1 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,091 RlCCO: Colonel Sandurz? 2 00:03:38,091 --> 00:03:40,302 What is it, Sergeant Ricco? 3 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:46,183 You told me to let you know the moment Planet Druidia was in sight, sir. 4 00:03:46,183 --> 00:03:47,309 So? 5 00:03:47,309 --> 00:03:49,561 Planet Druidia is in sight, sir. 6 00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:51,647 You're really a Spaceball. 7 00:03:51,647 --> 00:03:53,106 You know that, don't you? 8 00:03:53,106 --> 00:03:54,399 Thanks, sir. 9 00:03:54,399 --> 00:03:55,901 Have you notified Lord Helmet? 10 00:03:55,901 --> 00:03:58,237 Yes, sir. l took the liberty. He's on his way. 11 00:03:58,237 --> 00:04:00,489 CORPORAL: Make way for Dark Helmet! 12 00:04:00,489 --> 00:04:03,450 All rise in the presence of Dark Helmet. 13 00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:16,505 (BREATHlNG HEAVlLY) 14 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:44,783 (CHOKlNG) 15 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,584 l can't breathe in this thing. 16 00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,671 We're approaching Planet Druidia, sir. 17 00:04:57,671 --> 00:04:58,922 Good. 18 00:04:58,922 --> 00:05:02,009 l'll call Spaceball City and notify President Skroob immediately. 19 00:05:02,009 --> 00:05:04,845 l already called him, sir. He knows everything. 20 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:10,434 What? You went over my helmet? 21 00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:14,146 Well, not exactly over, sir. More to the side. 22 00:05:14,146 --> 00:05:17,774 l'll always call you first. lt'll never happen again. Never ever! 23 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,486 Oh, shit! 24 00:05:21,486 --> 00:05:24,448 No! Please! 25 00:05:24,448 --> 00:05:26,783 Please, no, not that! 26 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,412 Yes, that. 27 00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,665 (GROANlNG) 28 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,757 (SOBBlNG) 29 00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,141 Sandurz! Sir. 30 00:05:51,141 --> 00:05:53,101 l don't see Planet Druidia. Where is it? 31 00:05:53,101 --> 00:05:56,438 We don't have visual contact yet, but we have it on the radar screen. 32 00:05:56,438 --> 00:05:57,814 Shall l punch it up for you? 33 00:05:57,814 --> 00:05:59,316 Never mind. l'll do it myself. 34 00:05:59,316 --> 00:06:00,692 Very good, sir. 35 00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:06,490 What's the matter? What's that churning and bubbling? 36 00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:08,116 You call that a radar screen? 37 00:06:08,116 --> 00:06:10,827 No, sir, we call it Mr. Coffee. 38 00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:12,746 (MACHlNE BEEPS) Care for some? 39 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:17,542 Yes. l always have coffee when l watch radar. You know that. 40 00:06:17,542 --> 00:06:19,419 Of course l do. Everybody knows that! 41 00:06:19,419 --> 00:06:21,296 Of course we do, sir. 42 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:26,134 Now that l have my coffee, l'm ready to watch radar. 43 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,095 Where is it? 44 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:29,930 Right here, sir. 45 00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:31,515 Switch to teleview. 46 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,684 There it is. Planet Druidia. 47 00:06:34,684 --> 00:06:38,188 And underneath the air shield, 1 0,000 years of fresh air. 48 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:39,981 We must get through that air shield. 49 00:06:39,981 --> 00:06:41,108 We will, sir. 50 00:06:41,108 --> 00:06:44,569 Once we kidnap the Princess, we can force her father, King Roland, 51 00:06:44,569 --> 00:06:46,738 to give us the combination to the air shield, 52 00:06:46,738 --> 00:06:50,659 thereby destroying Planet Druidia and saving Planet Spaceball. 53 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,953 Everybody got that? 54 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,747 Good. When will the Princess be married? 55 00:06:55,747 --> 00:06:57,332 Within the hour, sir. 56 00:06:57,332 --> 00:06:59,709 Well, l hope it's a long ceremony, 57 00:06:59,709 --> 00:07:02,003 'cause it's gonna be a short honeymoon. 58 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:06,925 (GROANlNG) 59 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,055 Hot! Too hot. 60 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:32,409 lf only your mother were alive to see this day. 61 00:07:32,409 --> 00:07:34,411 ls everyone ready? Yes, Your Majesty. 62 00:07:34,411 --> 00:07:36,246 No! Where's my droid of honor? 63 00:07:36,246 --> 00:07:39,374 Oh, dear, yes. Where's Dot? Dot? 64 00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:41,668 Dot Matrix! 65 00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:43,837 Oh, thank God, dear! 66 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,131 Where've you been? 67 00:07:46,131 --> 00:07:49,050 Here l am. l'm sorry. l had to make a pit stop. 68 00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:51,845 l'm so excited, l couldn't hold my oil. 69 00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:54,806 All right, people. lt's magic time! 70 00:07:54,806 --> 00:07:57,559 All right, everyone, starting on the left foot. 71 00:07:57,559 --> 00:07:59,144 Daddy, that's the right foot. 72 00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:00,896 lt's too late. Keep going. 73 00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,068 (WEDDlNG MARCH PLAYlNG) 74 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:15,660 Daddy. 75 00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,370 (STOPS PLAYlNG ORGAN) 76 00:08:17,370 --> 00:08:18,872 Must l go through with this? 77 00:08:18,872 --> 00:08:21,333 l'm sorry, my dear. You have to. 78 00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,753 (ORGAN RESUMES PLAYlNG) 79 00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:32,427 But, Daddy, 80 00:08:32,427 --> 00:08:33,512 (GROANlNG) 81 00:08:33,512 --> 00:08:34,596 (STOPS PLAYlNG) 82 00:08:34,596 --> 00:08:36,014 l don't love him. 83 00:08:36,014 --> 00:08:39,601 l'm sorry, Vespa. He's the last prince left in the galaxy. 84 00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:44,356 (SCATTERED MURMURlNG) 85 00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:46,316 (ORGAN RESUMES PLAYlNG) 86 00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:55,325 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here on this most joyous occasion 87 00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:59,204 to witness Princess Vespa, daughter of King Roland, 88 00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:02,791 going right past the altar, heading down the ramp 89 00:09:02,791 --> 00:09:04,668 and out the door! 90 00:09:04,668 --> 00:09:07,379 Stop her! Someone stop her! Stop her! 91 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,799 Hey, wait! You forgot to get married ! 92 00:09:10,799 --> 00:09:12,467 Will you stop? 93 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,594 What are you doing? 94 00:09:14,594 --> 00:09:16,763 No questions, Dot. Get in. 95 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,307 (ENGlNE STARTlNG) 96 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,985 What is she doing? Where is she going? 97 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:37,117 Come back! 98 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,620 (RAlSE YOUR HANDS PLAYlNG ON STEREO) 99 00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,181 MAN: (SlNGlNG) Ooh, yeah 100 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:06,772 You 101 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:11,276 You got a nasty reputation 102 00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:14,946 We're in a sticky situation 103 00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:18,199 lt's down to me and you 104 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,369 So tell me, is it true? 105 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,248 They say there ain't nobody better 106 00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:28,001 Well, now that we're together 107 00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:29,628 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 108 00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:32,047 Show me what you can do 109 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,259 Barf. 110 00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:38,887 (RlNGlNG CONTlNUES) 111 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:40,889 Barf. 112 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,849 (MUSlC BLARlNG) 113 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,184 Barf. 114 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,144 And playin' to win 115 00:10:46,144 --> 00:10:47,520 Huh? 116 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,522 Raise your hands... 117 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,149 (REDUCES VOLUME) 118 00:10:51,149 --> 00:10:52,317 LONE STARR: Barf? 119 00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:54,569 Always when l'm eating. 120 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:00,909 Barf! 121 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,911 (RlNGlNG CONTlNUES) 122 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:04,663 What can l do you for, boss? 123 00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:05,789 Where you been? 124 00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:06,873 Grabbing myself a snack. 125 00:11:06,873 --> 00:11:08,083 You want some? No! 126 00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:09,417 A little hair of the dog? 127 00:11:09,417 --> 00:11:11,628 No! Listen, answer that thing for me. 128 00:11:11,628 --> 00:11:12,671 Will you watch that? 129 00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:13,755 Sorry. 130 00:11:13,755 --> 00:11:16,883 l'll just throw on our audio here. That way they won't see you. 131 00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,260 Yello! 132 00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:21,596 Hello, Lone Starr. 133 00:11:21,596 --> 00:11:23,223 Sorry, wrong switch. 134 00:11:23,223 --> 00:11:25,642 Hello, Vinnie. What do you want? 135 00:11:25,642 --> 00:11:28,937 No, it's not what l want. 136 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,940 lt's what he wants. 137 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,442 (LAUGHlNG) 138 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,695 BARF AND LONE STARR: Pizza the Hutt. 139 00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:37,821 (BURPlNG) 140 00:11:37,821 --> 00:11:40,990 Well, if it isn't Lone Starr 141 00:11:40,990 --> 00:11:43,618 and his sidekick, Puke. 142 00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:45,578 That's Barf. 143 00:11:45,578 --> 00:11:48,081 Barf, Puke, whatever. 144 00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:50,458 Where's my money? 145 00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:53,086 Don't worry, Pizza. You'll have it by next week. 146 00:11:53,086 --> 00:11:56,131 No. l gotta have it by tomorrow. 147 00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:59,509 1 00,000 space bucks? By tomorrow? 148 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,304 1 00,000? No way! 149 00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:05,390 You forgot late charges 150 00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:09,644 which brings it up to 1 million space bucks! 151 00:12:09,644 --> 00:12:12,647 A million? That's unfair! 152 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,150 Unfair to the payer, 153 00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:17,694 but not to the payee. 154 00:12:17,694 --> 00:12:19,195 (LAUGHlNG) 155 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:23,950 But you're gonna pay it or else. . . 156 00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:25,285 (PlZZA LAUGHlNG) 157 00:12:25,285 --> 00:12:26,870 Or else what? 158 00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:28,621 Tell him, Vinnie. 159 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:35,962 Or else Pizza is gonna send out for you. 160 00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,757 (PlZZA AND VlNNlE LAUGHlNG) 161 00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:44,596 You're delicious. 162 00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:45,764 Ciao, boys. 163 00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,682 (PlZZA COUGHlNG) 164 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,229 (HEARTSTRlNGS PLAYlNG ON STEREO) 165 00:12:53,229 --> 00:12:55,398 WOMAN: (SlNGlNG) l slept in your arms 166 00:12:55,398 --> 00:12:59,986 Content to go on dreaming 167 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,866 A nightmare too real to imagine 168 00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:08,328 Losing you 169 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,332 Can we talk? 170 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,835 Okay. We all know Prince Valium is a pill, 171 00:13:15,835 --> 00:13:18,338 but you could've married him for your father's sake 172 00:13:18,338 --> 00:13:21,382 and then had a headache for the next 25 years. 