1 00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:02,872 Really? 2 00:00:03,078 --> 00:00:04,898 - Hi! - Hey guys 3 00:00:12,024 --> 00:00:12,735 Did everyone have a good break? 4 00:00:12,736 --> 00:00:14,181 Yeah, I discovered a new back muscle 5 00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,241 to work out. 6 00:00:15,242 --> 00:00:18,044 Ladies, you'll thank me come tank top season. 7 00:00:18,045 --> 00:00:19,397 I checked all of Pierce's wardrobes 8 00:00:19,398 --> 00:00:20,985 for portals to magical worlds. 9 00:00:20,986 --> 00:00:23,224 All I found was something called Emmanuelle in Space 10 00:00:23,225 --> 00:00:24,777 on laserdisc... I couldn't watch it, 11 00:00:24,778 --> 00:00:26,730 but it sounded sexy. 12 00:00:27,393 --> 00:00:28,484 Laserdisc. 13 00:00:28,485 --> 00:00:30,859 I joined a campus volunteer group that cleans the city. 14 00:00:30,860 --> 00:00:32,057 We picked up litter on the freeway 15 00:00:32,058 --> 00:00:33,139 and dredged the river. 16 00:00:33,140 --> 00:00:34,136 Dredged it for what? 17 00:00:34,137 --> 00:00:35,689 You know, garbage and stuff. 18 00:00:35,690 --> 00:00:38,382 Tires, condoms, needles. 19 00:00:38,722 --> 00:00:40,562 At one point, we found a finger. 20 00:00:40,563 --> 00:00:43,075 Why are you using your I-love-butterflies voice? 21 00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:44,485 What? Am I? 22 00:00:44,486 --> 00:00:45,301 I don't know. 23 00:00:45,302 --> 00:00:46,386 Volunteer work is nice. 24 00:00:46,387 --> 00:00:47,792 You do nice things. 25 00:00:47,872 --> 00:00:48,817 With nice people. 26 00:00:48,818 --> 00:00:50,593 Ooh. 27 00:00:50,594 --> 00:00:54,056 Somebody's finding river fingers with a cute boy. 28 00:00:54,057 --> 00:00:55,997 What? No. 29 00:00:56,192 --> 00:00:58,909 Well, okay, yes, but it doesn't matter. 30 00:00:58,910 --> 00:01:01,118 It's not like I'm seeing anyone. There's just a guy. 31 00:01:01,119 --> 00:01:02,742 - A guy that goes to Greendale? - Mm. 32 00:01:02,743 --> 00:01:04,581 Is it the Russian guy that looks like a short Johnny Depp? 33 00:01:04,582 --> 00:01:05,761 - It doesn't matter. - Is it the guy who looks 34 00:01:05,762 --> 00:01:07,567 a little like Vince Vaughn but smells a lot like fish? 35 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,088 I don't want to talk about it. 36 00:01:09,089 --> 00:01:10,832 Well, I have someone in my life 37 00:01:10,833 --> 00:01:11,865 that I'm happy to talk about. 38 00:01:11,866 --> 00:01:13,345 Again with the Jesus. 39 00:01:13,346 --> 00:01:14,837 Well, Jesus is always in my life, 40 00:01:14,838 --> 00:01:16,673 but things have been looking better every day 41 00:01:16,674 --> 00:01:18,355 with my ex-husband. 44 00:01:22,459 --> 00:01:24,259 - No. - Is it black Michael Chiklis? 45 00:01:24,260 --> 00:01:25,809 - No. - The white George Foreman? 46 00:01:25,810 --> 00:01:27,446 You guys are talking about the same person. 47 00:01:27,447 --> 00:01:29,153 He's biracial, his name is David, 48 00:01:29,154 --> 00:01:30,177 and he's a human being. 49 00:01:30,178 --> 00:01:31,566 Guys, stop guessing. 50 00:01:31,567 --> 00:01:32,912 It's not a thing at all. It's just a friend. 51 00:01:32,913 --> 00:01:36,173 - Change the subject. - Chang the subject. 52 00:01:37,414 --> 00:01:39,395 What are you doing up there? 53 00:01:40,289 --> 00:01:42,677 It's the beginning of a new semester of Anthropology. 54 00:01:42,678 --> 00:01:44,386 And I'm here to get what I was promised. 