1 00:00:02,888 --> 00:00:36,974 [ © anoXmous @ http://thepiratebay.sx/user/Zen_Bud/ 1 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,470 [Man Narrating] As the 21st century began... 2 00:00:43,570 --> 00:00:47,100 human evolution was at a turning point. 3 00:00:47,210 --> 00:00:52,150 Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest... 4 00:00:52,250 --> 00:00:55,810 the fastest reproduced in greater numbers than the rest... 5 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:59,750 a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man... 6 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,260 now began to favor different traits. 7 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,260 [ Reporter] The joey Buttafuoco case 8 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:08,160 Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized... 9 00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:10,360 and more intelligent. 10 00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:14,490 But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. 11 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,570 A dumbing down. 12 00:01:16,670 --> 00:01:18,700 How did this happen? 13 00:01:18,810 --> 00:01:22,070 Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. 14 00:01:22,180 --> 00:01:24,700 With no natural predators to thin the herd... 15 00:01:24,810 --> 00:01:28,110 it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most... 16 00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:32,350 and left the intelligent to become an endangered species. 17 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:37,980 Having kids is such an important decision. 18 00:01:38,090 --> 00:01:39,530 We're just waiting for the right time. 19 00:01:39,630 --> 00:01:41,960 It's not something you want to rush into, obviously. 20 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,960 No way. 21 00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:46,470 Oh, shit, I'm pregnant again! 22 00:01:46,570 --> 00:01:49,660 Shit! I got too many damn kids! 23 00:01:49,770 --> 00:01:53,000 I thought you was on the pill or some shit! Hell, no! 24 00:01:53,110 --> 00:01:55,080 Shit! I must've been thinkin' of Brittany. 25 00:01:55,180 --> 00:01:57,300 Brittany?. No, you didn't! 26 00:01:57,410 --> 00:02:00,470 There's no way we could have a child now. Mm-mm. 27 00:02:00,580 --> 00:02:02,550 Not with the market the way it is, no. 28 00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:04,980 God, no. That just wouldn't make any sense. 29 00:02:05,090 --> 00:02:08,020 Come on over here, bitch! He don't care about you! 30 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,790 Yeah?. Well, there must be somethin' he likes over here. 31 00:02:10,890 --> 00:02:14,160 She don't mean nothin' to me, baby! Clevon! 32 00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:17,320 Oh, shit. It wasn't me! It wasn't me! 33 00:02:17,430 --> 00:02:20,730 Well, we finally decided to have children... 34 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,860 and I'm not pointing fingers, but it's not going well. 35 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,870 And this is helping. 36 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:30,070 I'm just saying that before I have in vitro, maybe you should bewilling to 37 00:02:30,180 --> 00:02:32,080 It's always me, right?. 38 00:02:32,180 --> 00:02:35,550 Well, it's not my sperm count. 39 00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:38,210 Yeah! Yeah! I'm gonna fuck all y'all! 40 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,080 That's my boy! 41 00:02:40,190 --> 00:02:42,490 Whoo! Whoo! 42 00:02:44,390 --> 00:02:46,290 Clevon is lucky to be alive. 43 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,730 He attempted to jump a jet Ski from a lake... 44 00:02:48,830 --> 00:02:52,060 into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on an iron gate. 45 00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:54,230 But thanks to recent advances in stem cell research... 46 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:57,310 and the fine work of Doctors Krinski and Altschuler... 47 00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,600 Clevon should regain full reproductive function. 48 00:02:59,710 --> 00:03:01,610 Get your hands off my junk! 49 00:03:05,850 --> 00:03:08,940 Unfortunately, Trevor passed away from a heart attack... 50 00:03:09,050 --> 00:03:11,140 while masturbating... 51 00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:14,350 to produce sperm for artificial insemination. 52 00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:16,360 But I have some eggs frozen... 53 00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:20,160 so just as soon as the right guy comes along, you know 54 00:03:22,260 --> 00:03:24,290 [ Clevon Shouting] 55 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,890 [ Narrator] And so it went for generations... 56 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,800 although few, if any, seemed to notice. 57 00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:35,670 But in the year 2005, in a military base just outside of Washington, D.C.... 58 00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:39,710 a simple army librarian was unknowingly... 59 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:43,720 about to change the entire course of human history. 60 00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:45,580 Come on, asshole! Go on! Take him to jail! 61 00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:51,490 Hey, Bauers. 62 00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:54,090 This is Peterson, your new replacement. 63 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:58,060 My what?. I'm gettin' replaced?. Yeah, they didn't tell you?. 64 00:03:58,170 --> 00:04:00,260 No. Some new assignment. 65 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:02,670 They're being all weird and hush-hush about it. 66 00:04:02,770 --> 00:04:05,600 I don't want a new assignment. I tell Sergeant Metsler that every time. 67 00:04:05,710 --> 00:04:09,470 I'm good at this. Good at what?. Sittin' on ass?. 68 00:04:09,580 --> 00:04:12,170 No one ever comes in here. 69 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,510 Yeah, I know. It's perfect for me. No one bothers me. I can't screw up. 70 00:04:15,620 --> 00:04:18,680 Ifl can just stay in here another eight years, I get my pension. 71 00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:21,920 I'm all set. Can you just get me out of this?. 72 00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:24,750 No way. Not this time. It's coming from high up. 73 00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:29,230 Jesus. I don't understand. Why me?. 74 00:04:29,330 --> 00:04:32,960 Every time Metsler says, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way," I get out of the way. 75 00:04:33,070 --> 00:04:36,700 When he says that, you're not supposed to choose "get out of the way." 76 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:40,870 It's supposed to embarrass you into leading or at least following. 77 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,840 That doesn't embarrass me. 78 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,850 Look,joe. You don't have a choice. 79 00:04:44,950 --> 00:04:46,780 You're just gonna have to follow. 80 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,350 Like, follow me upstairs, like, now. 81 00:04:49,450 --> 00:04:53,220 Right now?. Shouldn't I train this guy?. 82 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:57,520 I think he can figure out how to sit on his ass and watch TV all day. Let's go. 83 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,660 [Man ] Gentlemen, meet joe Bauers... 84 00:05:07,770 --> 00:05:10,900 our first subject for the Human Hibernation Experiment. 85 00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:12,940 Now, as you know, throughout the years... 86 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,510 many of our best pilots, soldiers and military leaders... 87 00:05:15,610 --> 00:05:17,810 of ten go their entire careers without ever seeing battle. 88 00:05:17,910 --> 00:05:22,650 With the Human Hibernation Project, we will be able to save our best men... 89 00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:25,690 frozen in their prime, for use when they are needed most. 90 00:05:25,790 --> 00:05:29,520 Joe, here, is not one of our best men. 91 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:34,260 Mr. Bauers was chosen primarily for how remarkably average he is. 92 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:39,030 Extremely average in every category. Remarkable, truly. 93 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,900 The most average person in our entire armed forces. 94 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,530 Additionally, he has no family, is unmarried... 95 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,940 is an only child, and both parents are deceased... 96 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,710 making him an ideal candidate, with no one to ask any nosy questions... 97 00:05:50,810 --> 00:05:52,870 should something go wrong with the experiment. 98 00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:57,540 We had a little less luck in finding a female researcher's dream within our ranks... 99 00:05:57,650 --> 00:06:01,710 and were forced to look into the private sector. 100 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:05,280 This is Rita. Like joe, she has no immediate family. 101 00:06:05,390 --> 00:06:08,120 Rita agreed to participate in this experiment... 102 00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:12,290 in exchange for dropping of certain criminal charges and a small fee. 103 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:16,100 We did, however, have to come to an arrangement with her pimp... 104 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:20,230 a gentleman who goes by the name Upgrayedd, which he spells thusly- 105 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:26,010 With two D's, as he says, for a double dose of this pimping. 106 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,350 Upgrayedd agreed to loan us Rita for exactly one year... 107 00:06:28,450 --> 00:06:31,780 and keep quiet on the matter, in exchange for certain leeways... 108 00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:35,120 with the local authorities in running his pimp game. 109 00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:39,390 First, however, there was the difficult challenge of gaining his trust. 110 00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:43,320 Collins, could we skip to the technicals, please? 111 00:06:43,430 --> 00:06:45,730 Sure. Let me just finish here. 112 00:06:45,830 --> 00:06:50,130 You see, a pimp's love is very different from that of a square. 113 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,260 Collins! 114 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:56,040 Fine. We'll move on. 115 00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:58,940 It is a fascinating world though. 116 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,950 Jesus, Collins. 117 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,360 Yeah, that's [ Clears Throat ] 118 00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:22,430 Anyway, the experiment in which these two subjects... 119 00:07:22,540 --> 00:07:24,530 are to be placed into a dry freeze... 120 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,970 for exactly one year is set to begin tomorrow. 121 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,270 As you know, this is highly classified. 122 00:07:29,380 --> 00:07:34,510 However, if successful, we believe humans can be stored indefinitely. 123 00:07:41,290 --> 00:07:44,750 So this is kinda crazy, huh?. 124 00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:48,390 What unit are you with?. Oh, I ain't in the service. 125 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:51,360 Oh, private sector. Okay. 126 00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:55,960 So, uh, what do you do?. A little of this, a little of that. 127 00:07:56,070 --> 00:07:58,270 Wow, that's great. 128 00:07:58,370 --> 00:08:01,210 You know, I really envy people that can make a living that way 129 00:08:01,310 --> 00:08:03,340 doing a little of this and a little of that. 130 00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:08,250 I, uh, had a neighbor, Glen. He used to make chainsaw sculptures... 131 00:08:08,350 --> 00:08:10,250 and then he'd sell 'em at the flea market. 132 00:08:10,350 --> 00:08:12,250 Yeah. 133 00:08:14,190 --> 00:08:17,120 So, uh, you an artist or somethin'?. 134 00:08:18,390 --> 00:08:21,330 Uh, yeah. You do paintings or 135 00:08:21,430 --> 00:08:23,900 Yeah, paintings. Okay, great. 