945 01:25:31,013 --> 01:25:32,913 No, please! 946 01:25:33,180 --> 01:25:37,314 Shut up! We're trying to think here. 947 01:25:38,181 --> 01:25:42,748 It is sort of like puppeteering. 948 01:25:43,014 --> 01:25:47,148 - I like that about it. - Exactly! 949 01:25:47,381 --> 01:25:52,782 And no one would ever even have to know it's not him. 950 01:25:53,982 --> 01:25:56,749 And I could use Malkovich's existing notoriety... 951 01:25:56,982 --> 01:25:59,616 ...to launch my own puppeteering career. 952 01:25:59,849 --> 01:26:03,850 Craigy, that's brilliant. 953 01:26:04,116 --> 01:26:07,917 So lovely. I've always wondered what it would be like to have a penis. 954 01:26:08,150 --> 01:26:10,317 - Now I'll know. - Really? I know it's very... 955 01:26:10,584 --> 01:26:13,917 Lotte? We like you. 956 01:26:14,151 --> 01:26:17,284 We can see you're a kind and decent woman... 957 01:26:17,551 --> 01:26:19,018 ...and so... 958 01:26:19,251 --> 01:26:23,918 ...we've decided to offer you a place in John Malkovich with us... 959 01:26:24,185 --> 01:26:27,019 ...if you like. 960 01:26:30,386 --> 01:26:32,353 Dr. Lester... 961 01:26:32,586 --> 01:26:34,986 ...you've been so kind to me... 962 01:26:35,220 --> 01:26:37,020 ...and trusting. 963 01:26:37,286 --> 01:26:39,187 And... 964 01:26:39,453 --> 01:26:43,787 ...there's something I think you should know about the Malkovich vessel. 965 01:26:44,020 --> 01:26:45,987 John's here to see you. Should I send him in? 966 01:26:46,221 --> 01:26:52,288 Of course send him right in. Don't ever keep him waiting again, you understand? 967 01:26:53,521 --> 01:26:55,455 Hey, John. 968 01:26:55,688 --> 01:26:58,822 Great to see you. Sorry about the cunt at reception. 969 01:26:59,089 --> 01:27:02,789 - This is my fiancée, Maxine. - Great to see you, Maxine. 970 01:27:03,056 --> 01:27:07,756 Sorry about the cunt at reception. Please, have a seat. 971 01:27:11,090 --> 01:27:14,257 Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water? 972 01:27:14,523 --> 01:27:16,224 No, thank you. 973 01:27:16,490 --> 01:27:18,591 - Teresa, get me chicken soup. - Okay. 974 01:27:18,857 --> 01:27:22,191 Chicken soup? 975 01:27:27,325 --> 01:27:31,158 Larry? I want to get right to the point. 976 01:27:31,392 --> 01:27:35,692 From now on, I'm no longer an actor. I'm a puppeteer. 977 01:27:35,959 --> 01:27:38,759 Okay. Great. 978 01:27:42,593 --> 01:27:45,660 And I would like to redirect my career... 979 01:27:45,927 --> 01:27:48,627 ...so that from now on the name John Malkovich... 980 01:27:48,894 --> 01:27:52,927 ...will be synonymous with puppets. 981 01:27:53,161 --> 01:27:54,894 Sure. No problemo. 982 01:27:55,128 --> 01:28:00,261 Poof, you're a puppeteer. Just let me make a couple calls. 983 01:28:22,130 --> 01:28:26,497 Honey? Maxine? 984 01:28:26,731 --> 01:28:27,998 Maxine? 985 01:28:28,264 --> 01:28:30,864 I'm busy. 986 01:28:32,498 --> 01:28:35,832 Maxine, honey, it's on! 987 01:28:43,232 --> 01:28:45,433 Yeah, there's the truth, and there are lies... 988 01:28:45,666 --> 01:28:48,933 ... and, art always tells the truth, even when it's lying. 989 01:28:49,200 --> 01:28:51,467 The enigmatic John Malkovich... 990 01:28:51,733 --> 01:28:55,267 ... one of the world's greatest entertainers and the man who reinvented... 991 01:28:55,534 --> 01:28:56,900 ... how we view puppeteering. 992 01:28:57,134 --> 01:28:59,667 Tonight we look at the man above the strings... 