55 00:01:44,387 --> 00:01:46,638 Sure. Who has Chang's pile of nothing? 56 00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:49,304 - You know what I mean. - I am sick of the runaround. 57 00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:51,562 I'm here to demand an immediate answer 58 00:01:51,563 --> 00:01:53,206 about whether I'm joining the study group. 59 00:01:53,207 --> 00:01:55,581 Well, if we have to give an immediate answer, 60 00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:56,699 it would have to be no. 61 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:57,752 Take your time. 62 00:01:57,908 --> 00:01:59,189 Sleep on it. 63 00:01:59,190 --> 00:02:00,513 Then get back to me. 64 00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:01,767 Or else. 65 00:02:04,752 --> 00:02:07,476 Jeff, you did say we would let him in eventually. 66 00:02:07,477 --> 00:02:10,032 That was before he started using his name as a pun. 67 00:02:10,269 --> 00:02:12,023 It makes me so changry. 68 00:02:12,024 --> 00:02:13,167 Oh, God, it's happening to me. 69 00:02:13,168 --> 00:02:14,754 Let's get back to who Annie's in love with. 70 00:02:14,755 --> 00:02:16,409 - Is it Fat Neil? - Blue Streak? 71 00:02:16,410 --> 00:02:17,169 Optimus Prime? 72 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:18,964 Okay, even I know some of these are Transformers. 73 00:02:18,965 --> 00:02:21,122 Who cares who it is? Let's just study. 74 00:02:21,123 --> 00:02:22,598 Study what? We haven't had our first class yet. 75 00:02:22,599 --> 00:02:23,447 Well, could we talk about something 76 00:02:23,448 --> 00:02:24,372 other than Annie's love life? 77 00:02:24,373 --> 00:02:26,216 We could talk about my love life. 78 00:02:27,254 --> 00:02:29,273 Is it Jean-Claude van Overbite? 79 00:02:29,741 --> 00:02:31,215 We should really start learning people's names. 80 00:02:31,216 --> 00:02:33,360 I agree with brown Jamie Lee Curtis. 81 00:02:33,812 --> 00:02:38,312 Community 2x12 - Asian Population Studies 82 00:02:38,313 --> 00:02:42,833 Sync by vNaru - Corrected by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 83 00:03:00,676 --> 00:03:01,959 Duncan's late. 84 00:03:02,814 --> 00:03:05,331 I hope he didn't drive his car into another marathon. 85 00:03:05,332 --> 00:03:07,461 Shirley, how can you want to date your ex-husband 86 00:03:07,462 --> 00:03:09,425 - after what he did to you? - He apologized. 87 00:03:09,426 --> 00:03:10,891 Oh, he apologized. 88 00:03:10,892 --> 00:03:13,173 Well, I guess that completely unbangs that stripper. 89 00:03:13,174 --> 00:03:15,908 Well, forgive me for being forgiving. 90 00:03:15,909 --> 00:03:17,920 Oh, that's right. You don't know how. 91 00:03:17,921 --> 00:03:19,672 I'm relieved Shirley is seeing her ex-husband 92 00:03:19,673 --> 00:03:20,653 and not Chang. 93 00:03:20,654 --> 00:03:22,521 Chang? Why would she be with Chang? 94 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,795 Why do I have to say everything I'm thinking? 95 00:03:24,833 --> 00:03:27,359 I wish my mouth was further away from my brain. 96 00:03:27,515 --> 00:03:29,458 I wish my brain had its own brain. 97 00:03:29,472 --> 00:03:31,477 I wish Chang hadn't had sex with Shirley. 98 00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,402 What? When? 99 00:03:33,483 --> 00:03:34,493 Where? 100 00:03:35,928 --> 00:03:36,863 How? 101 00:03:36,873 --> 00:03:38,130 I can't talk about it. 102 00:03:38,131 --> 00:03:39,001 Troy, I'm your roommate. 103 00:03:39,002 --> 00:03:40,549 I can keep a secret. 