173 00:13:21,382 --> 00:13:23,468 l love you more each day 174 00:13:23,468 --> 00:13:25,804 Will you turn that thing off? 175 00:13:25,804 --> 00:13:28,848 Play on my heartstrings... 176 00:13:28,848 --> 00:13:30,058 What? 177 00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:32,393 What is it? 178 00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:36,314 l was saying, do you realize what you've done? 179 00:13:36,314 --> 00:13:38,691 Yes! And l'm glad. 180 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,151 Glad. 181 00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,323 l wonder if she's glad. 182 00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,166 Don't be ridiculous. 183 00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:57,752 As president of Planet Spaceball, 184 00:13:57,752 --> 00:13:59,838 l can assure both you and your viewers 185 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,633 that there's absolutely no air shortage whatsoever. 186 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,053 Yes, of course. l've heard the same rumor myself. 187 00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:10,139 Yes, thanks for calling and not reversing the charges. 188 00:14:10,139 --> 00:14:11,474 Yes, bye. 189 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,810 Shithead. 190 00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:21,860 (AlR HlSSlNG) 191 00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,278 (lNHALlNG) 192 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,661 President Skroob. 193 00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:33,746 Yes? 194 00:14:33,746 --> 00:14:35,164 This is Central Control. 195 00:14:35,164 --> 00:14:37,542 Spaceball Commanderette Zircon speaking, sir. 196 00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:39,043 Yes, what is it, Commanderette? 197 00:14:39,043 --> 00:14:42,672 Lord Helmet has just notified us that Princess Vespa is in sight 198 00:14:42,672 --> 00:14:44,757 and Spaceball One is closing in on her. 199 00:14:44,757 --> 00:14:46,092 Good. 200 00:14:46,092 --> 00:14:50,263 We have both ships coming up on the teledar, sir, if you wish to observe. 201 00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:51,723 l'll be down immediately. 202 00:14:51,723 --> 00:14:54,517 Should l have Snotty beam you down, sir? 203 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,812 l don't know about that beaming stuff. ls it safe? 204 00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,149 Oh, yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. 205 00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,443 lt was wonderful. 206 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,904 All right. l'll take a shot at it. 207 00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:08,281 What the hell, it works on Star Trek. 208 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:13,995 Snotty, 209 00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:15,580 beam him down. 210 00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:16,789 SNOTTY: Yes, sir. lmmediately, sir. 211 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,842 (ALL MURMURlNG) 212 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,556 SNOTTY: Great beasties! What's happened to his head? 213 00:15:33,556 --> 00:15:35,308 lt's on backwards! 214 00:15:35,308 --> 00:15:37,769 This is terrible! Do something ! 215 00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:42,023 l'm sorry, sir. There must have been a micro-converter malfunction. 216 00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:46,444 Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big? 217 00:15:46,444 --> 00:15:48,321 (SCATTERED LAUGHTER) 218 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,866 Hold on, sir. We'll try to reverse the beam. 219 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,953 SNOTTY: lt could be the interlocking system. 220 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:02,251 Lock one. Lock two. Lock three. Loch Lomond ! 221 00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,386 (SlGHS) 222 00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,640 Are you all right, Mr. President? 223 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,809 Fine. No thanks to you ! 224 00:16:17,809 --> 00:16:19,394 We'll beam you back, sir. 225 00:16:19,394 --> 00:16:21,896 Forget it. No more beaming. 226 00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:23,731 This time l'm gonna walk. 227 00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,487 President Skroob! Salute! 228 00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,489 Hail, Skroob! 229 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:36,077 Hello, President Skroob. 230 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:38,621 Hello, Charlene. 231 00:16:38,621 --> 00:16:39,831 l'm Marlene. 232 00:16:39,831 --> 00:16:40,999 Hello, Marlene. 233 00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:42,375 l'm Charlene. 234 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,335 Chew your gum. 235 00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,004 Where's the Princess? 236 00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:48,631 Right there, sir, on the left side of the screen 237 00:16:48,631 --> 00:16:52,427 approaching SpacebaII One at 1 ,500 light leagues per minute. 238 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,096 Good. She's almost in our grasp. 239 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:58,266 Tell Dark Helmet he must take the Princess alive. 240 00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,443 Princess Vespa's spaceship within range, sir. 241 00:17:08,443 --> 00:17:09,610 Good. 242 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:13,114 Fire a warning shot across her nose. 243 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,074 (LASER SHOTS FlRlNG) 244 00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:16,993 What's going on? 245 00:17:16,993 --> 00:17:18,786 lt's either the Fourth of July, 246 00:17:18,786 --> 00:17:20,705 or someone's trying to kill us! 247 00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,209 Hey! 248 00:17:25,209 --> 00:17:28,129 l don't have to put up with this. l'm rich. 249 00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:31,049 What are you doing? 250 00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,467 l'm calling my father. 251 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,928 1 -800-Druidia. 252 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,768 Careful, you idiot! l said across her nose, not up it! 253 00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:45,229 Sorry, sir. l'm doing my best. 254 00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,565 Who made that man a gunner? 255 00:17:47,565 --> 00:17:49,067 l did, sir. 256 00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,651 He's my cousin. 257 00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:52,987 Who is he? He's an Asshole, sir. 258 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,114 l know that. What's his name? 259 00:17:55,114 --> 00:17:56,199 That is his name, sir. 260 00:17:56,199 --> 00:17:57,950 Asshole. Major Asshole. 261 00:17:57,950 --> 00:17:59,994 And his cousin? He's an Asshole, too, sir. 262 00:17:59,994 --> 00:18:02,330 Gunner's Mate, First Class, Phillip Asshole. 263 00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:04,874 How many Assholes we got on this ship anyhow? 264 00:18:04,874 --> 00:18:05,958 ALL: Yo! 265 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,006 l knew it. l'm surrounded by assholes. 266 00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:15,593 Keep firing, assholes! 267 00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:19,097 Hurry, Daddy. Hurry! 268 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,559 There are laser blasts all around us! l'm scared. 269 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:28,648 ON RADlO: King Roland to Lone Starr. 270 00:18:28,648 --> 00:18:29,982 Are you there? 271 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,486 Lone Starr, you've got to help me. Please save my daughter. 272 00:18:33,486 --> 00:18:35,738 She's being attacked by Spaceballs! 273 00:18:35,738 --> 00:18:38,074 Spaceballs? Forget it. Too dangerous. 274 00:18:38,074 --> 00:18:41,828 Besides, l'm already numero uno on Dark Helmet's hit list. 275 00:18:41,828 --> 00:18:45,123 Look, Your Highness, it's not that we're afraid. Far from it. 276 00:18:45,123 --> 00:18:48,459 lt's just that we got this thing about death. lt's not us. 277 00:18:48,459 --> 00:18:49,502 Please, you must! 278 00:18:49,502 --> 00:18:52,547 You're the only ones that can save her! l'll give you anything ! 279 00:18:52,547 --> 00:18:54,674 Did you hear me? Anything. 280 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,300 Anything? 281 00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:57,510 Yes, anything. 282 00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:02,348 Okay. We'll do it for a million. 283 00:19:02,348 --> 00:19:03,474 A million? 284 00:19:03,474 --> 00:19:06,477 You're starting to fade here. We're losing picture, Your Highness. 285 00:19:06,477 --> 00:19:09,647 All right, l'll pay it. Only find her, save her. 286 00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:11,816 All right, King. You just made a deal. 287 00:19:11,816 --> 00:19:14,318 One princess for 1 million space bucks. 288 00:19:14,318 --> 00:19:15,486 What's she driving? 289 00:19:15,486 --> 00:19:17,321 A brand-new white Mercedes 290 00:19:17,321 --> 00:19:19,615 2001 SEL limited edition. 291 00:19:19,615 --> 00:19:21,492 Moon roof, all-leather interior. 292 00:19:21,492 --> 00:19:24,036 l got it at a very good price. l paid cash. 293 00:19:24,036 --> 00:19:26,664 My cousin, Prince Murray, has a dealership in the valley. 294 00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:27,874 He was very nice to me. 295 00:19:27,874 --> 00:19:29,000 We get the idea. 296 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,334 Where was she last seen? 297 00:19:30,334 --> 00:19:32,336 She was just passing Jupiter Two. 298 00:19:32,336 --> 00:19:33,504 We'll find her. 299 00:19:33,504 --> 00:19:35,840 Please bring her back safely. 300 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,969 And if it's at all possible, try to save the car. 301 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:45,349 1 million space bucks! We'll be able to pay off Pizza the Hutt! 302 00:19:45,349 --> 00:19:46,601 Give me paw! 303 00:19:46,601 --> 00:19:48,186 (BOTH HOWLlNG) 304 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,026 What's happening? 305 00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,487 What's that glow? 306 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:00,198 We're not moving. 307 00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:02,200 We're moving, all right. 308 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,784 Backwards. 309 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,042 Look, there's our princess. She's got company. 310 00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:13,044 Oh, no. Spaceballs! 311 00:20:13,044 --> 00:20:15,421 And they've already got her in their magnetic beam. 312 00:20:15,421 --> 00:20:17,048 We're too late. What a shame. 313 00:20:17,048 --> 00:20:19,342 l'll throw her in reverse. We'll get out of here. 314 00:20:19,342 --> 00:20:20,760 No! Bad. 315 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,763 What are we doing risking our lives for a runaway princess? 316 00:20:23,763 --> 00:20:25,723 l know we need the money, but. . . Listen, 317 00:20:25,723 --> 00:20:28,309 we're not just doing this for money. 318 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:33,147 We're doing it for a shitload of money. 319 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,774 You're right. 320 00:20:34,774 --> 00:20:38,069 And when you're right, you're right. And you, you're always right. 321 00:20:38,069 --> 00:20:39,946 Okay, we save her. But how? 322 00:20:39,946 --> 00:20:42,740 The minute we move in there, they're gonna spot us on their radar. 323 00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:45,034 Uh-uh. Uh-huh. 324 00:20:45,034 --> 00:20:46,744 Not if we jam it. 325 00:20:46,744 --> 00:20:47,870 Aha! 326 00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:48,996 You're right. 327 00:20:48,996 --> 00:20:50,915 Down scope. Down scope. 328 00:20:57,297 --> 00:21:01,509 Radar about to be jammed. 