993 01:28:59,901 --> 01:29:02,401 ... and the woman behind the man. 994 01:29:02,668 --> 01:29:07,101 Raised in Evanston, Illinois, Malkovich had a lifelong interest in theatre arts... 995 01:29:07,368 --> 01:29:09,968 ... and as a young man, was one of the founding members... 996 01:29:10,202 --> 01:29:13,302 ... of Chicago's world-renowned Steppenwolf Theatre Company. 997 01:29:13,535 --> 01:29:16,902 From there, it was a simple transition to Broadway accolades... 998 01:29:17,169 --> 01:29:18,536 ... and Hollywood stardom. 999 01:29:18,803 --> 01:29:23,436 But nothing could prepare the public for what was to come next. 1000 01:29:23,670 --> 01:29:26,037 And so it was, that just eight short months ago... 1001 01:29:26,303 --> 01:29:29,370 ... John Malkovich dropped the bombshell that sent shock waves... 1002 01:29:29,637 --> 01:29:31,504 ... through the entertainment community. 1003 01:29:31,771 --> 01:29:35,838 Turning his back on his former profession, Malkovich had to start from scratch... 1004 01:29:36,104 --> 01:29:40,038 ... and pay his dues all over again as a fledgling puppeteer. 1005 01:29:40,271 --> 01:29:44,605 Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I'm John Malkovich. 1006 01:29:46,739 --> 01:29:48,372 I'm really John Malkovich. 1007 01:29:48,606 --> 01:29:50,506 From these inauspicious beginnings... 1008 01:29:50,739 --> 01:29:54,906 ... John Malkovich's rise to stardom was fast and furious. 1009 01:29:55,173 --> 01:29:58,073 His breakout performance was at this year's Emmy Awards... 1010 01:29:58,340 --> 01:30:01,307 It's really good! I look really amazing. 1011 01:30:01,540 --> 01:30:02,740 I'd fuck me. 1012 01:30:03,007 --> 01:30:05,174 If there's anything that upsets me about it... 1013 01:30:05,407 --> 01:30:07,908 ... it's feeling like if I move into it too quickly... 1014 01:30:08,174 --> 01:30:10,474 ... l'll be, you know, deemed an imitator. 1015 01:30:10,708 --> 01:30:13,541 But, I think that once we all get the courage... 1016 01:30:13,808 --> 01:30:16,775 ... to follow through on our instincts, like Malkovich has... 1017 01:30:17,008 --> 01:30:19,542 ... I think that a lot of us will move into puppetry. 1018 01:30:19,809 --> 01:30:23,609 Malkovich's rise to fame brought about a renaissance in puppeteering. 1019 01:30:23,842 --> 01:30:26,476 No, no, no. What are you doing? 1020 01:30:26,743 --> 01:30:28,010 I'm making him weep, John. 1021 01:30:28,276 --> 01:30:31,076 You're making him weep, but you're not weeping. 1022 01:30:31,310 --> 01:30:32,910 Don't ever... with your audience. 1023 01:30:33,143 --> 01:30:36,110 Until the puppet becomes... 1024 01:30:36,377 --> 01:30:38,944 ... an extension of you, it's a novelty act. 1025 01:30:39,211 --> 01:30:41,878 It's Topo Gigio. 1026 01:30:42,111 --> 01:30:44,511 No? 1027 01:30:46,278 --> 01:30:48,278 He's a technical genius. 1028 01:30:48,545 --> 01:30:51,512 He breathes life into inanimate objects. 1029 01:30:51,745 --> 01:30:53,712 It's a very godlike thing... 1030 01:30:53,979 --> 01:30:57,979 ... to be able to take something and, you know, make it live. 1031 01:30:58,213 --> 01:31:00,379 He was the talk of the town... 1032 01:31:00,646 --> 01:31:03,180 ... from the Beltway to Broadway... 1033 01:31:03,446 --> 01:31:07,847 ... aided in no small part by his new wife and manager, Maxine Lund. 1034 01:31:08,114 --> 01:31:10,780 In Maxine, Malkovich had found his mentor... 1035 01:31:11,014 --> 01:31:13,847 ... his muse, his inspiration. 