1 00:00:11,648 --> 00:00:13,885 Agnes, cancel my appointments. 2 00:00:13,886 --> 00:00:15,268 What appointments? 3 00:00:16,315 --> 00:00:17,801 Wishful thinking. 4 00:00:18,166 --> 00:00:20,360 It's called alternative energy, 5 00:00:20,361 --> 00:00:22,635 the key to a brighter tomorrow. 6 00:00:29,841 --> 00:00:31,961 Notice all the animals wearing sunglasses. 7 00:00:31,962 --> 00:00:33,286 Because it's a brighter tomorrow. 8 00:00:33,991 --> 00:00:35,002 Yeah. 9 00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:38,123 My boys are in elementary school. 10 00:00:38,124 --> 00:00:40,156 They don't make nearly as many dioramas as we do. 11 00:00:40,157 --> 00:00:42,388 The whole environmental club is making them for green week. 12 00:00:42,389 --> 00:00:43,961 And this afternoon in the cafeteria, 13 00:00:43,962 --> 00:00:45,990 we're having a bio-diorama-rama. 14 00:00:45,991 --> 00:00:49,082 I heard one kid made a diorama about a world without dioramas. 15 00:00:50,999 --> 00:00:53,140 It's still cool if I sleep at your place tonight, right? 16 00:00:53,141 --> 00:00:55,487 Totally. Hey, since we're both done with classes, 17 00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:57,409 - we can start the sleepover now. - Let's get in our pajamas 18 00:00:57,410 --> 00:00:59,025 - and build a blanket fort. - Let's do it. 19 00:00:59,091 --> 00:01:01,402 A blanket fort. Wow! 20 00:01:01,403 --> 00:01:03,051 You can come hang out in it with us later if you want. 21 00:01:03,052 --> 00:01:04,889 Uh, thanks, but I think I'll find something 22 00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:07,687 - more grown-up to do. - Hmm. Okay. 23 00:01:07,688 --> 00:01:10,016 Enjoy eating fiber and watching The Mentalist. 24 00:01:10,228 --> 00:01:11,565 Britta, that wasn't nice. 25 00:01:11,566 --> 00:01:13,603 I'm sorry, Shirley, but who wants to hang out 26 00:01:13,604 --> 00:01:16,918 in a blanket fort with grown men in tiny underoos? 27 00:01:16,919 --> 00:01:19,264 Hello! So... Jeffrey, 28 00:01:19,265 --> 00:01:21,945 I was just looking over your class schedule. 29 00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:23,266 - Why? - Uh... 30 00:01:23,267 --> 00:01:25,114 Maybe it was a random spot-check. 31 00:01:25,115 --> 00:01:27,234 Maybe it was a specific spot-check. 32 00:01:27,235 --> 00:01:29,651 Maybe I'm making a scrapbook. 33 00:01:29,652 --> 00:01:31,050 The point is 34 00:01:31,051 --> 00:01:34,221 you will not be receiving credit for your independent study: 35 00:01:34,222 --> 00:01:37,148 Conspiracy theories in US history. 36 00:01:37,149 --> 00:01:38,196 What? Why not? 37 00:01:38,197 --> 00:01:40,198 Because the class doesn't exist. 38 00:01:40,199 --> 00:01:44,059 And neither does the teacher... Professor Professorson? 39 00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:45,207 What? That's his name! 40 00:01:45,208 --> 00:01:46,407 - Oh... - It's Dutch. 41 00:01:46,408 --> 00:01:50,044 - I think it means professor. - I think it means poppycock. 42 00:01:50,045 --> 00:01:52,503 The ultimate Jeff Winger blow-off class... 43 00:01:52,504 --> 00:01:54,343 The one that doesn't exist. 44 00:01:54,344 --> 00:01:57,819 Now I have to audit an entire system for shenanigans, 45 00:01:57,820 --> 00:02:00,180 which means... bye-bye weekends. 46 00:02:00,181 --> 00:02:01,897 Bye-bye writing at Starbucks 47 00:02:01,898 --> 00:02:04,871 till a certain persian barista asks me about my novel. 48 00:02:04,872 --> 00:02:05,831 God, Jeff! 49 00:02:05,832 --> 00:02:07,650 It's one thing to blow off regular classes, 50 00:02:07,651 --> 00:02:10,712 but this devalues all the credits I work very hard for. 51 00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:11,925 - Mm-hmm. - Can I defend myself 52 00:02:11,926 --> 00:02:13,376 and say this is nuts? 53 00:02:13,475 --> 00:02:14,862 I've been meeting with this professor 54 00:02:14,863 --> 00:02:17,920 in his office every Wednesday all semester. 55 00:02:17,921 --> 00:02:19,887 Professor Professorson. 56 00:02:19,888 --> 00:02:21,359 - Yes! - Really? 57 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:22,683 You're gonna commit to this? 58 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,088 Commit to what... Reality? 