329 00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:10,309 (BEEPS) 330 00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,396 (BUZZlNG) 331 00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:26,993 Shit. 332 00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:29,704 (CLANKlNG) 333 00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,293 ON PA: Sir. What is it? 334 00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:38,337 Can l talk to you for a minute, please, sir? 335 00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:42,967 Well? 336 00:21:42,967 --> 00:21:44,051 l'm having trouble with the radar, sir. 337 00:21:44,051 --> 00:21:46,971 You don't need that, Private. We're right here. What is it? 338 00:21:46,971 --> 00:21:49,265 l'm having trouble with the radar, sir. 339 00:21:49,265 --> 00:21:50,349 Now what is it? 340 00:21:50,349 --> 00:21:51,809 l'm having trouble with the radar. 341 00:21:51,809 --> 00:21:52,852 What's wrong? 342 00:21:52,852 --> 00:21:54,979 l've lost the bleeps, the sweeps, and the creeps. 343 00:21:54,979 --> 00:21:56,272 The what? And the what? 344 00:21:56,272 --> 00:21:57,732 You know. The bleeps. 345 00:21:57,732 --> 00:21:59,317 (BLEEPlNG) 346 00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:01,986 The sweeps. 347 00:22:01,986 --> 00:22:03,446 (GURGLlNG) 348 00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:05,823 And the creeps. 349 00:22:05,823 --> 00:22:07,283 (SQUEAKlNG) 350 00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:09,410 That's not all he's lost. 351 00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:11,787 Sir. The radar, sir. 352 00:22:11,787 --> 00:22:13,622 lt appears to be 353 00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:15,624 jammed. 354 00:22:17,252 --> 00:22:18,419 Jammed. 355 00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:23,716 Raspberry. 356 00:22:25,552 --> 00:22:30,139 Well, there's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry. 357 00:22:31,141 --> 00:22:33,267 Lone Starr! 358 00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:35,102 (CLATTERlNG) 359 00:23:01,004 --> 00:23:02,046 What was that? 360 00:23:02,046 --> 00:23:03,130 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 361 00:23:03,130 --> 00:23:05,216 Never mind that. What was that? 362 00:23:06,134 --> 00:23:07,134 (GASPS) 363 00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:08,344 Hi. 364 00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:10,513 Who are you? Barf. 365 00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:13,474 Not in here, mister. This is a Mercedes. 366 00:23:13,474 --> 00:23:15,726 No, that's my name. Barf. 367 00:23:15,726 --> 00:23:16,894 Barf? 368 00:23:16,894 --> 00:23:18,312 What are you? 369 00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:20,856 l'm a Mawg: half man, half dog. 370 00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:23,192 l'm my own best friend. 371 00:23:23,192 --> 00:23:24,568 What do you want? 372 00:23:24,568 --> 00:23:27,071 Your father hired Captain Lone Starr and me to save you. 373 00:23:27,071 --> 00:23:29,031 We got to hop up this ladder and get out. 374 00:23:29,031 --> 00:23:31,242 Good. Quick. Hurry, darling. Follow the dog. 375 00:23:31,242 --> 00:23:32,827 Mawg. l'm a Mawg. 376 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,663 Wait. What about my matched luggage? 377 00:23:35,663 --> 00:23:37,164 (WHlMPERlNG) 378 00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:43,295 DOT: Stop looking up my can. 379 00:23:43,295 --> 00:23:44,547 Sorry. 380 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,476 Checking in? What the hell is all that? 381 00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:02,231 lt's Her Royal Highness's matched luggage! 382 00:24:02,231 --> 00:24:03,357 LONE STARR: What? 383 00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:06,569 Her Royal Highness's matched luggage. 384 00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:08,946 Matched luggage, huh? 385 00:24:08,946 --> 00:24:11,615 What's she think this is, a Princess Cruise? 386 00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:13,993 Well, she wouldn't go without it. 387 00:24:13,993 --> 00:24:15,369 Oh, yeah? 388 00:24:15,954 --> 00:24:17,204 (GRUNTS) 389 00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:20,583 Now hear this. 390 00:24:20,583 --> 00:24:23,461 The minute we get out of here, the first thing we do is 391 00:24:23,461 --> 00:24:25,546 dump the matched luggage. 392 00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:27,715 Who is that? 393 00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:31,594 Now you hear this, whoever you are. 394 00:24:32,053 --> 00:24:34,346 You will not touch that luggage. 395 00:24:34,346 --> 00:24:37,308 And furthermore, l want this pigsty cleaned up. 396 00:24:37,308 --> 00:24:40,019 l will not be rescued in such filth. 397 00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:44,356 Listen. On this ship, l don't take orders, l give them. 398 00:24:44,356 --> 00:24:46,859 This is my dreamboat, sweetheart. 399 00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:48,527 Sweetheart? 400 00:24:48,527 --> 00:24:49,778 Oh-oh. 401 00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:53,157 How dare you speak to me that way? 402 00:24:53,157 --> 00:24:56,577 You will address me in the proper manner as Your Royal Highness. 403 00:24:56,577 --> 00:24:58,537 l am Princess Vespa, 404 00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:01,957 daughter of Roland, King of the Druids. 405 00:25:04,669 --> 00:25:06,462 That's all we needed. 406 00:25:06,462 --> 00:25:09,215 A Druish princess. 407 00:25:11,801 --> 00:25:14,136 Funny. She doesn't look Druish. 408 00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:54,301 Now we will show her who is in charge of this galaxy. 409 00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:59,098 Hold it. l'll handle this personally. 410 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,351 Jawohl, Lord Helmet! 411 00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:08,065 So, Princess Vespa, 412 00:26:08,065 --> 00:26:11,986 you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of Planet Spaceball. 413 00:26:12,362 --> 00:26:14,029 Well, you were wrong. 414 00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:16,282 You are now our prisoner. 415 00:26:16,282 --> 00:26:19,285 And you will be held hostage until such time 416 00:26:19,285 --> 00:26:22,871 as all of the air is transferred from your planet 417 00:26:23,164 --> 00:26:24,915 to ours. 418 00:26:33,633 --> 00:26:35,092 She's not in there. 419 00:26:36,553 --> 00:26:37,761 CORPORAL ON PA: Radar repaired, sir. 420 00:26:37,761 --> 00:26:40,931 We're picking up the outline of a Winnebago. 421 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,933 Winnebago? 422 00:26:43,518 --> 00:26:44,977 Lone Starr. 423 00:26:54,154 --> 00:26:56,030 Here comes the Badyear blimp. 424 00:26:56,865 --> 00:26:58,407 We'd better get out of here in a hurry. 425 00:26:58,407 --> 00:27:00,200 Switch to secret hyper-jets. 426 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,036 Switching to secret hyper-jets. 427 00:27:02,036 --> 00:27:05,539 Buckle up back there, we're going into hyperactive. 428 00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:14,506 We're closing in on them, sir. 429 00:27:14,506 --> 00:27:16,884 ln less than a minute, Lone Starr will be ours. 430 00:27:16,884 --> 00:27:19,637 Good. Prepare to attack. 431 00:27:19,637 --> 00:27:21,055 Prepare to attack. 432 00:27:21,055 --> 00:27:23,098 On the count of three. 433 00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:24,600 One, 434 00:27:25,226 --> 00:27:26,393 two, 435 00:27:27,395 --> 00:27:28,479 late! 436 00:27:28,479 --> 00:27:29,730 What happened? Where are they? 437 00:27:29,730 --> 00:27:31,023 l don't know, sir. 438 00:27:31,023 --> 00:27:32,691 They must have hyper-jets on that thing. 439 00:27:32,691 --> 00:27:34,902 And what have we got on this thing, a Cuisinart? 440 00:27:34,902 --> 00:27:35,986 No, sir. 441 00:27:35,986 --> 00:27:37,196 Well, find them, catch them ! 442 00:27:37,196 --> 00:27:38,280 Yes, sir. 443 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,074 ON PA: Prepare ship for light speed. 444 00:27:40,074 --> 00:27:41,659 No, light speed is too slow. 445 00:27:41,659 --> 00:27:42,826 Light speed too slow? 446 00:27:42,826 --> 00:27:45,746 Yes. We're gonna have to go right to ludicrous speed. 447 00:27:45,746 --> 00:27:46,997 (ALL GASPlNG) 448 00:27:46,997 --> 00:27:48,207 Ludicrous speed? 449 00:27:48,207 --> 00:27:51,377 We've never gone that fast. l don't know if this ship can take it. 450 00:27:51,377 --> 00:27:53,337 What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? 451 00:27:53,337 --> 00:27:54,630 Chicken? 452 00:27:56,299 --> 00:27:57,758 Prepare ship. 453 00:27:58,468 --> 00:28:00,928 Prepare ship for ludicrous speed. 454 00:28:01,262 --> 00:28:02,846 Fasten all seat belts. 455 00:28:02,846 --> 00:28:04,723 Seal all entrances and exits. 456 00:28:04,723 --> 00:28:06,517 Close all shops in the mall. 457 00:28:06,517 --> 00:28:08,519 Cancel the three-ring circus. 458 00:28:08,519 --> 00:28:10,020 Secure all animals in the zoo... 459 00:28:10,020 --> 00:28:12,815 Give me that, you petty excuse for an officer. 460 00:28:12,815 --> 00:28:13,899 (ALARM BUZZlNG) 461 00:28:13,899 --> 00:28:15,484 DARK HELMET: Now hear this. 462 00:28:15,902 --> 00:28:17,361 Ludicrous speed! 463 00:28:17,361 --> 00:28:18,696 Sir, hadn't you better buckle up? 464 00:28:18,696 --> 00:28:20,364 Buckle this. 465 00:28:20,364 --> 00:28:23,075 Ludicrous speed! Go! 466 00:28:26,871 --> 00:28:28,288 (EXCLAlMlNG) 467 00:28:29,582 --> 00:28:30,958 (SCREAMlNG) 468 00:28:43,471 --> 00:28:45,389 (DARK HELMET SCREAMlNG) 469 00:28:46,015 --> 00:28:47,808 DARK HELMET: What have l done? 470 00:28:50,019 --> 00:28:54,064 My brains are going into my feet. 471 00:29:05,702 --> 00:29:07,786 What the hell was that? 472 00:29:08,371 --> 00:29:09,872 Spaceball One. 473 00:29:11,332 --> 00:29:13,167 They've gone to plaid. 474 00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:19,173 We passed them. Stop this thing. 475 00:29:19,173 --> 00:29:21,800 We can't stop. lt's too dangerous. 476 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,219 We've got to slow down first. 477 00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:28,474 Bullshit! Just stop this thing ! 478 00:29:28,474 --> 00:29:32,186 l order you. Stop! 479 00:29:41,446 --> 00:29:42,821 (SCREAMlNG) 480 00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:49,787 Here, sir. Here. Let me help you, sir. 481 00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:53,415 Are you all right, sir? 482 00:29:53,415 --> 00:29:55,667 Fine. How have you been? 483 00:29:55,667 --> 00:29:56,752 Fine, sir. 484 00:29:56,752 --> 00:29:57,836 Good. 485 00:29:57,836 --> 00:29:59,296 Good thing you were wearing that helmet. 486 00:29:59,296 --> 00:30:00,422 Yeah. 487 00:30:00,422 --> 00:30:02,090 What shall we do now, sir? 488 00:30:02,090 --> 00:30:04,259 Well, are we stopped? 489 00:30:04,259 --> 00:30:05,469 We're stopped, sir. 490 00:30:05,469 --> 00:30:06,595 Good. 491 00:30:07,472 --> 00:30:09,640 Why don't we take a five-minute break? 492 00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:11,266 Very good, sir. 493 00:30:11,893 --> 00:30:13,727 Smoke if you got them. 494 00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,148 Take her out of hyperactive. 495 00:30:18,148 --> 00:30:20,192 Taking her out of hyperactive. 496 00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:22,945 (SlGHS) 497 00:30:22,945 --> 00:30:24,655 Congrats, boss. We did it. 498 00:30:24,655 --> 00:30:26,824 They must have overshot us by a week-and-a-half. 499 00:30:26,824 --> 00:30:28,325 Okay. Let's set a course for Druidia. 500 00:30:28,325 --> 00:30:29,451 Setting a course for. . . 501 00:30:29,451 --> 00:30:30,494 (ALARM BEEPlNG) 502 00:30:30,494 --> 00:30:31,662 What's that? 503 00:30:31,662 --> 00:30:33,747 l don't know. We're losing power! 504 00:30:33,747 --> 00:30:35,374 Why? 'Cause we're out of gas! 505 00:30:35,374 --> 00:30:37,000 Must have burned it up in hyperactive. 506 00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,503 We should have put more than five bucks' worth in ! 507 00:30:39,503 --> 00:30:41,380 Okay. We'll have to set her down. 508 00:30:41,380 --> 00:30:43,340 Prepare for an emergency landing. 509 00:30:43,340 --> 00:30:44,591 Quick, give me a reading ! 510 00:30:44,591 --> 00:30:47,010 Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. . . 511 00:30:47,010 --> 00:30:48,846 Will you stop that? 512 00:30:48,846 --> 00:30:50,764 Keep your seat belts fastened back there. 513 00:30:50,764 --> 00:30:52,015 You okay, Princess? 514 00:30:52,015 --> 00:30:53,475 (SCREAMlNG) 515 00:30:54,143 --> 00:30:57,354 No, you idiot! Where'd you learn how to fly? 516 00:30:57,354 --> 00:30:59,773 Okay. EagIe 5 coming in. 517 00:31:06,197 --> 00:31:07,614 (WHlMPERlNG) 518 00:31:20,628 --> 00:31:22,838 BARF: Left! Go left! Right! l mean right! 519 00:31:23,131 --> 00:31:24,298 Pull up! 520 00:31:26,843 --> 00:31:28,260 (WHlMPERlNG) 521 00:31:35,602 --> 00:31:36,810 Where're you going? 522 00:31:36,810 --> 00:31:39,813 l am going to tell him off once and for all. 523 00:31:40,648 --> 00:31:43,901 Wait. We'll need him to get us out of here. 524 00:31:43,901 --> 00:31:45,694 Called me an idiot? 