1
00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:06,506
Why is everyone wearing those hats?

2
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,591
Is the dean planning
another ridiculous event,

3
00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:11,400
or is the Greendale hat club
still struggling to be noteworthy?

4
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:14,382
- You're talking about it.
- I talk about lots of stuff annoys me.

5
00:00:14,507 --> 00:00:15,863
Speaking of the dean...

6
00:00:15,988 --> 00:00:17,434
<i>Guten tag</i>, homies.

7
00:00:18,057 --> 00:00:20,252
I hope you'll all be
attending Oktoberfest.

8
00:00:20,476 --> 00:00:22,814
It's not often we get
to celebrate German culture.

9
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:24,232
It's not often we want to.

10
00:00:24,309 --> 00:00:27,687
- Yeah... a little goes a long way.
- True.

11
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:30,346
Greendale's Oktoberfest
has never drawn huge crowds,

12
00:00:30,471 --> 00:00:32,511
probably due to our diversity.

13
00:00:32,636 --> 00:00:35,731
So this year,
we are adding some color!

14
00:00:35,856 --> 00:00:36,703
Kick it!

15
00:00:37,233 --> 00:00:38,630
I'm give this to you, Troy.

16
00:00:38,733 --> 00:00:40,299
"Pop and Loktoberfest."

17
00:00:40,922 --> 00:00:44,328
The central event will be
a pop-and-lock-a-thon.

18
00:00:44,728 --> 00:00:46,379
Winner gets to annex Poland.

19
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:47,505
Kidding!

20
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:49,600
The winner gets an Itune gift card. Ok

21
00:00:50,252 --> 00:00:52,469
A break-dance contest.
What should we name our team?

22
00:00:52,976 --> 00:00:55,830
- Ok, I'm gonna go hang myself in my closet.
- I'm coming with.

23
00:00:56,836 --> 00:00:59,677
Is it me, or is this campus
getting more cartoonish every day?

24
00:00:59,802 --> 00:01:02,466
Yep. It's exciting. I painted a tunnel
on the side of the library.

25
00:01:02,591 --> 00:01:04,574
When it dries, I'm going for it.

26
00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:10,541
Can you see that guy over there?
The one wearing the Gucci suit

27
00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:12,739
and the lightweight
woven wool-mohair blend?

28
00:01:13,161 --> 00:01:16,451
- We used to work together.
- Cool. So he's from your origins.

29
00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:17,786
This is all I need.

30
00:01:17,954 --> 00:01:19,871
Excuse me, sir.
You're all my friend needs.

31
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,633
Your mouth isn't curved upwards.
Did I misread something?

32
00:01:26,590 --> 00:01:27,462
Tango?

33
00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:29,990
Sundance.
We worked with different partners.

34
00:01:29,991 --> 00:01:31,111
Got it.

35
00:01:31,201 --> 00:01:32,321
Hey.

36
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,672
- What brings you to Greendale?
- I'm a teacher.

37
00:01:35,797 --> 00:01:37,644
Wait, that's worse than the truth.

38
00:01:37,769 --> 00:01:38,848
I'm a student.

39
00:01:38,907 --> 00:01:41,525
Hey, I'm in no position to judge.
I'm here for an NA Meeting, so...

40
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,067
- Narcotics anonymous?
- Remember when you asked for my secret,

41
00:01:44,068 --> 00:01:45,716
I said yoga?
I lied.

42
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:48,816
- I'm Abed.
- Abed, this is Alan Connor.

43
00:01:48,988 --> 00:01:49,793
This guy and I

44
00:01:49,794 --> 00:01:52,128
used to wipe the courtroom floor
with prosecutors.

45
00:01:52,387 --> 00:01:55,873
DA called us the litterbugs,
we put much trash back on the streets.

46
00:01:56,595 --> 00:01:57,492
Come here!

47
00:01:57,660 --> 00:02:00,027
- You still ticklish?
- Stop that

48
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,913
- Hey, let's get a drink?
- Are you allowed?

49
00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:04,332
Yes. I quit doing blow,
not being rad.

50
00:02:04,350 --> 00:02:07,335
- All right, let's do it.
- Wait, Jeff can't go. He has class.