59 00:02:24,089 --> 00:02:26,188 Okay, then, please... lead me 60 00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:28,618 - to Professor Professorson. - Gladly. 61 00:02:28,619 --> 00:02:30,797 - This I gotta see. - I have always dreamt 62 00:02:30,798 --> 00:02:32,256 of playing charades with you, Jeffrey... 63 00:02:32,257 --> 00:02:34,861 Just not like this, not on dry land. 64 00:02:35,158 --> 00:02:39,658 Community 2x09 - Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design 65 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:44,159 Sync by vNaru - Corrected by 4be1 www.addic7ed.com 66 00:03:05,090 --> 00:03:07,918 Oh, man! 67 00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:20,164 You thinking what I'm thinking? 68 00:03:21,217 --> 00:03:22,615 We're too big for this, aren't we? 69 00:03:22,616 --> 00:03:23,407 Yeah. 70 00:03:24,575 --> 00:03:26,243 But if we went two pillows higher in the corner, 71 00:03:26,244 --> 00:03:27,579 we could vault the ceiling... 72 00:03:27,776 --> 00:03:29,198 Bump up the square footage. 73 00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,913 Make this a blanket fort for men. 74 00:03:32,697 --> 00:03:34,635 Babu-gabku boo-gee.... 75 00:03:34,636 --> 00:03:36,600 babu-jabbu-babu-bee. 76 00:03:38,545 --> 00:03:40,392 Well, here we are. 77 00:03:40,446 --> 00:03:42,981 Professor Professorson's office. 78 00:03:46,566 --> 00:03:47,621 Oh! 79 00:03:48,587 --> 00:03:49,766 Oh... 80 00:03:52,549 --> 00:03:53,492 I don't know what's goin' on. 81 00:03:53,493 --> 00:03:54,750 You guys have to believe me. 82 00:03:54,751 --> 00:03:57,372 I have spent a whole year studying conspiracy theories 83 00:03:57,373 --> 00:03:59,509 with Professor Professorson right here! 84 00:04:00,012 --> 00:04:01,942 Wait! Of course! 85 00:04:02,234 --> 00:04:03,951 Conspiracy theories. 86 00:04:04,068 --> 00:04:05,425 This is a test. 87 00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:08,009 He's teaching me about real conspiracies 88 00:04:08,010 --> 00:04:09,698 by erasing his existence! 89 00:04:09,768 --> 00:04:12,096 Oh, my God. Do you know what this means? 90 00:04:13,024 --> 00:04:15,491 That's how stupid Jeff thinks other people are. 91 00:04:15,492 --> 00:04:18,099 I always knew you were lazy, but I didn't realize 92 00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:20,310 that you would stoop to such pathetic lies! 93 00:04:21,016 --> 00:04:24,415 One man's lies are another man's truth... 94 00:04:24,416 --> 00:04:25,969 Wouldn't you say, Jeff? 95 00:04:26,008 --> 00:04:28,142 I'm sorry. And who are you? 96 00:04:29,214 --> 00:04:31,549 I'm Professor Professorson. 97 00:04:32,369 --> 00:04:34,095 Ha. Wow, you...you really had me going there 98 00:04:34,096 --> 00:04:35,208 for a second, professor. 99 00:04:35,209 --> 00:04:36,485 I thought I was going insane. 100 00:04:36,486 --> 00:04:37,726 Precisely. 101 00:04:37,925 --> 00:04:41,132 An actual conspiracy to round out your education 102 00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:43,786 in conspiracies and theories thereof. 103 00:04:44,209 --> 00:04:47,593 Your real name... is Professor Professorson? 104 00:04:47,594 --> 00:04:49,575 My family name is Professorberg, 105 00:04:49,576 --> 00:04:52,108 but we changed it when we were fleeing from the Nazis. 106 00:04:52,109 --> 00:04:53,068 Oh, I'm so sorry. 107 00:04:53,069 --> 00:04:54,429 You've probably never heard of me 108 00:04:54,430 --> 00:04:56,206 since I primarily teach night school. 109 00:04:56,207 --> 00:04:58,098 My faculty ID. 110 00:04:59,487 --> 00:05:00,764 Oh, well, I... 111 00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:02,676 guess I never stuck around late enough 112 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,982 to meet you night school professors. 113 00:05:04,983 --> 00:05:07,071 TV's gotten crazy good, you know. 114 00:05:08,021 --> 00:05:09,396 I have to take this. 115 00:05:09,450 --> 00:05:11,111 Thank you for indulging me, dean. 116 00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:13,546 Jeff, read chapters 10 through 12 of Douglas 117 00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:14,933 and see you next week. 118 00:05:16,722 --> 00:05:17,839 That is... 119 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,300 if I still exist. 