1036 01:31:14,114 --> 01:31:19,481 In Malkovich, Maxine had found the love of her life. 1037 01:31:19,848 --> 01:31:22,648 There, there, my dear. Relax. 1038 01:31:22,915 --> 01:31:26,082 This travesty will all be over with by morning. 1039 01:31:26,315 --> 01:31:28,816 And the crowds have been absolutely sensational... 1040 01:31:29,082 --> 01:31:32,416 ... and I'djust like to thank God for giving us this opportunity... 1041 01:31:32,683 --> 01:31:34,416 ... to share our creative vision. 1042 01:31:34,683 --> 01:31:38,217 Nothing was impossible for John and Maxine in the early days. 1043 01:31:38,450 --> 01:31:41,884 Their union was a joyous one, and together they worked tirelessly... 1044 01:31:42,150 --> 01:31:44,350 ... to further Malkovich's puppeteering career. 1045 01:31:44,584 --> 01:31:46,717 John Malkovich, the artist... 1046 01:31:46,984 --> 01:31:49,151 ... and Maxine, the entrepreneur... 1047 01:31:49,384 --> 01:31:51,351 ... they make this character... 1048 01:31:51,618 --> 01:31:54,985 ... this protean figure that we call John Malkovich. 1049 01:31:55,218 --> 01:31:59,219 But some say Maxine has changed since becoming pregnant... 1050 01:31:59,485 --> 01:32:01,352 ... recoiling from the limelight... 1051 01:32:01,619 --> 01:32:06,353 ... and, rumor has it, from her husband's affections. 1052 01:32:13,620 --> 01:32:16,487 I'm so sorry. 1053 01:32:21,154 --> 01:32:23,954 Malkovich shows us... 1054 01:32:24,221 --> 01:32:27,521 ... a reflection of ourselves, our frailties... 1055 01:32:27,755 --> 01:32:33,355 ... and our, you know, desperate humanity. 1056 01:32:33,589 --> 01:32:38,189 That's what makes him one of the most relevant artists of our time. 1057 01:32:38,423 --> 01:32:41,956 And what does the future hold for John Horatio Malkovich? 1058 01:32:42,190 --> 01:32:46,490 Well, to quote the Bard, "He's got the world on a string." 1059 01:32:46,723 --> 01:32:51,857 As the poet said, "The puppeteer's voice need not merely be the record of man." 1060 01:32:52,124 --> 01:32:54,257 "It can be one of the pillars, the props... 1061 01:32:54,491 --> 01:32:58,958 ...to help him endure and prevail", and I believe that. 1062 01:32:59,191 --> 01:33:01,858 It's over! 1063 01:33:03,058 --> 01:33:04,792 Max? 1064 01:33:05,059 --> 01:33:07,625 I've gotta head down to ABT now. 1065 01:33:07,892 --> 01:33:10,592 I've got the "Swan Lake" benefit tonight. 1066 01:33:10,826 --> 01:33:13,693 But when I come back, we can maybe celebrate... 1067 01:33:13,926 --> 01:33:17,293 ...Malkovich's big four-four. 1068 01:33:17,560 --> 01:33:19,260 Okay? 1069 01:33:19,527 --> 01:33:23,194 Jesus! Why couldn't I have found the portal to a younger body? 1070 01:33:23,427 --> 01:33:27,661 What if I fall tonight and break my hip? 1071 01:34:17,766 --> 01:34:21,033 Like that, little girl? 1072 01:34:21,333 --> 01:34:24,000 Huh, lamb? 1073 01:34:25,033 --> 01:34:27,800 I love you. 1074 01:35:00,937 --> 01:35:03,704 Bravo! 1075 01:35:09,904 --> 01:35:12,438 Maxine? 1076 01:35:31,140 --> 01:35:32,940 Hello? Hello? 1077 01:35:33,173 --> 01:35:35,274 - We have Maxine. - Oh, my God. 1078 01:35:35,507 --> 01:35:37,674 Please, please, don't hurt her. 1079 01:35:37,941 --> 01:35:41,007 Listen, I'll give you anything you want. Please. 1080 01:35:41,274 --> 01:35:44,141 You listen to me, asshole. I don't want your fucking money. 1081 01:35:44,408 --> 01:35:48,442 What I want is for you to leave John Malkovich now! 1082 01:35:48,708 --> 01:35:51,108 - Who is this, Lester? - Does it matter? 