525 00:31:45,694 --> 00:31:48,739 l'm going back there and explain a few things to her. 526 00:31:48,739 --> 00:31:52,159 Besides, he's got a sexy voice. He might be cute. 527 00:31:53,286 --> 00:31:54,578 You haven't seen her. 528 00:31:54,578 --> 00:31:55,829 l know what she looks like. 529 00:31:55,829 --> 00:31:57,664 You've seen one, you've seen them all. 530 00:31:57,664 --> 00:32:00,959 Cute? l know these space bums, they're all alike. 531 00:32:01,252 --> 00:32:02,419 Fat, ugly. . . 532 00:32:02,419 --> 00:32:03,754 Buck-toothed, knock-kneed. . . 533 00:32:03,754 --> 00:32:05,464 Beer-swilling pigs! 534 00:32:05,464 --> 00:32:07,007 Horse-faced space dogs! 535 00:32:07,007 --> 00:32:08,091 Yeah, well, normally. . . 536 00:32:08,091 --> 00:32:09,176 (RlPPlNG) 537 00:32:09,176 --> 00:32:10,844 That's gonna leave a mark. 538 00:32:10,844 --> 00:32:12,679 Now listen, you. . . 539 00:32:14,390 --> 00:32:15,390 You listen. 540 00:32:15,390 --> 00:32:19,519 On this ship, you're to refer to me as "idiot," not "you Captain." 541 00:32:20,021 --> 00:32:21,730 l mean. . . You know what l mean. 542 00:32:21,730 --> 00:32:23,815 And you will not call me "you." 543 00:32:23,815 --> 00:32:26,068 You will never address me as "you." 544 00:32:26,068 --> 00:32:28,862 You will call me "Your Royal Highness"! 545 00:32:29,197 --> 00:32:31,698 You are a royal pain in the. . . 546 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:33,450 Hold it. Time! BOTH: What? 547 00:32:33,450 --> 00:32:35,202 May l make a small suggestion? 548 00:32:35,202 --> 00:32:37,996 Any minute now, the Spaceballs will make a major U-turn, 549 00:32:37,996 --> 00:32:40,457 head back this way, and make us all dead. 550 00:32:40,457 --> 00:32:42,250 He's right. Let's go. 551 00:32:42,250 --> 00:32:43,919 Wait. My things. 552 00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:46,171 Now listen, you royal. . . 553 00:32:46,171 --> 00:32:47,339 (WHlMPERS) 554 00:32:47,339 --> 00:32:48,799 Highness. 555 00:32:48,799 --> 00:32:52,010 Take only what you need to survive. 556 00:32:52,553 --> 00:32:53,804 (GROWLS) 557 00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:16,660 DOT: Please slow down. l'm getting sand up my gears. 558 00:33:19,747 --> 00:33:22,582 Gee, l hope she didn't forget anything. 559 00:33:27,422 --> 00:33:30,382 All right, wait a minute, Barf. Put it down. 560 00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:34,094 What the hell's in this thing? 561 00:33:38,766 --> 00:33:39,766 What's this? 562 00:33:40,393 --> 00:33:43,270 l said, take only what you need to survive. 563 00:33:43,270 --> 00:33:45,731 My industrial-strength hair dryer. 564 00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:48,275 And l can't live without it! 565 00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:51,903 Okay, Princess, that's it. 566 00:33:52,405 --> 00:33:54,031 The fairy tale is over. 567 00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:56,366 Welcome to real life. 568 00:33:56,743 --> 00:33:59,494 You want this hot air machine, you carry it. 569 00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:01,722 You pick that up. 570 00:34:05,918 --> 00:34:08,837 How dare you, you insolent peasant? 571 00:34:09,213 --> 00:34:11,965 Nobody talks to me that way. Nobody! 572 00:34:12,508 --> 00:34:13,717 (ECHOlNG) Nobody! 573 00:34:14,093 --> 00:34:16,762 Well, what have we got here? Will you look at her? 574 00:34:16,762 --> 00:34:17,846 (BARF SHUDDERlNG) 575 00:34:17,846 --> 00:34:21,767 Those flashing eyes, those flushed cheeks, those trembling lips. 576 00:34:21,767 --> 00:34:23,769 You know something, Princess? 577 00:34:23,769 --> 00:34:26,146 You are ugly when you're angry. 578 00:34:26,146 --> 00:34:27,397 Uh-oh. 579 00:34:27,397 --> 00:34:28,815 That's it. 580 00:34:28,815 --> 00:34:30,734 You and your dog are. . . 581 00:34:30,734 --> 00:34:32,027 Please. 582 00:34:32,027 --> 00:34:34,321 Total humans, droids, if l may? 583 00:34:34,697 --> 00:34:35,947 lt's going to be very dark soon. 584 00:34:35,947 --> 00:34:37,991 l suggest we find a place to camp for the night. 585 00:34:37,991 --> 00:34:39,576 Come, darling. 586 00:34:45,833 --> 00:34:47,626 LONE STARR: See? lt's lighter. 587 00:34:47,626 --> 00:34:50,253 Oh, yeah. This is the best. 588 00:34:51,339 --> 00:34:54,257 l could have carried two or three of these. 589 00:34:56,219 --> 00:34:58,345 Have you found them yet? 590 00:34:58,345 --> 00:34:59,554 No, Lord Helmet. 591 00:34:59,554 --> 00:35:01,139 They're still not on the scanner. 592 00:35:01,139 --> 00:35:03,600 Well, keep looking for them. 593 00:35:06,145 --> 00:35:07,521 (SLURPlNG) 594 00:35:12,318 --> 00:35:14,611 Pardon me, sir. l have an idea. 595 00:35:15,029 --> 00:35:18,448 Corporal, get me the video cassette of Spaceballs: The Movie. 596 00:35:18,448 --> 00:35:19,825 CORPORAL: Yes, sir. 597 00:35:23,371 --> 00:35:26,623 "The Producers, Twelve Chairs, Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein." 598 00:35:26,623 --> 00:35:29,126 Colonel Sandurz, may l speak with you, please? 599 00:35:29,126 --> 00:35:30,168 Yes, sir. 600 00:35:30,168 --> 00:35:32,754 How can there be a cassette of Spaceballs: The Movie? 601 00:35:32,754 --> 00:35:34,131 We're still in the middle of making it. 602 00:35:34,131 --> 00:35:35,298 True, sir. 603 00:35:35,298 --> 00:35:37,843 There's been a new breakthrough in home video marketing. 604 00:35:37,843 --> 00:35:38,927 There has? 605 00:35:38,927 --> 00:35:40,637 Yes. lnstant cassettes. 606 00:35:40,637 --> 00:35:43,849 They're out in stores before the movie is finished. 607 00:35:43,849 --> 00:35:44,933 No. 608 00:35:44,933 --> 00:35:48,061 Here it is, sir! Spaceballs. 609 00:35:48,646 --> 00:35:50,814 SANDURZ: Good work, Corporal. Punch it up. 610 00:35:54,735 --> 00:35:56,820 That's much too early. Prepare to fast-forward. 611 00:35:56,820 --> 00:35:57,988 Preparing to fast-forward. 612 00:35:57,988 --> 00:36:00,031 Fast-forward ! Fast-forwarding, sir. 613 00:36:05,329 --> 00:36:07,539 (CHATTERlNG SQUEAKlLY) 614 00:36:10,918 --> 00:36:12,335 (EXPLOSlON) 615 00:36:18,801 --> 00:36:21,178 No, go past this. Past this part. 616 00:36:21,178 --> 00:36:23,597 ln fact, never play this again. 617 00:36:26,475 --> 00:36:28,018 Try here. Stop. 618 00:36:39,405 --> 00:36:40,989 What the hell am l looking at? 619 00:36:40,989 --> 00:36:42,574 When does this happen in the movie? 620 00:36:42,574 --> 00:36:43,700 Now. 621 00:36:43,700 --> 00:36:45,035 You're looking at now, sir. 622 00:36:45,035 --> 00:36:47,412 Everything that happens now is happening now. 623 00:36:47,412 --> 00:36:49,164 What happened to then? We passed then. 624 00:36:49,164 --> 00:36:50,332 When? Just now. 625 00:36:50,332 --> 00:36:51,541 We're at now, now. 626 00:36:51,541 --> 00:36:52,667 Go back to then. 627 00:36:52,667 --> 00:36:53,877 When? Now. 628 00:36:53,877 --> 00:36:55,795 l can't. We missed it. When? 629 00:36:55,795 --> 00:36:57,172 Just now. 630 00:36:57,172 --> 00:36:59,090 When will then be now? 631 00:36:59,090 --> 00:37:00,300 Soon. 632 00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:02,469 How soon? 633 00:37:02,469 --> 00:37:04,387 CORPORAL: Sir! We've identified their location ! 634 00:37:04,387 --> 00:37:05,889 Where? lt's the moon of Vega. 635 00:37:05,889 --> 00:37:07,766 Set a course and prepare for our arrival. 636 00:37:07,766 --> 00:37:09,142 When? 1 900 hours, sir. 637 00:37:09,142 --> 00:37:11,519 By high noon tomorrow, they will be our prisoners. 638 00:37:11,519 --> 00:37:12,646 Who? 639 00:37:14,148 --> 00:37:15,941 (CRlCKETS CHlRPlNG) 640 00:37:30,623 --> 00:37:32,707 No, thank you. l'm perfectly all right. 641 00:37:32,707 --> 00:37:34,709 Take it, it's freezing. 642 00:37:34,709 --> 00:37:36,378 lf you insist. 643 00:37:44,178 --> 00:37:45,345 Won't you be cold? 644 00:37:45,345 --> 00:37:47,639 No, cold never bothers me. 645 00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:54,104 (SlGHS) 646 00:37:54,104 --> 00:37:56,064 l can't seem to find Druidia. 647 00:37:56,064 --> 00:37:57,691 lt's right there. 648 00:37:57,691 --> 00:37:58,942 Where? 649 00:37:58,942 --> 00:38:02,529 lt's right there. lt's that bright blue one right there. See? 650 00:38:03,406 --> 00:38:07,534 Oh, yeah. But it's so far away. 651 00:38:09,078 --> 00:38:11,413 Don't worry, l'll get you there. 652 00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:13,581 Which one's yours? 653 00:38:13,581 --> 00:38:14,666 Who knows? 654 00:38:14,666 --> 00:38:16,126 You don't know where you're from? 655 00:38:16,126 --> 00:38:19,212 Not really. l was found on the doorstep of a monastery. 656 00:38:19,212 --> 00:38:20,964 Monastery? Where? 657 00:38:20,964 --> 00:38:23,174 Somewhere in the Ford Galaxy. 658 00:38:23,801 --> 00:38:26,303 Well, didn't the monks tell you who your parents were? 659 00:38:26,303 --> 00:38:29,180 They couldn't. They took a vow of silence. 660 00:38:29,180 --> 00:38:32,058 All l got was this. lt was around my neck. 661 00:38:32,058 --> 00:38:33,476 What is it? l don't know. 662 00:38:33,476 --> 00:38:35,854 l've taken it to every wise man in the universe 663 00:38:35,854 --> 00:38:38,565 and nobody could tell me what it means. 664 00:38:39,817 --> 00:38:41,359 lt's beautiful. 665 00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:44,362 You know, l. . . 666 00:38:47,074 --> 00:38:48,616 lt's beautiful. 667 00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:55,915 So, how come you ran away from your wedding? 668 00:38:56,959 --> 00:39:00,670 Well, if you must know, l wasn't in love with the groom. 669 00:39:01,255 --> 00:39:03,256 Why were you going to marry him? 670 00:39:03,256 --> 00:39:07,802 Because l'm a princess, and l have to marry a prince. 671 00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:10,972 And he doesn't do it for you, huh? 672 00:39:11,932 --> 00:39:14,726 No, he doesn't do it for me. 673 00:39:16,437 --> 00:39:17,687 (SlGHS) 674 00:39:18,939 --> 00:39:20,774 l really must go back. 675 00:39:22,276 --> 00:39:24,277 l shouldn't have run away. 676 00:39:24,862 --> 00:39:28,114 l realize now that love is one luxury 677 00:39:30,743 --> 00:39:32,285 You're probably right. 678 00:39:33,037 --> 00:39:36,831 l know now that l must learn to live without love. 679 00:39:37,041 --> 00:39:38,458 l guess so. 680 00:39:38,458 --> 00:39:40,627 Besides, love isn't that important. 681 00:39:40,627 --> 00:39:42,670 No, it never was. 682 00:39:42,670 --> 00:39:46,299 l could be perfectly happy the rest of my life without 683 00:39:47,468 --> 00:39:48,551 love. 684 00:39:49,136 --> 00:39:50,637 Sure you could. 685 00:39:52,723 --> 00:39:55,100 Without physical contact. 686 00:39:55,851 --> 00:39:56,976 Yeah. 687 00:39:57,645 --> 00:39:59,813 Without being held. 688 00:39:59,813 --> 00:40:01,147 Yeah. 689 00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:04,067 Or kissed. 690 00:40:07,947 --> 00:40:09,489 (ALARM BLARlNG) 691 00:40:11,742 --> 00:40:13,952 Abandon ship! 692 00:40:13,952 --> 00:40:15,662 Women and Mawgs first! 693 00:40:16,997 --> 00:40:18,957 (BLARlNG STOPS) We'll have none of that, mister. 694 00:40:18,957 --> 00:40:21,084 How far did he get? What did he touch? 695 00:40:21,084 --> 00:40:22,627 Nothing happened ! 696 00:40:22,627 --> 00:40:24,337 What the hell was that noise? 697 00:40:24,337 --> 00:40:26,047 That was my Virgin Alarm. 698 00:40:26,047 --> 00:40:28,633 lt's programmed to go off before you do. 699 00:40:29,009 --> 00:40:30,760 You get back to bed, miss. 700 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,262 And as for you, sex fiend. . . 701 00:40:32,262 --> 00:40:34,889 All right. Let's all just get some sleep. 702 00:40:34,889 --> 00:40:36,933 We gotta get moving before dawn. 703 00:40:36,933 --> 00:40:38,101 Why so early? 704 00:40:38,101 --> 00:40:40,061 Because we're in the middle of the desert 705 00:40:40,061 --> 00:40:44,190 and we aren't gonna get very far once that blazing sun gets overhead. 706 00:40:48,821 --> 00:40:50,405 BARF: Nice dissolve. 707 00:40:56,787 --> 00:40:58,204 (PANTlNG) 708 00:40:59,999 --> 00:41:00,719 Water. 709 00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:05,044 (PANTlNG) 710 00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:09,549 (GASPlNG) 711 00:41:12,553 --> 00:41:14,387 (PANTlNG) Oil. 712 00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:19,100 Room service. 713 00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:27,108 (GASPlNG) Chief, l'm dead. 714 00:41:30,446 --> 00:41:32,363 l can't go any further. 715 00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:36,493 Come on, Barf, old buddy. 716 00:41:37,620 --> 00:41:38,995 Just one more dune to go. 717 00:41:38,995 --> 00:41:40,163 No! 718 00:41:40,163 --> 00:41:43,875 You said that three dunes ago. l got no more left. 719 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,296 Oh, waiter. Check, please. 720 00:41:50,925 --> 00:41:52,245 Must go on. 721 00:41:58,974 --> 00:42:00,725 Who am l kidding? 722 00:42:14,448 --> 00:42:16,449 (ALL SCATTlNG SQUEAKlLY) 723 00:42:22,748 --> 00:42:24,332 (ALL CHATTERlNG) 724 00:42:37,471 --> 00:42:39,347 (CHATTERlNG CONTlNUES) 725 00:42:50,776 --> 00:42:52,110 (GRUNTS) 726 00:43:01,954 --> 00:43:03,454 Thanks, little guy. 727 00:43:06,083 --> 00:43:07,166 Thank you. 728 00:43:09,378 --> 00:43:11,170 Did l miss something? 729 00:43:11,714 --> 00:43:13,965 When did we get to Disneyland? 