120 00:05:21,734 --> 00:05:22,927 See you, professor. 121 00:05:24,330 --> 00:05:26,014 Sorry to doubt you, Jeffrey. 122 00:05:26,207 --> 00:05:28,698 More importantly, out with this audit, 123 00:05:28,699 --> 00:05:31,584 back to chapter one of time desk... 124 00:05:31,585 --> 00:05:34,456 The Chronicles of Dean Dangerous. 125 00:05:34,753 --> 00:05:36,370 That is gonna be the worst book I'll ever read 126 00:05:36,371 --> 00:05:39,347 - cover to cover. - I'm a terrible friend. 127 00:05:39,356 --> 00:05:42,048 I accused you of being a lying cheat. 128 00:05:42,386 --> 00:05:44,730 - Can you ever forgive me? - Sure. 129 00:05:44,731 --> 00:05:46,073 Here's the thing, though. 130 00:05:46,639 --> 00:05:48,870 I've never seen that guy in my life! 131 00:05:48,871 --> 00:05:51,858 What? That wasn't Professor Professorson? 132 00:05:51,859 --> 00:05:53,366 There is no Professor Professorson! 133 00:05:53,367 --> 00:05:55,569 I made him up! I forged a form 134 00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:58,243 with a phony teacher and class for a free credit! 135 00:05:58,244 --> 00:05:59,115 I knew it! 136 00:05:59,116 --> 00:06:00,892 Oh, you lying cheat! 137 00:06:01,510 --> 00:06:03,082 Wait. Then... 138 00:06:04,527 --> 00:06:05,463 who was that? 139 00:06:05,464 --> 00:06:06,657 I don't know! 140 00:06:09,058 --> 00:06:10,946 - Wait, what? - I don't know! 141 00:06:14,814 --> 00:06:15,722 What should we do? 142 00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:16,993 I think we should grab some lunch. 143 00:06:16,994 --> 00:06:18,313 - I'm serious. - So am I. 144 00:06:18,314 --> 00:06:19,968 I just saw fat Neil head to the cafeteria 145 00:06:19,969 --> 00:06:21,156 with that look in his eye. 146 00:06:21,157 --> 00:06:23,097 We got ten minutes to grab the last lima bean. 147 00:06:23,098 --> 00:06:24,361 Jeff, you made up a professor, 148 00:06:24,362 --> 00:06:25,722 and he just appeared out of thin air. 149 00:06:25,723 --> 00:06:27,475 You're not the least bit curious how that happened? 150 00:06:27,476 --> 00:06:29,154 My latest theory? Maybe I'm a God. 151 00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:30,528 I've denied the signs for too long. 152 00:06:30,529 --> 00:06:31,515 This is so typical. 153 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:32,887 You're just gonna blow off what happened. 154 00:06:32,888 --> 00:06:34,315 Yes, especially when not blowing it off 155 00:06:34,316 --> 00:06:36,198 might cost me my free credit. 156 00:06:36,199 --> 00:06:37,326 Now, do me a favor. 157 00:06:37,327 --> 00:06:39,487 Be very un-Annie and blow it off too. 158 00:06:39,488 --> 00:06:41,300 Oh, sure. I'll just blow it off. 159 00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,135 I'll just blow everything off. 160 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,197 Heck, I guess I'll just blow off walkin'! 161 00:06:45,429 --> 00:06:47,599 - Okay. - I'll just blow off standing. 162 00:06:47,919 --> 00:06:50,342 I'm just blowin' everything off! 163 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,653 Maybe I'll blow off talking language. 164 00:06:52,654 --> 00:06:53,229 Okay. 165 00:06:53,230 --> 00:06:56,607 Blee blu blah blah blah blee blu blu blah... 166 00:07:01,445 --> 00:07:03,157 Hey, bros, what's the ha... 167 00:07:04,441 --> 00:07:05,580 Ohh! 168 00:07:06,056 --> 00:07:08,029 Sweet fort! 169 00:07:08,074 --> 00:07:09,544 Can I come inside? 170 00:07:17,035 --> 00:07:18,202 You could, Pavel... 171 00:07:18,556 --> 00:07:21,242 or... maybe the inside could come to you. 172 00:07:21,334 --> 00:07:22,267 How would you characterize 173 00:07:22,268 --> 00:07:24,034 the amount of blankets and pillows you have? 174 00:07:24,627 --> 00:07:25,887 A butt load? 175 00:07:26,389 --> 00:07:28,444 I get wicked cold, bros, 176 00:07:28,445 --> 00:07:30,231 and mad sleepy. 177 00:07:39,044 --> 00:07:40,839 If you're here to help me take my diorama 178 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,814 to the bio-diorama-rama, I can do it myself. 