136 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:28,160 Mm-hmm. What do you paint mostly?. 137 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:34,330 I don't know, just... people and fruit and shit. 138 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:39,610 Wow. Well, must be great to be able to make a living doing something you love. 139 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,340 [ Scoffs ] Yeah. It's not all it's cracked up to be. 140 00:08:42,450 --> 00:08:44,110 [ Door Opens ] [ Collins ] Who wants to go first? 141 00:08:44,220 --> 00:08:46,710 Me. 142 00:08:51,390 --> 00:08:54,760 [ Machinery Whirring] What the f Oh, hell, no. Uh-uh. 143 00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:58,560 Hey, no. You probably don't want to do that with the I.V.s attached and all. 144 00:08:58,670 --> 00:09:01,760 What's the matter?. Man, Upgrayedd didn't tell me they'd be putting me... 145 00:09:01,870 --> 00:09:03,960 in no damn coffin with tubes and shit! 146 00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:07,060 Oh, no, don't worry about it. It'll be safe. Trust me. 147 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,730 Who's Upgrayedd?. 148 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,810 He's my boyfriend. 149 00:09:12,150 --> 00:09:14,120 Man, how doyou know this shit's safe?. 150 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,120 These guys know what they're doing. Don't worry. 151 00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:18,980 They've tested it on dogs and everything. 152 00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:21,950 What happens is, the drugs will kick in, we drift off to sleep... 153 00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:24,050 we wake up in a year, you'll be paintin' again. 154 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,150 It'll be fine. All right. 155 00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:30,160 Upgrayedd. That's an interesting name. Is he Dutch?. 156 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:34,830 See, 'cause I knew this, uh, Dutch exchange student. 157 00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:36,460 His name was Untgrad. 158 00:09:36,570 --> 00:09:38,600 Okay, my niggas, we're almost set here. 159 00:09:38,710 --> 00:09:41,510 Just go ahead and lie down. Relax. 160 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:45,610 [ Equipment Beeping ] 161 00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:52,580 See you in a year. 162 00:09:52,690 --> 00:09:55,350 [Narrator] The Human Hibernation Project... 163 00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:58,480 was one of the army's most ambitious experiments... 164 00:09:58,590 --> 00:10:01,430 and one of its most secretive. 165 00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:03,960 But it was not immune from human error. 166 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,700 Freeze! 167 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,700 [ Groans ] 168 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:21,080 Soon after Collins 's arrest and the massive scandal that followed... 169 00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:23,950 the base was closed. 170 00:10:24,050 --> 00:10:28,750 It hadn't even been a year, and the entire project was simply forgotten. 171 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:34,890 Things looked bleak for joe, but they were even worse for mankind. 172 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,260 As joe and Rita lay dormant, the years passed... 173 00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:42,390 and mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. 174 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:54,880 Some had high hopes that genetic engineering... 175 00:10:54,980 --> 00:10:56,970 would correct this trend in evolution. 176 00:10:57,090 --> 00:11:00,250 But sadly, the greatest minds and resources... 177 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:05,220 were focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections. 178 00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:07,690 [ Orangutan Chattering ] 179 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:13,230 Meanwhile, the population exploded, and intelligence continued to decline... 180 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:17,930 until humanity was incapable of solving even its most basic problems. 181 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:23,030 Like garbage, which had been stacked for centuries with no plan whatsoever... 182 00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:28,010 Leading to the Great Garbage Avalanche of 2505... 183 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:33,450 which would set in motion the events that would change the world forever. 184 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,520 [ Backup Warning Beeping ] 185 00:12:07,490 --> 00:12:10,250 Hold on. [ Man On TV] Next, on The Violence Channel... 186 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:12,590 an all-new Ow! My Balls! 187 00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:21,100 [ Screaming ] 188 00:12:25,070 --> 00:12:28,940 All right. [ Chuckling ] [ Beeping ] 189 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,410 [ Snarling ] [ Screaming ] 190 00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:33,850 [ Chuckling ] 191 00:12:33,950 --> 00:12:35,850 [ Groans ] 192 00:12:35,950 --> 00:12:38,440 [ Man Watching TV] That guy got hit in the balls. 193 00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:41,080 Ow, my balls! 194 00:12:41,190 --> 00:12:44,960 [ Groans ] [ Man On TV Screaming ] 195 00:12:45,060 --> 00:12:46,960 Huh?. 196 00:12:47,060 --> 00:12:49,960 [ Groaning ] 197 00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:54,590 [TV. Tires Squealing, Man Screaming] [ Man Watching TV Laughs ] 198 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:57,190 [joe ] Where's- Hold on. Shut up! 199 00:12:59,910 --> 00:13:01,810 [ Man Laughing] 200 00:13:01,910 --> 00:13:03,880 [ Tires Squealing ] 201 00:13:09,650 --> 00:13:11,950 Where's Officer Collins?. Shut up! 202 00:13:12,050 --> 00:13:15,680 [ Man On TV] Next week on Ow! My Balls!, Hormel goes to Paris! 203 00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:20,520 Are we on base?. I'm gonna base your ass on my fist. 204 00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:24,070 In your face, ass! Shut up. 205 00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:26,290 I'm sorry. It's just- Where am I? 206 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,600 Shut up! I told you already! 207 00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:30,640 [ Flushes ] 208 00:13:35,810 --> 00:13:38,970 Yeah! Wouldn't shut up! 209 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,740 Come in here and not shut up. 210 00:13:40,850 --> 00:13:44,410 Yeah,you were like, "I'm not shuttin'up, "and I was like- 211 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,000 [ Narrator] Unaware of what year it was... 212 00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:05,100 Joe wandered the streets, desperate for help. 213 00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:07,570 But the English language had deteriorated... 214 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:12,770 into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl, inner-city slang and various grunts. 215 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:16,320 Joe was able to understand them... [ Indistinct ] 216 00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:19,790 but when he spoke in an ordinary voice... 217 00:14:19,890 --> 00:14:22,480 he sounded pompous and faggy to them. 218 00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:42,070 [ Man On P.A. ] Paging Doc[ Slurring ] 219 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,620 Report to, uh- 220 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:53,120 Dr. Lueboo... 221 00:14:53,220 --> 00:14:54,450 uh, report. 222 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,420 Your floor Your floor is now clean. [ Beeping ] 223 00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,760 Your floor- Your floor is now clean. 224 00:14:59,860 --> 00:15:02,230 Your floor- Your flooris now clean. 225 00:15:02,330 --> 00:15:07,460 Hi, uh, I was in an army experiment, and I'm not feeling so well. 226 00:15:07,570 --> 00:15:10,160 I think it might have been the drugs they had me on. 227 00:15:10,270 --> 00:15:12,400 I've been hallucinating. 228 00:15:12,510 --> 00:15:14,980 My head is just killin' me. 229 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,100 My-My-My joints are all achy and l- 230 00:15:19,850 --> 00:15:21,750 Is this a hospital or- 231 00:15:21,850 --> 00:15:25,980 Actually, I don't even know where I am. [ Beeps ] 232 00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:28,320 [ Electronic Voice ] Please proceed to the diagnostic area on the right... 233 00:15:28,420 --> 00:15:32,760 and have a healthy day! Oh. Thanks. 234 00:15:32,860 --> 00:15:34,620 Thank you! 235 00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:49,840 U h, 'scuse me. I think this might be Gatorade or somethin'. 236 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,850 I was just looking for some regular water. Water?. 237 00:15:52,950 --> 00:15:55,970 Yeah. You mean like in the toilet?. What for?. 238 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,990 You know,just to drink. 239 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,150 [ Laughing ] 240 00:16:03,260 --> 00:16:07,060 [ Continues Laughing ] 241 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,030 [Electronic Tune ] [Electronic Voice ] You've got hepatitis! 242 00:16:09,130 --> 00:16:11,890 Oh, is someone not feeling well? 243 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,560 Your illness is very important to us. 244 00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:18,540 [ Man ] Next. [ Electronic Voice ] Welcome to the Health master Inferno... 245 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,670 powered byjormi Technology. U h, this goes i n your mouth. 246 00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:26,210 This one goes in your ear. And this one goes in your butt. 247 00:16:28,980 --> 00:16:30,180 Come on. 248 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:33,190 Hurry up, asshole! Come on! 249 00:16:34,990 --> 00:16:37,220 [ Beeping] Shit. Hang on a second. 250 00:16:38,990 --> 00:16:41,430 This oneNo. 251 00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:43,360 Hey, come on. Uh- 252 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:46,660 Hurry up! This one. This one goes in your mouth. 253 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,940 Come on! 254 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,500 [ Electronic Voice ] Thank you for waiting. Dr. Lexus will be with you shortly. 255 00:17:05,050 --> 00:17:07,850 That's a weird misprint. 256 00:17:09,190 --> 00:17:13,060 Hey. How's it hang, ese? 257 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:16,860 Yeah. Right. Well, not so good, you know. 258 00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:19,960 I don't really know what's going on, but I'm seein' things. 259 00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:22,970 I think it might be because of these drugs the army put me on. 260 00:17:23,070 --> 00:17:26,770 But, if you could, uh,just get me well enough to get back to base- 261 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,540 Right. Kick ass. 262 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,770 Well, don't wanna sound like a dick or nothin'... 263 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,710 but, uh, it says on your chart that you're fucked up. 264 00:17:35,820 --> 00:17:39,310 You talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. 265 00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:43,790 What I 'd do is just like, like, you know... 266 00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:47,330 Iike,you know what I mean? Like- [ Chuckles ] 267 00:17:47,430 --> 00:17:51,700 No, I'm serious here. [ Chuckles ] Don't worry, scrot. 268 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,830 Now there are plenty of'tards out there living really kick-ass lives. 269 00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:58,300 My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now. 270 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:02,270 I need for you to be serious for a second here, okay?. I need help. 271 00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:04,140 There's that fag talk we talked about. 272 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:08,080 All right, so that'll be... this many dollars. 