104 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,511 Okay, remember that Halloween party 105 00:03:43,512 --> 00:03:44,512 that none of us can remember? 106 00:03:44,513 --> 00:03:46,218 I don't remember anything we can remember. 107 00:03:46,219 --> 00:03:47,813 Well, Chang left me a message that night 108 00:03:47,814 --> 00:03:48,902 saying that they did it. 109 00:03:48,903 --> 00:03:51,231 But... but you can't tell anybody. 110 00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:54,146 You have my word as your roommate, 111 00:03:54,147 --> 00:03:57,370 and that is a bond I will never violate. 112 00:03:58,549 --> 00:03:59,953 You can't tweet it either. 113 00:03:59,954 --> 00:04:01,415 We never discussed new media. 114 00:04:01,416 --> 00:04:02,669 Sorry all that stuff got dragged out 115 00:04:02,670 --> 00:04:05,346 about me having a crush on somebody. 116 00:04:05,347 --> 00:04:06,718 Why would you be sorry about that? 117 00:04:06,719 --> 00:04:09,145 You know. Awkward. 118 00:04:09,574 --> 00:04:11,594 Annie, you don't think I actually care, did you? 119 00:04:11,595 --> 00:04:14,394 No, no, I just didn't want you to think I thought you cared. 120 00:04:14,395 --> 00:04:15,549 Greetings, all and sundry, 121 00:04:15,550 --> 00:04:18,154 and welcome to your second semester of Anthropology, 122 00:04:18,155 --> 00:04:20,497 where it is about to get real. 123 00:04:21,079 --> 00:04:23,822 Now I forget where we left off last year. 124 00:04:23,833 --> 00:04:25,797 - Fat Neil. - The bronze age. 125 00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:27,215 Thank you, Fat Neil. 126 00:04:27,255 --> 00:04:27,846 Neil's fine. 127 00:04:27,847 --> 00:04:29,446 Not from an actuarial standpoint. 128 00:04:29,447 --> 00:04:31,170 Now please forgive my lateness, 129 00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:34,884 but I wasn't sure how to find Greendale sober. 130 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,566 Yes, you heard me right. 131 00:04:37,799 --> 00:04:39,896 I have stopped drinking. 132 00:04:40,284 --> 00:04:43,334 Mainly due to the fact that I could no longer get an erection. 133 00:04:43,335 --> 00:04:44,345 Now that I'm on the wagon, 134 00:04:44,346 --> 00:04:46,186 you can expect both this class 135 00:04:46,187 --> 00:04:50,837 and my penis to be more focused and rewarding. 136 00:04:51,451 --> 00:04:53,872 Also, there's gonna be more than one diorama. 137 00:04:54,242 --> 00:04:54,924 Lame! 138 00:04:54,925 --> 00:04:57,213 - Boo. - I am so sorry. 139 00:04:57,575 --> 00:05:00,724 I train seeing-eye dogs, and today was graduation. 140 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:02,899 I couldn't leave without shaking all their little paws. 141 00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:04,966 - Aww. - Rich. 142 00:05:04,967 --> 00:05:06,531 - Jeff. - Rich! 143 00:05:06,532 --> 00:05:08,803 - Annie. - Annie? Rich? 144 00:05:08,804 --> 00:05:10,049 You're taking Anthropology? 145 00:05:10,050 --> 00:05:11,941 Well, you made it sound so fun. 146 00:05:11,942 --> 00:05:13,316 We spent the holiday break 147 00:05:13,317 --> 00:05:14,954 dredging a river together. We found... 148 00:05:14,955 --> 00:05:16,161 A finger. Yeah. 149 00:05:16,162 --> 00:05:17,737 It sounds gruesome, I know, 150 00:05:17,738 --> 00:05:19,292 but I'm used to seeing that kind of thing, 151 00:05:19,293 --> 00:05:21,024 - because I'm a doctor. - All: Ohh. 152 00:05:24,897 --> 00:05:27,710 I can't believe Rich actually enrolled in our class. 