179 00:07:43,817 --> 00:07:45,115 Yes. You made that clear 180 00:07:45,116 --> 00:07:47,711 in your 11th "I can do it myself" text. 181 00:07:47,712 --> 00:07:49,586 You even work too hard at passive-aggression, 182 00:07:49,587 --> 00:07:50,603 you know that? 183 00:07:52,344 --> 00:07:54,376 Hey, so... 184 00:07:55,119 --> 00:07:57,127 do you know anything about greendale's night school? 185 00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:58,721 Yeah. I'm assuming it's the worst thing 186 00:07:58,722 --> 00:08:00,325 you could ever hope to be in... 187 00:08:00,676 --> 00:08:01,950 Only at night. 188 00:08:03,096 --> 00:08:05,534 Damn it, Annie. Have you been playing detective? 189 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,574 You are gonna Nancy screw me out of my credit. 190 00:08:07,575 --> 00:08:10,192 Relax. All I did was ask the administration desk 191 00:08:10,193 --> 00:08:12,237 if I could borrow a faculty directory. 192 00:08:14,391 --> 00:08:15,735 Take a look at this. 193 00:08:17,095 --> 00:08:18,315 Is that Professorson? 194 00:08:18,316 --> 00:08:20,317 His real name is Professor Woolley, 195 00:08:20,318 --> 00:08:22,616 and he actually does teach night school here. 196 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:24,632 Why would someone you've never met 197 00:08:24,633 --> 00:08:26,193 pretend to be your phony Professor? 198 00:08:26,194 --> 00:08:29,116 He was already carrying falsified faculty credentials. 199 00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:30,338 Do you know what this means? 200 00:08:30,339 --> 00:08:33,707 Yes. You are making me do work for my fake conspiracy class! 201 00:08:33,708 --> 00:08:36,630 Exactly. There's a conspiracy here. 202 00:08:36,893 --> 00:08:38,970 A dark, vast conspiracy 203 00:08:38,971 --> 00:08:40,666 that may just go all the way to the top. 204 00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:41,980 This is greendale, Annie. 205 00:08:41,981 --> 00:08:43,223 If there's a conspiracy, 206 00:08:43,224 --> 00:08:45,558 it goes all the way to slightly below the middle. 207 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:46,611 Wait a minute. 208 00:08:47,130 --> 00:08:48,370 Something's wrong. 209 00:08:49,310 --> 00:08:50,493 My car won't start. 210 00:08:50,494 --> 00:08:51,635 Hold on one second. 211 00:08:52,711 --> 00:08:53,453 Hello. 212 00:08:53,454 --> 00:08:54,364 Tell your little friend 213 00:08:54,365 --> 00:08:56,409 to stop snooping around night school, 214 00:08:56,416 --> 00:08:59,646 otherwise, things might get... explosive. 215 00:09:03,889 --> 00:09:06,074 Annie! 216 00:09:19,187 --> 00:09:20,125 You okay? 217 00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:21,121 Yeah. 218 00:09:22,211 --> 00:09:23,790 Probably didn't need to tackle you. 219 00:09:23,848 --> 00:09:25,057 Probably not. 220 00:09:26,377 --> 00:09:28,840 Looks like someone sent us a message... 221 00:09:29,205 --> 00:09:32,762 A tiny, thoroughly underwhelming message. 222 00:09:34,066 --> 00:09:35,635 I hope you've already laid out your outfit 223 00:09:35,636 --> 00:09:36,963 for tomorrow morning... 224 00:09:37,339 --> 00:09:39,023 because we're going to night school. 225 00:09:43,155 --> 00:09:45,358 I stole these from my son's house. 226 00:09:47,527 --> 00:09:49,342 When does a fort stop being a fort? 227 00:09:49,343 --> 00:09:51,821 Hey. As long as it's still made out of blankets... 228 00:09:51,926 --> 00:09:52,985 Right? 229 00:09:54,873 --> 00:09:55,585 These'll be perfect 230 00:09:55,586 --> 00:09:57,156 for the Pierce's mom memorial tunnel. 231 00:10:03,449 --> 00:10:04,583 How ' bout this one? 232 00:10:06,287 --> 00:10:08,237 No. That's Professor Huyck's class... 233 00:10:08,238 --> 00:10:10,811 "History of... Something." 234 00:10:10,812 --> 00:10:11,876 You can't pronounce it? 235 00:10:11,877 --> 00:10:13,973 No. It literally says history of something. 236 00:10:14,055 --> 00:10:15,179 Let me see that. 237 00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,393 "Principles of Intermediate? 238 00:10:19,394 --> 00:10:22,369 "Studyology"? "Class 101"? 239 00:10:22,687 --> 00:10:24,264 Look, this one just says learning 240 00:10:24,265 --> 00:10:25,821 with an exclamation point. 241 00:10:29,982 --> 00:10:32,417 Hello, Professor Professorson. 