273 00:18:08,180 --> 00:18:12,240 And if you could just go ahead and, like, put your tattoo in that shit. 274 00:18:12,350 --> 00:18:16,290 That's weird. This thing has the same misprint as that magazine. 275 00:18:16,390 --> 00:18:20,450 What are the odds of- Where's your tattoo?. Tattoo?. 276 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,330 Why don't you have this? 277 00:18:26,030 --> 00:18:27,930 Oh, God. 278 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,100 Where's your tattoo? Oh, my God. 279 00:18:33,210 --> 00:18:35,680 Why come you don't have a tattoo? 280 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,340 [joe ] Oh, my God! You're not unscannable, are you? 281 00:18:41,580 --> 00:18:43,780 Oh, my God! 282 00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:47,320 You're unscannable. [ Alarm Wailing ] 283 00:18:47,420 --> 00:18:50,220 Unscannable! No! No, you don't understand! 284 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,890 You gotta let me talk to someone in the army! Wait a second. 285 00:18:52,990 --> 00:18:55,830 They're all dead. Everybody I know's dead! 286 00:18:55,930 --> 00:18:57,660 Oh, my God! Oh! 287 00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,630 [ Screaming ] [ Screaming ] 288 00:18:59,730 --> 00:19:02,900 No! Stop! Calm down! Calm down! Calm down! 289 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,170 How'd this happen?. How did it happen?. 290 00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:08,500 [Alarm Continues ] Your floor is now clean. 291 00:19:08,610 --> 00:19:10,870 Your floor is now clean. 292 00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:35,200 [ Narrator ] Joe had awakened to a world in crisis. 293 00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:38,530 The economy was in a state of deep neglect. 294 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:42,100 A great dust bowl had ravaged food supplies. 295 00:19:42,210 --> 00:19:47,050 And the number one movie in the country was called Ass. 296 00:19:47,150 --> 00:19:48,740 [ All Laughing ] 297 00:19:48,850 --> 00:19:51,980 And that's all it was for 90 minutes. 298 00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:54,050 [ Movie: Farting ] 299 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:59,250 It won eight Oscars that year, including best screenplay. 300 00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:06,430 [ Electronic Voice ] Enjoy your Extra Big-Ass Fries. 301 00:20:06,530 --> 00:20:09,530 You didn't gimme no fries. I got an empty box. 302 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,470 Would you like another Extra Big-Ass Fries?. 303 00:20:12,570 --> 00:20:14,270 I said I didn't get any. 304 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,240 [Electronic Voice ] Thank you. Your account has been charged. 305 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,240 Your balance is zero. 306 00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:21,840 What?. Oh, no. No! Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. 307 00:20:21,950 --> 00:20:23,850 [ Beeping ] I'm sorry you're having trouble. 308 00:20:23,950 --> 00:20:26,480 Come on! My kids are starvin'. I'm sorry you're having trouble. 309 00:20:26,590 --> 00:20:28,890 [ Buzzes ] 310 00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:31,480 This should help you calm down. 311 00:20:31,590 --> 00:20:34,460 Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. 312 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:39,760 Your kids are starving. Carl's jr. believes no child should go hungry. 313 00:20:39,870 --> 00:20:44,830 You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's jr. 314 00:20:44,940 --> 00:20:47,970 Carl's jr. "Fuck you. I'm eating." 315 00:20:49,310 --> 00:20:51,140 Welcome to Carl's jr. 316 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:54,840 Would you like to try our Extra Big-Ass Taco... 317 00:20:54,950 --> 00:20:57,510 now with more molecules?. 318 00:20:57,620 --> 00:21:00,610 Hey! Is this particular individual the unfit mother? 319 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:04,660 Me?. No. Okay. This particular individual is unscannable. 320 00:21:08,030 --> 00:21:10,290 Listen, I can explain, okay?. I was in an army experiment. 321 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,800 Wait a second. There's the other pod from the army experiment. 322 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:18,170 There was a girl. She was from the same experiment. 323 00:21:18,270 --> 00:21:21,640 Yeah, that's enough of your bullshit, sir. [ Groaning ] 324 00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:23,770 [ Narrator]joe was arrested for not paying his hospital bill... 325 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,310 and not having his U.P.C.. tattoo. 326 00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:32,720 He would soon discover that in the future,justice was not only blind... 327 00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:36,620 but had become rather retarded as well. 328 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,690 You shut up! Now [ Clears Throat ] 329 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,130 I'm fixin' to commensurate this trial here. 330 00:21:44,230 --> 00:21:48,860 We gonna see if we can't come up with a verdict up in here. 331 00:21:48,970 --> 00:21:53,130 Now, since y'all say you ain't got no money... 332 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:56,570 we have "proprietarily" obtained for you... 333 00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,510 one of them court-appointed lawyers. 334 00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:05,640 So, put your hands together and give it up for Frito Pendejo. 335 00:22:05,750 --> 00:22:07,480 You're my lawyer?. 336 00:22:07,590 --> 00:22:11,920 Says here you, uh, robbed a hospital?. 337 00:22:12,030 --> 00:22:14,430 Why'd you do that?. Yeah. I 'm not guilty. 338 00:22:14,530 --> 00:22:17,330 That's not what the other lawyer said. What do you mean what the 339 00:22:17,430 --> 00:22:19,400 Listen, you gotta get me on the stand, okay?. 340 00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:22,490 I can explain everything. We can take 'em to your house, show 'em the pod. 341 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,870 Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 342 00:22:24,970 --> 00:22:28,410 Now, prosecutor, why you think he done it? 343 00:22:28,510 --> 00:22:31,540 Okay, number one, Your Honor, just look at him. 344 00:22:31,650 --> 00:22:34,080 [ All Laughing ] 345 00:22:34,180 --> 00:22:37,170 He talks like a fag too. [ Laughing Continues ] 346 00:22:37,290 --> 00:22:40,980 And "B," we've got all this, like, evidence... 347 00:22:41,090 --> 00:22:44,020 of how, like, this guy didn't even pay at the hospital. 348 00:22:44,130 --> 00:22:47,060 And I heard that he doesn't even have his tattoo. 349 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,430 [ Crowd Grumbling] I know! 350 00:22:49,530 --> 00:22:53,060 And I'm all, "You've gotta be shittin' me." But check this out, man. 351 00:22:53,170 --> 00:22:56,070 Judge should be like, "Guilty." Peace. 352 00:22:56,170 --> 00:22:58,760 [ Crowd Cheering ] 353 00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:04,470 Objection! What are you objectifyin' on?. 354 00:23:04,580 --> 00:23:06,840 Come on.just get me on the stand. Okay. 355 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,610 Um, Your Honor?. Hmm?. 356 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,550 I object... 357 00:23:12,650 --> 00:23:16,650 that this guy also broke my apartment to shit. 358 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,750 Yeah. What?. 359 00:23:18,860 --> 00:23:23,390 And you know what else?. I object that he's not gonna have any money to pay me... 360 00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:26,630 after he pays back all the money he stole from the hospital! 361 00:23:26,730 --> 00:23:28,730 Don't say I stole. You're my lawyer. 362 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,770 And I object. 363 00:23:30,870 --> 00:23:34,740 I object that he interrupted me while I was watching Ow! My Balls! 364 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:39,300 [ All Booing ] That is not okay! And I rest my case! 365 00:23:39,410 --> 00:23:41,810 Your Honor, I'm pretty sure we have a mistrial here, sir. 366 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,280 I'm gonna mistrial my foot up your ass, you don't shut up. [ All Laughing ] 367 00:23:45,390 --> 00:23:47,850 Please, listen. "Please, listen." 368 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,680 [ All Laughing ] I didn't steal anything. 369 00:23:49,790 --> 00:23:51,690 I was part ofan army experiment 370 00:23:51,790 --> 00:23:54,790 [Narrator] Joe statedhis case logicallyandpassionately... 371 00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:59,990 but his perceived effeminate voice only drew big gales ofstupid laughter. 372 00:24:00,100 --> 00:24:01,760 Guilty! [ Crowd Cheering ] 373 00:24:01,870 --> 00:24:06,500 Without adequate legal representation, Joe was given a stiffsentence. 374 00:24:06,610 --> 00:24:11,310 Meanwhile, Rita had awakened to find that the world's oldest profession... 375 00:24:11,410 --> 00:24:14,650 was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons. 376 00:24:14,650 --> 00:24:15,510 was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons. 377 00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:19,350 [ Female Voice ] Welcome to AOL, Time Warner, Taco Bell, U.S. Government long distance. 378 00:24:19,450 --> 00:24:21,820 Please say the name of the person you wish to call. 379 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:23,750 Upgrayedd. 380 00:24:24,890 --> 00:24:29,450 There are 9,726 listings for Upgrayedd. 381 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,830 Please deposit $2,000 to begin connection. 382 00:24:31,930 --> 00:24:33,830 Man, what?. Oh, yeah, baby. 383 00:24:33,940 --> 00:24:36,400 Hey, look, can you just can you wait a second, please?. 384 00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:40,870 Oh, yeah, baby. I can wait so good. 385 00:24:41,910 --> 00:24:43,840 Really?. 386 00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:47,480 Think, uh You think maybe you could wait a day?. 387 00:24:47,580 --> 00:24:49,710 Baby, I can wait two days. 388 00:24:49,820 --> 00:24:54,380 Huh. That's good, 'cause I charge by the hour. 389 00:24:54,490 --> 00:24:58,430 Oh, yeah?. Well, you gonna be glad you waited, baby. 390 00:24:58,530 --> 00:25:00,430 Thank you very much, young man. 391 00:25:02,700 --> 00:25:04,360 What the fuck?. 392 00:25:04,470 --> 00:25:06,990 God damn, shit's changed in a year. 393 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,900 What are we doin' here?. 394 00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:13,500 Okay, sir, we're engaged in procuring your tattoo. 395 00:25:16,510 --> 00:25:19,670 [ Electronic Voice ] Welcome to the Identity Processing Program of America. 396 00:25:19,780 --> 00:25:24,440 Please insert your forearm into the forearm receptacle. 397 00:25:25,550 --> 00:25:27,450 Thank you. [Mechanical Whirring] 398 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:31,510 Please speak your name as it appears on your current federal identity card 399 00:25:31,630 --> 00:25:35,030 Document number G24L8. I'm not sure if- 400 00:25:35,130 --> 00:25:39,120 You have entered the name "Not Sure." Is this correct, Not Sure?. 401 00:25:39,230 --> 00:25:41,130 No, it's not correct. [ Dings ] 402 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,830 Thank you. "Not" is correct. Is "Sure" correct?. 403 00:25:44,940 --> 00:25:46,960 No, it's not. My name is joe [ Beeping] 404 00:25:47,070 --> 00:25:48,910 You've already confirmed your first name is Not. 405 00:25:49,010 --> 00:25:52,640 Please confirm your last name, ""Sure." My 406 00:25:52,750 --> 00:25:55,150 My last name is not Sure. [ Dings ] 407 00:25:55,250 --> 00:25:57,880 Thank you, Not Sure. No. What I mean is my name is joe. 408 00:25:57,990 --> 00:26:03,320 Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm. 409 00:26:05,430 --> 00:26:08,260 Wait a second. Can we start over?. Can I cancel this?. [ Buzzing ] 410 00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:10,800 Can we cancel this and just go back to the beginning?. 411 00:26:10,900 --> 00:26:14,130 They're gonna tattoo. Could I speak to your supervisor?. 412 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,260 Ow! Please hold still for your photograph. 413 00:26:18,940 --> 00:26:22,400 [ Whirring ] [ Beeping ] 414 00:26:26,780 --> 00:26:29,340 Oh, that's fuckin' great. 415 00:26:31,890 --> 00:26:33,790 Okay, sir... 416 00:26:33,890 --> 00:26:38,220 now we will begin to proceed to obtain your I.Q and "apitude" tests. 417 00:26:38,330 --> 00:26:40,260 What for?. 418 00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:44,590 Okay, sir, this is to figure out what your "aptude's" good at... 419 00:26:44,700 --> 00:26:49,830 and get you a jail job while you're being a particular individual in jail. 420 00:26:49,940 --> 00:26:52,870 [ Electronic Voice ] If you have one bucket that holds two gallons... 