153 00:05:27,711 --> 00:05:28,856 It means he likes me, right? 154 00:05:28,857 --> 00:05:30,997 Why wouldn't he, Annie? He is so sweet. 155 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,891 Yeah, sweet and wise. 156 00:05:32,892 --> 00:05:34,976 He has lived such a long, full life. 157 00:05:34,977 --> 00:05:36,096 How old is he again? 158 00:05:36,097 --> 00:05:37,325 30-something, I'm assuming. 159 00:05:37,326 --> 00:05:39,774 He has a landline and uses the word "album." 160 00:05:39,775 --> 00:05:41,583 You guys don't think he's too old for me, do you? 161 00:05:41,584 --> 00:05:43,972 - No. - No. Come on. 162 00:05:43,973 --> 00:05:46,833 By that logic, I wouldn't have a shot with anybody at this table. 163 00:05:46,834 --> 00:05:47,696 Ugh. 164 00:05:47,697 --> 00:05:49,089 Oh, speaking of creepy, 165 00:05:49,090 --> 00:05:51,286 sober Duncan is worse than drunk Duncan. 166 00:05:51,287 --> 00:05:53,416 I think this class is about to get really hard. 167 00:05:53,417 --> 00:05:54,804 I have an idea about that. 168 00:05:54,805 --> 00:05:55,887 Rich is really smart, 169 00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:57,633 and he knows a lot about anthropology. 170 00:05:57,634 --> 00:05:58,868 If we were to start studying with him, 171 00:05:58,869 --> 00:05:59,921 I think it could help a lot. 172 00:05:59,922 --> 00:06:01,711 Plus, you know... 173 00:06:02,301 --> 00:06:04,717 Oh, you know what, though? 174 00:06:04,718 --> 00:06:08,234 I just realized, so unfair to so many people. 175 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:09,947 Right? Britta, you're always talking 176 00:06:09,948 --> 00:06:10,660 about how it's weird 177 00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:12,237 we have no one of Latin descent 178 00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:13,262 - in our group. - Si. 179 00:06:13,263 --> 00:06:14,845 And, Pierce, you're always looking 180 00:06:14,846 --> 00:06:15,923 for someone old enough 181 00:06:15,924 --> 00:06:17,730 to find your racism subversive. 182 00:06:17,731 --> 00:06:19,214 I could go on and on. 183 00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,090 It is a process. 184 00:06:21,159 --> 00:06:22,060 It takes time. 185 00:06:22,061 --> 00:06:24,966 Well, then I say we gather all the candidates 186 00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:27,345 and make an informed, democratic decision. 187 00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:28,548 We can have a little mixer 188 00:06:28,549 --> 00:06:31,071 and invite the people we're submitting for consideration. 189 00:06:31,111 --> 00:06:33,875 - All in favor of tonight? - Oh, I am. 190 00:06:34,025 --> 00:06:34,968 Thank you. I'm finished. 191 00:06:34,969 --> 00:06:37,572 No, I'd say you got about two more good years. 192 00:06:38,184 --> 00:06:39,661 Oh, everyone, 193 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:43,005 this is Andre, my ex-husband and boyfriend. 194 00:06:43,006 --> 00:06:44,704 He came to spend the day with me. 195 00:06:44,728 --> 00:06:45,693 Hey, nice to meet you guys. 196 00:06:45,694 --> 00:06:48,150 You know, I've heard a lot about every last one of you. 197 00:06:48,151 --> 00:06:50,224 We haven't heard a lot about you or what you've done 198 00:06:50,225 --> 00:06:51,535 or with who. 199 00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:54,205 Well, I hope you give me a chance to make up 200 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,404 for everything