242 00:10:32,864 --> 00:10:35,334 Or should I say... Woolley? 243 00:10:36,057 --> 00:10:38,110 What class are you teaching tonight, professor? 244 00:10:38,224 --> 00:10:39,198 Math. 245 00:10:39,244 --> 00:10:40,776 - Math? - Uh-huh. 246 00:10:41,034 --> 00:10:42,418 Do you mind if we sit in? 247 00:10:42,764 --> 00:10:44,649 Not at all. Right this way. 248 00:10:47,541 --> 00:10:50,540 So what kind of math do you teach, professor? 249 00:10:50,541 --> 00:10:52,006 Well, you know, math. 250 00:10:52,007 --> 00:10:54,056 Uh... Numbers. 251 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:55,974 Pi. 252 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,957 New math. Uh... 253 00:11:02,518 --> 00:11:03,560 Get him! 254 00:11:11,014 --> 00:11:12,714 He went into that blanket fort! 255 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,029 I think he went this way! 256 00:11:15,725 --> 00:11:16,786 - Do you see him? - Oh, sorry. 257 00:11:16,787 --> 00:11:18,115 - No! - Sorry. 258 00:11:19,158 --> 00:11:21,019 - Troy! Abed! - Hey, guys. 259 00:11:21,020 --> 00:11:22,133 Welcome to Fluffy town. 260 00:11:22,134 --> 00:11:23,682 No smoking, no farting, no pillow fighting. 261 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,897 - We're in a chase! - That's allowed. 262 00:11:26,194 --> 00:11:27,334 There he is! 263 00:11:29,179 --> 00:11:31,042 - Follow us. - But afterwards, 264 00:11:31,043 --> 00:11:33,337 you should really check out our civil rights museum. 265 00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:43,348 Leonard, back up! 266 00:11:43,349 --> 00:11:44,472 You shouldn't even be in here, Leonard. 267 00:11:44,473 --> 00:11:45,933 You already have three farting strikes against you. 268 00:11:45,934 --> 00:11:47,195 W... He's getting away! 269 00:11:47,196 --> 00:11:49,728 I know a shortcut. Through the turkish district. 270 00:11:57,012 --> 00:11:58,020 Britta? 271 00:11:58,475 --> 00:11:59,684 Hey. 272 00:12:00,175 --> 00:12:01,127 Go! 273 00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,458 There he is! What the hell's this? 274 00:12:08,459 --> 00:12:10,204 Latvian independence parade. 275 00:12:11,128 --> 00:12:13,543 Don't look at me. They had the proper permits. 276 00:12:13,544 --> 00:12:15,577 Dang it! We lost him! 277 00:12:15,578 --> 00:12:18,147 Luckily, I sent the diorama car to the chem lab 278 00:12:18,148 --> 00:12:19,432 to have the explosive analyzed. 279 00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:21,752 Isn't that him playing the trejdeksnis? 280 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:24,955 Nice try, Woolley! 281 00:12:24,956 --> 00:12:26,679 Now, tell us everything. 282 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,111 Tell you? 283 00:12:28,877 --> 00:12:30,041 Ha ha ha. 284 00:12:31,038 --> 00:12:32,775 I'll show you! 285 00:12:38,776 --> 00:12:40,349 What is this place? 286 00:12:42,296 --> 00:12:44,424 This, Annie, is night school. 287 00:12:44,743 --> 00:12:47,974 Every student, every teacher, every class... 288 00:12:48,505 --> 00:12:49,668 Figments... 289 00:12:50,487 --> 00:12:51,775 Puffs of hot air... 290 00:12:51,889 --> 00:12:53,367 from the lips of a ghost 291 00:12:53,368 --> 00:12:55,696 in the shadow of a unicorn's dream. 292 00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:58,791 I made it up. Night school doesn't exist. 293 00:12:58,792 --> 00:13:01,239 I used to be a student here at Greendale like you, Jeff, 294 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:05,096 then one day I invented a fake course to get a free credit. 295 00:13:05,097 --> 00:13:07,238 To keep up the lie, I had to create a fake teacher 296 00:13:07,239 --> 00:13:09,164 who needed other fake classes 297 00:13:09,165 --> 00:13:11,338 that needed to be filled with other fake students, 298 00:13:11,339 --> 00:13:14,539 and so on and so on and so on, "etchethra"! 299 00:13:14,638 --> 00:13:16,574 Did you just mispronounce et cetera? 300 00:13:16,575 --> 00:13:18,356 My Latin class is fake, Jeff... 301 00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:20,233 Like all my classes, like my life. 302 00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:21,006 Aren't you listening? 