421 00:26:52,970 --> 00:26:55,530 and another bucket that holds five gallons... 422 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,410 how many buckets do you have?. 423 00:27:00,350 --> 00:27:02,250 Two?. 424 00:27:02,350 --> 00:27:04,320 Thank you. 425 00:27:12,090 --> 00:27:15,030 [Man Singing] 426 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,500 [ Continues ] 427 00:27:44,290 --> 00:27:46,260 'Too. 428 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,190 [ Continues ] 429 00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,370 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 430 00:28:05,550 --> 00:28:08,670 [ Ends ] 431 00:28:08,780 --> 00:28:11,450 [ Narrator] Desperate and scared... 432 00:28:11,550 --> 00:28:14,350 Joe used his superior intelligence... 433 00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:17,360 to come up with the best escape plan he could think of. 434 00:28:17,460 --> 00:28:23,090 Hi. Excuse me. I 'm actually supposed to be getting out of prison today, sir. 435 00:28:24,300 --> 00:28:26,360 Yeah. 436 00:28:26,470 --> 00:28:29,400 You're in the wrong line, dumb ass. Over there. 437 00:28:29,500 --> 00:28:32,800 I'm sorry. I am being a big dumb ass. Sorry. 438 00:28:32,910 --> 00:28:34,570 Hey, uh, let this dumb ass through. 439 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,250 [ Beeping ] 440 00:28:41,580 --> 00:28:44,140 [ Warning Buzzer Buzzing ] 441 00:28:44,250 --> 00:28:46,220 [ Door Closes ] 442 00:28:51,630 --> 00:28:54,320 'Too. Yeah. Got it. 443 00:28:54,430 --> 00:28:56,620 [ Beeping ] 444 00:28:56,730 --> 00:29:02,100 Uh, yeah, I don't see you in here. So, you're gonna have to, uh, stay in prison. 445 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,100 Could you check again?. 446 00:29:04,210 --> 00:29:07,270 'Cause, I was, you know I was definitely in prison, okay?. 447 00:29:07,370 --> 00:29:11,310 I got sat on my face and everything. Maybe check those files back there?. 448 00:29:17,890 --> 00:29:22,150 [Alarm Blaring] [ Electronic Voice ] ""Excape. " ""Excape. " 449 00:29:22,260 --> 00:29:24,820 ""Excape. " ""Excape. " 450 00:29:24,930 --> 00:29:28,690 ""Excape. " ""Excape. " 451 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,030 [ Man Singing ] 452 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:43,670 [ Ends ] 453 00:29:46,050 --> 00:29:47,950 [ Man ] The Masturbation Network. 454 00:29:48,050 --> 00:29:51,540 Keepi n' America 'bati n' for 3 00 years. 455 00:29:51,650 --> 00:29:54,350 And now, Sweet Bang Tube. [ Squeaking On TV ] 456 00:29:54,460 --> 00:29:59,220 Oh, yeah, give me some. Cut me a piece. [ Squeaking Continues ] 457 00:29:59,330 --> 00:30:01,320 Oh,yeah, that's- [ Knocking] 458 00:30:01,430 --> 00:30:03,330 Go away! 'Batin'! 459 00:30:03,430 --> 00:30:05,330 [ Knocking Continues ] 460 00:30:05,430 --> 00:30:07,630 Damn it. 461 00:30:07,740 --> 00:30:10,230 [ Knocking] All right. 462 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:15,170 Hey. Hey, get out of here. Hey, get out of here! 463 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:19,370 No, wait, listen. You let me, an innocent man, get thrown in jail. 464 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,850 So?. Shut up, 'cause you broke my house. 465 00:30:22,950 --> 00:30:25,890 Hey, I could have you disbarred disbarred for what you did to me. 466 00:30:25,990 --> 00:30:28,650 Then maybe you'd go to jail for not havin' any money. 467 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:30,850 Oh, really?. 468 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:34,260 Yeah, really. Now, look. Okay, here's the deal. 469 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,350 I've been thinking. It's been 500 years. 470 00:30:36,460 --> 00:30:39,430 Someone has to have invented a way to travel back in time by now. 471 00:30:39,530 --> 00:30:42,430 You know, I think they were pretty close even in my day. You know?. 472 00:30:42,540 --> 00:30:44,440 With Einstein and guys like that?. Uh-huh. 473 00:30:44,540 --> 00:30:47,100 You know, scientists?. You know?. Uh. 474 00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,340 A time machine, for time travel. 475 00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:53,070 Do they have one? What?. 476 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,270 [Tires Squealing, Car Crashing In Distance ] 477 00:30:57,380 --> 00:31:01,290 Jesus. I knew that was too much to hope for. 478 00:31:02,390 --> 00:31:04,520 No, no, they got a time machine. 479 00:31:04,630 --> 00:31:06,530 They do?. Yeah. 480 00:31:06,630 --> 00:31:08,530 Are-Are-Are you sure?. Yeah. 481 00:31:08,630 --> 00:31:12,460 Can it get me back to 2005?. Oh, yeah, but it's, like, really expensive. 482 00:31:12,570 --> 00:31:15,800 And it breaks all the time 'cause some smart guy made it a long time ago. 483 00:31:15,900 --> 00:31:18,060 I don't care. Just get me there, okay?. 484 00:31:18,170 --> 00:31:19,640 Well- Please! 485 00:31:19,740 --> 00:31:22,970 Listen, II- I "supersize" with you... 486 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,840 but didn't you go to jail fornot havin'enough money? 487 00:31:25,950 --> 00:31:30,080 Okay, how about this?. You get me to the time machine, and when I get back... 488 00:31:30,180 --> 00:31:32,180 I open a savings account in your name. 489 00:31:32,290 --> 00:31:34,810 That way, 500 years later, it'll be worth billions. 490 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,450 Billions! 'Cause?. 491 00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:39,390 'Cause of the interest, it'll be worth billions of dollars. 492 00:31:39,490 --> 00:31:42,050 Oh, I I like money. Yeah. 493 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,150 How many billions?. Like, 10. 494 00:31:45,270 --> 00:31:48,430 Yeah, suck one. Time machine costs, like, 20. 495 00:31:48,540 --> 00:31:51,330 Yeah?. Okay. Uh, 30, Frito. 496 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,600 Thirty billion dollars. 497 00:31:54,710 --> 00:31:59,150 Thirty billion. So if you gave me 30 billion... 498 00:31:59,250 --> 00:32:01,240 and the time machine's 20- 499 00:32:01,350 --> 00:32:03,280 What's the minus of 30 and 20?. 500 00:32:03,380 --> 00:32:06,110 Uh, it's, uh- it's 80, Frito. 501 00:32:06,220 --> 00:32:08,750 It's $80 billion. That's a mighty big minus, isn't it? 502 00:32:08,860 --> 00:32:12,590 Yeah. I like money though. [ Man ] Police! Open the door! 503 00:32:12,690 --> 00:32:14,850 [ Banging On Door] We're looking for an "excaped" individual. 504 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,560 This particular individual's name is Not Sure. Eighty billion. 505 00:32:18,670 --> 00:32:22,660 Oh, um, he- He's... somewhere else. 506 00:32:22,770 --> 00:32:27,100 You got something I can wear?. Yeah. There's Pro-Wear on the top, assorted in the middle. 507 00:32:27,210 --> 00:32:29,330 [Policeman ] A Coke machine in the vicinity caught his tattoo. 508 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:32,210 Seemed to be heading for this particular "domistile." 509 00:32:32,310 --> 00:32:34,710 [ Banging ] Okay, sir, we're comin' in. 510 00:32:34,820 --> 00:32:37,110 No, you can't come in. Can too! 511 00:32:37,220 --> 00:32:39,280 Come on! All right, let's go get my billions. 512 00:32:39,390 --> 00:32:41,480 [ Banging Continues ] 513 00:32:41,590 --> 00:32:45,650 Oh, okay, one more thing. We gotta go find this girl, Rita, first, okay?. 514 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,520 Is she bangin'?. Yeah, sure, she is. 515 00:32:48,630 --> 00:32:50,530 That wasn't really part of the deal. 516 00:32:50,630 --> 00:32:54,530 Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another couple billion, all right?. I like money. 517 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,700 Okay, her pod's up here on the right. She shouldn't be far away, I hope. 518 00:32:57,810 --> 00:33:02,570 Mmm, girl. Oh,yeah? So when we gonna do it? 519 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:06,010 'Cause you been chargin' me by the hour, and it's been, like, three days. 520 00:33:06,110 --> 00:33:10,110 Oh, yeah. Soon, baby, soon. Hey, you know what?. 521 00:33:10,220 --> 00:33:12,850 Why don't you come back tomorrow?. 522 00:33:12,950 --> 00:33:15,580 Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah! Yeah?. 523 00:33:15,690 --> 00:33:18,850 When I finally utilize you, you gonna be paying me. 524 00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:22,420 That's right. What ever you say, sir. 525 00:33:22,530 --> 00:33:25,000 Hey, you still on the clock! Yeah, girl. 526 00:33:25,100 --> 00:33:28,230 Thank you! Rita! 527 00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:32,200 Rita! It's me,joe, from the experiment. Get in the car! Come on. 528 00:33:32,310 --> 00:33:34,600 Oh, yeah! What the hell, man?. 529 00:33:34,710 --> 00:33:36,610 Just get in the car. I'll explain everything. 530 00:33:36,710 --> 00:33:39,200 Where we going?. -just get in the car. 531 00:33:39,310 --> 00:33:41,470 Trust me. What happened to those army guys? 532 00:33:44,350 --> 00:33:46,840 [Siren Blaring] Wait a minute. You got cops after you?. 533 00:33:46,950 --> 00:33:50,580 Yeah. And you made me get in the car?. I got two strikes, asshole! 534 00:33:50,690 --> 00:33:53,160 Frito, take a right here. Right, right! 535 00:33:53,260 --> 00:33:55,230 Into that dust storm, Frito. 536 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,460 [joe ] They must have just forgotten about us. 537 00:34:03,570 --> 00:34:06,970 [ Rita ] It's been 500 years? Oh, hell, no! 538 00:34:07,070 --> 00:34:11,270 Upgrayedd is gonna kill me! He gets mad when I'm a day late with his money! 539 00:34:11,380 --> 00:34:13,470 So, you owe your boyfriend money?. 540 00:34:13,580 --> 00:34:16,070 Well, yeah, he's sort of my manager too. 541 00:34:16,180 --> 00:34:19,980 You know, he helps me sell the paintings and shit. 542 00:34:20,090 --> 00:34:25,420 Look, Rita, you gotta understand that Upgrayedd's been dead for a long time now. 543 00:34:25,530 --> 00:34:28,320 Yeah, man, but you said there was a time machine, right?. Yeah. 544 00:34:28,430 --> 00:34:31,960 Yeah, there's a time machine now that can take us back to the past... 545 00:34:32,070 --> 00:34:34,470 but there was no time machine back then, so- 546 00:34:34,570 --> 00:34:37,500 Upgrayedd don't care where the time machine is. Now, then, last week- 547 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:40,570 He will find a way to come get his money! 548 00:34:40,670 --> 00:34:43,770 All I'm saying is you don't have to worry about it You know what?. 549 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,440 Last time you told me not to worry was 500 Goddamn years ago... 550 00:34:46,550 --> 00:34:48,910 when you were trying to tell me to get into some coffin. 551 00:34:49,020 --> 00:34:51,010 Look, Rita, I don't know how this happened, okay?. [ Buzzing] 552 00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:54,420 But I'm doing everything I can to get us back there, okay?. I promise you. 553 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:58,080 [ Electronic Voice ] You are harboring a fugitive by the name of "Not Sure." 554 00:34:58,190 --> 00:35:01,820 Please, pull over and wait for the police to incarcerate your passenger. 555 00:35:01,930 --> 00:35:04,830 Hell, no. You know what?. Let me outta here. Thank you for your help. 556 00:35:04,930 --> 00:35:07,160 If you don't have one of these, they're gonna throw you in jail. 557 00:35:07,270 --> 00:35:10,260 You don't want to get thrown' in the jails here. I've been in them. 558 00:35:10,370 --> 00:35:13,100 They're bad. You're better off being with us, as bad as that sounds. 559 00:35:13,210 --> 00:35:17,200 What are you doing?. Why are we slowing down?. Turned off my battery. 560 00:35:21,650 --> 00:35:25,110 Look, how far is it?. Can we just take a cab or something?. 561 00:35:25,220 --> 00:35:28,850 [Machine-gun Fire ] 562 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:30,220 Oh, shit. 563 00:35:36,430 --> 00:35:38,060 [ Explosion ] 564 00:35:38,170 --> 00:35:40,790 Oh! Oh, shit! 565 00:35:40,900 --> 00:35:43,130 [ Cheering ] Yeah! 566 00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:46,540 What the hell's wrong with you? That's your car. 567 00:35:47,740 --> 00:35:51,470 [ Frito ] Oh, hell,yeah! He's on fire! 568 00:35:51,580 --> 00:35:53,380 Come on! Let's get out of here. 569 00:36:02,860 --> 00:36:04,850 [ Rita ] Hey, how much farther is it? 570 00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,990 Uh, it's, like, far. 571 00:36:09,100 --> 00:36:12,530 Man, I could really go for a Star bucks, you know?. 572 00:36:12,630 --> 00:36:16,190 Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a hand job,joe. 573 00:36:19,310 --> 00:36:21,870 [ Singing ] 574 00:36:21,980 --> 00:36:24,970 Man, he don't seem too bright. You sure he knows where he's going? 