you haven't heard about me. 201 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,968 Hey, how about a round of soft serve on me? 202 00:07:02,061 --> 00:07:04,525 Shirley, I've been fed a lot of soft serve 203 00:07:04,526 --> 00:07:05,610 by a lot of guys. 204 00:07:05,611 --> 00:07:06,881 Sometimes it's rent money, 205 00:07:06,882 --> 00:07:08,449 sometimes it's Chili Peppers tickets, 206 00:07:08,450 --> 00:07:09,888 and, yeah, I'll admit it, 207 00:07:09,889 --> 00:07:12,050 one time it was a gym bag full of nickels, 208 00:07:12,051 --> 00:07:15,007 but it never lasts, and they never change. 209 00:07:15,008 --> 00:07:17,690 Britta, I'm a grown-ass woman, and I made my decision. 210 00:07:17,691 --> 00:07:19,019 But how do you know it's the right one? 211 00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:21,044 Because I'm pregnant, okay? 212 00:07:24,849 --> 00:07:27,773 I was going to wait to share my exciting news, 213 00:07:27,774 --> 00:07:29,640 but I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you 214 00:07:29,641 --> 00:07:31,529 that I am eight weeks along. 215 00:07:31,530 --> 00:07:33,435 Which is a little surprising. 216 00:07:34,623 --> 00:07:35,634 Halloween. 217 00:07:35,911 --> 00:07:37,386 - What? - Both: Nothing. 218 00:07:40,087 --> 00:07:43,544 Thanks for coming, fellow Anthropology students. 219 00:07:43,635 --> 00:07:44,558 For the first semester, 220 00:07:44,559 --> 00:07:47,027 you knew us as "that study group." 221 00:07:47,028 --> 00:07:49,269 But, tonight, we want to get to know you. 222 00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:50,463 Please forgive the spread. 223 00:07:50,464 --> 00:07:51,695 The vending machines haven't been restocked 224 00:07:51,696 --> 00:07:52,894 since before winter break. 225 00:07:52,895 --> 00:07:55,477 So help yourselves to tropical skittles, 226 00:07:55,478 --> 00:07:56,872 cigarettes, or mouthwash. 227 00:07:56,873 --> 00:07:59,966 And have a good time. 228 00:08:02,150 --> 00:08:04,828 Okay, so I have to figure out if Shirley did it 229 00:08:04,829 --> 00:08:07,213 with her ex-husband the week after Halloween. 230 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,076 How are you gonna do that? 231 00:08:10,048 --> 00:08:11,410 I got moves. 232 00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:14,061 So...Bun in the oven. 233 00:08:14,062 --> 00:08:16,713 Guess it's no surprise after working on it all this time. 234 00:08:16,714 --> 00:08:18,366 Well, I wouldn't quite say working on it. 235 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:19,365 Just kind of happens, you know. 236 00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:20,903 Oh, yeah, I do. 237 00:08:20,904 --> 00:08:22,850 Especially when the season's right. 238 00:08:22,981 --> 00:08:25,397 Dead leaves, pumpkins everywhere... 239 00:08:25,737 --> 00:08:28,192 Nature's Viagra. Right? 240 00:08:28,692 --> 00:08:29,200 I guess. 241 00:08:29,201 --> 00:08:30,473 And then when all the pumpkins 242 00:08:30,474 --> 00:08:32,124 just start to rot 243 00:08:32,244 --> 00:08:34,613 and all the children have removed their outfits 244 00:08:35,352 --> 00:08:38,420 because they've already gotten their candy... 245 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,402 I'm gonna go talk to some other people, all right? 246 00:08:49,159 --> 00:08:51,373 - So? - His mind is like a fortress. 247 00:08:52,109 --> 00:08:53,217 Why don't we just tell Shirley, 248 00:08:53,218 --> 00:08:55,255 "Hey, look, you slept with Chang"? 