303 00:13:21,007 --> 00:13:22,126 Yeah, I am. 304 00:13:22,393 --> 00:13:25,380 And a very familiar feeling is starting to come over me. 305 00:13:25,703 --> 00:13:27,956 I feel like someone is trying to teach me something. 306 00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:28,758 Jeff, the only thing 307 00:13:28,759 --> 00:13:30,960 that's ever been learned in this room is regret! 308 00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:35,320 Would that this desk were a time desk... 309 00:13:36,067 --> 00:13:39,135 so that I could correct my past mistakes... 310 00:13:39,168 --> 00:13:40,724 Ride dinosaurs... 311 00:13:41,629 --> 00:13:42,861 Fight with Jack the Ripper. 312 00:13:42,862 --> 00:13:44,649 Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. 313 00:13:44,650 --> 00:13:48,135 Unicorns? Ghost lips? Time desks? 314 00:13:48,323 --> 00:13:50,848 Doesn't any of this overly stylized garbage 315 00:13:50,849 --> 00:13:52,256 remind you of anyone? 316 00:13:52,648 --> 00:13:54,198 Everything this guy says is ripped from 317 00:13:54,199 --> 00:13:56,327 the Sure-To-Be-Unpublished Pages 318 00:13:56,328 --> 00:13:58,455 of Dean Dangerous. 319 00:13:58,962 --> 00:14:00,247 I don't know what you mean. 320 00:14:00,248 --> 00:14:01,512 Oh, I think you do. 321 00:14:01,518 --> 00:14:04,305 By the way, next time you walk someone to your fake lair, 322 00:14:04,306 --> 00:14:06,638 don't pass the theater department... 323 00:14:07,057 --> 00:14:09,625 Drama Professor Sean Garrity. 324 00:14:11,762 --> 00:14:12,792 Whoa! 325 00:14:17,831 --> 00:14:19,662 Thank God. That character was killing me. 326 00:14:19,663 --> 00:14:22,778 Word of advice... If you ever scrape the dean's car, 327 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,966 don't tell him you're gonna pay him back in acting. 328 00:14:24,967 --> 00:14:28,355 On Thanksgiving, I'm supposed to crash his family dinner 329 00:14:28,356 --> 00:14:30,431 and accuse him of stealing my girlfriend. 330 00:14:30,432 --> 00:14:33,745 Wow. I guess this did go all the way to the top. 331 00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:35,751 I'm calling the dean right now 332 00:14:35,752 --> 00:14:37,487 and giving him a piece of my mind! 333 00:14:38,157 --> 00:14:39,277 No, wait. 334 00:14:39,682 --> 00:14:40,821 Garrity... 335 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,525 Does the theater department have any of those prop guns 336 00:14:43,526 --> 00:14:45,087 that fire blanks? 337 00:14:45,255 --> 00:14:47,669 Of course. We just did a modern retelling of MacBeth 338 00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:49,298 set in gangland Chicago. 339 00:14:49,299 --> 00:14:50,704 Oh. Fresh take. 340 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,501 And you think I'm lazy. 341 00:14:52,784 --> 00:14:54,114 Prop guns? 342 00:14:54,115 --> 00:14:56,208 Jeff... What do you have in mind? 343 00:14:56,209 --> 00:14:57,965 A little demonstration for the dean 344 00:14:57,966 --> 00:15:00,117 on the dangers of trying to educate me. 345 00:15:00,187 --> 00:15:01,965 He doesn't like fake classes? 346 00:15:01,966 --> 00:15:04,725 Well, he's about to get a real lesson on the fact 347 00:15:04,726 --> 00:15:07,499 that Jeff Winger never learns. 348 00:15:11,905 --> 00:15:13,819 Here he comes. Get set. 349 00:15:17,231 --> 00:15:18,494 You wanted to see me? 350 00:15:18,839 --> 00:15:19,827 Oh. 351 00:15:20,228 --> 00:15:22,148 Hi, Mr... Professorson. 352 00:15:22,149 --> 00:15:24,221 His real name is Woolley. 353 00:15:24,288 --> 00:15:25,768 And he's defrauded your school 354 00:15:25,769 --> 00:15:28,217 to a tune of dozens of credits per year 355 00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:30,510 and nearly twice as many dollars. 356 00:15:30,652 --> 00:15:32,053 Well, that's serious. 357 00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:33,710 Fortunately for you, 358 00:15:33,711 --> 00:15:35,605 I'm a big believer in second chances. 359 00:15:35,687 --> 00:15:36,990 I'm not. 360 00:15:38,616 --> 00:15:39,671 Hey! 361 00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:40,776 Annie! 362 00:15:40,777 --> 00:15:42,988 Oh, my God, you... you shot him! 363 00:15:42,989 --> 00:15:45,792 Course I shot him! He was being dishonest. 