51
00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:10,213
Well, those cargo pants
would suggest otherwise.

52
00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:13,013
- What has this place done to you?
- You have no idea.

53
00:02:13,413 --> 00:02:14,509
Hat club!

54
00:02:16,073 --> 00:02:17,435
Now you have some idea.

55
00:02:17,701 --> 00:02:22,201
2x02 - Accounting for Lawyers

56
00:02:22,202 --> 00:02:26,722
Sync and corrected by vNaru
www.addic7ed.com

57
00:02:56,345 --> 00:02:57,345
So...

58
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:58,720
So?

59
00:03:00,498 --> 00:03:02,138
Anyone that's ever been in a team

60
00:03:02,139 --> 00:03:05,369
pop-and-lock-a-thon knows you need
seven people to stand a chance.

61
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,495
- We have seven.
- Oh, Do you?

62
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:09,862
Word has it on campus that
Winger's too busy hanging out

63
00:03:09,946 --> 00:03:11,483
with his cool new lawyer friend.

64
00:03:12,194 --> 00:03:14,291
Slow news day.

65
00:03:16,614 --> 00:03:18,990
- That's your Carson?
- Jon Stewart.

66
00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:21,451
- You depress me.
- Look, we'll get back to you.

67
00:03:21,481 --> 00:03:22,850
Allright, but don't take too long.

68
00:03:23,113 --> 00:03:24,662
And don't rip off this exit.

69
00:03:29,669 --> 00:03:30,710
Where is Jeff?

70
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,462
Obviously hanging with Alan.

71
00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:35,840
Those two are like Siamese twins
attached at the cell phone holster.

72
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:37,294
I haven't met him yet.

73
00:03:37,419 --> 00:03:39,803
Shouldn't we be happy
that Jeff found an old friend?

74
00:03:39,901 --> 00:03:42,278
Our concern is Alan is to Jeff
what Rob Lowe was to James Spader

75
00:03:42,279 --> 00:03:44,733
- in the 1990 film <i>Bad Influence</i>.
- He's a bad influence.

76
00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:46,226
You saw it?

77
00:03:46,308 --> 00:03:47,408
Hey, guys

78
00:03:47,476 --> 00:03:49,417
I'm gonna be
a little bit late today.

79
00:03:49,633 --> 00:03:51,860
Alan and I are gonna take
a quick sidebar.

80
00:03:52,152 --> 00:03:53,298
Or any bar.

81
00:03:54,630 --> 00:03:56,069
He's got Britta down!

82
00:03:57,625 --> 00:03:58,780
You look familiar.

83
00:03:58,948 --> 00:03:59,770
Possible.

84
00:03:59,895 --> 00:04:02,079
Have you or someone you know
been injured at work?

85
00:04:03,151 --> 00:04:04,071
Yes.

86
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,913
- A shrimp boat ran over my cousin.
- That's serious. Call me.

87
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:09,120
And Jeff, you need to be more respectful
of our time.

88
00:04:09,195 --> 00:04:13,408
Shirley, if I killed a man, as a Christian,
would you forgive me?

89
00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:14,150
I would.

90
00:04:14,151 --> 00:04:16,719
Then either that man's life
is worth less than your time,

91
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,874
or it's okay for me to be late.

92
00:04:18,995 --> 00:04:20,395
Haha, no!

93
00:04:20,917 --> 00:04:22,720
You still got the moves, man.

94
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,311
If they gave away awards
for mind games,

95
00:04:25,436 --> 00:04:28,017
the statue'd be Jeff Winger
doing it to a brain.

96
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,932
Come on, Jeff's bush league.

97
00:04:30,235 --> 00:04:31,853
I gave seminars on manipulation.

98
00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:35,669
I could reach into a man's soul
and unravel it with one tug.

99
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:36,985
Cool. Hit me.

100
00:04:38,788 --> 00:04:39,696
You're bald.

101
00:04:40,139 --> 00:04:41,990
- So are you.
- I'll kill you!

102
00:04:42,158 --> 00:04:43,804
- Come here!
- Mistrial.

103
00:04:47,501 --> 00:04:48,688
Come on man.

104
00:04:49,625 --> 00:04:50,726
I have hair.

105
00:04:55,158 --> 00:04:56,713
Father, I have hair.