249 00:08:55,256 --> 00:08:56,426 Let her deal with it. 250 00:08:56,427 --> 00:08:57,959 Pierce, if someone had sex with Chang 251 00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,980 and they get to not remember that happened, 252 00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:01,566 that's a gift from God. 253 00:09:01,567 --> 00:09:03,683 I'm not taking that away from her without a good reason. 254 00:09:03,684 --> 00:09:04,680 Well, here's a good reason. 255 00:09:04,681 --> 00:09:05,552 You ever go to the bathroom 256 00:09:05,553 --> 00:09:06,655 and find parsley in your teeth 257 00:09:06,656 --> 00:09:09,144 that your friends hadn't told you about? 258 00:09:09,239 --> 00:09:10,991 Now imagine your teeth are a uterus 259 00:09:10,992 --> 00:09:13,761 and that parsley is a half-Chinese baby. 260 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:14,617 Hey, guys. 261 00:09:14,693 --> 00:09:16,131 I want you to meet someone. 262 00:09:16,576 --> 00:09:17,940 My name is Quendra, 263 00:09:17,977 --> 00:09:19,602 and I spell it with a Q-U. 264 00:09:19,603 --> 00:09:21,988 She's thinking about taking Anthropology. 265 00:09:21,989 --> 00:09:24,371 So maybe she would make a nice addition or two 266 00:09:24,372 --> 00:09:26,776 to our study group. Something to consider. 267 00:09:26,777 --> 00:09:28,293 Are you Abed? 268 00:09:28,294 --> 00:09:29,974 I love Star Wars. 269 00:09:29,975 --> 00:09:32,686 - That's Troy. - I love footballs. 270 00:09:32,687 --> 00:09:34,588 Jeff, we're dealing with heavier things right now 271 00:09:34,589 --> 00:09:36,301 than your shameless lobbying. 272 00:09:36,302 --> 00:09:37,779 Rich brought kettle corn! 273 00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:40,058 Kettle corn! That's a fun-time snack. 274 00:09:40,059 --> 00:09:42,162 - Oh, looks great. - I make it in my garage. 275 00:09:42,830 --> 00:09:44,382 I'll take some of that. 276 00:09:45,905 --> 00:09:47,858 I spell kettle corn with a Q-U. 277 00:09:47,859 --> 00:09:49,286 Well, don't. 278 00:09:49,675 --> 00:09:51,155 What is this? What's going on? 279 00:09:51,156 --> 00:09:51,845 It's a mixer. 280 00:09:51,846 --> 00:09:53,995 Why is everyone from Anthro class here? 281 00:09:54,472 --> 00:09:56,648 Are you guys picking a new study group member? 282 00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:58,344 And you didn't invite me? 283 00:09:58,500 --> 00:09:59,636 We didn't know how to reach you. 284 00:09:59,637 --> 00:10:02,006 What are you talking about? I'm everywhere. 285 00:10:02,282 --> 00:10:03,383 We didn't know how to reach you. 286 00:10:03,384 --> 00:10:05,442 That's not a true. That's a lie. 287 00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:07,342 It's a mixer. We didn't know how to reach you. 288 00:10:07,343 --> 00:10:09,142 It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. 289 00:10:09,143 --> 00:10:10,819 It's a mixer. It's a mixer. 290 00:10:12,944 --> 00:10:14,039 Works every time. 291 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,841 $50? What a pig. 292 00:10:26,597 --> 00:10:29,172 Jeff, I think we should vote now. 293 00:10:29,173 --> 00:10:31,009 Most people left after we ran out of skittles, 294 00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:32,557 and, come on, it's pretty obvious 295 00:10:32,558 --> 00:10:33,463 Rich is the best candidate. 296 00:10:33,464 --> 00:10:35,396 Yeah. Looks like he's our guy. 297 00:10:35,397 --> 00:10:36,450 I'll be right there. 