364 00:15:45,793 --> 00:15:48,501 And if there's one thing greendale's taught me, it's... 365 00:15:49,052 --> 00:15:51,200 - Whoa, what the hell? - She had a gun! 366 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,174 It was a fake gun! We staged this 367 00:15:53,175 --> 00:15:54,719 to get back at you for deceiving us! 368 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,311 But you're the deceiver, Jeffrey! 369 00:15:56,312 --> 00:15:58,485 Yeah? Well, now you're the dead guy. 370 00:16:01,655 --> 00:16:03,634 Jeff! What are you doing? 371 00:16:03,635 --> 00:16:05,523 Why do you have a real gun? 372 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:07,900 Why did you shoot the dean? 373 00:16:07,901 --> 00:16:10,157 - Well, he shot you! - Not really! 374 00:16:10,158 --> 00:16:12,455 He and I were in on this from the start. 375 00:16:12,456 --> 00:16:14,192 When he found out you were faking a class, 376 00:16:14,193 --> 00:16:17,212 he came to me and we cooked up this whole conspiracy thing 377 00:16:17,213 --> 00:16:19,782 to illustrate the slippery slope 378 00:16:19,783 --> 00:16:21,511 of academic fraud! 379 00:16:21,512 --> 00:16:23,802 You know what you actually illustrated, Annie? 380 00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:27,553 How to be a crappy friend. 381 00:16:28,531 --> 00:16:29,972 Once it was obvious 382 00:16:29,973 --> 00:16:31,840 the dean had orchestrated everything, 383 00:16:31,841 --> 00:16:33,075 it was even more obvious 384 00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:35,807 the dean was too stupid to orchestrate anything. 385 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,215 - Mm-hmm! - So on a hunch, I called him, 386 00:16:38,216 --> 00:16:41,284 and we hatched a plan to teach you a lesson or two 387 00:16:41,285 --> 00:16:42,426 about friendship. 388 00:16:42,427 --> 00:16:44,912 But, Jeff, I only did it because I love you. 389 00:16:46,868 --> 00:16:48,267 Well, when you love someone, 390 00:16:48,535 --> 00:16:50,365 you have to take them as they are. 391 00:16:50,694 --> 00:16:52,475 People aren't playthings, Annie. 392 00:16:52,650 --> 00:16:53,703 No, they are not. 393 00:16:53,704 --> 00:16:55,045 Look who's talking. 394 00:16:55,564 --> 00:16:57,728 After everything you've put me through? 395 00:16:58,037 --> 00:17:00,606 Okay. Where'd you get that gun? 396 00:17:02,551 --> 00:17:04,697 There were only three prop guns. 397 00:17:04,698 --> 00:17:06,634 Yeah, well, I live in a terrible neighborhood. 398 00:17:06,635 --> 00:17:08,946 Annie, put the gun down. 399 00:17:08,947 --> 00:17:10,245 After we kissed, 400 00:17:10,538 --> 00:17:12,727 I waited all summer to see you. 401 00:17:13,125 --> 00:17:15,211 You... buried me 402 00:17:15,212 --> 00:17:16,982 like a shameful secret. 403 00:17:16,983 --> 00:17:17,771 Whoa. 404 00:17:17,772 --> 00:17:19,249 What's the matter, Jeff? 405 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,302 Afraid crazy Annie would go crazy for you? 406 00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:24,287 Well, guess what. 407 00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:26,373 Annie's got a gun. 408 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,634 Annie, just put the gun... 409 00:17:34,663 --> 00:17:37,665 Annie... What have you done? 410 00:17:37,666 --> 00:17:39,635 If you love Jeff winger so much, 411 00:17:39,636 --> 00:17:41,908 why did you conspire with me against him? 412 00:17:41,909 --> 00:17:43,267 I don't know! 413 00:17:43,569 --> 00:17:46,659 I can't keep track of any of it anymore! 414 00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:50,047 I just keep teaming up with whoever suggests it! 415 00:17:50,048 --> 00:17:52,030 Glad to hear you admit it. 416 00:17:52,945 --> 00:17:55,248 When I called you to ask you to double-cross Annie, 417 00:17:55,249 --> 00:17:57,002 you didn't hesitate for a second. 418 00:17:57,003 --> 00:17:58,908 Do you even understand what a conspiracy is? 419 00:17:59,007 --> 00:18:01,297 If you conspire with every person that approaches you, 420 00:18:01,298 --> 00:18:03,219 you're not even really conspiring with anyone. 