106
00:04:57,791 --> 00:04:59,649
- On a tax evasion case.
- Yeah

107
00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:01,760
God, I miss talking
about this stuff!

108
00:05:01,856 --> 00:05:03,865
- Well, you should visit the office.
- Right.

109
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:06,723
I can't show my face there
after getting busted like that.

110
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,519
Jeff, you know what lawyers call someone
who defrauds the state bar,

111
00:05:10,559 --> 00:05:12,228
cheats on his lsats,

112
00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:13,685
and cons his way into a firm?

113
00:05:14,305 --> 00:05:15,116
Best...

114
00:05:15,241 --> 00:05:16,941
Lawyer... Ever.

115
00:05:17,202 --> 00:05:18,109
Seriously?

116
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:21,929
Hey, tomorrow night. Office party.
You're my guest.

117
00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:25,116
Come on, you just said you missed it.

118
00:05:26,281 --> 00:05:27,281
I do.

119
00:05:27,613 --> 00:05:29,073
I really, really do.

120
00:05:33,319 --> 00:05:36,508
- What does Alan have that we don't?
- A butt for Jeff's wiener.

121
00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:40,724
I mean, we all have butts, too.
We have butts.

122
00:05:41,078 --> 00:05:44,385
Just not for the same thi...
I'm trying to say they're gay.

123
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:46,797
I don't like how much drinking
and carousing they do.

124
00:05:46,922 --> 00:05:48,335
It's a gateway to narcotics.

125
00:05:48,460 --> 00:05:50,558
Narcotics!
I know how I know Alan!

126
00:05:52,796 --> 00:05:54,187
But I'm not allowed to say.

127
00:05:54,526 --> 00:05:56,856
Which means that you met him
in narcotics anonymous.

128
00:05:57,984 --> 00:06:00,332
- Why bring it up if you're not allowed?
- Because...

129
00:06:01,115 --> 00:06:03,905
He said something at a meeting
about something bad he did.

130
00:06:04,445 --> 00:06:06,671
And he might have done it to Jeff,
but I can't say what it is.

131
00:06:06,719 --> 00:06:09,169
Ok, you've gone from precious
to annoying.

132
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,954
What if you don't say out loud but we guess?

133
00:06:11,122 --> 00:06:12,038
Like charades?

134
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:13,748
With this group? I'm watching.

135
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:23,133
Four words.

136
00:06:23,749 --> 00:06:25,093
"Alan got Jeff disbarred."

137
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:29,230
Those junkies weren't think about rules
when they were shooting up scag.

138
00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:31,747
- Jeff, Alan narced on you!
- Narced?

139
00:06:32,406 --> 00:06:36,312
But he's like way too <i>primo </i>for that,
Frank Zappa.

140
00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:38,223
I think he turned you in to the state bar.

141
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,437
I was in an NA Meeting,

142
00:06:39,438 --> 00:06:41,578
and he bragged about it.
He doesn't recognize me,

143
00:06:41,579 --> 00:06:43,833
because my hair's longer,
my skin's clearer,

144
00:06:44,848 --> 00:06:46,634
- I've lost a lot of weight.
- Annie.

145
00:06:47,402 --> 00:06:49,110
He said he turned me in?

146
00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:53,269
He said he sent an email
that got a rival coworker fired.

147
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:54,831
It was the time you got caught.

148
00:06:55,171 --> 00:06:57,322
I know they never covered this
on <i>Yo gabba gabba</i>,

149
00:06:57,447 --> 00:06:59,020
but that's called circumstantial.

150
00:06:59,145 --> 00:07:01,003
Any other meaningless
conspiracy theories?

151
00:07:01,043 --> 00:07:04,636
Yes. Did you know that go-gurt
is just yogurt?

152
00:07:05,201 --> 00:07:07,677
You know what a therapist calls
this kind of a relationship, right?

153
00:07:07,991 --> 00:07:08,887
A gold mine.

154
00:07:09,174 --> 00:07:10,385
Codependent.

155
00:07:10,850 --> 00:07:14,367
You guys don't want me to be happy.
You want me to need you.