730 00:43:15,593 --> 00:43:17,302 (DlNKS SCATTlNG) 731 00:43:31,900 --> 00:43:33,943 l don't see them, Sandurz. 732 00:43:33,943 --> 00:43:36,446 l've sent the troops on ahead to Vector 78, sir. 733 00:43:36,446 --> 00:43:37,614 Let's get moving. 734 00:43:37,614 --> 00:43:39,240 Yes, sir. Driver, prepare to move out. 735 00:43:39,240 --> 00:43:41,993 What are you preparing? You're always preparing. Just go. 736 00:43:41,993 --> 00:43:43,286 Just go. Yes, sir. 737 00:43:43,286 --> 00:43:45,496 Sir, shouldn't you sit down? 738 00:43:46,415 --> 00:43:47,874 (ALL CHATTERlNG) 739 00:44:03,724 --> 00:44:04,891 BARF: What're they saying? 740 00:44:04,891 --> 00:44:08,102 Well, it's obvious they want us to go with them. 741 00:44:08,102 --> 00:44:09,896 (DlNKS CHATTERlNG) 742 00:44:17,571 --> 00:44:19,322 What is this place? 743 00:44:19,322 --> 00:44:21,699 lt looks like the Temple of Doom. 744 00:44:21,699 --> 00:44:24,410 Well, it sure ain't Temple Beth lsrael. 745 00:44:24,410 --> 00:44:27,246 Come on. l think we'd better follow them. 746 00:44:38,467 --> 00:44:39,467 (STATUE HlSSlNG) 747 00:44:39,467 --> 00:44:41,427 Oh-oh. l think we woke it up. 748 00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:44,597 Goodbye, folks! Let me know how it turns out. 749 00:44:44,597 --> 00:44:45,807 Come back here, Dot! 750 00:44:45,807 --> 00:44:47,016 Come on. We gotta keep going. 751 00:44:47,016 --> 00:44:48,601 We need you. 752 00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:56,776 What's gonna happen now? 753 00:44:56,776 --> 00:44:58,528 Don't ask. Maybe it won't. 754 00:44:58,528 --> 00:44:59,862 But what if it does? 755 00:44:59,862 --> 00:45:02,198 l don't know about you, but l'm all for leaving. 756 00:45:02,198 --> 00:45:04,826 l say we get out of here right now, while the going. . . 757 00:45:04,826 --> 00:45:05,910 (ALL SCREAMlNG) 758 00:45:05,910 --> 00:45:07,245 YOGURT: Silence! 759 00:45:07,913 --> 00:45:11,374 Who dares enter the sacred and awesome presence 760 00:45:11,374 --> 00:45:14,669 of the everlasting know-it-all, Yogurt? 761 00:45:16,255 --> 00:45:17,505 ALL: Yogurt? 762 00:45:27,641 --> 00:45:28,808 You heard of me? 763 00:45:28,808 --> 00:45:31,811 Heard of you? Who hasn't heard of Yogurt? 764 00:45:32,354 --> 00:45:33,855 Yogurt, the wise. 765 00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:35,815 Yogurt, the all-powerful. 766 00:45:35,815 --> 00:45:37,692 Yogurt, the magnificent. 767 00:45:37,692 --> 00:45:41,529 Please, don't make a fuss. l'm just plain Yogurt. 768 00:45:42,156 --> 00:45:43,239 But you're the one. . . 769 00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:44,365 Yes. 770 00:45:44,365 --> 00:45:47,034 l am the keeper of a greater magic, 771 00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:50,788 a power known throughout the universe as the. . . 772 00:45:50,788 --> 00:45:51,873 The Force? 773 00:45:51,873 --> 00:45:53,958 No. The Schwartz. 774 00:45:54,668 --> 00:45:56,627 ALL: The Schwartz! 775 00:45:57,004 --> 00:46:00,506 Yes, the Schwartz. 776 00:46:04,052 --> 00:46:07,847 But, Yogurt, what is this place? What is it that you do here? 777 00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:09,932 Merchandising. 778 00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:11,934 Merchandising? What's that? 779 00:46:11,934 --> 00:46:13,102 Merchandising. 780 00:46:13,102 --> 00:46:15,938 Come, l'll show you. Open up the store. 781 00:46:15,938 --> 00:46:17,690 (DlNKS CHATTERlNG) 782 00:46:21,069 --> 00:46:23,821 Come! Walk this way. Take a look. 783 00:46:23,821 --> 00:46:27,200 We put the picture's name on everything ! 784 00:46:27,534 --> 00:46:30,244 Merchandising, 785 00:46:30,244 --> 00:46:32,872 where the real money from the movie is made. 786 00:46:33,165 --> 00:46:34,916 SpacebaIIs, The T-shirt. 787 00:46:34,916 --> 00:46:36,959 Spaceballs, The Coloring Book. 788 00:46:36,959 --> 00:46:38,836 Spaceballs, The Lunch Box. 789 00:46:39,046 --> 00:46:41,214 Spaceballs, The Breakfast Cereal. 790 00:46:41,423 --> 00:46:43,800 Spaceballs, The Flamethrower. 791 00:46:44,510 --> 00:46:46,469 The kids love this one. 792 00:46:46,887 --> 00:46:48,679 Last, but not least, 793 00:46:48,931 --> 00:46:51,224 SpacebaIIs, The Doll. Me. 794 00:46:51,558 --> 00:46:52,558 (WlNDlNG) 795 00:46:52,558 --> 00:46:54,894 May the Schwartz be with you. 796 00:46:55,437 --> 00:46:57,063 (DlNKS CHUCKLlNG) 797 00:46:57,063 --> 00:46:58,397 Adorable. 798 00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:02,068 WOMAN: (SlNGlNG) Hot together 799 00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:03,778 Hot 800 00:47:03,778 --> 00:47:05,321 So hot together 801 00:47:05,321 --> 00:47:06,989 Baby, we could be hot... 802 00:47:06,989 --> 00:47:08,699 (BOTH EXCLAlMlNG) 803 00:47:13,997 --> 00:47:15,289 President Skroob. 804 00:47:15,289 --> 00:47:16,415 What is it? 805 00:47:16,792 --> 00:47:20,294 l have an urgent message from Lord Helmet. He's lost the Princess. 806 00:47:20,294 --> 00:47:21,420 Where? 807 00:47:21,420 --> 00:47:22,797 Somewhere in the sands of Vega. 808 00:47:22,797 --> 00:47:26,551 Tell them to comb the desert. Do you hear me? Comb the desert! 809 00:47:26,927 --> 00:47:28,010 Yes, sir. 810 00:47:33,892 --> 00:47:35,434 Sir? What? 811 00:47:37,521 --> 00:47:39,230 Are we being too literal? 812 00:47:39,230 --> 00:47:41,023 No, you fool. We're following orders. 813 00:47:41,023 --> 00:47:44,443 We were told to comb the desert, so we're combing it. 814 00:47:44,778 --> 00:47:46,487 Found anything yet? 815 00:47:47,114 --> 00:47:48,906 Nothing yet, sir. 816 00:47:50,826 --> 00:47:52,869 DARK HELMET: How about you? 817 00:47:53,370 --> 00:47:54,996 Not a thing, sir. 818 00:47:57,958 --> 00:47:59,792 What about you guys? 819 00:48:00,210 --> 00:48:01,961 We ain't found shit! 820 00:48:05,382 --> 00:48:08,968 lt's a big mystery. None of the wise men could tell me what it means. 821 00:48:08,968 --> 00:48:13,222 Wise men, pshaw. Wise guys, you mean. What do they know? 822 00:48:13,222 --> 00:48:15,308 Here, let me take a look. 823 00:48:17,978 --> 00:48:19,312 (GlBBERlNG) 824 00:48:24,526 --> 00:48:25,693 You can read it! 825 00:48:25,693 --> 00:48:27,904 No, l was just clearing my throat. 826 00:48:27,904 --> 00:48:30,323 Here, let me take a. . . 827 00:48:32,534 --> 00:48:35,828 Oh, yes. Yes, of course! 828 00:48:35,828 --> 00:48:36,996 You understand it? 829 00:48:36,996 --> 00:48:38,748 Yes. What's it say? 830 00:48:38,748 --> 00:48:43,377 l cannot tell you that now. lt shall be revealed to you at the proper time. 831 00:48:43,670 --> 00:48:44,879 Great. 832 00:48:45,213 --> 00:48:46,797 Come on, don't be disappointed. 833 00:48:46,797 --> 00:48:48,507 Back to your Schwartz training. 834 00:48:48,507 --> 00:48:52,136 Here, take the ring. Point it at that big statue. 835 00:48:52,387 --> 00:48:54,305 Okay. But l still don't understand 836 00:48:54,305 --> 00:48:57,558 how l'm going to lift that big statue with this little ring. 837 00:48:57,558 --> 00:49:01,854 Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz! 838 00:49:01,854 --> 00:49:04,774 Come on, concentrate! Here we go! 839 00:49:06,234 --> 00:49:07,693 Concentrate. 840 00:49:08,195 --> 00:49:09,528 (GRUNTlNG) 841 00:49:14,159 --> 00:49:15,910 (CONTlNUES GRUNTlNG) 842 00:49:16,828 --> 00:49:18,204 (RUMBLlNG) 843 00:49:20,874 --> 00:49:23,376 YOGURT: Lone Starr, you're doing it! 844 00:49:25,963 --> 00:49:28,965 l can't believe it! The Schwartz, it's working ! 845 00:49:30,258 --> 00:49:33,135 Hey, boss, how'd you do that? 846 00:49:33,135 --> 00:49:34,512 (YELPlNG) 847 00:49:37,391 --> 00:49:40,184 Give me the ring, quick. 848 00:49:40,852 --> 00:49:42,186 (CHANTlNG) 849 00:49:43,772 --> 00:49:45,231 Upsy-daisy! 850 00:49:47,526 --> 00:49:48,859 (GROANlNG) 851 00:49:50,946 --> 00:49:52,405 Sorry, Barf. 852 00:49:52,906 --> 00:49:54,240 (GRUNTlNG) 853 00:49:54,240 --> 00:49:55,658 (GROANlNG) 854 00:49:58,036 --> 00:49:59,620 Keep searching. 855 00:49:59,620 --> 00:50:00,955 (SlGHlNG) 856 00:50:01,623 --> 00:50:03,791 lt's no use, sir. We've searched everywhere. 857 00:50:03,791 --> 00:50:04,834 Wait. 858 00:50:04,834 --> 00:50:08,087 l feel the presence of the Schwartz. 859 00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:10,172 The Schwartz? Yes. 860 00:50:10,674 --> 00:50:12,925 lt's coming from somewhere 861 00:50:13,260 --> 00:50:15,636 down there. 862 00:50:18,181 --> 00:50:21,517 You're right, sir. There's a secret entrance here. 863 00:50:21,517 --> 00:50:24,437 And look at this insignia. lt's a "Y." 864 00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:29,316 Yogurt! l hate yogurt! 865 00:50:29,776 --> 00:50:31,610 Even with strawberries! 866 00:50:31,610 --> 00:50:33,195 l'll call for the attack squad, sir. 867 00:50:33,195 --> 00:50:36,073 No, we can't go in there. Yogurt has the Schwartz. 868 00:50:36,073 --> 00:50:37,450 lt's far too powerful. 869 00:50:37,450 --> 00:50:40,202 But, sir, your ring. Don't you have the Schwartz, too? 870 00:50:40,202 --> 00:50:42,413 He got the upside. l got the downside. 871 00:50:42,413 --> 00:50:44,040 There's two sides to every Schwartz. 872 00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:47,001 Then how are we gonna go in there and get her? 873 00:50:48,253 --> 00:50:50,254 We will not go in there. 874 00:50:50,714 --> 00:50:53,507 She will come out to us. 875 00:51:05,395 --> 00:51:10,816 KlNG ROLAND: Vespa, my child. Where are you? 876 00:51:11,318 --> 00:51:12,568 Daddy? 877 00:51:12,819 --> 00:51:16,822 Vespa, it's your father, King Roland. 878 00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:18,574 Come to me. 879 00:51:18,574 --> 00:51:19,867 Daddy? 880 00:51:20,243 --> 00:51:22,995 l hear you. Where are you? 881 00:51:23,413 --> 00:51:25,331 Follow my voice. 882 00:51:26,291 --> 00:51:28,334 Come to me. 883 00:51:33,715 --> 00:51:35,591 Vespa, where are you going? 884 00:51:35,591 --> 00:51:38,719 Vespa, come to me. 885 00:51:42,682 --> 00:51:45,601 Daddy. ls it really you? 886 00:51:45,601 --> 00:51:47,186 Yes, my dear. 887 00:51:47,896 --> 00:51:51,607 l guarantee it. Would l lie? 888 00:51:54,319 --> 00:51:55,361 Daddy. 889 00:51:55,361 --> 00:51:56,445 (EXCLAlMS) 890 00:51:56,445 --> 00:51:58,155 DOT: No, Vespa, don't! 891 00:51:58,155 --> 00:51:59,365 (EXCLAlMS) 892 00:51:59,365 --> 00:52:00,449 (GROANS) 893 00:52:01,827 --> 00:52:03,536 Fooled you. 894 00:52:04,412 --> 00:52:06,288 (DARK HELMET LAUGHlNG) 895 00:52:06,706 --> 00:52:09,625 Take them both aboard and put the Princess in my quarters. 896 00:52:09,625 --> 00:52:11,210 Yes, sir. 897 00:52:11,210 --> 00:52:12,962 Now she is mine. 898 00:52:13,421 --> 00:52:14,922 What's the matter? What are they saying? 899 00:52:14,922 --> 00:52:16,882 They've taken the Princess. 900 00:52:17,134 --> 00:52:18,801 (DlNKS CHATTERlNG) 901 00:52:22,222 --> 00:52:24,056 (SPACESHlP RUMBLlNG) 902 00:52:26,476 --> 00:52:28,644 Spaceballs. Too late. 903 00:52:28,644 --> 00:52:31,355 Don't worry, boss. We'll get her back. 904 00:52:34,985 --> 00:52:36,277 Thanks for the gas, Yogurt. 905 00:52:36,277 --> 00:52:38,487 You're welcome. And here! 906 00:52:39,197 --> 00:52:41,365 Just in case you get hungry. 907 00:52:42,075 --> 00:52:43,868 A fortune cookie? Yes! 908 00:52:43,868 --> 00:52:47,246 Remember, open it before you eat it. 909 00:52:47,998 --> 00:52:50,124 Thanks. We better get going. 910 00:52:50,124 --> 00:52:52,877 l wonder, will we ever see each other again? 911 00:52:53,086 --> 00:52:56,380 Who knows? God willing, we'll all meet again 912 00:52:56,380 --> 00:52:59,425 in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money. 913 00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:01,969 Goodbye, Lone Starr. 914 00:53:01,969 --> 00:53:03,637 Goodbye, Yogurt. 915 00:53:04,347 --> 00:53:06,390 The ring of the Schwartz! 916 00:53:06,933 --> 00:53:09,018 No, l can't take this. 917 00:53:09,018 --> 00:53:12,646 Take it. You might need it. 918 00:53:13,148 --> 00:53:15,774 Thanks. l'll never forget you. 919 00:53:17,235 --> 00:53:18,944 Wish me luck. 920 00:53:24,409 --> 00:53:26,076 (DlNKS CHATTERlNG) 921 00:53:41,593 --> 00:53:43,344 So, Princess Vespa, 922 00:53:43,344 --> 00:53:46,639 at last l have you in my clutches 923 00:53:47,182 --> 00:53:50,851 to have my way with you the way l want to. 924 00:53:51,144 --> 00:53:53,854 No, please! Leave me alone. 925 00:53:53,854 --> 00:53:55,272 No, you are mine. 926 00:53:55,272 --> 00:53:56,732 (MlMlCKlNG LONE STARR) Not so fast, Helmet. 927 00:53:56,732 --> 00:53:58,067 Lone Starr. 928 00:53:58,067 --> 00:54:00,778 Yes, it's me. l'm here to save my girlfriend. 929 00:54:00,778 --> 00:54:01,987 Hi, honey. 930 00:54:01,987 --> 00:54:04,281 Now you are going to die. 931 00:54:04,616 --> 00:54:06,200 (MlMlCKlNG GROANlNG) 932 00:54:06,785 --> 00:54:08,619 (MlMlCKlNG BARF) Hey, what'd you do to my friend? 933 00:54:08,619 --> 00:54:11,747 The same thing l'm going to do to you, big boy. 934 00:54:11,747 --> 00:54:13,332 And you, too. 935 00:54:14,125 --> 00:54:17,753 Now, Princess Vespa, at last we are alone. 936 00:54:18,630 --> 00:54:21,215 No, l hate you. Leave me alone! 937 00:54:21,215 --> 00:54:23,842 Yet l find you strangely attractive. 938 00:54:23,842 --> 00:54:25,427 Of course you do. 939 00:54:25,427 --> 00:54:29,598 Druish princesses are often attracted to money and power. 