421 00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:05,307 You're just doing random crap. 422 00:18:05,308 --> 00:18:06,461 I know, I... 423 00:18:06,462 --> 00:18:08,344 I'm sorry! I just... 424 00:18:08,847 --> 00:18:11,632 I just wanna have fun with you guys and... 425 00:18:11,908 --> 00:18:15,443 I go crazy cooped up in my little office, and... 426 00:18:16,764 --> 00:18:20,371 Time travel is really hard to write about! 427 00:18:20,419 --> 00:18:22,724 Ohhhh...kay! 428 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,771 If I'm keeping track right, we should be done. 429 00:18:27,050 --> 00:18:29,532 I'll just take these back to the theater department. 430 00:18:30,704 --> 00:18:31,941 - Police! - Aah! 431 00:18:31,942 --> 00:18:32,854 Drop your weapons! 432 00:18:32,855 --> 00:18:34,408 - Down on the ground! - Don't shoot, officer! 433 00:18:34,409 --> 00:18:36,098 Don't shoot, please. They're fake... 434 00:18:40,106 --> 00:18:42,300 Those are prop guns! 435 00:18:42,885 --> 00:18:43,859 Well... 436 00:18:44,213 --> 00:18:45,688 I guess it just goes to show you... 437 00:18:46,405 --> 00:18:49,060 prop guns belong backstage. 438 00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:51,287 And... Scene. 439 00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:54,345 You have got to be kidding me! 440 00:18:55,188 --> 00:18:56,399 Professor garrity called and told me 441 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,707 what all of you were up to. 442 00:18:57,759 --> 00:19:01,016 Made me mad. Guns aren't toys. 443 00:19:01,839 --> 00:19:05,560 In 100% of all fake gun related shootings, 444 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:08,330 the victim is always the one with the fake gun. 445 00:19:09,346 --> 00:19:10,962 Hey, Sean, you got breakfast plans? 446 00:19:11,007 --> 00:19:12,155 I do now. 447 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:13,743 So, Sean... 448 00:19:14,873 --> 00:19:17,447 We're still on for Thanksgiving, right? 449 00:19:18,049 --> 00:19:19,942 Just talk to your father, Craig. 450 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:24,545 Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie. 451 00:19:25,868 --> 00:19:26,858 Hey, dean, 452 00:19:27,201 --> 00:19:28,353 how 'bout that credit? 453 00:19:28,354 --> 00:19:29,504 Aaa 454 00:19:30,574 --> 00:19:31,551 damn it. 455 00:19:31,930 --> 00:19:33,410 I'm not sure what lessons 456 00:19:33,411 --> 00:19:34,652 either of us managed to teach each other, 457 00:19:34,653 --> 00:19:36,466 but I am proud of Annie. 458 00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:39,401 She took to deception like Abed took to Cougar Town. 459 00:19:39,402 --> 00:19:40,339 It's really good. 460 00:19:40,340 --> 00:19:42,240 Especially when she went off script. 461 00:19:43,420 --> 00:19:45,353 You said to be convincing. 462 00:19:45,426 --> 00:19:47,016 Check it out, bros. 463 00:19:47,017 --> 00:19:49,312 You made the front page! 464 00:19:53,337 --> 00:19:54,507 You know what this means. 465 00:19:54,949 --> 00:19:56,277 We've gone mainstream. 466 00:19:56,658 --> 00:19:58,096 Initiate Protocol Omega. 467 00:20:24,077 --> 00:20:25,616 We've started looting! 468 00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:32,096 Wanna build a cardboard submarine? 469 00:20:33,534 --> 00:20:34,843 Get out of my brain. 470 00:20:37,898 --> 00:20:39,454 - Once... - Upon... 471 00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:40,872 - A... - Time... 472 00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:41,990 - There... - Was... 473 00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,004 A... 474 00:20:43,924 --> 00:20:45,913 - Big... - Spaceship. 475 00:20:46,068 --> 00:20:47,588 - And... - Aliens. 476 00:20:47,824 --> 00:20:49,358 - And... - Mercenaries. 477 00:20:49,712 --> 00:20:51,144 - And? - War. 478 00:20:51,923 --> 00:20:54,084 - And? - Betrayal. 479 00:20:54,819 --> 00:20:55,908 And? 480 00:20:56,424 --> 00:20:57,526 Romance? 481 00:20:57,845 --> 00:20:58,978 - And... - Karate. 482 00:20:59,201 --> 00:21:00,507 - And? - Credits. 483 00:21:00,725 --> 00:21:02,027 - The... - End. 484 00:21:02,768 --> 00:21:04,372 We should write a screenplay together. 485 00:21:04,451 --> 00:21:06,076 Cool. Cool, cool, cool.