575 00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:27,270 I sure hope so. He's our only chance. 576 00:36:27,380 --> 00:36:30,910 [ Continues ] How'd you hook up with this guy, anyway?. 577 00:36:31,020 --> 00:36:35,280 He's my lawyer. And he's not a very good one either. 578 00:36:35,390 --> 00:36:37,950 [joe ] He's a Goddamned idiot. 579 00:36:38,060 --> 00:36:42,860 There's a shuttle down in the Costco. It'll drop us right by the time machine. 580 00:37:01,150 --> 00:37:04,850 Jesus Christ. Oh, look. One more thing. 581 00:37:04,950 --> 00:37:08,350 He thinks he's gonna get billions of dollars ifhe takes us there. 582 00:37:08,460 --> 00:37:12,590 So if he mentions anything about a savings account,just play along, okay?. 583 00:37:12,690 --> 00:37:14,590 Yeah, what ifthis time machine don'twork?. 584 00:37:14,700 --> 00:37:17,990 Then I'll spend the rest ofmy life trying to fix it. 585 00:37:22,770 --> 00:37:28,300 Welcome to Costco. I love you. Welcome to Costco. I love you. 586 00:37:29,410 --> 00:37:31,780 Welcome to Costco. I love you. 587 00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:33,780 [ Goats Bleating] [ Duck Quacking] 588 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:37,680 Shuttle's down there in electronics, about an hour from here. 589 00:37:45,630 --> 00:37:47,960 [ Rita ] We've been walking forever. You sure you know where you're going?. 590 00:37:48,060 --> 00:37:51,550 Yeah, I know this place pretty good. I went to law school here. 591 00:37:51,670 --> 00:37:53,600 In Costco?. 592 00:37:53,700 --> 00:37:56,100 Yeah. I couldn't believe it myself. 593 00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:59,870 Luckily, my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings. 594 00:38:01,310 --> 00:38:04,110 Hey, come on,joe. I already told you... 595 00:38:04,210 --> 00:38:07,310 we'd all like a handjob, but we don't have time for it. 596 00:38:17,060 --> 00:38:18,960 [ Woman ] Hey, baby, wanna go out? 597 00:38:19,060 --> 00:38:21,620 Wanna go out, honey? 598 00:38:28,340 --> 00:38:30,960 Shuttle comes every few minutes. Shouldn't be long. 599 00:38:31,070 --> 00:38:34,800 Do I got time to use the bathroom?. [ Laughing ] 600 00:38:34,910 --> 00:38:36,900 [ Imitates Farting, Chuckles ] 601 00:38:37,010 --> 00:38:39,710 [Frito ] Uh, the toilet. Be right back. 602 00:38:40,610 --> 00:38:43,080 Yeah, back that thing up. 603 00:38:43,180 --> 00:38:45,480 Hey, you mind if I pound on that,joe?. What?. 604 00:38:45,590 --> 00:38:47,420 I like having sex with chicks. Yeah?. 605 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:49,420 Yeah. I think everybody does, Frito. 606 00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:52,890 Not like I do. Like when you get it like this, sideways. 607 00:38:52,990 --> 00:38:55,520 Then you just, like, back it up. And then you 608 00:38:55,630 --> 00:38:57,820 That's real good. Then you Oh,yeah! 609 00:38:57,930 --> 00:39:00,020 Stop! You're gonna get us caught, okay?. 610 00:39:00,130 --> 00:39:02,030 [Alarm Blaring] [ Electronic Voice ] Warning! Warning! 611 00:39:02,140 --> 00:39:04,660 Costco has detected a dangerous fugitive in aisle 16,702. 612 00:39:04,770 --> 00:39:07,210 Hey! What about Rita?. We can't just leave her here. 613 00:39:07,310 --> 00:39:09,540 I don't care. Come on! 614 00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:14,010 [ Sirens Wailing ] Oh, shit. Wait a second. What are we gonna do?. 615 00:39:14,110 --> 00:39:16,050 Wait, okay, I know. Here's what we do. 616 00:39:16,150 --> 00:39:18,910 We go to the time machine, then when I get back to the past... 617 00:39:19,020 --> 00:39:20,950 I tell her not to do the experiment. 618 00:39:21,050 --> 00:39:23,250 Then she won't even be here. That'll work, right?. Uh- 619 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,330 No, wait. [Electronic Voice ] Please stand clear of the doors. 620 00:39:25,430 --> 00:39:28,220 She already is here. That must mean I didn't go back in time, right?. 621 00:39:28,330 --> 00:39:31,530 Uh- No, wait, hold on. It just means I haven't done it yet. 622 00:39:31,630 --> 00:39:34,430 Okay, so I go back and I tell her not to do the experiment. 623 00:39:34,530 --> 00:39:37,090 Then I won't have to do it either because she won't be here. 624 00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,600 Then I won't have to come back and save her, right?. I- 625 00:39:39,710 --> 00:39:42,370 But then, wait. Why am I still here?. Uh- 626 00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:44,440 Goddamn, how does this time travel work?. 627 00:39:44,540 --> 00:39:48,410 Please stand clear. [ Policeman ] Freeze! Hands up! Don't move! 628 00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:51,210 Put your hands up! Don't move! Freeze! 629 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,420 Look, if you guys are taking me back to that jail... 630 00:40:04,530 --> 00:40:07,260 just go ahead and shoot me, 'cause there's no way- 631 00:40:07,370 --> 00:40:10,630 Ow! Fuck! Ow! Ow! 632 00:40:10,740 --> 00:40:15,230 What?. Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow. 633 00:40:15,340 --> 00:40:17,280 [ Policeman ] What? [ Spraying] 634 00:40:17,380 --> 00:40:19,610 [joe ] Ow! God! Hey, stop! Damn it. 635 00:40:21,550 --> 00:40:25,250 [joe ] What is this? [ Policeman ] Okay, sir, this is the White House. 636 00:40:25,350 --> 00:40:27,650 What are we doing at the White House? What? 637 00:40:27,750 --> 00:40:30,050 [ Spraying ] Ow! Ow! Goddamn! 638 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:33,620 [ Narrator] It turned out the results of joe's I.Q. test... 639 00:40:33,730 --> 00:40:37,820 had caught the attention of the highest levels of government. 640 00:40:37,930 --> 00:40:42,100 Okay, wait a minute. I'm the smartest guy in the world?. Says who?. 641 00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,300 The I.Q test you took in prison. 642 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,170 You got the highest score in history. Brought to you by Carl's jr. 643 00:40:47,270 --> 00:40:50,180 Yeah, dumb ass,you're even smarter than President Camacho. 644 00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:53,040 That's how come he's making you secretary of interior. 645 00:40:53,150 --> 00:40:55,110 Okay, so who are you?. 646 00:40:55,220 --> 00:40:56,940 I'm the secretary of energy. 647 00:40:57,050 --> 00:40:59,710 He won a contest. Got to be a cabinet member. 648 00:40:59,820 --> 00:41:03,620 I'm the secretary of state. Brought to you by Carl's jr. 649 00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:06,990 Why do you keep saying that?. 'Cause they pay me every time I do. 650 00:41:07,090 --> 00:41:10,960 It's a really good way to make money. You're so smart, why don't you know that?. 651 00:41:11,060 --> 00:41:12,620 [ All Chuckling ] 652 00:41:12,730 --> 00:41:15,290 He's the secretary of defense. Hi. 653 00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:18,370 And, uh, fun bags over there is the attorney general. 654 00:41:18,470 --> 00:41:20,800 [ Whispers ] Hi. 655 00:41:20,910 --> 00:41:23,070 And that's the secretary of education. 656 00:41:25,150 --> 00:41:28,510 He's kinda stupid, but he's President Camacho's step brother. 657 00:41:28,620 --> 00:41:30,850 Still, he does a pretty good job,eh? 658 00:41:30,950 --> 00:41:34,510 You know, I think there's been some kind of mistake... 659 00:41:34,620 --> 00:41:38,080 'cause the test I took was real, real easy. 660 00:41:38,190 --> 00:41:42,180 I'm not the smartest guy in the world. Okay?. 661 00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:50,460 Okay, even if that were true, I can't be the secretary of the interior. 662 00:41:50,570 --> 00:41:54,030 I don't even know what it is. [Secretary of State ] You better find out. 663 00:41:54,140 --> 00:41:57,010 Sit down. It's President Camacho. Hey, hey, hey, yo... 664 00:41:57,110 --> 00:42:01,070 I gotta take care of some "bidness, "baby, so I need y'all to wait outside. 665 00:42:01,180 --> 00:42:06,120 [ Narrator] Dwayne Elizondo Camacho, five-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion... 666 00:42:06,220 --> 00:42:10,180 porn superstar, and president of the United States... 667 00:42:10,290 --> 00:42:13,690 had called a special summit with the smartest man in the world. 668 00:42:13,790 --> 00:42:16,420 So you smart, huh?. No, no. 669 00:42:19,870 --> 00:42:23,030 I thought your head would be bigger. [ Muttering ] 670 00:42:26,010 --> 00:42:28,130 Goddamn. 671 00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:30,610 It look like a peanut. [ All Laughing ] 672 00:42:30,710 --> 00:42:32,640 Let's get you sworn in. 673 00:42:40,720 --> 00:42:43,690 [Rock lnstrumental] 674 00:42:47,530 --> 00:42:50,890 [Announcer] Ladies and Gentlemen, the president of America! 675 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:53,090 [ Crowd Cheering] 676 00:42:54,500 --> 00:42:56,970 [Announcer] President Camacho! 677 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,770 [ Laughing ] Shut up. 678 00:43:00,870 --> 00:43:04,940 Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down. [ Ends ] 679 00:43:05,050 --> 00:43:06,600 Chill out. 680 00:43:10,850 --> 00:43:12,280 Shit. 681 00:43:14,590 --> 00:43:17,750 I know shit's bad right now with all that starvin' bullshit. 682 00:43:17,860 --> 00:43:19,590 And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French fries and burrito coverings. 683 00:43:19,590 --> 00:43:22,430 And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French fries and burrito coverings. 684 00:43:22,530 --> 00:43:24,160 [ Man ] Yeah! 685 00:43:24,260 --> 00:43:27,170 But I got a solution. That's what you said last time, dipshit! 686 00:43:27,270 --> 00:43:29,170 I got a solution. You're a dick! 687 00:43:29,270 --> 00:43:31,860 South Carolina, "whassup??"' [ All Cheering ] 688 00:43:39,310 --> 00:43:42,540 That's what I thought! 689 00:43:45,350 --> 00:43:48,620 Now, I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now... 690 00:43:48,720 --> 00:43:51,250 but listen up. 691 00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:54,120 I got a three-point plan to fix everything. 692 00:43:54,230 --> 00:43:55,720 [Man ] Break it down, Camacho! 693 00:43:55,830 --> 00:44:01,030 Number one, we got this guy, Not Sure. 694 00:44:01,130 --> 00:44:05,970 Number two, he's got a higher I.Q. than any man alive. [ Cheering ] 695 00:44:06,070 --> 00:44:10,370 And number three, he's gonna fix everything. [Applause ] 696 00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:13,710 I give you my word as president. 697 00:44:13,810 --> 00:44:16,340 He'll fix the problems with all the dead crops. 698 00:44:16,450 --> 00:44:18,850 He's gonna make 'em grow again. 699 00:44:18,950 --> 00:44:23,910 Crops?. And that ain't all. I give you my word. 700 00:44:24,020 --> 00:44:25,890 [ Electric Guitar] 701 00:44:25,990 --> 00:44:29,050 He's gonna fix the dust storms too. 702 00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,390 I give you my word. 703 00:44:33,500 --> 00:44:37,030 He's gonna fix the "ecomony." 704 00:44:37,140 --> 00:44:39,040 [ Electric Guitar Continues ] 705 00:44:39,140 --> 00:44:41,900 And he's so smart... 706 00:44:42,010 --> 00:44:47,210 he's gonna do it all in one week. [ Crowd Cheering ] 707 00:44:47,310 --> 00:44:50,870 [ Narrator] President Camacho stood before the world and promised everyone... 708 00:44:50,980 --> 00:44:54,580 that joe would solve all their problems. 709 00:44:54,690 --> 00:44:58,850 He would not only end the dust bowl and heal the economy... 710 00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:01,590 but he would cure acne and car sickness as well. 711 00:45:01,700 --> 00:45:03,960 And if he didn't... 712 00:45:04,060 --> 00:45:06,560 President Camacho made another promise. 713 00:45:06,670 --> 00:45:10,300 He would kick joe's smart balls all the way up to the roof of his smart mouth. 714 00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:14,570 And then, he would throw his brainy ass back in jail. [ Shouti ng ] 715 00:45:18,980 --> 00:45:21,170 I should, uh, be honest with you, Mr. President. 716 00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:23,410 I don't know how to be secretary of anything. 717 00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:24,980 I mean, I've never even voted, actually. 718 00:45:25,090 --> 00:45:27,880 I don't know what the secretary of the interior even is. 719 00:45:27,990 --> 00:45:32,650 Come on, scrot. Don't be a pussy. It beats jail, don't it?. 720 00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:37,090 Besides, you do a kick-ass job... 721 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:39,430 you get a full presidential pardon. 