156
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:18,313
It's getting a little claustrophobic.
I used to run full-speed

157
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:21,691
through the boundless wilderness,
and now I'm in the zoo,

158
00:07:22,343 --> 00:07:24,970
where the horizon is wallpaper
and the air is stale

159
00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:26,892
and nothing is ever at stake.

160
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:29,657
In other words, we're not cool.

161
00:07:30,165 --> 00:07:32,754
I never said it. You may have heard it.
I may have thought it,

162
00:07:32,879 --> 00:07:34,743
and it may be true.
But I never said it.

163
00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:36,912
Jeff, will we see you tomorrow night,
at the pop-and-lock-a-thon?

164
00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:40,648
No, Abed, I'm going to a cool party
at my cool former law firm

165
00:07:40,773 --> 00:07:42,087
from when my life was cool.

166
00:07:45,321 --> 00:07:47,383
Fine.
You can be on the team.

167
00:07:47,807 --> 00:07:48,824
New deal.

168
00:07:49,278 --> 00:07:51,775
If we win,
I get to be in the study group.

169
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:56,601
The stakes have never been higher.

170
00:08:01,496 --> 00:08:02,829
I just wanna thank everybody for coming.

171
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:04,807
When I became a lawyer,

172
00:08:04,808 --> 00:08:06,125
I had a dream.

173
00:08:07,199 --> 00:08:09,307
I had a dream that one day
I'd be head of a firm

174
00:08:09,796 --> 00:08:13,118
so nobody would be able to talk
about the big, weird hole in my hand.

175
00:08:14,455 --> 00:08:16,788
I know everybody talks about it
behind my back, and that's OK.

176
00:08:16,956 --> 00:08:18,623
You know, I would.

177
00:08:18,791 --> 00:08:21,042
What's great, though,
is that you don't stare

178
00:08:21,993 --> 00:08:23,420
or ask any questions.

179
00:08:23,744 --> 00:08:25,874
And as a reward for your restraint,

180
00:08:26,474 --> 00:08:28,052
got a little something for you.

181
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:30,260
There.

182
00:08:30,428 --> 00:08:33,763
That oughta keep you going
to Christmas. Have fun tonight!

183
00:08:36,768 --> 00:08:38,768
Anyone else with that hand
would wear a glove.

184
00:08:39,314 --> 00:08:41,151
He controls a room with it.

185
00:08:41,551 --> 00:08:42,664
He's the master.

186
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:44,524
Well, he sure is a fan of yours.

187
00:08:47,823 --> 00:08:49,004
Hey, when you talk to him,

188
00:08:49,022 --> 00:08:52,066
will you mention me?
He keeps passing me over for partner.

189
00:08:52,582 --> 00:08:55,118
Alan, did you invite me here
with an ulterior motive?

190
00:08:57,083 --> 00:08:58,580
God, I miss this place!

191
00:09:02,532 --> 00:09:04,169
God, it's a sea of Wingers.

192
00:09:04,337 --> 00:09:06,963
This whole place reeks
of moral ambiguity.

193
00:09:07,218 --> 00:09:09,518
Actually, that was me.
I apologize.

194
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:12,385
Now, you guys are new
to high society,

195
00:09:12,599 --> 00:09:16,117
so just... follow my lead,
everything will be fine.

196
00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:25,315
First, why are you here?
Second, I don't care. Leave.

197
00:09:25,483 --> 00:09:28,318
As a matter of fact, Jeff,
we were invited.

198
00:09:28,365 --> 00:09:29,793
Why would anyone do that?

199
00:09:29,818 --> 00:09:31,768
Hey, you guys made it!

200
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:33,740
Come on in.

201
00:09:35,598 --> 00:09:38,912
Ok, before this gets more embarrassing,
what is your misguided plan?

202
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:42,499
To apologize to you
for casting aspersions

203
00:09:42,577 --> 00:09:45,120
- on your friend.
- And to show you we can be cool.

204
00:09:45,378 --> 00:09:47,195
Hey, is that Jeff Winger?

205
00:09:48,427 --> 00:09:49,631
Find Annie and leave.

206
00:09:50,032 --> 00:09:51,332
Ted! Hey man!

207
00:09:51,431 --> 00:09:52,731
- What's going on?
- Wow.