940 00:54:29,598 --> 00:54:32,559 And l have both. And you know it. 941 00:54:33,228 --> 00:54:35,145 Leave me alone! No, kiss me! 942 00:54:35,145 --> 00:54:36,772 No! Yes! No! 943 00:54:36,772 --> 00:54:38,023 No! Yes! 944 00:54:38,483 --> 00:54:39,775 (MOANlNG) 945 00:54:43,196 --> 00:54:45,406 Your helmet is so big. 946 00:54:46,032 --> 00:54:47,324 Lord Helmet. What? 947 00:54:47,324 --> 00:54:49,285 You're needed on the bridge, sir! 948 00:54:49,285 --> 00:54:51,662 Knock on my door. Knock next time! 949 00:54:51,662 --> 00:54:52,788 Yes, sir. 950 00:54:52,788 --> 00:54:54,456 Did you see anything? No, sir. 951 00:54:54,456 --> 00:54:56,125 l didn't see you playing with your dolls. 952 00:54:56,125 --> 00:54:57,293 Good. 953 00:55:16,396 --> 00:55:17,813 (GASPS) President Skroob. 954 00:55:17,813 --> 00:55:21,734 l told you never to call me on this wall. This is an unlisted wall. 955 00:55:21,734 --> 00:55:23,652 Sorry, sir, but it's vey important. 956 00:55:23,652 --> 00:55:26,071 The Princess has just been brought to your office 957 00:55:26,071 --> 00:55:28,699 and Lord Helmet and Colonel Sandurz are awaiting you there. 958 00:55:28,699 --> 00:55:31,160 All right. Tell them l'll be right there. 959 00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:32,494 Yes, sir! 960 00:55:36,833 --> 00:55:37,833 (ZlPPlNG) 961 00:55:37,833 --> 00:55:39,126 (GROANS) 962 00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:42,338 (FLUSHlNG) 963 00:55:44,299 --> 00:55:46,842 Helmet, you fiend! What's going on? 964 00:55:46,842 --> 00:55:48,510 What are you doing to my daughter? 965 00:55:48,510 --> 00:55:50,346 Permit me to introduce 966 00:55:50,346 --> 00:55:54,183 the brilliant young plastic surgeon, Dr. Phillip Schlotkin. 967 00:55:54,601 --> 00:55:59,104 The greatest nose job man in the entire universe and Beverly Hills. 968 00:55:59,397 --> 00:56:00,647 Your Highness. 969 00:56:00,647 --> 00:56:02,191 Nose job? l don't understand. 970 00:56:02,191 --> 00:56:05,361 She's already had a nose job. lt was her sweet-sixteen present. 971 00:56:05,361 --> 00:56:08,781 No, it's not what you think. It's much, much worse. 972 00:56:08,990 --> 00:56:12,493 lf you do not give me the combination to the air shield, 973 00:56:12,493 --> 00:56:16,872 Dr. Schlotkin will give your daughter back her old nose. 974 00:56:16,872 --> 00:56:18,123 (EXCLAlMlNG) 975 00:56:18,123 --> 00:56:18,873 No! 976 00:56:22,420 --> 00:56:24,338 Where did you get that? 977 00:56:24,338 --> 00:56:26,590 All right, l'll tell! 978 00:56:26,883 --> 00:56:28,967 No, Daddy, no, you mustn't! 979 00:56:28,967 --> 00:56:32,096 You're right, my dear. l'll miss your new nose. 980 00:56:32,096 --> 00:56:35,391 But l will not tell him the combination, no matter what. 981 00:56:35,391 --> 00:56:39,186 Vey well. Dr. Schlotkin, do your worst. 982 00:56:39,479 --> 00:56:41,230 My pleasure. 983 00:56:44,317 --> 00:56:46,360 KlNG ROLAND: No! Wait! 984 00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:49,655 l'll tell. 985 00:56:50,407 --> 00:56:54,368 DARK HELMET: I knew it would work. All right, give it to me. 986 00:56:55,870 --> 00:56:57,663 The combination is: 987 00:56:59,916 --> 00:57:00,916 One. 988 00:57:00,916 --> 00:57:02,000 (BOTH REPEATlNG) 989 00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:03,127 Two. 990 00:57:03,127 --> 00:57:04,211 (BOTH REPEATlNG) 991 00:57:04,211 --> 00:57:05,504 Three. 992 00:57:06,256 --> 00:57:07,339 Four. 993 00:57:09,843 --> 00:57:10,968 Five. 994 00:57:12,554 --> 00:57:16,765 So the combination is 1 -2-3-4-5. 995 00:57:17,559 --> 00:57:20,644 That's the stupidest combination l ever heard in my life! 996 00:57:20,644 --> 00:57:23,272 That's the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage! 997 00:57:23,272 --> 00:57:24,690 Thank you, Your Highness. 998 00:57:25,817 --> 00:57:26,859 What did you do? 999 00:57:26,859 --> 00:57:27,943 l turned off the wall. 1000 00:57:27,943 --> 00:57:29,486 No, you turned off the whole movie. 1001 00:57:29,486 --> 00:57:30,946 l must have pressed the wrong button. 1002 00:57:30,946 --> 00:57:32,531 (lNDlSTlNCT MOANlNG) Put the movie back on ! 1003 00:57:32,531 --> 00:57:33,699 Yes, sir. 1004 00:57:33,699 --> 00:57:35,117 You gotta get that thing fixed. 1005 00:57:35,117 --> 00:57:37,786 We're back! And we have the combination ! 1006 00:57:37,786 --> 00:57:39,496 Schlotkin ! What? 1007 00:57:39,496 --> 00:57:40,873 We're done with you. 1008 00:57:40,873 --> 00:57:43,625 Go back to the golf course and work on your putts. 1009 00:57:43,625 --> 00:57:45,502 Let's go, Arnold. Come, Gretchen. 1010 00:57:45,502 --> 00:57:49,256 Of course, you know l'll still have to bill you for this. 1011 00:57:52,510 --> 00:57:54,720 l bet she gives great helmet. 1012 00:57:57,765 --> 00:57:59,308 Did it work? Where's the King? 1013 00:57:59,308 --> 00:58:01,310 lt worked, sir. We have the combination. 1014 00:58:01,310 --> 00:58:05,856 Great. Now we can take every last breath of fresh air from Planet Druidia. 1015 00:58:05,856 --> 00:58:07,107 What's the combination? 1016 00:58:07,107 --> 00:58:09,067 1 -2-3-4-5. 1017 00:58:09,402 --> 00:58:10,652 1 -2-3-4-5? 1018 00:58:10,652 --> 00:58:11,737 Yes. 1019 00:58:11,737 --> 00:58:15,365 That's amazing. l've got the same combination on my luggage. 1020 00:58:15,365 --> 00:58:18,118 Prepare SpacebaII One for immediate departure. 1021 00:58:18,118 --> 00:58:19,244 Yes, sir. 1022 00:58:19,244 --> 00:58:22,080 And change the combination on my luggage. 1023 00:58:23,041 --> 00:58:23,832 (GROANS) 1024 00:58:28,755 --> 00:58:31,632 There it is. Spaceball City, straight ahead. 1025 00:58:31,632 --> 00:58:33,509 Good, l'm taking her in. 1026 00:58:36,930 --> 00:58:39,139 GUARD: What the hell is that thing? 1027 00:58:39,139 --> 00:58:41,433 GUARD 1 : lt looks like a Winnebago with wings. 1028 00:58:42,644 --> 00:58:45,187 Hey, you can't park here! 1029 00:58:45,187 --> 00:58:48,023 Yeah, can't you guys read? "No parking." 1030 00:58:51,611 --> 00:58:52,819 (MlMlCS KlSSlNG) 1031 00:58:52,819 --> 00:58:54,905 That son of a. . . 1032 00:58:57,909 --> 00:59:02,371 All right, hands up. You're under arrest for illegal parking. 1033 00:59:02,371 --> 00:59:03,455 Yeah ! 1034 00:59:06,876 --> 00:59:08,460 (GUARDS YELLlNG) 1035 00:59:26,521 --> 00:59:30,607 MAN ON PA: Warden Miller, you're wanted in V-17. 1036 00:59:31,192 --> 00:59:35,654 Attention. Section C scanners, report. 1037 00:59:36,948 --> 00:59:37,990 Nah. 1038 00:59:42,328 --> 00:59:43,829 She's gotta be in one of these cells. 1039 00:59:43,829 --> 00:59:45,831 (WHlSPERlNG) Yeah, but which one? 1040 00:59:47,667 --> 00:59:49,042 No. No. 1041 00:59:49,042 --> 00:59:52,254 VESPA: (SlNGlNG) Nobody knows 1042 00:59:52,254 --> 00:59:53,630 lt's coming from here. 1043 00:59:53,630 --> 00:59:54,923 That can't be her. 1044 00:59:54,923 --> 00:59:57,342 The trouble l've seen 1045 00:59:58,136 --> 01:00:03,348 Nobody knows but Jesus 1046 01:00:05,143 --> 01:00:06,393 lt's her. 1047 01:00:07,437 --> 01:00:11,023 Nobody knows 1048 01:00:11,608 --> 01:00:14,067 The trouble l've seen 1049 01:00:14,444 --> 01:00:15,611 She's a bass. 1050 01:00:15,611 --> 01:00:19,865 VESPA: (SlNGlNG) Glory hallelujah 1051 01:00:23,536 --> 01:00:24,786 (GROANS) 1052 01:00:25,455 --> 01:00:27,122 What do you want? 1053 01:00:27,122 --> 01:00:28,415 lt's me. 1054 01:00:29,042 --> 01:00:30,292 lt's us. 1055 01:00:30,292 --> 01:00:32,919 Lone Starr. How did you find us? 1056 01:00:32,919 --> 01:00:34,963 No time to talk. Come on. 1057 01:00:34,963 --> 01:00:36,173 We gotta move. 1058 01:00:36,173 --> 01:00:37,799 Barf! How'd you do it? 1059 01:00:40,511 --> 01:00:41,887 (WHlSPERlNG) 1060 01:00:59,238 --> 01:01:01,823 Those are the guys that stole our uniforms! 1061 01:01:01,823 --> 01:01:04,242 And beat the shit out of us, too! 1062 01:01:05,119 --> 01:01:06,536 (SHUDDERlNG) 1063 01:01:08,539 --> 01:01:10,082 We got company. 1064 01:01:15,254 --> 01:01:16,505 Watch out! 1065 01:01:19,676 --> 01:01:21,677 Damn it! That's our only way out. 1066 01:01:21,677 --> 01:01:22,803 We're trapped. 1067 01:01:22,803 --> 01:01:24,054 l hate these movies. 1068 01:01:26,766 --> 01:01:27,808 (GROANlNG) 1069 01:01:27,808 --> 01:01:28,892 l'm out of ammo! 1070 01:01:28,892 --> 01:01:30,894 Get back! l'll hold them off. 1071 01:01:32,105 --> 01:01:33,647 l got an idea! 1072 01:01:35,441 --> 01:01:36,858 DOT: What's he doing? 1073 01:01:36,858 --> 01:01:38,485 (BARF GRUNTlNG) 1074 01:01:44,992 --> 01:01:46,368 (GROANlNG) 1075 01:01:49,622 --> 01:01:50,789 Good work. 1076 01:01:50,789 --> 01:01:52,833 More ping-pongs. Run for it. 1077 01:01:52,833 --> 01:01:54,167 Let's go! 1078 01:01:57,714 --> 01:01:59,798 lt's closing ! 1079 01:02:01,259 --> 01:02:02,968 The door's closing ! 1080 01:02:02,968 --> 01:02:04,511 Go for broke! 1081 01:02:06,013 --> 01:02:07,556 (ALL SCREAMlNG) 1082 01:02:13,062 --> 01:02:15,647 Don't move or you're dead. Stand up! 1083 01:02:15,647 --> 01:02:17,774 Captain, we've got them. 1084 01:02:21,529 --> 01:02:25,574 Spectacular stunt, my friends, but all for naught. 1085 01:02:26,576 --> 01:02:28,326 Turn around, please. 1086 01:02:29,829 --> 01:02:32,914 What a pity. 1087 01:02:33,666 --> 01:02:37,419 So, Princess, you thought you could outwit the imperious force of. . . 1088 01:02:37,419 --> 01:02:38,670 (GASPS) 1089 01:02:41,382 --> 01:02:42,799 You idiots! 1090 01:02:43,342 --> 01:02:46,928 These are not them. You've captured their stunt doubles. 1091 01:02:47,847 --> 01:02:50,640 Search the area. Find them ! 1092 01:02:53,394 --> 01:02:56,146 LONE STARR: Hurry up. Get aboard. l'll hold them off. 1093 01:02:59,317 --> 01:03:00,776 Open the door! 1094 01:03:00,985 --> 01:03:02,277 l can't, it's fused. 1095 01:03:02,277 --> 01:03:04,112 What about this one? lt's locked. 1096 01:03:04,112 --> 01:03:05,947 Where are the keys? lnside. 1097 01:03:05,947 --> 01:03:07,699 Oh, great! Duck! 1098 01:03:10,870 --> 01:03:13,205 Here, you hold them off. l'll get the door. 1099 01:03:13,205 --> 01:03:15,749 l ain't shooting this thing. l hate guns. 1100 01:03:18,377 --> 01:03:21,129 My hair. He shot my hair! 1101 01:03:22,131 --> 01:03:24,216 You son of a bitch ! 1102 01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:36,895 Holy shit! 1103 01:03:41,734 --> 01:03:43,151 How was that? 1104 01:03:43,151 --> 01:03:44,694 Not bad. 1105 01:03:44,694 --> 01:03:46,238 Not bad for a girl. 1106 01:03:46,238 --> 01:03:48,657 That was pretty good for Rambo! 1107 01:03:48,657 --> 01:03:50,659 Let's blow this joint. 1108 01:03:54,121 --> 01:03:55,914 (FOOTSTEPS POUNDlNG) 1109 01:04:02,296 --> 01:04:05,715 SANDURZ: President Skroob! Salute! 1110 01:04:05,715 --> 01:04:07,342 ALL: Hail, Skroob. 1111 01:04:08,845 --> 01:04:11,763 The ship is too big. lf l walk, the movie will be over. 1112 01:04:11,763 --> 01:04:13,014 Sir. Yes? 1113 01:04:13,014 --> 01:04:14,140 (GASPS) 1114 01:04:14,140 --> 01:04:17,185 Never have that damn thing down in front of me. 1115 01:04:17,185 --> 01:04:20,021 How do l know you're not making faces at me under that thing? 1116 01:04:20,021 --> 01:04:21,565 SANDURZ: President Skroob. Yes? 1117 01:04:21,565 --> 01:04:23,817 There it is, Planet Druidia. 1118 01:04:24,610 --> 01:04:28,613 (EXCLAlMlNG) Planet Druidia. And 1 0,000 years of fresh air. 1119 01:04:28,948 --> 01:04:31,116 The way he runs things, it won't last 1 00. 1120 01:04:31,116 --> 01:04:32,200 What? 1121 01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:34,452 Preparing ship for metamorphosis, sir. 1122 01:04:34,452 --> 01:04:36,037 Good. Get on with it. 1123 01:04:36,037 --> 01:04:37,581 Ready, Kafka? 1124 01:04:44,213 --> 01:04:45,463 Look, it's Spaceball One. 1125 01:04:47,633 --> 01:04:49,050 They've reached the air shield. 1126 01:04:49,050 --> 01:04:50,927 DOT: And it's opening. 1127 01:04:54,640 --> 01:04:56,808 The ship's too big. They'll never get through. 1128 01:04:56,808 --> 01:04:59,895 How will they get the air out? l don't see any hoses or anything. 1129 01:05:05,151 --> 01:05:06,818 What's happening? 1130 01:05:09,739 --> 01:05:12,198 The ship. Changing. 1131 01:05:26,255 --> 01:05:29,883 Oh, my gosh. lt's not just a spaceship. 1132 01:05:30,718 --> 01:05:32,510 lt's a transformer. 1133 01:05:43,230 --> 01:05:44,981 DOT: lt's changing into... 1134 01:05:44,981 --> 01:05:46,858 BARF: A gigantic... 1135 01:05:46,858 --> 01:05:48,360 VESPA: Maid! 1136 01:05:48,694 --> 01:05:50,528 LONE STARR: With a vacuum cleaner. 1137 01:05:52,073 --> 01:05:55,033 So that's how they're gonna get the air out. 1138 01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:20,684 Metamorphosis completed, sir. SpacebaII One has now become 1139 01:06:25,231 --> 01:06:26,523 Megamaid. 1140 01:06:26,941 --> 01:06:28,191 Good ! 1141 01:06:28,191 --> 01:06:29,359 Remarkable. 1142 01:06:29,359 --> 01:06:33,697 Now, commence Operation Vacu-Suck. 1143 01:06:35,574 --> 01:06:37,325 (MEGAMAlD WHlRRlNG) 1144 01:06:40,204 --> 01:06:43,289 TOGETHER: Suck. 1145 01:06:57,096 --> 01:06:59,639 (GASPlNG) Goodbye, little Vespa. 1146 01:07:01,475 --> 01:07:06,062 My little baby Vespa. 1147 01:07:06,647 --> 01:07:07,939 (GASPlNG) 1148 01:07:13,446 --> 01:07:15,238 The air bag, it's almost full. 1149 01:07:15,238 --> 01:07:16,364 DOT: What do we do? 1150 01:07:20,286 --> 01:07:21,536 We've gotta act fast. 1151 01:07:21,536 --> 01:07:25,498 Step one: We reverse the vacuum and blow the air back onto the planet. 