722 00:45:39,530 --> 00:45:41,430 No jail time. [ Laughing ] Yeah?. 723 00:45:41,530 --> 00:45:45,160 Fuck, yeah! Now gimme a beer. 724 00:45:45,270 --> 00:45:47,330 And get you one too. 725 00:45:49,240 --> 00:45:51,570 [ Laughing ] 726 00:45:53,210 --> 00:45:55,240 Shit! [ Laughing ] 727 00:45:55,350 --> 00:45:57,820 Hold on, vato! 728 00:45:57,920 --> 00:45:59,650 Whoo! [Engine Revving] 729 00:45:59,750 --> 00:46:02,850 [ Laughing ] 730 00:46:20,240 --> 00:46:22,370 Do somethin' smart. Yeah. 731 00:46:23,740 --> 00:46:27,370 Uh, okay. Uh- 732 00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:30,540 I'll, uh- [ Door Opens ] 733 00:46:30,650 --> 00:46:34,210 Hey, we found that lawyer you wanted. Oh, okay. Great, thanks. 734 00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:39,310 Uh, right now, I'm going to, uh,you know, confer with my counsel. 735 00:46:39,430 --> 00:46:41,290 You understand? So I'll be right back. 736 00:46:41,390 --> 00:46:44,760 Gotta go, uh, work on some crop stuff, get that taken care of. 737 00:46:44,860 --> 00:46:49,530 Hopefully get it worked out by the time we get back here. Sounds pretty smart. 738 00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:51,600 Wait here, okay?. Wait there. 739 00:46:51,700 --> 00:46:54,540 Dude, this is trepidatious. You got me a room at the White House. 740 00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:56,610 Everyone gets laid at the White House. Everyone. 741 00:46:56,710 --> 00:46:58,340 Yeah?. Yeah. 742 00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:01,880 I'm real glad you're happy to be here, Frito, but I brought you here to help me. 743 00:47:01,980 --> 00:47:04,640 I don't know the first thing about growin' crops... 744 00:47:04,750 --> 00:47:06,980 much less the Goddamn "ecomony." 745 00:47:07,090 --> 00:47:09,020 Econ-Economy. 746 00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:12,060 Let's see. Growin' crops 747 00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:15,820 No, I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine. 748 00:47:15,930 --> 00:47:20,090 Oh, that's easy. You go down by the museum and stuff. 749 00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,230 It's, like- It's, like, by the museum... 750 00:47:22,340 --> 00:47:24,930 sort of, but, well, actually, not really. 751 00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:29,570 More like But on the street. You go, um Wait. Let me start over. 752 00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:31,540 Okay, you know where the time machine is?. 753 00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:34,610 Hey. just draw me a map, okay?. 754 00:47:34,710 --> 00:47:37,340 You still want the money?. 755 00:47:37,450 --> 00:47:40,280 Oh. If I had some money and a room at the White House... 756 00:47:40,390 --> 00:47:45,290 I would be like, "It's mine, all night!" Listen. Cut it out! 757 00:47:45,390 --> 00:47:48,190 Listen, I told these people that you were smart, okay?. 758 00:47:48,290 --> 00:47:50,520 So act smart! Smart like you?. 759 00:47:50,630 --> 00:47:54,120 [ With Effeminate Voice ] "Oh, I gotta go to the time machine. I wanna go home. " 760 00:47:54,230 --> 00:47:57,030 I don't talk like that. "I don't talk like that." 761 00:47:57,140 --> 00:47:59,070 Shit, I thought there was two of you. 762 00:47:59,170 --> 00:48:00,970 [ Laughs ] See?. 763 00:48:01,070 --> 00:48:03,630 [ Secretary of Defense ] Doesn't look that big, is it? 764 00:48:03,740 --> 00:48:06,870 Okay. Let's go take a look at those crops. 765 00:48:06,980 --> 00:48:10,970 Especially the ones, uh, you know, out around the museum area. 766 00:48:12,590 --> 00:48:15,280 All right?. Hey, come on! 767 00:48:17,220 --> 00:48:21,790 Now, you either lead, follow, or get out of the way. All right?. 768 00:48:21,900 --> 00:48:25,230 Whoa. Did you just make that up?. 769 00:48:25,330 --> 00:48:28,270 Yes, I did. Now look... 770 00:48:28,370 --> 00:48:30,960 I also need help finding this girl named Rita, like, immediately... 771 00:48:31,070 --> 00:48:33,470 and Frito will give you a hand with it. Why?. 772 00:48:35,210 --> 00:48:40,340 Well, because, uh, you know, she'd be an essential... integral... asset... 773 00:48:40,450 --> 00:48:45,250 you know, for our team, for us to,you know, utilize. 774 00:48:46,890 --> 00:48:50,750 [ All Laughing ] 775 00:48:51,890 --> 00:48:54,790 Utilize her! Utilize her! 776 00:48:54,890 --> 00:48:56,990 [Secretary of State ] Utilize! 777 00:48:57,100 --> 00:49:00,160 [ Laughing ] Hey, uh, but you're gonna bring her here, right?. 778 00:49:00,270 --> 00:49:02,960 Oh, yeah. Butt first! 779 00:49:03,070 --> 00:49:05,000 [ All Laughing ] 780 00:49:05,100 --> 00:49:07,810 [Secretary of Defense ] Utilize her! Okay. 781 00:49:13,450 --> 00:49:16,810 Dang! May I approach your benches?. 782 00:49:22,420 --> 00:49:25,050 Uh, yeah. This sucks pretty bad. 783 00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:27,990 Frito, why don't you come over here and, uh, take a look at this? 784 00:49:28,090 --> 00:49:31,530 Come on. Hustle over here, buddy. I wanna figure this out. 785 00:49:31,630 --> 00:49:35,430 See, uh, just not a lot of moisture. Have you got the map?. 786 00:49:35,540 --> 00:49:37,500 Oh, yeah. Discreetly. 787 00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:44,610 It's right there. I see it. I see it. 788 00:49:44,710 --> 00:49:47,270 Stand up with me. 789 00:49:47,380 --> 00:49:51,250 Yo, Mr. Secretary Not Sure. They found that whore you wanted. 790 00:49:51,350 --> 00:49:54,340 Hey, that may be how you refer to women in the future, but come on. 791 00:49:54,450 --> 00:49:58,720 No, sir. Turns out she charged some guy a lotta money and didn't put out. 792 00:49:58,830 --> 00:50:00,820 Don't worry though. We'll get her out... 793 00:50:00,930 --> 00:50:04,230 on a work-release whorin' license as long as you're doin' her. 794 00:50:04,330 --> 00:50:07,530 Get your hands off me. What do you think I'm gonna do, run through the field?. 795 00:50:07,630 --> 00:50:09,970 What the fuck are you all starin' at?. 796 00:50:10,070 --> 00:50:12,090 -joe?. That's Not Sure, ma'am. 797 00:50:12,210 --> 00:50:16,110 Secretary Not Sure. Secretary?. Secretary of what?. 798 00:50:16,210 --> 00:50:20,810 Say, would you guys mind if we had a little moment together?. Alone?. 799 00:50:20,910 --> 00:50:25,320 You know, in the bushes? 800 00:50:27,050 --> 00:50:28,990 Oh, man. 801 00:50:30,020 --> 00:50:33,460 [ All Laughing ] 802 00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:41,120 Fuck her,joe! Hey, you want us to come along, make sure she puts out?. 803 00:50:41,230 --> 00:50:43,260 No, thanks. I can handle it. Yeah. 804 00:50:43,370 --> 00:50:46,600 I thought you was in jail. How'd you get to be the secretary of Interior?. 805 00:50:46,710 --> 00:50:49,000 Just keep walking. I'll explain everything. 806 00:50:57,780 --> 00:50:59,750 Okay. Get ready to run. 807 00:51:02,220 --> 00:51:04,850 What? Oh, Goddamn it. 808 00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:07,760 Way to go, Frito. You know what?. Just make a run for it anyways. 809 00:51:07,860 --> 00:51:09,790 We'll ask for directions on the way. 810 00:51:09,900 --> 00:51:13,060 No way. I spent the last two days looking for it. It ain't easy to find. 811 00:51:13,170 --> 00:51:16,140 Damn it. I can't go back to jail, and I sure can't solve these problems. 812 00:51:16,240 --> 00:51:19,360 All's I know is I better find Upgrayedd before he finds me. 813 00:51:19,470 --> 00:51:22,840 Listen to me. Upgrayedd cannot find you, okay?. It's impossible! 814 00:51:22,940 --> 00:51:25,670 Oh, yeah?. Yeah! And even if Upgrayedd... 815 00:51:25,780 --> 00:51:27,770 could somehow magically travel through time... 816 00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:31,320 we got secret service guys with huge guns protecting us, okay?. 817 00:51:31,420 --> 00:51:33,320 So don't worry. You're safe. 818 00:51:33,420 --> 00:51:36,580 And you know what?. It's none of my business, but when we get back... 819 00:51:36,690 --> 00:51:39,320 you and Upgrayedd should seriously think about couples counseling, okay?. 820 00:51:39,430 --> 00:51:43,860 And you should also think about maybe finding an art manager who's not also your boyfriend. 821 00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:48,060 Hey! She's not puttin'out? 822 00:51:48,170 --> 00:51:52,300 Uh, no, she is. We, uh We already did it. 823 00:51:52,410 --> 00:51:54,900 Yeah. He was great. 824 00:51:57,110 --> 00:52:00,770 Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys were wonderin', uh... 825 00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:02,850 if we'd go family-style on her. 826 00:52:05,380 --> 00:52:08,840 Uh, yeah, probably not right now. 827 00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:12,410 We should focus on the crops. So let's get back to work. Maybe later. 828 00:52:19,530 --> 00:52:21,230 What the hell is this?. 829 00:52:24,140 --> 00:52:28,010 Tastes like Gatorade. [ Rita ] Is that that Brawndo stuff? 830 00:52:28,110 --> 00:52:31,840 [joe ] They're watering crops with a sports drink? 831 00:52:33,510 --> 00:52:36,240 [ Narrator] Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator had come to replace water... 832 00:52:36,350 --> 00:52:38,510 virtually everywhere. 833 00:52:38,620 --> 00:52:40,810 Water, the basic component of all life... 834 00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:43,910 had been deemed a threat to Brawndo's profit margin. 835 00:52:44,020 --> 00:52:47,520 The solution came during the budget crisis of 2330... 836 00:52:47,630 --> 00:52:52,460 when the Brawndo Corporation simply bought the F.D.A.... 837 00:52:52,570 --> 00:52:54,030 and the F.C.C..... 838 00:52:54,130 --> 00:52:56,360 enabling them to say, do and sell... 839 00:52:56,470 --> 00:52:58,370 anything they wanted. 840 00:53:03,410 --> 00:53:06,040 Joe didn't know any of this... 841 00:53:06,150 --> 00:53:10,140 but he did see a problem that he might actually be able to solve. 842 00:53:10,250 --> 00:53:14,810 [ Indistinct ] With his options running out, Joe took a bold step. 843 00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:17,050 He would not get out of the way. 844 00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:20,020 This time, he would lead. 845 00:53:20,130 --> 00:53:22,150 For the last time, I'm pretty sure... 846 00:53:22,260 --> 00:53:25,230 what's killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff. 847 00:53:25,330 --> 00:53:28,100 But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. 848 00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:30,260 So wait a minute. What you're saying... 849 00:53:30,370 --> 00:53:34,170 is that you want us to put water on the crops. 850 00:53:34,270 --> 00:53:37,300 Yes. Water. Like out the toilet?. 851 00:53:37,410 --> 00:53:41,400 Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea. 852 00:53:41,510 --> 00:53:44,850 But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. 853 00:53:44,950 --> 00:53:46,920 Okay, look. 854 00:53:47,020 --> 00:53:50,510 The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure that the Brawndo's not working. 855 00:53:50,620 --> 00:53:55,290 Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow. 856 00:53:55,390 --> 00:53:59,090 Well, I've never seen no plants grow out of no toilet. 857 00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:02,460 Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world?. 858 00:54:02,570 --> 00:54:06,530 [ Chuckling ] You wanna solve this problem. I wanna get my pardon. 859 00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:10,600 So why don't we just try it, okay, and not worry about what plants crave?. 860 00:54:10,710 --> 00:54:13,180 Brawndo's got what plants crave. 861 00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:15,800 Goddamn it. Yeah, it's got electrolytes. 862 00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:18,350 What are electrolytes?. Do you even know?. 863 00:54:18,450 --> 00:54:21,220 It's what they use to make Brawndo. 864 00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:23,950 Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brawndo?. 865 00:54:24,060 --> 00:54:26,620 'Cause Brawndo's got electrolytes. 866 00:54:29,630 --> 00:54:34,070 [ Narrator] After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason... 867 00:54:34,170 --> 00:54:37,230 and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants... 868 00:54:37,340 --> 00:54:39,960 and that they wanted water. 869 00:54:41,070 --> 00:54:43,410 He made believers out of everyone. 870 00:54:43,510 --> 00:54:47,070 Joe didn't know it, but the beloved electrolytes... 871 00:54:47,180 --> 00:54:51,140 were salts that had been building up in the topsoil over the decades... 872 00:54:51,250 --> 00:54:53,980 killing plants and leading to the dust bowl. 873 00:54:54,090 --> 00:54:59,820 As secretary of the interior, Joe ordered all crops to be switched to water... 874 00:54:59,930 --> 00:55:05,060 promising that, over time, plants would grow and the dust bowl would end. 875 00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:09,190 He was on the fast track to a full presidential pardon. 