208
00:09:53,816 --> 00:09:56,888
Once Annie gets Alan's office number,
you guys break into his office,

209
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:58,440
hack into his emails,

210
00:09:58,441 --> 00:10:00,684
and find proof
that he screwed Jeff over.

211
00:10:03,059 --> 00:10:04,562
Fourth floor. 470.

212
00:10:05,255 --> 00:10:07,157
First he said it was 69.

213
00:10:07,483 --> 00:10:09,332
I wanna rub purell on my brain.

214
00:10:11,529 --> 00:10:14,939
You are so missed here, Jeff.
If we had five guys with your balls,

215
00:10:14,940 --> 00:10:18,121
- we wouldn't need 30 lawyers.
- True, but we'd need a good doctor.

216
00:10:19,495 --> 00:10:21,534
Ted, stop hittin' on my date.

217
00:10:23,035 --> 00:10:24,574
I'm kidding.
We can share.

218
00:10:25,372 --> 00:10:26,622
I get the head!

219
00:10:26,961 --> 00:10:28,639
I love the brain in there!

220
00:10:29,143 --> 00:10:30,088
I'll eat it.

221
00:10:31,713 --> 00:10:33,592
Everybody, Jeff Winger's here!

222
00:10:35,553 --> 00:10:36,921
Shouldn't we notify someone

223
00:10:36,922 --> 00:10:39,476
that our team's not gonna make it
to the pop-and-lock-a-thon?

224
00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:43,120
You actually think anybody cares?

225
00:10:44,022 --> 00:10:46,771
Checking in
for the Heather Pop and Locklears.

226
00:10:49,091 --> 00:10:51,320
- Where's the rest of your team?
- They'll be here.

227
00:10:51,321 --> 00:10:54,264
Nice. You are allowed to start by yourself,
but you won't stand a chance

228
00:10:54,276 --> 00:10:56,635
- if you don't have someone...
- They'll be here!

229
00:11:08,055 --> 00:11:10,044
I brought stuff
people use for capers.

230
00:11:11,684 --> 00:11:12,630
Suction cup.

231
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:14,716
Credit card.

232
00:11:16,046 --> 00:11:18,553
Chloroform. If the card doesn't work,
the chloroform does.

233
00:11:19,329 --> 00:11:21,181
Annie, go back and keep lookout.

234
00:11:22,242 --> 00:11:23,808
Why me lookout?
Why not you?

235
00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:26,644
'Cause if someone comes up here,
Kanye and Kumar get taken to jail.

236
00:11:27,033 --> 00:11:29,439
- You, get taken to dinner.
- You guys!

237
00:11:29,678 --> 00:11:31,388
I'm the smartest one in this group,

238
00:11:31,513 --> 00:11:34,027
and all I've been used
for is bait and distraction.

239
00:11:36,450 --> 00:11:38,948
Go on your stupid mission.
I hope it sucks.

240
00:11:39,116 --> 00:11:40,772
- What did she say?
- I dunno.

241
00:11:40,897 --> 00:11:42,244
All I heard was suck.

242
00:11:43,088 --> 00:11:45,079
I'm surprised
Alan hasn't made partner yet.

243
00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:46,748
I'm surprised I haven't fired him.

244
00:11:47,011 --> 00:11:49,668
Why? I mean,
he's got a better win record than I do.

245
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:52,462
He's a spineless trust fund jagoff.

246
00:11:52,753 --> 00:11:55,799
I'll tell you what, Jeff.
You're the best liar I ever employed.

247
00:11:56,142 --> 00:11:57,975
If you can look me in the eye,

248
00:11:58,100 --> 00:12:00,331
and tell me you actually like Alan,

249
00:12:00,456 --> 00:12:01,930
I'll make him a full partner.

250
00:12:04,006 --> 00:12:06,306
I only ever really liked one person.

251
00:12:06,818 --> 00:12:07,622
My mom.

252
00:12:07,623 --> 00:12:09,753
And... she liked my dad.

253
00:12:10,176 --> 00:12:13,076
And after all the dust
and custody was settled,

254
00:12:13,423 --> 00:12:16,157
the guy I really admired,
not liked, admired,

255
00:12:16,592 --> 00:12:19,163
was the lawyer leaving the courthouse
in the great-looking suit

256
00:12:19,288 --> 00:12:21,116
and a sky blue Mercedes SLK.