1152 01:07:25,498 --> 01:07:28,877 Step two: We destroy that thing. 1153 01:07:29,128 --> 01:07:30,879 But isn't that dangerous? 1154 01:07:30,879 --> 01:07:32,172 Extremely. 1155 01:07:32,172 --> 01:07:36,134 Plus, l don't know how the hell we're gonna do it. 1156 01:07:36,802 --> 01:07:38,553 What about that ring Yogurt gave you? 1157 01:07:38,553 --> 01:07:39,929 Oh, yeah. 1158 01:07:41,057 --> 01:07:43,224 Come on, boss. Give it a shot! 1159 01:07:43,224 --> 01:07:45,310 Okay. Here goes nothing. 1160 01:07:55,279 --> 01:07:56,654 VESPA: Look at that. 1161 01:07:56,654 --> 01:07:57,906 Wow! 1162 01:07:58,991 --> 01:08:00,492 BARF: lt's working. 1163 01:08:01,660 --> 01:08:03,620 VESPA: Come on, Schwartz! 1164 01:08:03,871 --> 01:08:05,413 (ALL CHEERlNG) 1165 01:08:12,671 --> 01:08:14,214 Helmet, what's going on? 1166 01:08:14,214 --> 01:08:15,924 Sandurz, what's going on? 1167 01:08:15,924 --> 01:08:19,761 lt's Megamaid. She's gone from suck to blow. 1168 01:08:20,221 --> 01:08:23,181 What? They're getting all their air back. Do something. 1169 01:08:23,181 --> 01:08:24,808 Do something ! 1170 01:08:24,808 --> 01:08:26,142 ON PA: Do something! 1171 01:08:35,945 --> 01:08:37,487 (WlND BLOWlNG) 1172 01:08:42,201 --> 01:08:43,743 l'm breathing. 1173 01:08:44,995 --> 01:08:46,079 Air. 1174 01:08:48,290 --> 01:08:49,624 Air! 1175 01:08:58,134 --> 01:08:59,384 Dim the lights. 1176 01:08:59,384 --> 01:09:00,927 Dimming the lights. 1177 01:09:01,220 --> 01:09:02,303 LONE STARR: Go to infrared. 1178 01:09:02,303 --> 01:09:03,680 Going to infrared. 1179 01:09:03,680 --> 01:09:04,764 Pray to God. 1180 01:09:04,764 --> 01:09:06,391 Praying to God. 1181 01:09:08,185 --> 01:09:09,435 (BEEPlNG) 1182 01:09:15,192 --> 01:09:17,318 DOT: (PANlCKlNG) Careful. 1183 01:09:24,910 --> 01:09:26,661 What are you doing? 1184 01:09:26,661 --> 01:09:27,996 Scanning. 1185 01:09:32,668 --> 01:09:34,043 (WHlRRlNG) 1186 01:09:35,296 --> 01:09:37,005 There's gotta be a self-destruct mechanism 1187 01:09:37,005 --> 01:09:39,090 somewhere in the central brain area. 1188 01:09:43,721 --> 01:09:45,430 l think we just found it. 1189 01:09:45,430 --> 01:09:47,265 Where? Watch. 1190 01:09:47,265 --> 01:09:49,058 (FLlPPlNG SWlTCH) 1191 01:09:52,563 --> 01:09:54,647 Bingo! There it is. 1192 01:09:56,066 --> 01:09:57,859 lt's right below us. 1193 01:09:58,569 --> 01:10:00,111 Put her in hover, Barf. 1194 01:10:00,111 --> 01:10:01,654 Putting her in hover. 1195 01:10:02,489 --> 01:10:03,531 l'm going down there. 1196 01:10:03,531 --> 01:10:05,575 He's going down there. 1197 01:10:06,118 --> 01:10:07,535 l wouldn't. 1198 01:10:49,286 --> 01:10:51,454 What the hell are you doing? 1199 01:10:52,539 --> 01:10:54,415 The Vulcan neck pinch? 1200 01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:57,961 No, stupid. You got it much too high. 1201 01:10:57,961 --> 01:11:00,755 lt's down here where the shoulder meets the neck. 1202 01:11:00,755 --> 01:11:02,173 Like this? 1203 01:11:02,173 --> 01:11:03,341 Yeah. 1204 01:11:06,053 --> 01:11:07,303 Thanks. 1205 01:11:12,851 --> 01:11:16,104 AUTOMATED VOlCE: Hand print identification, please. 1206 01:11:22,361 --> 01:11:23,653 (BEEPlNG) 1207 01:11:26,198 --> 01:11:27,657 Thanks again. 1208 01:11:35,582 --> 01:11:37,041 ls that you, Mylar? 1209 01:11:48,262 --> 01:11:50,430 Who are you? What are you doing with that? 1210 01:11:50,430 --> 01:11:51,723 This! 1211 01:11:52,182 --> 01:11:53,182 (SCREAMS) 1212 01:11:55,436 --> 01:11:56,769 (GROANlNG) 1213 01:11:56,769 --> 01:11:58,813 Sweet dreams. 1214 01:12:16,081 --> 01:12:18,291 Not so fast, Lone Starr. 1215 01:12:18,834 --> 01:12:20,084 Helmet. 1216 01:12:20,502 --> 01:12:24,797 So. At last we meet for the first time for the last time. 1217 01:12:25,257 --> 01:12:26,591 (lNAUDlBLE) 1218 01:12:27,593 --> 01:12:32,055 Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Starr. 1219 01:12:33,057 --> 01:12:34,182 What? 1220 01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:39,979 l am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. 1221 01:12:42,941 --> 01:12:44,650 What's that make us? 1222 01:12:44,650 --> 01:12:46,611 Absolutely nothing! 1223 01:12:46,945 --> 01:12:49,614 Which is what you are about to become. 1224 01:12:50,908 --> 01:12:52,784 Prepare to die. 1225 01:13:00,167 --> 01:13:05,046 You have the ring, and l see your Schwartz is as big as mine. 1226 01:13:07,299 --> 01:13:10,301 Now let's see how well you handle it. 1227 01:13:13,305 --> 01:13:14,847 (BOTH GRUNTlNG) 1228 01:13:30,239 --> 01:13:31,614 (SCREAMlNG) 1229 01:13:33,158 --> 01:13:34,492 (STUTTERS) 1230 01:13:34,743 --> 01:13:35,868 He did it. 1231 01:13:35,868 --> 01:13:37,036 What? 1232 01:13:53,804 --> 01:13:57,181 Shit! l hate it when l get my Schwartz twisted. 1233 01:13:57,891 --> 01:14:02,603 Maybe if l put my leg up on yours, we could scoot apart, like... 1234 01:14:03,188 --> 01:14:06,065 Good. Yeah, on three. One, two, three, go! 1235 01:14:17,453 --> 01:14:18,828 (CRACKLlNG) 1236 01:14:29,214 --> 01:14:30,548 (LAUGHlNG) 1237 01:14:36,388 --> 01:14:37,930 (BOTH GRUNTlNG) 1238 01:14:43,312 --> 01:14:44,687 (GROANlNG) 1239 01:14:48,484 --> 01:14:52,445 So, Lone Starr, Yogurt has taught you well. 1240 01:14:53,572 --> 01:14:56,866 lf there's one thing l despise, it is a fair fight. 1241 01:14:57,242 --> 01:14:59,410 But if I must, then l must. 1242 01:14:59,410 --> 01:15:01,412 May the best man win. 1243 01:15:02,414 --> 01:15:03,915 Put her there. 1244 01:15:07,669 --> 01:15:11,797 The ring! l can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book. 1245 01:15:12,257 --> 01:15:16,427 What a goof! What's with you, man? Come on. 1246 01:15:16,803 --> 01:15:19,180 You know what? Here, let me give it back to you. 1247 01:15:19,180 --> 01:15:21,682 Look at that! You fell for that, too. 1248 01:15:21,682 --> 01:15:23,726 I can't believe it, man. 1249 01:15:25,687 --> 01:15:30,399 So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph 1250 01:15:30,901 --> 01:15:32,902 because good is dumb. 1251 01:15:42,538 --> 01:15:44,705 Vey impressive, Lone Starr. 1252 01:15:45,165 --> 01:15:48,125 Too bad this isn't the Wide World of Sports. 1253 01:15:49,002 --> 01:15:52,338 YOGURT: Use the Schwartz, Lone Starr. Use the Schwartz. 1254 01:15:52,338 --> 01:15:54,674 l can't. l lost the ring. 1255 01:15:54,674 --> 01:15:57,593 Forget the ring. The ring is bupkis. 1256 01:15:57,593 --> 01:16:00,012 l found it in a Cracker Jack box. 1257 01:16:00,430 --> 01:16:04,225 The Schwartz is in you, Lone Starr. lt's in you. 1258 01:16:04,225 --> 01:16:06,435 All right. l'll try. 1259 01:16:06,812 --> 01:16:09,355 Say goodbye to your two best friends. 1260 01:16:09,731 --> 01:16:12,650 And l don't mean your pals in the Winnebago. 1261 01:16:18,073 --> 01:16:19,490 (SCREAMlNG) 1262 01:16:21,326 --> 01:16:24,161 AUTOMATED VOlCE: Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. 1263 01:16:24,161 --> 01:16:27,331 This ship will self-destruct in three minutes. 1264 01:16:27,331 --> 01:16:29,000 (ALARM BLARlNG) 1265 01:16:32,004 --> 01:16:35,590 What's going on? Where the hell are we? Paris? 1266 01:16:35,590 --> 01:16:37,967 Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. 1267 01:16:37,967 --> 01:16:42,513 This ship will self-destruct in exactly two minutes and 45 seconds. 1268 01:16:42,513 --> 01:16:45,099 You've got to stop it. ls there any way to stop it? 1269 01:16:45,099 --> 01:16:47,268 l can't. lt's irreversible. 1270 01:16:47,268 --> 01:16:48,936 Like my raincoat. 1271 01:16:48,936 --> 01:16:52,064 Attention, this is Colonel Sandurz in forward command. 1272 01:16:52,064 --> 01:16:53,608 Abandon ship! 1273 01:16:53,608 --> 01:16:56,319 All personnel proceed to escape pods. 1274 01:16:56,319 --> 01:16:59,280 Close down the circus. Evacuate the zoo. 1275 01:16:59,280 --> 01:17:03,200 The self-destruct mechanism has been activated. Abandon ship. 1276 01:17:04,036 --> 01:17:07,622 Sandurz, you gotta help me. l don't know what to do. 1277 01:17:07,622 --> 01:17:10,416 l can't make decisions. l'm a president! 1278 01:17:10,626 --> 01:17:12,585 AUTOMATED VOlCE: This is your two-minute warning. 1279 01:17:12,585 --> 01:17:15,671 This ship will self-destruct in exactly two minutes. 1280 01:17:15,671 --> 01:17:18,841 SANDURZ ON PA: Launch all escape pods as soon as they are filled. 1281 01:17:19,176 --> 01:17:20,885 What's happening? Where is he? 1282 01:17:21,219 --> 01:17:23,095 CHORUS: (SlNGlNG) Spaceballs 1283 01:17:23,597 --> 01:17:25,014 Watch out! 1284 01:17:27,851 --> 01:17:29,518 Where is he? LONE STARR: Here. 1285 01:17:29,518 --> 01:17:31,896 We've got a minute and 40 before the end of the world. Hang on. 1286 01:17:32,397 --> 01:17:34,273 Spaceballs 1287 01:17:36,735 --> 01:17:38,027 Full throttle. Full throttle. 1288 01:17:38,027 --> 01:17:39,779 Go to hyper-jets! Going to hyper-jets. 1289 01:17:41,615 --> 01:17:45,743 MAN: (SlNGlNG) lf you're livin' in a bubble and you haven't got a care 1290 01:17:45,743 --> 01:17:47,870 Get out of there. Where do you think you're going? 1291 01:17:47,870 --> 01:17:49,121 Pizza to go! 1292 01:17:49,121 --> 01:17:50,998 Well, you're gonna be in trouble 1293 01:17:50,998 --> 01:17:53,000 'Cause we're gonna steal your air 1294 01:17:56,463 --> 01:17:58,422 'Cause what you got is what we need 1295 01:17:58,422 --> 01:18:00,508 And all we do is dirty deeds 1296 01:18:00,508 --> 01:18:02,885 We're the Spaceballs 1297 01:18:03,095 --> 01:18:04,053 Watch out! 1298 01:18:04,053 --> 01:18:06,972 'Cause we're the Spaceballs 1299 01:18:06,972 --> 01:18:08,432 (GROWLlNG) 1300 01:18:11,228 --> 01:18:13,437 That's my escape pod. Who are you? 1301 01:18:13,437 --> 01:18:16,941 l'm the bearded lady. What are you, one of the freaks? 1302 01:18:17,442 --> 01:18:18,776 (LAUGHlNG) 1303 01:18:19,277 --> 01:18:22,530 Come back! That's my pod ! No! 1304 01:18:26,034 --> 01:18:28,786 Come back, you fat, bearded bitch ! 1305 01:18:29,955 --> 01:18:34,083 One pod left. And three of us. And l'm the president. 1306 01:18:34,334 --> 01:18:36,669 Well, boys, it's a very lovely ship. 1307 01:18:36,669 --> 01:18:38,754 l think you should go down with it. 1308 01:18:39,131 --> 01:18:40,423 Goodbye! 1309 01:18:43,885 --> 01:18:46,178 What the hell's the matter with this seat belt? 1310 01:18:46,178 --> 01:18:47,596 (SCREAMlNG) 1311 01:18:47,596 --> 01:18:48,973 (GROWLS) 1312 01:18:50,142 --> 01:18:51,517 (LAUGHlNG) 1313 01:18:53,770 --> 01:18:55,229 Spaceballs 1314 01:18:55,229 --> 01:18:58,274 AUTOMATED VOlCE: This ship will self-destruct in 20 seconds. 1315 01:18:58,274 --> 01:19:01,277 This is your last chance to push the cancellation button. 1316 01:19:01,277 --> 01:19:03,821 Cancellation button? Hurry! 1317 01:19:05,323 --> 01:19:07,575 CHORUS: (SlNGlNG) Spaceballs 1318 01:19:07,575 --> 01:19:09,243 (ALL EXCLAlMlNG) 1319 01:19:11,371 --> 01:19:12,872 Where is it? 1320 01:19:12,872 --> 01:19:14,248 lt's gotta be here. 1321 01:19:14,248 --> 01:19:15,291 SKROOB: Out of order? 1322 01:19:15,291 --> 01:19:17,793 Fuck! Even in the future nothing works. 1323 01:19:17,793 --> 01:19:21,172 AUTOMATED VOlCE: This ship will self-destruct in exactly 1 0 seconds. 1324 01:19:21,172 --> 01:19:22,423 (ALL SHUDDERlNG) 1325 01:19:22,423 --> 01:19:23,924 Counting down. 1326 01:19:23,924 --> 01:19:25,676 Ten. Nine. 1327 01:19:26,303 --> 01:19:27,261 Eight. 1328 01:19:27,261 --> 01:19:28,345 Six. 1329 01:19:28,345 --> 01:19:30,431 Six? What happened to seven? 1330 01:19:30,431 --> 01:19:32,016 Just kidding. 1331 01:19:32,517 --> 01:19:33,559 There's the other end. Faster! 1332 01:19:33,559 --> 01:19:34,643 Seven. 1333 01:19:34,643 --> 01:19:37,730 Six. Five. Four. 1334 01:19:37,730 --> 01:19:40,608 Three. Two. One. 1335 01:19:41,193 --> 01:19:42,735 Have a nice day. 1336 01:19:42,735 --> 01:19:44,361 ALL: Thank you. 1337 01:19:54,873 --> 01:19:56,207 VESPA: We did it! 1338 01:19:56,207 --> 01:19:57,792 (ALL CHEERlNG) 1339 01:19:59,211 --> 01:20:00,503 (HOWLlNG) 1340 01:20:03,381 --> 01:20:04,965 We all did it. 1341 01:20:07,219 --> 01:20:09,053 (SPACEBALLS SCREAMlNG) 1342 01:20:24,069 --> 01:20:28,489 So, l guess you might call that a case of man bites droid? 1343 01:20:31,451 --> 01:20:34,119 On a sadder note, Pizza the Hutt, 1344 01:20:34,119 --> 01:20:38,791 famed half man, half pizza, was found dead earlier today 1345 01:20:38,791 --> 01:20:41,669 in the back seat of his stretched limo. 1346 01:20:41,669 --> 01:20:43,796 Evidently, the notorious gangster 1347 01:20:43,796 --> 01:20:47,758 became locked in his car and ate himself to death. 1348 01:20:48,468 --> 01:20:52,680 Coming up, Pongo's review of Rocky 5,000. 1349 01:20:53,974 --> 01:20:54,974 Pongo. 1350 01:20:54,974 --> 01:20:56,183 PONGO: Whoever said when you've seen... 1351 01:20:56,183 --> 01:20:58,769 Did you hear that? Pizza kicked the bucket. 1352 01:20:58,769 --> 01:21:03,107 Now we don't have to pay him the million. We can keep it for ourselves. 1353 01:21:03,107 --> 01:21:04,525 (SlGHlNG) 1354 01:21:22,627 --> 01:21:23,836 Daddy! 1355 01:21:24,588 --> 01:21:27,882 Vespa, my darling. l thought l'd never see you again. 