876 00:55:09,300 --> 00:55:12,430 Or so it seemed. [ Al I Shouti ng ] 877 00:55:13,540 --> 00:55:17,440 Man, I hope somethin' grows fast. 878 00:55:17,540 --> 00:55:19,530 Yeah. So we can haul our ass back home. 879 00:55:19,650 --> 00:55:23,240 Man. You really think those people would have starved to death?. 880 00:55:24,780 --> 00:55:29,410 I don't know. I mean, how did the world ever get like this?. 881 00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:33,390 You know things are bad when they're comin' to me for answers. 882 00:55:33,490 --> 00:55:36,260 It's a weird feeling being smarter than everyone. Mm-hmm. 883 00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:38,590 I'm not used to it. Yeah. Me neither. 884 00:55:41,330 --> 00:55:45,070 You think Einstein walked around thinkin' everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?. 885 00:55:45,170 --> 00:55:47,730 Yeah. Hadn't thought of that. 886 00:55:47,840 --> 00:55:51,970 Now you know why he built that bomb. Yeah. 887 00:55:54,380 --> 00:55:56,580 Hey,joe, listen. Those cops 888 00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:58,950 Oh, hey. I'm sorry about that. No. No. 889 00:55:59,050 --> 00:56:02,080 They said that you got me a pardon. 890 00:56:02,190 --> 00:56:05,210 You know, if you hadn't done that, I'd still be in jail right now, so... 891 00:56:06,530 --> 00:56:09,150 I guess I owe you one. 892 00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:14,930 You know, you don't have to sleep on the floor if you don't want to. 893 00:56:16,340 --> 00:56:20,500 Oh. No. I'm- I'm all right. Yeah. 894 00:56:20,610 --> 00:56:24,670 Besides, you know, I don't think Upgrayedd would be too happy about that. 895 00:56:24,780 --> 00:56:26,440 You in bed with a stranger. 896 00:56:28,180 --> 00:56:30,440 [ Snickers ] Yeah. 897 00:56:30,550 --> 00:56:33,250 [ Laughing ] 898 00:56:33,350 --> 00:56:35,180 I know. I know. 899 00:56:35,290 --> 00:56:37,190 [Laughing Continues ] 900 00:56:37,290 --> 00:56:42,280 [joe ] Yeah. Oh, boy. 901 00:56:50,240 --> 00:56:52,800 Oh, shit. It's Upgrayedd. 902 00:56:52,910 --> 00:56:55,340 [joe ] Oh, shit. It's not Upgrayedd. 903 00:56:55,440 --> 00:56:57,740 [ Narrator] Given enough time, Joe's plan might have worked. 904 00:56:57,840 --> 00:57:00,180 But when the Brawndo stock suddenly dropped to zero... 905 00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:02,710 Leaving half the population unemployed... 906 00:57:02,820 --> 00:57:06,510 dumb, angry mobs took to the streets, rioting and looting... 907 00:57:06,620 --> 00:57:08,550 and screaming for joe's head. 908 00:57:08,650 --> 00:57:11,350 An emergency cabinet meeting was called... 909 00:57:11,460 --> 00:57:13,790 with the C.E.O. of the Brawndo Corporation. 910 00:57:13,890 --> 00:57:16,360 How come nobody's buying Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator?. 911 00:57:16,460 --> 00:57:18,830 Aw, shit. Half the country works for Brawndo. 912 00:57:18,930 --> 00:57:21,700 Not anymore! The stock has dropped to zero... 913 00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:23,960 and the computer did that auto-layoff thing to everybody. 914 00:57:24,070 --> 00:57:26,630 We're all unemployed! You think that makes the "ecomony" suck?. 915 00:57:26,740 --> 00:57:30,800 Why is this happening?. I think it's because we switched to water, but- 916 00:57:30,910 --> 00:57:33,400 You mean this is all your fault?. What?. 917 00:57:33,510 --> 00:57:37,350 Yeah, this is your fault. This shit started happening when we switched to water! 918 00:57:37,450 --> 00:57:41,350 Brought to you by Carl's jr. Brought to you by Carl's jr. Brought to you by Carl's jr. 919 00:57:44,090 --> 00:57:45,890 [Announcer] Fox News. 920 00:57:49,130 --> 00:57:52,190 He tried taking water from toilets... 921 00:57:52,300 --> 00:57:56,230 but it's Secretary Not Sure who finds himself in the toilet now. 922 00:57:56,340 --> 00:57:58,240 And as history pulls down its pants... 923 00:57:58,340 --> 00:58:01,600 and prepares to lower its ass on Not Sure's head... 924 00:58:01,710 --> 00:58:05,700 it will be Daddy justice who will be crapping on him this time. 925 00:58:05,810 --> 00:58:10,010 We now go live to Violence Channel correspondent Formica Davis... 926 00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:13,980 at the Extreme Court with highlights on today's trial. 927 00:58:16,490 --> 00:58:20,690 Thank you, Velveeta. Well, it started off boring and slow... 928 00:58:20,790 --> 00:58:24,350 with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk. 929 00:58:24,460 --> 00:58:28,560 [ With Effeminate Voice ] Blah, blah, blah. You gotta believe me! 930 00:58:28,670 --> 00:58:30,660 [ Normal Voice ] That part of the trial sucked. 931 00:58:30,770 --> 00:58:33,430 But then, the chief "j" just went off. 932 00:58:33,540 --> 00:58:35,560 He said, ""Man, whatever. 933 00:58:35,670 --> 00:58:38,270 The guy's guilty as shit. We all know that. " 934 00:58:38,380 --> 00:58:42,140 And he sentenced his ass to one night of Rehabilitation. 935 00:58:42,250 --> 00:58:44,810 Hey, rehabilitation?. One night?. 936 00:58:44,920 --> 00:58:46,820 Doesn't sound so bad. 937 00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:48,780 Not so bad, huh?. 938 00:58:48,890 --> 00:58:52,150 Here's some highlights from last week's Rehabilitation. 939 00:58:52,260 --> 00:58:54,560 [ Crowd Cheering] 940 00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:57,960 [ Engine Revving] 941 00:59:03,140 --> 00:59:06,230 [ Formica ] And who could forget that wonderful finish... 942 00:59:06,340 --> 00:59:08,830 by Rehab Officer Tylenol jones? 943 00:59:08,940 --> 00:59:12,640 [ Chuckl i ng ] And tomorrow night looks even more better. 944 00:59:12,750 --> 00:59:17,150 Word is that Beef Supreme himself might come out of retirement. 945 00:59:17,250 --> 00:59:19,950 Wow. Thank you, Formica. 946 00:59:21,420 --> 00:59:24,410 So you think you can escape again like you did last time?. 947 00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:27,320 No. They pretty much fixed that. How?. 948 00:59:27,430 --> 00:59:29,690 They chained me to a big rock. 949 00:59:31,100 --> 00:59:33,000 [Rita ] Oh. Yeah. 950 00:59:33,100 --> 00:59:35,290 Look, Rita, get Frito. 951 00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:38,530 Get him to take you back to the time machine without me. Don't wait. 952 00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:42,660 No. You could have split on me before, but you didn't. 953 00:59:42,780 --> 00:59:46,180 Look, you wanna pay me back?. Just go back, okay?. 954 00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:48,840 Tell people to read books. 955 00:59:48,950 --> 00:59:51,040 Tell people to stay in school, you know. 956 00:59:51,150 --> 00:59:54,680 Tell people to just use their brains or something. 957 00:59:54,790 --> 00:59:57,980 I think maybe the world got like this because of people like me. 958 00:59:58,090 --> 01:00:02,690 I never did anything with my life. At least you were an artist, you know?. 959 01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:05,360 So just go back and- [ Guard] Visit's over! 960 01:00:08,330 --> 01:00:11,790 And Rita, whatever you do, keep painting, okay?. 961 01:00:13,340 --> 01:00:15,310 Good luck,joe. 962 01:00:20,680 --> 01:00:22,340 [ Groans ] 963 01:00:22,510 --> 01:00:25,380 [Announcer] Okay, that's five down and one more to go. 964 01:00:25,480 --> 01:00:29,180 Are you ready for a monster-truck duel to the death? 965 01:00:29,290 --> 01:00:32,820 Yeah! Let's give it up for the Guitar Army. 966 01:00:32,930 --> 01:00:34,830 [ Rock ] 967 01:00:34,930 --> 01:00:36,900 [Announcer] Okay, we're gonna do this shit. 968 01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:40,160 But first, to lead us in our Natural Anthem... 969 01:00:40,270 --> 01:00:45,030 the star of Ow! My Balls! Hormel Chavez! 970 01:00:45,140 --> 01:00:48,070 Thank you. Thank you. 971 01:00:48,170 --> 01:00:53,170 [ Man ] Hey! Come here! [ Singing Patriotic Song ] 972 01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:56,840 Come here! [ Continues ] 973 01:00:56,950 --> 01:00:58,850 [ Groans ] [Announcer] Right in the balls! 974 01:00:58,950 --> 01:01:03,750 [ All Laughing ] That's just how that shit went on TV! 975 01:01:03,860 --> 01:01:08,090 [ Announcer] This execution is brought to you by Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator. 976 01:01:08,190 --> 01:01:10,090 After you've killed someone... [ Knocking] 977 01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:12,130 your body needs electrolytes. Yeah. 978 01:01:12,230 --> 01:01:15,530 So, my car's out front... 979 01:01:15,630 --> 01:01:17,900 whenever you want me to take you... 980 01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:20,230 to the time machine. 981 01:01:20,340 --> 01:01:22,270 Thanks, Frito. 982 01:01:22,370 --> 01:01:24,470 Yeah. [Announcer] I can't hear you! 983 01:01:24,580 --> 01:01:27,770 That's a real bummer about joe, huh?. 984 01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:30,470 [Announcer] I can't hear you! Yeah. 985 01:01:30,580 --> 01:01:36,040 Oh! Can you turn this up? I love Rehabilitation. 986 01:01:47,570 --> 01:01:52,030 [Announcer] Okay. Let's meet our rehabilitation officers for tonight. 987 01:01:52,140 --> 01:01:55,440 With a combined record of 6.2 kills... 988 01:01:55,540 --> 01:02:00,380 please welcome Vinny Mawumba in the Dildozer! 989 01:02:06,190 --> 01:02:11,950 And his brother Bobby Mawumba in the Ass Blaster! 990 01:02:12,060 --> 01:02:14,030 I get a truck too, right?. 991 01:02:14,130 --> 01:02:16,860 Yeah. Here it comes. 992 01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:19,490 [ Engine Sputtering ] 993 01:02:21,800 --> 01:02:24,770 [ Guards Chuckling ] 994 01:02:26,510 --> 01:02:28,470 Get in. 995 01:02:32,980 --> 01:02:35,340 You still got the chain attached. 996 01:02:37,550 --> 01:02:40,110 [ Guard] Door won't shut. What about the chain?. 997 01:02:40,220 --> 01:02:42,190 We could break it. No. He could escape. 998 01:02:42,290 --> 01:02:45,850 I got an idea. Let's put it in the trunk. Yeah. That'll work. 999 01:02:49,430 --> 01:02:52,990 [ Guard] Who's smart now? [Announcer] Let's bring out our criminal. 1000 01:02:53,100 --> 01:02:56,230 He tried to ruin the country by pouring toilet water on crops. 1001 01:02:56,340 --> 01:02:58,740 He cost millions ofpeople their jobs. 1002 01:02:58,840 --> 01:03:02,170 Let's get ready to rehabilitate Not Sure! 1003 01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:07,570 [ All Laughing ] 1004 01:03:14,190 --> 01:03:16,550 Never would have guessed this is how I was gonna die. 1005 01:03:16,660 --> 01:03:19,560 [Announcer] Are you ready for some car-on-car action? 1006 01:03:19,660 --> 01:03:21,630 Yes. 1007 01:03:22,730 --> 01:03:25,560 I can't watch this. This is- 1008 01:03:25,660 --> 01:03:30,160 This is gonna be so sad. I hope I don't cry. 1009 01:03:31,970 --> 01:03:35,870 Holy shit! Frito, come here! Look! 1010 01:03:35,970 --> 01:03:38,440 He was right. The water it worked. 1011 01:03:38,540 --> 01:03:41,170 Frito, can you get me over there?. 1012 01:03:42,150 --> 01:03:44,050 Yes. 1013 01:03:44,150 --> 01:03:47,140 No, you fuckin' moron. To the Rehabilitation place. 1014 01:03:47,250 --> 01:03:49,280 Uh, this way. Yeah! 1015 01:03:53,860 --> 01:03:55,760 Come on, Frito. Hurry! 1016 01:03:55,860 --> 01:03:58,890 [Announcer]And now the dude that everybody came here to see... 1017 01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:02,590 Yeah! the only undefeated officer ever in history... 1018 01:04:02,700 --> 01:04:06,230 coming out of retirement just to pound Not Sure's ass... 1019 01:04:06,340 --> 01:04:11,300 driving the biggest, hugest correctional vehicle ever built in history- 1020 01:04:11,410 --> 01:04:15,280 bigger than the Dildozer, bigger than the Ass Blaster... 1021 01:04:15,380 --> 01:04:19,410 bigger and huger than everything ever before in history- 1022 01:04:19,520 --> 01:04:22,450 the brand-new Assdozer! 1023 01:04:22,550 --> 01:04:25,250 Give it up for Beef Supreme! [ Rock ] 1024 01:04:28,830 --> 01:04:30,730 Oh! 1025 01:04:36,740 --> 01:04:38,670 Oh! 1026 01:04:53,050 --> 01:04:56,320 [Announcer] Oh, shit. I think it was too big, huh? 1027 01:04:56,420 --> 01:04:58,910 We seem to be "experimenting"... 1028 01:04:59,020 --> 01:05:02,320 some "techmological" differences... 1029 01:05:02,430 --> 01:05:04,330 so, uh, shit. 1030 01:05:04,430 --> 01:05:07,800 Frito, look! 1031 01:05:07,900 --> 01:05:10,100 I t's working everywhere! Huh. 1032 01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:14,260 [Announcer] Well, shit. That's a big pile of rocks. 1033 01:05:14,370 --> 01:05:17,500 Kinda reminds me of this one time that I was- Man. 1034 01:05:17,610 --> 01:05:19,630 Hey! Oh, oh, okay. 1035 01:05:19,750 --> 01:05:21,940 Get this shit started! We're gonna start without Beef Supreme. 1036 01:05:22,050 --> 01:05:25,780 Let the rehabilitation begin! 1037 01:05:35,330 --> 01:05:37,890 [ Engine Stalls ] Oh, shit. 1038 01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:40,900 Come on. Come on. [ Engine Cranking ] 1039 01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:43,470 [ Rita ] Come on, Frito. Hurry! 