1083 01:35:51,375 --> 01:35:54,776 We're gonna kill Maxine if you don't leave the body immediately! 1084 01:35:55,042 --> 01:35:57,076 But I can't do that. 1085 01:35:57,342 --> 01:36:01,009 I mean, if I leave Malkovich, then I'm Craig Schwartz again. 1086 01:36:01,243 --> 01:36:04,043 No career, no money. Maxine will have nothing to do... 1087 01:36:04,276 --> 01:36:06,377 She barely has anything to do with me now. 1088 01:36:06,643 --> 01:36:11,511 Jesus, we're going to kill your wife, you fucking lunatic! 1089 01:36:11,711 --> 01:36:12,411 God. 1090 01:36:12,677 --> 01:36:15,611 Listen, Schwartz, Malkovich is our vessel. We're old. 1091 01:36:15,844 --> 01:36:20,511 We're going to die if we don't get into him by midnight... 1092 01:36:34,746 --> 01:36:37,813 He called our bluff. 1093 01:36:38,780 --> 01:36:40,580 Shit! 1094 01:36:40,813 --> 01:36:43,914 Can't we just go inside the portal and push Craig out? 1095 01:36:44,147 --> 01:36:45,881 No, he's much too powerful. 1096 01:36:46,114 --> 01:36:51,215 Schwartz would just jam us down into Malkovich's subconscious. 1097 01:37:14,283 --> 01:37:16,784 Lotte. 1098 01:37:19,251 --> 01:37:23,418 If I can't have you, no one will. 1099 01:37:24,685 --> 01:37:27,718 Lotte, no! 1100 01:37:27,718 --> 01:37:30,318 No, Lotte! God, no, we can't really kill her! 1101 01:37:30,585 --> 01:37:35,886 She's carrying Malkovich's seed! My next vessel! 1102 01:37:42,286 --> 01:37:45,587 Hey! Help me! 1103 01:37:48,054 --> 01:37:52,354 - Where the fuck am I? - We're in Malkovich's subconscious. 1104 01:37:52,587 --> 01:37:56,554 The last thing you'll ever see, Maxine. 1105 01:37:57,554 --> 01:37:59,155 Fag-o-vitch! 1106 01:37:59,388 --> 01:38:02,488 Johnny, baby, Johnny. 1107 01:38:05,889 --> 01:38:09,522 Bad. I am bad. I am bad. 1108 01:38:31,725 --> 01:38:35,792 Maxine, I am gonna kill you! 1109 01:38:38,359 --> 01:38:41,092 You're creepy. 1110 01:38:50,893 --> 01:38:54,360 Little Johnny Malk-o-pee! 1111 01:39:21,463 --> 01:39:25,030 I loved you so much! 1112 01:39:25,197 --> 01:39:28,597 Why did you have to hurt me like that? 1113 01:39:28,864 --> 01:39:30,530 I'm sorry, Lotte. 1114 01:39:30,764 --> 01:39:34,998 I guess I loved you, too, in my way. 1115 01:39:35,231 --> 01:39:39,498 You are so full of shit, Maxine! 1116 01:39:39,731 --> 01:39:41,898 I know. 1117 01:39:42,165 --> 01:39:44,699 I know! 1118 01:39:48,232 --> 01:39:50,866 It's your baby, okay? 1119 01:39:51,132 --> 01:39:52,866 What? 1120 01:39:53,133 --> 01:39:56,933 The baby, it's yours. 1121 01:39:57,166 --> 01:40:00,400 It's ours. I got pregnant when you were in Malkovich. 1122 01:40:00,633 --> 01:40:05,401 - You can't fuck with me any more, Maxine! - I'm not! 1123 01:40:05,634 --> 01:40:09,934 I kept it because I knew you were the father... 1124 01:40:11,535 --> 01:40:13,135 ...the other mother, whatever... 1125 01:40:13,401 --> 01:40:17,135 ...because it was yours. 1126 01:40:19,202 --> 01:40:22,169 So, we're parents? 1127 01:40:23,069 --> 01:40:25,703 Together? 1128 01:40:26,669 --> 01:40:29,103 Yeah. 1129 01:40:49,705 --> 01:40:51,939 - Aren't you John Malkovich? - No. 1130 01:40:52,172 --> 01:40:54,439 - Yeah, you are. - No. 1131 01:40:54,672 --> 01:40:56,839 I can't believe you're in this shithole, man. 1132 01:40:57,106 --> 01:41:00,306 - This is John Malkovich. - I'm not John Malkovich. 1133 01:41:00,573 --> 01:41:06,040 - This is John Malkovich. - I am not John Malkovich! 