257
00:12:21,284 --> 00:12:22,909
- Sweet ride.
- Sweet job.

258
00:12:23,077 --> 00:12:25,620
Sweet life.
He didn't care, he couldn't care.

259
00:12:26,128 --> 00:12:28,289
And the less he cared,
the better he was.

260
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,166
We are a special breed

261
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:32,536
because we rise above
the sloppy stuff

262
00:12:32,661 --> 00:12:34,561
and look at the bottom line.

263
00:12:35,324 --> 00:12:37,424
You wanna like your employees?
Open a hair salon.

264
00:12:38,063 --> 00:12:40,568
You wanna win?
Make Alan partner.

265
00:12:42,118 --> 00:12:44,097
The student has become the master.

266
00:12:44,675 --> 00:12:45,849
Thank you, Jeff.

267
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,008
You make me wanna be a worse man.

268
00:12:50,589 --> 00:12:53,390
By the way, just 'cause you can't work cases here
doesn't mean you can't work.

269
00:12:53,518 --> 00:12:54,832
You know, be a consultant.

270
00:12:54,955 --> 00:12:57,498
Ted, that would be amazing.

271
00:12:59,409 --> 00:13:00,613
I'll be right back.

272
00:13:03,397 --> 00:13:05,076
Hey Jeff, I'm sure you know Philip.

273
00:13:05,644 --> 00:13:08,452
Did you know that if I sleep
with Philip once a month,

274
00:13:08,577 --> 00:13:12,011
I can use his beach house
in Rio whenever I want?

275
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:12,861
Wow.

276
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,466
You guys are really on to something.

277
00:13:14,591 --> 00:13:16,796
I think you found
the world's newest profession.

278
00:13:16,799 --> 00:13:19,425
Guys guys, did you know I have a civil case,

279
00:13:19,430 --> 00:13:21,342
against that bitch
that stole my husband?

280
00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:22,969
Shirley, don't sue a stripper.

281
00:13:23,044 --> 00:13:24,619
- Why not?
- She's a stripper.

282
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:27,619
Life sued her, and she lost.
Where's Pierce?

283
00:13:27,744 --> 00:13:29,434
Why am I even worried about him?

284
00:13:30,949 --> 00:13:34,406
Did you know there's an island in Indonesia
where you can hunt people?

285
00:13:35,057 --> 00:13:36,524
We need to talk.

286
00:13:36,790 --> 00:13:38,801
- I think this is it.
- Print it.

287
00:13:41,619 --> 00:13:42,539
Nice

288
00:13:42,624 --> 00:13:43,624
Excuse me!

289
00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:45,975
Who are you, guys?
This is not your office.

290
00:13:46,498 --> 00:13:47,698
I can explain.

291
00:13:50,656 --> 00:13:52,081
Let me explain.

292
00:14:08,057 --> 00:14:09,457
Oh my god.

293
00:14:10,579 --> 00:14:12,979
- I didn't know what to do.
- Oh my God!

294
00:14:13,909 --> 00:14:16,438
I usually have one foot out of reality,
and even I'm freaking out right now.

295
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,024
You chloroformed the janitor?!

296
00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:21,127
- Stop yelling at me! You are the ones you got caught!
- You're the one who's yelling!

297
00:14:21,195 --> 00:14:23,302
We're in big trouble!
We have to do something!

298
00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:26,223
I don't know what to do.
My whole brain is crying!

299
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:28,940
Guys! guys! guys!

300
00:14:29,092 --> 00:14:30,120
Hey, I have an idea.

301
00:14:30,860 --> 00:14:32,777
Ok, it may sound a little weird,
but trust me.

302
00:14:44,207 --> 00:14:45,557
What's happening?

303
00:14:47,008 --> 00:14:49,487
We all got chloroformed!

304
00:14:49,941 --> 00:14:52,726
Somebody chloroformed all of us.

305
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,562
And now we're regaining consciousness. Together.

306
00:14:56,335 --> 00:14:59,232
I don't understand.
Who's she?

307
00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:02,563
Why is she holding a rag?