1040 01:05:46,100 --> 01:05:48,800 Oh! [ Engine Starts ] 1041 01:05:53,510 --> 01:05:55,040 Goddamn it. 1042 01:05:57,450 --> 01:06:01,320 Yeah! -jesus, that was close. 1043 01:06:03,820 --> 01:06:06,720 Mr. President! Mr. President, I need to talk to you. 1044 01:06:06,830 --> 01:06:09,020 You gotta stop this thing. He was right about the water. 1045 01:06:09,130 --> 01:06:12,030 We passed some crops on the wayhere. They're growing. 1046 01:06:12,130 --> 01:06:14,030 I didn't see no crops. 1047 01:06:15,170 --> 01:06:16,860 [Announcer] They're circling around. 1048 01:06:16,970 --> 01:06:19,490 They're gonna do the Malachi Crunch on him! 1049 01:06:22,140 --> 01:06:25,540 This is an illegal move, okay? So don't tell nobody. Oh! 1050 01:06:46,370 --> 01:06:49,360 [Announcer] So, uh So the winner is, uh- 1051 01:06:51,170 --> 01:06:54,370 [Announcer] You gotta be shittin' me. Did he win?. 1052 01:06:57,240 --> 01:06:59,440 Uh-oh. Look. 1053 01:07:01,310 --> 01:07:05,040 [Announcer] Holy shit! It's Beef Supreme! 1054 01:07:05,150 --> 01:07:07,780 [ Rock ] 1055 01:07:12,390 --> 01:07:14,150 [Announcer] Beef Supreme! Yeah! Yeah! 1056 01:07:14,260 --> 01:07:18,530 Hey, Frito. Frito, you remember those crops we saw off the road... 1057 01:07:18,630 --> 01:07:21,260 right by the Star bucks?. Uh-huh. 1058 01:07:21,370 --> 01:07:25,460 Hey. Wanna make some money?. I like money. 1059 01:07:39,680 --> 01:07:43,980 Hey, um, the, uh the main screen is malfunctioning... 1060 01:07:44,090 --> 01:07:46,610 and they gonna need you outside immediately. 1061 01:07:49,830 --> 01:07:52,850 There's a bunch of whores in the hallway. 1062 01:07:56,030 --> 01:07:58,530 Come on, Frito. Hurry. 1063 01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:01,700 Can't believe you like money too. 1064 01:08:01,810 --> 01:08:04,300 We should hang out. Totally. 1065 01:08:29,630 --> 01:08:31,660 [Announcer] He's behind the truck! 1066 01:08:33,770 --> 01:08:36,540 Yes! Yes! [ Mouthing Words ] 1067 01:08:37,910 --> 01:08:39,970 He's behind the fucking truck! He's over there! 1068 01:08:40,080 --> 01:08:42,140 [Announcer] Behind the truck, stupid! 1069 01:08:52,460 --> 01:08:54,050 Look! 1070 01:08:56,260 --> 01:08:59,820 Shit. That's a good deal. 1071 01:08:59,930 --> 01:09:04,430 [ Frito ] Extra foam. I got a bunch of money too. 1072 01:09:04,540 --> 01:09:07,160 Forgot what it was for. Huh. 1073 01:09:08,440 --> 01:09:12,240 You think it was for lattes?. Yeah. Probably. 1074 01:09:12,340 --> 01:09:16,610 [ Frito ] You like moneyand sex? You're trippin'me out. What the fuck?. 1075 01:09:18,850 --> 01:09:21,080 Yeah! Yeah! 1076 01:09:30,730 --> 01:09:34,600 -just hold on, okay?. Everyone just take it easy, okay?. [ Crowd Booing ] 1077 01:09:34,700 --> 01:09:36,600 Can I just say something here?. 1078 01:09:39,000 --> 01:09:41,940 I don't even know what I'm guilty of here. 1079 01:09:42,040 --> 01:09:45,940 I never said that I was the smartest person on earth. You people did. 1080 01:09:46,040 --> 01:09:49,710 I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs and all your money... 1081 01:09:49,810 --> 01:09:51,940 and I'm very sorry that that happened. 1082 01:09:52,050 --> 01:09:54,080 But I'm tellin' you... 1083 01:09:54,190 --> 01:09:56,550 if you put water on the crops, it might actually 1084 01:09:56,660 --> 01:09:59,650 No, it will work. I promise you! 1085 01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:04,160 You just have to believe me. I just wanted to help you. That's all. 1086 01:10:04,260 --> 01:10:09,100 So you can try and shoot me. You can try and run me over, whatever. 1087 01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:12,660 But I just want you to ask yourselves one question first. 1088 01:10:13,870 --> 01:10:16,400 Do you really want to live in a world... 1089 01:10:16,510 --> 01:10:20,000 where you try to blow up the one person that's tryin' to help you?. 1090 01:10:26,550 --> 01:10:30,750 [ All Laughing ] 1091 01:10:30,860 --> 01:10:33,090 Hold on.just hold on. 1092 01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:48,160 [ Indistinct ] 1093 01:10:54,480 --> 01:10:56,670 Oh, man. That was great. 1094 01:10:56,780 --> 01:11:00,440 Hey, was I wearing pants when we went in there?. 1095 01:11:00,550 --> 01:11:03,950 Shit. What do I look like, a pants goblin?. 1096 01:11:04,060 --> 01:11:07,390 Wait. This reminds me of something. 1097 01:11:07,490 --> 01:11:10,360 Uh, ""Rehabil-Rehabilate- 1098 01:11:10,460 --> 01:11:13,660 Rehabilation." Why do you keep trying to read that word?. 1099 01:11:13,770 --> 01:11:17,290 You a fag?. I'll fag your face! 1100 01:11:25,940 --> 01:11:28,970 Come on, Frito. Yeah. I don't think so. 1101 01:11:30,350 --> 01:11:32,820 Oh, yeah. 1102 01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:18,790 This guy just got his ass a pardon! 1103 01:12:18,900 --> 01:12:22,460 [ All Cheering ] 1104 01:12:26,810 --> 01:12:28,570 [ Laughing ] Yeah! 1105 01:12:28,740 --> 01:12:31,640 [Rock] 1106 01:12:42,850 --> 01:12:46,290 Man, Rita. I mean, I don't know what to say. 1107 01:12:46,390 --> 01:12:49,660 You saved my life. No one's ever done anything like that for me. 1108 01:12:49,760 --> 01:12:51,660 Yeah, well... 1109 01:12:51,760 --> 01:12:54,790 you were looking out for the whole world so, you know... 1110 01:12:54,900 --> 01:12:58,600 I thought someone should look out for you too. Thanks. 1111 01:13:00,210 --> 01:13:02,570 I can't believe I'm even saying this, but... 1112 01:13:02,670 --> 01:13:04,670 even though these people tried to kill me... 1113 01:13:04,780 --> 01:13:08,230 you know, I think I'm actually gonna kinda miss'em. Yeah. 1114 01:13:08,350 --> 01:13:11,180 Frito he's gonna give us a ride back to the time machine. 1115 01:13:11,280 --> 01:13:14,510 I just, uh I hope he's okay to drive. 1116 01:13:15,950 --> 01:13:19,080 It's you. Oh, man, I really love your show. 1117 01:13:19,190 --> 01:13:21,490 Thank you so much. 1118 01:13:21,590 --> 01:13:26,760 Uh,joe, I'm not going. What?. 1119 01:13:28,570 --> 01:13:32,430 I had some pretty bad habits back there that I don't want to fall into again. 1120 01:13:32,540 --> 01:13:34,510 Maybe it's time I got a new start. 1121 01:13:34,610 --> 01:13:38,740 Besides, they offered me a pretty good job at Star bucks here. 1122 01:13:38,840 --> 01:13:41,510 I'm gonna be a C.E.O. At Star bucks?. 1123 01:13:41,610 --> 01:13:44,450 Yeah. Yeah?. You're still gonna paint though, right?. 1124 01:13:46,120 --> 01:13:49,520 Yeah. Sure. 1125 01:13:49,620 --> 01:13:51,450 I guess this is good-bye then. 1126 01:13:53,320 --> 01:13:55,550 [ Camacho ] Hey, hey, hey, hey! 1127 01:13:55,660 --> 01:13:58,130 I got a couple presidential decrees to make! 1128 01:13:58,130 --> 01:13:59,820 I got a couple presidential decrees to make! 1129 01:13:59,930 --> 01:14:04,160 Not Sure, get your ass up here, wherever you is. 1130 01:14:04,270 --> 01:14:06,670 [ Crowd Cheering ] 1131 01:14:06,770 --> 01:14:09,000 Let me get that little peanut head up here. 1132 01:14:09,110 --> 01:14:11,870 Yo. Yo. [ Laughs ] 1133 01:14:11,980 --> 01:14:13,910 I have decided... 1134 01:14:14,010 --> 01:14:16,540 to make this man- 1135 01:14:16,650 --> 01:14:19,580 the man who solved all our problems 1136 01:14:20,920 --> 01:14:23,580 I have decided to make him... 1137 01:14:23,690 --> 01:14:25,990 my new vice president. 1138 01:14:26,090 --> 01:14:28,420 [ All Cheering ] 1139 01:14:28,530 --> 01:14:31,760 Mr. President, thanks. That's real cool of you, sir... 1140 01:14:31,860 --> 01:14:35,730 but I can't accept it, sir. What?. Why?. 1141 01:14:35,830 --> 01:14:40,570 You know, I gotta get home. But we still got all these problems. 1142 01:14:40,670 --> 01:14:43,660 Look, you know, you're just gonna have to solve 'em yourselves. 1143 01:14:43,780 --> 01:14:46,240 How?. Think about it, you know?. 1144 01:14:46,340 --> 01:14:49,400 You're just gonna have to figure it out like we did with the crops. 1145 01:14:49,510 --> 01:14:54,040 But how are we gonna figure out about the garbage "ambulanches"and the "comony"? 1146 01:14:54,150 --> 01:14:59,990 And what about the nuc- "nucular" reactor in Florida? 1147 01:15:00,090 --> 01:15:02,560 I t's broke and leaky and something's happening. 1148 01:15:02,660 --> 01:15:08,030 I thought it was in Georgia. Georgia's in Florida, dumb ass. 1149 01:15:08,130 --> 01:15:11,190 Hey. Hey, I know. Let's put toilet water on it. Huh?. 1150 01:15:11,300 --> 01:15:14,360 Yeah! Good, good. That's a good idea. 1151 01:15:14,470 --> 01:15:17,170 [Minister of Defense ] Like we did on the crops. Come on, vato. 1152 01:15:17,280 --> 01:15:19,570 Hey, you can't leave. 1153 01:15:19,680 --> 01:15:25,620 Whatever happened to all that "lead, follow, or get outta the way" shit, huh?. 1154 01:15:36,390 --> 01:15:40,800 I guess I just can't get outta the way anymore, can I?. You know what?. 1155 01:15:40,900 --> 01:15:43,800 Forget about the time machine. Yeah! 1156 01:15:43,900 --> 01:15:46,460 [ All Cheering ] 1157 01:15:47,840 --> 01:15:51,240 That ride sucks anyways. 1158 01:15:51,340 --> 01:15:53,470 Ride?. 1159 01:15:56,950 --> 01:15:59,420 [Male Voice ] Welcome to the Time Masheen. 1160 01:15:59,520 --> 01:16:04,010 We are going to take you back, first to the year 1939... 1161 01:16:04,120 --> 01:16:06,610 when Charlie Chaplin and his evil Nazi regime... 1162 01:16:06,720 --> 01:16:09,780 enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world. 1163 01:16:09,890 --> 01:16:12,490 So you knew this thing was just a ride the whole time? 1164 01:16:12,600 --> 01:16:16,090 Yeah. You thought you could really travel through time, huh?. 1165 01:16:16,200 --> 01:16:18,570 Yeah, I guess I did. Yeah. 1166 01:16:18,670 --> 01:16:21,610 For the smartest guy in the world, you're pretty dumb sometimes. 1167 01:16:21,710 --> 01:16:26,610 So why didn't you tell us?. 'Cause I like money. I'm sorry. 1168 01:16:26,710 --> 01:16:30,510 But if it's not a real time machine, there wouldn't have been any money. 1169 01:16:30,620 --> 01:16:34,110 You know, 'cause I can't go back in time and open a savings account. 1170 01:16:34,220 --> 01:16:37,150 Uh, uh, uh- 1171 01:16:37,260 --> 01:16:40,020 Yeah. Don't worry about it. It's okay. 1172 01:16:41,560 --> 01:16:43,490 Well, I guess we're stuck here. 1173 01:16:43,600 --> 01:16:48,690 [Male Voice ] But then an even greater force emerged the "UN. " 1174 01:16:48,800 --> 01:16:52,840 And the "UN" un-nazied the world forever. 1175 01:16:52,840 --> 01:16:53,100 And the "UN" un-nazied the world forever. 1176 01:16:53,270 --> 01:16:56,760 [ Narrator] And so, after serving a short term as vice president... 1177 01:16:56,870 --> 01:17:00,170 Joe was elected the president of America. 1178 01:17:00,280 --> 01:17:02,440 Frito became vice president... 1179 01:17:02,550 --> 01:17:05,710 and Rita, the former prostitute, became first lady. 1180 01:17:05,820 --> 01:17:09,310 Today I step into the shoes of a great man... 1181 01:17:09,420 --> 01:17:13,550 a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo... 1182 01:17:13,660 --> 01:17:17,650 Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. 1183 01:17:17,760 --> 01:17:21,890 [ Narrator] Under President Not Sure's leadership, a new era dawned. 1184 01:17:22,000 --> 01:17:25,830 You know, there was a time in this country... 1185 01:17:25,940 --> 01:17:30,200 when smart people were considered cool. 1186 01:17:30,310 --> 01:17:33,240 Well, maybe not cool, but smart people did things... 1187 01:17:33,340 --> 01:17:37,410 Iike build ships and pyramids, and they even went to the moon. 1188 01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:39,040 [ Man ] Yeah! 1189 01:17:41,190 --> 01:17:45,380 And there was a time in this country, a long time ago... 1190 01:17:45,490 --> 01:17:47,890 when reading wasn't just for fags... 1191 01:17:47,990 --> 01:17:50,260 and neither was writing. 1192 01:17:50,360 --> 01:17:54,460 People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories... 1193 01:17:54,570 --> 01:17:58,870 so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting. 1194 01:17:58,970 --> 01:18:02,430 And I believe that time can come again! 1195 01:18:02,540 --> 01:18:04,470 [ All Cheering ] 1196 01:18:14,350 --> 01:18:17,950 [ All Chanting ] Not Sure, Not Sure, Not Sure! 1197 01:18:21,790 --> 01:18:23,760 [Narrator] Joe and Rita had three children... 1198 01:18:23,860 --> 01:18:26,660 the three smartest kids in the world. 1199 01:18:27,800 --> 01:18:30,290 Vice President Frito took eight wives... 1200 01:18:30,400 --> 01:18:32,840 and had a total of 32 kids- 1201 01:18:32,940 --> 01:18:36,170 thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the earth. 1202 01:18:41,410 --> 01:18:44,580 Okay, so maybe joe didn't save mankind... 1203 01:18:44,680 --> 01:18:47,120 but he got the ball rolling... 1204 01:18:47,220 --> 01:18:51,020 and that's pretty good for an average guy. 971 01:19:01,883 --> 01:19:05,055 [ © anoXmous @ http://thepiratebay.sx/user/Zen_Bud/ 1205 01:23:50,920 --> 01:23:53,620 I'm gonna go find this ho.