1356 01:21:27,882 --> 01:21:32,511 My sweet little daughter. l'm so happy that you're home and safe. 1357 01:21:32,762 --> 01:21:36,640 And, little Vespa, here's someone else who's happy to see you. 1358 01:21:39,728 --> 01:21:42,771 Hello. Where have you been? 1359 01:21:48,862 --> 01:21:50,863 (MUSlC PLAYlNG ON RADlO) 1360 01:21:58,622 --> 01:21:59,997 Thanks, hon. 1361 01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:07,171 (ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG) 1362 01:22:12,636 --> 01:22:15,804 Hiya, big stuff. Hi, dream. 1363 01:22:16,181 --> 01:22:17,264 What will you have? 1364 01:22:17,264 --> 01:22:20,100 We just got a couple minutes while we're gassing up. What's ready? 1365 01:22:20,100 --> 01:22:22,561 l can give you the space soup, or the space special. 1366 01:22:22,561 --> 01:22:24,480 LONE STARR: l'll have the soup. 1367 01:22:24,480 --> 01:22:25,731 Okay. 1368 01:22:25,731 --> 01:22:28,525 l'll have the cleavage. Special. 1369 01:22:29,611 --> 01:22:32,613 Okay, one special and one soup. 1370 01:22:35,992 --> 01:22:36,951 Ready to order? 1371 01:22:36,951 --> 01:22:38,077 Hi, yes. 1372 01:22:38,077 --> 01:22:39,495 We'll both have the lunafish. 1373 01:22:39,495 --> 01:22:40,579 Anything to drink? 1374 01:22:40,579 --> 01:22:43,582 Hey, watch where you're sticking that thing. 1375 01:22:43,582 --> 01:22:44,667 (EXCLAlMS) 1376 01:22:44,667 --> 01:22:46,627 Look, it's got a mind of its own, sweetheart. 1377 01:22:46,627 --> 01:22:48,712 l can't do a thing with it. 1378 01:22:49,047 --> 01:22:50,339 (HOWLlNG) 1379 01:22:54,970 --> 01:22:58,389 So, we were lost. None of us knew where we were. 1380 01:22:58,389 --> 01:23:02,518 And then Harry began feeling around on all the trees. 1381 01:23:02,518 --> 01:23:06,355 Then he said, "l got it. We on Pluto." 1382 01:23:06,815 --> 01:23:08,899 And we say, "Harry, how can you tell?" 1383 01:23:08,899 --> 01:23:11,610 He said, "From the bark, you dummies." 1384 01:23:16,408 --> 01:23:17,616 (GROANlNG) 1385 01:23:17,616 --> 01:23:18,701 ls he all right? 1386 01:23:18,701 --> 01:23:21,120 MAN 1 : Yeah, the guy digs me. 1387 01:23:21,120 --> 01:23:22,746 Hey, what's wrong with this guy? 1388 01:23:22,746 --> 01:23:24,289 l don't know. 1389 01:23:24,289 --> 01:23:25,916 (JOHN GROANlNG) 1390 01:23:27,043 --> 01:23:28,502 Bring him some water! 1391 01:23:28,502 --> 01:23:32,047 Water, my ass! Bring this guy some Pepto-Bismol ! 1392 01:23:32,924 --> 01:23:36,010 Waitress! What did he order? 1393 01:23:36,010 --> 01:23:37,803 He had the special. 1394 01:23:37,803 --> 01:23:40,639 That's what l ordered. Change my order to the soup. 1395 01:23:40,639 --> 01:23:41,807 Good move. 1396 01:23:41,807 --> 01:23:43,267 (GROANlNG) 1397 01:23:46,813 --> 01:23:48,147 (SNARLlNG) 1398 01:23:50,608 --> 01:23:53,736 Oh, no. Not again ! 1399 01:23:55,822 --> 01:23:57,197 (EXCLAlMlNG) 1400 01:23:57,197 --> 01:23:58,615 (GROWLlNG) 1401 01:24:05,915 --> 01:24:08,250 (SlNGlNG) Hello, my baby Hello, my honey 1402 01:24:08,250 --> 01:24:10,627 Hello, my ragtime gal 1403 01:24:10,627 --> 01:24:15,299 Send me a kiss by wire Baby, my heart's on fire 1404 01:24:15,299 --> 01:24:17,760 lf you refuse me, Honey, you'll lose me 1405 01:24:17,760 --> 01:24:19,136 Then you'll be left alone 1406 01:24:19,136 --> 01:24:24,183 Oh, baby, telephone and tell me l'm your own 1407 01:24:26,978 --> 01:24:28,479 BOTH: Check, please. 1408 01:24:39,157 --> 01:24:41,575 Five minutes to magic time. 1409 01:24:41,575 --> 01:24:45,037 Are you all right, my dear? You look a little flighty. 1410 01:24:45,037 --> 01:24:48,540 Don't worry about me, Father. l'm completely over him. 1411 01:24:48,540 --> 01:24:49,708 (SCOFFS) 1412 01:24:49,708 --> 01:24:51,585 Didn't even stay for the wedding. 1413 01:24:51,585 --> 01:24:54,588 Just grabbed his million space bucks and ran. 1414 01:24:54,588 --> 01:24:56,757 He didn't take the million. 1415 01:24:56,757 --> 01:24:58,092 He didn't? 1416 01:24:58,092 --> 01:25:03,055 No. He just took 248 space bucks for lunch, gas and tolls. 1417 01:25:13,441 --> 01:25:15,776 l still can't believe you turned down the money. 1418 01:25:15,776 --> 01:25:19,279 At least we could have stayed for the wedding feast. l'm starving. 1419 01:25:19,279 --> 01:25:21,573 Have you got anything to eat? 1420 01:25:22,534 --> 01:25:25,744 Wait a minute. Yogurt gave me that fortune cookie. 1421 01:25:26,121 --> 01:25:27,371 Here, chow down. 1422 01:25:27,371 --> 01:25:29,289 Wow, thanks. l'll split it with you. 1423 01:25:29,289 --> 01:25:30,707 No. Okay. 1424 01:25:35,088 --> 01:25:36,171 BOTH: Yogurt! 1425 01:25:36,171 --> 01:25:37,589 Hello, boys. 1426 01:25:37,841 --> 01:25:41,301 Well, you opened your fortune cookie, so here's your fortune. 1427 01:25:41,301 --> 01:25:45,305 Lone Starr, you know that medallion that you wear around your neck 1428 01:25:45,305 --> 01:25:47,474 but you don't know what it means? 1429 01:25:47,474 --> 01:25:50,894 Here's what it means. lt's a royal birth certificate. 1430 01:25:50,894 --> 01:25:55,440 Yes! Your father was a king. Your mother was a queen. 1431 01:25:55,440 --> 01:25:59,153 Which makes you a certified prince. 1432 01:25:59,153 --> 01:26:01,822 Hey, l'm a prince! 1433 01:26:01,822 --> 01:26:04,116 l'm a prince. Which means. . . 1434 01:26:04,116 --> 01:26:08,328 Which means, if you hury, there could be a princess in your future. 1435 01:26:08,328 --> 01:26:11,331 lf you want to get back there before she marries Sleeping Beauty, 1436 01:26:11,331 --> 01:26:14,668 there's a special can of fuel in your glove compartment. 1437 01:26:14,668 --> 01:26:15,752 Good luck, boys. 1438 01:26:15,752 --> 01:26:16,879 Bye, Yogurt. 1439 01:26:16,879 --> 01:26:19,673 And, Yogurt, thanks. 1440 01:26:19,673 --> 01:26:21,175 You're welcome. 1441 01:26:21,175 --> 01:26:25,470 And may the Schwartz be with you! 1442 01:26:25,470 --> 01:26:27,306 (SCATTlNG GlBBERlSH) 1443 01:26:30,476 --> 01:26:32,311 Barf, open that glove compartment. 1444 01:26:32,311 --> 01:26:34,438 You got it, Your Highness. 1445 01:26:37,817 --> 01:26:40,527 Wow! Liquid Schwartz! 1446 01:26:40,527 --> 01:26:42,529 Quick, pour it in the emergency tank. 1447 01:26:42,529 --> 01:26:43,822 Right. 1448 01:26:47,076 --> 01:26:48,535 Look at that. 1449 01:26:50,163 --> 01:26:51,246 Done! 1450 01:26:51,246 --> 01:26:54,291 Hang on, Barf, we're gonna make spacetracks. 1451 01:26:54,291 --> 01:26:56,043 (ENGlNES REVVlNG) 1452 01:27:04,427 --> 01:27:06,803 (SPACEBALLS SCREAMlNG) 1453 01:27:33,623 --> 01:27:35,123 (GULLS CAWlNG) 1454 01:27:47,178 --> 01:27:50,639 Dear me, what are those things coming out of her nose? 1455 01:27:52,183 --> 01:27:53,934 Hey, watch my helmet. 1456 01:27:53,934 --> 01:27:55,352 (GRUNTlNG) 1457 01:27:57,355 --> 01:27:59,314 Spaceballs? 1458 01:27:59,565 --> 01:28:02,276 Oh, shit. There goes the planet. 1459 01:28:05,530 --> 01:28:09,408 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together 1460 01:28:12,203 --> 01:28:14,121 Why didn't you tell me he didn't take the money? 1461 01:28:14,121 --> 01:28:16,123 l didn't think it was important. 1462 01:28:16,123 --> 01:28:17,833 May l continue, please? 1463 01:28:17,833 --> 01:28:20,544 Besides, he asked me not to tell you. 1464 01:28:21,212 --> 01:28:22,546 Thank you. 1465 01:28:23,047 --> 01:28:27,843 To join Princess Vespa and Princess Valium. . . 1466 01:28:29,095 --> 01:28:31,096 l'm sorry, it's the hair. 1467 01:28:31,723 --> 01:28:36,018 Prince Valium in the bonds of holy matrimony. 1468 01:28:36,018 --> 01:28:39,646 l see it all now. Don't you see? He loves me! 1469 01:28:39,646 --> 01:28:41,606 l'm trying to conduct a wedding here, 1470 01:28:41,606 --> 01:28:42,941 which has nothing to do with love. 1471 01:28:42,941 --> 01:28:44,568 Please be quiet. l'm sorry. 1472 01:28:44,568 --> 01:28:45,652 l'm sorry. 1473 01:28:45,652 --> 01:28:46,737 l'm sorry, too. 1474 01:28:46,737 --> 01:28:48,071 Don't be sorry. Be quiet! 1475 01:28:48,071 --> 01:28:49,948 ALL THREE: l'm sorry! 1476 01:28:52,702 --> 01:28:56,747 To join Princess Vespa and Prince Valium 1477 01:28:56,747 --> 01:28:59,082 in the bonds of holy 1478 01:28:59,082 --> 01:29:00,751 (RUMBLlNG) moly! 1479 01:29:01,336 --> 01:29:02,961 (ALL EXCLAlMlNG) 1480 01:29:06,174 --> 01:29:07,257 Matrimony. 1481 01:29:07,257 --> 01:29:09,968 That's him ! l know it's him. He's come back. 1482 01:29:09,968 --> 01:29:13,513 That's it! l'm gonna take no more chances. We're doing the short version. 1483 01:29:13,513 --> 01:29:17,351 Prince Valium, do you take Princess Vespa to be your lawfully wedded wife? 1484 01:29:17,351 --> 01:29:21,146 Princess Vespa, do you take Prince Valium to be your lawfully wedded husband? 1485 01:29:21,146 --> 01:29:23,565 (STUTTERlNG) Well, l suppose. 1486 01:29:23,775 --> 01:29:25,650 Well. . . Oh, l don't know. 1487 01:29:25,650 --> 01:29:27,069 LONE STARR: No! She doesn't! 1488 01:29:27,069 --> 01:29:28,278 What? 1489 01:29:28,278 --> 01:29:29,863 (ALL GASPlNG) 1490 01:29:33,284 --> 01:29:35,118 Who the hell are you? 1491 01:29:35,118 --> 01:29:37,120 Prince Lone Starr. 1492 01:29:37,120 --> 01:29:38,455 Prince? 1493 01:29:38,455 --> 01:29:40,957 l just found out. That's what this says. 1494 01:29:40,957 --> 01:29:43,168 l'm an honest to God prince. 1495 01:29:43,795 --> 01:29:45,462 Will you marry me? 1496 01:29:45,797 --> 01:29:47,923 Well, let me think about it. 1497 01:29:49,050 --> 01:29:50,175 Yes. 1498 01:29:50,175 --> 01:29:51,426 l'm sick of this. 1499 01:29:51,426 --> 01:29:54,721 l don't give a damn who it is, but l'm gonna marry somebody today! 1500 01:29:54,721 --> 01:29:56,556 Who are you? l'm the best man. 1501 01:29:56,556 --> 01:29:58,058 What's your name? Barf. 1502 01:29:58,058 --> 01:29:59,309 Your full name. 1503 01:29:59,309 --> 01:30:00,644 Barfolomew. 1504 01:30:00,644 --> 01:30:02,062 Are you the one that's getting married? 1505 01:30:02,062 --> 01:30:03,146 No. 1506 01:30:03,146 --> 01:30:04,731 Then get over there! 1507 01:30:04,731 --> 01:30:07,901 Okay, here we go. The short, short version. 1508 01:30:08,319 --> 01:30:10,278 Do you? Yes. 1509 01:30:10,488 --> 01:30:11,696 Do you? Yes! 1510 01:30:11,696 --> 01:30:14,074 Good. You're married. Kiss her. 1511 01:30:14,534 --> 01:30:17,327 l love you. 1512 01:30:28,339 --> 01:30:30,549 (SNlFFLlNG) Well, goodbye, Virgin Alarm. 1513 01:32:27,458 --> 01:32:29,209 (SPACEBALLS PLAYlNG) 1514 01:32:48,145 --> 01:32:52,482 MAN: (SlNGlNG) lf you're livin' in a bubble and you haven't got a care 1515 01:32:55,736 --> 01:32:57,571 Well, you're gonna be in trouble 1516 01:32:57,571 --> 01:33:00,198 'Cause we're gonna steal your air 1517 01:33:03,035 --> 01:33:05,036 'Cause what you got is what we need 1518 01:33:05,036 --> 01:33:07,038 And all we do is dirty deeds 1519 01:33:07,038 --> 01:33:09,499 We're the Spaceballs 1520 01:33:09,917 --> 01:33:10,917 CHORUS: Watch out! 1521 01:33:10,917 --> 01:33:13,670 'Cause we're the Spaceballs 1522 01:33:14,672 --> 01:33:16,590 We're the masters of space 1523 01:33:16,590 --> 01:33:18,425 MAN: Hey, don't mess around 1524 01:33:18,425 --> 01:33:20,677 With the Spaceballs 1525 01:33:29,812 --> 01:33:31,605 Going cruising in a spaceship 1526 01:33:31,605 --> 01:33:34,024 We're so good at being bad 1527 01:33:37,361 --> 01:33:41,656 We'll destroy your little planet if you ever get us mad 1528 01:33:44,702 --> 01:33:46,620 We're mothers of the galaxy 1529 01:33:46,620 --> 01:33:48,955 You better scatter when you see 1530 01:33:48,955 --> 01:33:51,333 The Spaceballs! 1531 01:33:51,333 --> 01:33:52,584 Watch out! 1532 01:33:52,584 --> 01:33:55,128 We're the Spaceballs 1533 01:33:56,005 --> 01:33:58,048 We're the masters of space 1534 01:33:58,048 --> 01:33:59,966 Say what? Don't mess around 1535 01:33:59,966 --> 01:34:02,427 With the Spaceballs 1536 01:34:02,887 --> 01:34:04,554 Watch out! 1537 01:34:33,125 --> 01:34:35,710 We're mothers of the galaxy 1538 01:34:35,710 --> 01:34:40,256 We're gonna take the air you breathe 1539 01:34:40,716 --> 01:34:44,052 Oh, Spaceballs! 1540 01:34:44,512 --> 01:34:45,595 Watch out! 1541 01:34:45,595 --> 01:34:48,556 We're the Spaceballs 1542 01:34:48,766 --> 01:34:51,434 We're the masters of space 1543 01:34:51,811 --> 01:34:55,313 Don't mess around with the Spaceballs 1544 01:34:55,313 --> 01:34:56,731 Duck! Watch out! 1545 01:34:56,731 --> 01:34:59,609 We're the Spaceballs 1546 01:35:00,611 --> 01:35:03,113 We're the masters of space 1547 01:35:03,113 --> 01:35:06,991 Don't mess around with the Spaceballs 1548 01:35:06,991 --> 01:35:08,118 Watch out! 1549 01:35:08,118 --> 01:35:10,620 We've got a bossin' little ship 1550 01:35:11,706 --> 01:35:13,998 So you better watch your lip 1551 01:35:15,501 --> 01:35:18,420 'Cause we're the Spaceballs 1552 01:35:18,420 --> 01:35:19,546 Watch out! 1553 01:35:19,546 --> 01:35:21,881 You may think that you are bad 1554 01:35:23,300 --> 01:35:26,052 But believe you can be had 1555 01:35:26,887 --> 01:35:29,848 By the Spaceballs 1556 01:35:29,848 --> 01:35:30,932 Watch out! 1557 01:35:30,932 --> 01:35:33,435 We're the Spaceballs 1558 01:35:33,435 --> 01:35:34,561 Watch out! 1559 01:35:34,561 --> 01:35:37,397 We're the Spaceballs 1560 01:35:37,982 --> 01:35:40,942 We're the masters of space 1561 01:35:40,942 --> 01:35:45,071 Don't mess around with the Spaceballs 1562 01:35:46,490 --> 01:35:48,241 We're so bad and mean 1563 01:35:49,744 --> 01:35:52,620 We make nightmares out of dreams 1564 01:35:53,539 --> 01:35:54,539 We're the Spaceballs 1565 01:36:01,547 --> 01:36:02,589 You better 1566 01:36:02,589 --> 01:36:03,840 Watch out! 1567 01:36:03,840 --> 01:36:05,425 (MAN LAUGHlNG)