308
00:15:17,862 --> 00:15:20,886
Ok, that was the worst idea ever.
Can we please, just run away now?

309
00:15:23,716 --> 00:15:25,763
It is the fourth straight hour,

310
00:15:25,888 --> 00:15:28,790
and Ben Chang is still on his own.

311
00:15:29,207 --> 00:15:32,582
One can only imagine
what is driving him to...

312
00:15:32,633 --> 00:15:34,934
push himself to such limits!

313
00:15:48,302 --> 00:15:49,502
My body hurts.

314
00:15:51,163 --> 00:15:52,283
My body hurts.

315
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:56,109
You jealous because we're fitting in
with your cool friends?

316
00:15:56,110 --> 00:15:58,776
No. I'm distracted,
watching you mutate.

317
00:15:58,815 --> 00:16:00,292
Britta, you're not a whore.

318
00:16:00,317 --> 00:16:03,412
Shirley, Jesus turned the other cheek.
He didn't garnish wages.

319
00:16:03,552 --> 00:16:07,529
Pierce. Do I even need to say this?
It is bad to hunt man for sport.

320
00:16:07,557 --> 00:16:08,676
Bad ass.

321
00:16:09,915 --> 00:16:12,180
This is the email
that Alan sent the bar association.

322
00:16:15,234 --> 00:16:18,436
He stabbed you in the back, Jeff.
He's a bad friend.

323
00:16:21,334 --> 00:16:22,484
You're right.

324
00:16:23,257 --> 00:16:24,734
He is a bad friend.

325
00:16:28,092 --> 00:16:29,489
But he is a good lawyer.

326
00:16:31,039 --> 00:16:33,257
Now, I appreciate you guys caring,

327
00:16:33,382 --> 00:16:35,620
but you have to understand
that I don't.

328
00:16:36,293 --> 00:16:37,747
Caring is lethal around here.

329
00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:39,290
It's a disease.

330
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:41,308
You guys have it.
I don't.

331
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:45,193
So if you do care about me,
don't infect me.

332
00:16:46,637 --> 00:16:49,236
Now, go win that pop-and-lock-a-thon.

333
00:16:49,990 --> 00:16:51,386
I'll see you Monday.

334
00:16:52,949 --> 00:16:55,200
It's like watching a soul
slip through our fingers.

335
00:16:55,683 --> 00:16:57,058
But what more can we do?

336
00:16:59,548 --> 00:17:00,798
Would you stop?

337
00:17:03,755 --> 00:17:05,175
Tango.

338
00:17:05,488 --> 00:17:07,398
I don't know how you did it, man...

339
00:17:07,523 --> 00:17:09,571
but you're looking at
the firm's next partner.

340
00:17:09,643 --> 00:17:12,269
If I wasn't actively repressing
my bi-curiosity,

341
00:17:12,356 --> 00:17:14,117
I would kiss your beautiful mouth.

342
00:17:14,705 --> 00:17:16,536
Well, maybe you can return the favor one day.

343
00:17:16,898 --> 00:17:18,913
Maybe, I can return it right now.

344
00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:23,668
You probably know that someone here
at the firm turned you in.

345
00:17:26,094 --> 00:17:27,565
God, this is really hard.

346
00:17:30,232 --> 00:17:32,514
It's okay.
You can tell me.

347
00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:39,522
It was Thompson.

348
00:17:40,531 --> 00:17:42,351
- Thompson.
- Yeah.

349
00:17:43,637 --> 00:17:45,982
Thompson, that adopted three at-risk teens

350
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,470
and donated his kidney to a temp.

351
00:17:49,659 --> 00:17:50,709
All an act.

352
00:17:50,806 --> 00:17:53,855
Yeah, why do you think he quit
right after you left?

353
00:17:54,266 --> 00:17:55,865
Well... his wife died.

354
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:57,466
Did she, Jeff?

355
00:17:58,146 --> 00:17:59,146
Did...

356
00:18:00,034 --> 00:18:00,747
she?

357
00:18:01,318 --> 00:18:03,327
Anyway... congrats.

358
00:18:04,505 --> 00:18:06,527
Let's go do some shots with Phil.

359
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:08,171
No, you go ahead, I...