1134 01:41:21,308 --> 01:41:21,975 Yes? 1135 01:41:22,208 --> 01:41:25,142 Lester, please don't do it. Please don't kill Maxine. 1136 01:41:25,375 --> 01:41:28,376 - So you'll leave? - Yes, I am leaving. 1137 01:41:28,642 --> 01:41:32,509 All right. Do it now while I'm on the phone so I can hear... 1138 01:41:32,776 --> 01:41:35,043 ...and your lovely bride walks. 1139 01:41:35,310 --> 01:41:37,943 Okay. Okay. 1140 01:41:38,177 --> 01:41:40,843 I'm going. 1141 01:41:49,778 --> 01:41:53,911 Now, my friends. The time is now. 1142 01:42:24,981 --> 01:42:27,548 I'm free. 1143 01:42:30,215 --> 01:42:33,815 I'm back! 1144 01:42:48,750 --> 01:42:51,551 Lotte. 1145 01:43:27,121 --> 01:43:30,521 Hello. Hello, young lady. 1146 01:43:32,955 --> 01:43:36,788 We're Malkovich. 1147 01:43:38,389 --> 01:43:40,555 Maxine! I did it, Maxine! 1148 01:43:40,789 --> 01:43:42,589 I left Malkovich for you, sweetie! 1149 01:43:42,822 --> 01:43:44,889 It's no good being Malkovich without you. 1150 01:43:45,123 --> 01:43:46,923 - It proves I love you! - Fuck off! 1151 01:43:47,189 --> 01:43:50,723 - Doesn't it? - He's not with us. 1152 01:43:59,424 --> 01:44:02,258 Maxine, I love you! 1153 01:44:02,524 --> 01:44:05,391 I'm gonna go right back into Malkovich, and kick Lester out! 1154 01:44:05,658 --> 01:44:09,792 And then you'll love me again! Maxine! 1155 01:44:24,260 --> 01:44:28,594 - Machine. - Hey. Malcatraz. 1156 01:44:28,827 --> 01:44:30,760 - How are you? - I'm very well. And you? 1157 01:44:30,994 --> 01:44:32,461 - Good, good. - You look well. 1158 01:44:32,727 --> 01:44:34,394 Thank you. How's Celeste? 1159 01:44:34,628 --> 01:44:37,194 She's good. She's sorry she couldn't make it today. 1160 01:44:37,428 --> 01:44:39,461 - She had to go to the store. - That's okay. 1161 01:44:39,728 --> 01:44:42,262 Charlie, hi! I didn't even hear the door. 1162 01:44:42,528 --> 01:44:47,529 - Lookin' great, Flo. - I'm looking grateful? 1163 01:44:48,596 --> 01:44:51,563 Charlie, we are not getting any younger. 1164 01:44:51,829 --> 01:44:53,996 Well, don't rub it in. 1165 01:44:54,229 --> 01:44:56,963 Listen, Charlie, I know this is going to sound crazy... 1166 01:44:57,196 --> 01:45:00,297 ...but what would you think if I told you that I'd found a way... 1167 01:45:00,530 --> 01:45:02,730 ...for us to live forever? 1168 01:45:02,997 --> 01:45:04,864 All of us. 1169 01:45:05,131 --> 01:45:07,597 - Johnny boy, what are you talking about? - All of us. 1170 01:45:07,831 --> 01:45:12,265 Celeste, Floris, you, me. Gary Sinise, maybe. 1171 01:45:13,498 --> 01:45:16,832 I don't really understand. 1172 01:45:22,732 --> 01:45:27,900 Charlie, this is Emily. 1173 01:45:36,734 --> 01:45:39,701 Isn't she lovely? 1174 01:45:39,934 --> 01:45:40,934 Pass the Cheetos. 1175 01:45:41,201 --> 01:45:43,434 - You need more puffs? - No, I want more. 1176 01:45:43,701 --> 01:45:46,635 - Okey-doke. They're covered in grease. - Shut up. 1177 01:45:46,868 --> 01:45:49,702 - Can I swim yet? - Can you swim yet? 1178 01:45:49,968 --> 01:45:53,035 - What time is it? - Shall we do the cramp test? 1179 01:45:53,302 --> 01:45:55,969 Check her. 1180 01:45:56,302 --> 01:45:59,603 Let me see. Are you gonna throw up? Let me see! 1181 01:45:59,836 --> 01:46:02,670 Are you gonna throw up? Are you gonna vomit? 1182 01:46:02,936 --> 01:46:05,970 Okay, you can swim. 1183 01:46:09,170 --> 01:46:11,304 Maxine. 1184 01:46:11,571 --> 01:46:13,904 Maxine. 1185 01:46:14,137 --> 01:46:17,204 I love you, Maxine. 1186 01:46:17,971 --> 01:46:20,738 Oh, look away.