360
00:18:08,945 --> 00:18:11,709
I think I caught something
at Greendale.

361
00:18:12,155 --> 00:18:14,322
College chicks.
I get ya!

362
00:18:16,417 --> 00:18:17,467
You're bad!

363
00:18:26,918 --> 00:18:29,718
Shamone... It hurts.
Shamone...

364
00:18:30,293 --> 00:18:32,654
It hurts!
Shamone... It hurts!

365
00:18:32,822 --> 00:18:34,489
Ben, switch up your moves.

366
00:18:36,356 --> 00:18:38,644
Wow, do my eyes deceive me?

367
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:41,687
Troy Barnes
baggin' in for the save.

368
00:18:42,183 --> 00:18:44,363
Only two teams left.

369
00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:48,228
The Poppy Lockstockings,
and the Heather Pop and Locklears!

370
00:18:50,082 --> 00:18:52,020
- Troy, what's wrong?
- I don't know.

371
00:18:52,145 --> 00:18:53,508
My heart's just not in it.

372
00:18:53,676 --> 00:18:57,186
Maybe we should quit. I mean,
who even cares about this anyway?

373
00:18:57,482 --> 00:18:59,847
Next stop looks like Jeffrey Winger.

374
00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:01,398
Jeffrey, you're back!

375
00:19:02,325 --> 00:19:04,606
- Did you miss me?
- Took you long enough.

376
00:19:07,503 --> 00:19:08,923
Now we got it.

377
00:19:13,529 --> 00:19:15,946
Jeffrey, did you punch Alan
in his rotten face

378
00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:18,606
- and storm out?
- Hell no, that guy's useful to me.

379
00:19:18,862 --> 00:19:20,500
Thanks to you, I've now got leverage

380
00:19:20,578 --> 00:19:22,787
over a spineless jag
that just made partner.

381
00:19:23,459 --> 00:19:25,165
That is the place I want to work.

382
00:19:25,434 --> 00:19:28,641
But I prefer to hang out
with cool people, people so cool...

383
00:19:28,965 --> 00:19:29,794
They care.

384
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:32,978
And now, the puppet.

385
00:19:45,230 --> 00:19:47,187
No parking
on the dance floor, Winger.

386
00:19:48,432 --> 00:19:52,358
No, I'm serious, you're disqualified.
The winners are the Poppy Lockstockings!

387
00:19:53,112 --> 00:19:54,112
Terrific!

388
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:57,147
No!!

389
00:19:57,460 --> 00:20:00,700
I been popping and locking
for five hours,

390
00:20:01,049 --> 00:20:02,849
and you threw it all away!

391
00:20:03,476 --> 00:20:05,330
The contest doesn't matter.

392
00:20:05,498 --> 00:20:07,665
What's important
is we have each other.

393
00:20:07,936 --> 00:20:10,210
Then, can I be in your study group?

394
00:20:10,713 --> 00:20:12,563
Well, that wasn't the deal.

395
00:20:13,089 --> 00:20:14,403
We lost, so...

396
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,218
- That was dope, what we did.
- That was so good!

397
00:20:18,386 --> 00:20:20,949
- The puppet too!
- The puppet was so...

398
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,446
I rolled my ankle during that.

399
00:20:32,934 --> 00:20:36,111
You know what, he's bringing us down.
Let's move him. Can we move him?

400
00:20:39,479 --> 00:20:40,879
Tsss, Troy.

401
00:20:41,216 --> 00:20:42,158
It's me.

402
00:20:42,664 --> 00:20:43,584
Abed?

403
00:20:43,661 --> 00:20:46,079
I made it through!
I'm a cartoon now.

404
00:20:46,484 --> 00:20:49,105
- That's impossible.
- Nothing's impossible in here.

405
00:20:49,230 --> 00:20:51,668
Animals can talk.
Your heart is shaped like a heart.

406
00:20:51,836 --> 00:20:54,076
And the smell of pie
can make you float.

407
00:20:54,077 --> 00:20:56,277
You have to believe, Troy.

408
00:20:58,099 --> 00:21:00,391
- Wait! You don't have to believe.
- I didn't.

409
00:21:02,620 --> 00:21:04,020
I didn't.

410
00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:08,518
I may have done some damage there.