298 00:10:38,050 --> 00:10:39,691 This can't be happening. 299 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:41,442 I agree. 300 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,560 You can't talk and then do a slow clap. 301 00:10:47,561 --> 00:10:49,097 You don't know that. 302 00:10:49,244 --> 00:10:50,410 But I know this. 303 00:10:50,696 --> 00:10:53,714 Unless you want a front row seat to Annie loves Richie, 304 00:10:53,715 --> 00:10:57,147 it's time to Chang your point of view. 305 00:10:57,148 --> 00:10:58,404 It's not even clever. 306 00:10:58,405 --> 00:11:00,543 You keep using it as the word change. 307 00:11:03,418 --> 00:11:05,161 Okay. Okay. 308 00:11:05,162 --> 00:11:08,929 Okay. Just do me a favor. 309 00:11:09,008 --> 00:11:11,089 Let me do all the talking and follow my lead. 310 00:11:11,090 --> 00:11:12,644 - Deal. - Okay. 311 00:11:14,781 --> 00:11:16,130 Seriously, do you have brain damage? 312 00:11:16,131 --> 00:11:18,504 Rich is also board-certified in pediatrics, 313 00:11:18,505 --> 00:11:20,736 and, once a month, he flies down to volunteer 314 00:11:20,737 --> 00:11:23,260 in the rain forest, fixing children's cleft palates 315 00:11:23,261 --> 00:11:25,266 and teaching them acoustic guitar. 316 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:26,153 Other than that, 317 00:11:26,154 --> 00:11:28,865 well, his kettle corn speaks for itself. 318 00:11:28,866 --> 00:11:30,165 I couldn't agree more. 319 00:11:30,166 --> 00:11:32,464 It looks like this is an open-and-shut case. 320 00:11:32,465 --> 00:11:34,439 Did someone say case? 321 00:11:34,441 --> 00:11:36,175 Because I haven't made mine yet. 322 00:11:36,176 --> 00:11:38,196 What? What's your case? 323 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,772 Ben Chang is my case. 324 00:11:40,773 --> 00:11:42,147 You can't be serious. 325 00:11:42,148 --> 00:11:43,517 Oh, I'm serious, baby. 326 00:11:43,518 --> 00:11:44,832 I am yahoo serious. 327 00:11:44,833 --> 00:11:45,843 I'm serious F.M. 328 00:11:45,844 --> 00:11:48,218 Welcome to the world serious of seriousness, 329 00:11:48,219 --> 00:11:50,394 sponsored by honey nut serios. 330 00:11:50,395 --> 00:11:51,674 Are you stalling right now? 331 00:11:51,675 --> 00:11:52,879 Stalling? 332 00:11:54,935 --> 00:11:55,997 Stalling? 333 00:11:55,998 --> 00:11:58,043 No, Annie, in fact, you're gonna wish 334 00:11:58,044 --> 00:12:00,068 I was stalling... Oh, I just got it. Thank you. 335 00:12:03,303 --> 00:12:04,938 I want to say some names to you. 336 00:12:05,928 --> 00:12:07,056 Jeffrey Dahmer. 337 00:12:07,972 --> 00:12:09,138 Ted Bundy. 338 00:12:10,715 --> 00:12:11,689 Rich. 339 00:12:12,540 --> 00:12:14,058 What do they have in common? 340 00:12:15,031 --> 00:12:17,604 We don't know them very well. 341 00:12:17,955 --> 00:12:20,012 What do we know about Ben Chang? 342 00:12:20,792 --> 00:12:22,773 - We know he's nuts. - Let him finish! 343 00:12:22,853 --> 00:12:25,848 We know he's dangerous, unpredictable, selfish. 344 00:12:25,849 --> 00:12:28,501 We know he uses his name to make bad puns. 345 00:12:28,502 --> 00:12:29,739 Guilty as changed. 346 00:12:29,740 --> 00:12:33,001 When he talks, he over and underemphasizes words 347 00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,332 seemingly at random. 348 00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:36,490 When he eats, he holds his fork 349 00:12:36,491 --> 00:12:38,135 like a murderer's knife, 350 00:12:38,136 --> 00:12:41,936 gnawing at its skewered payload like a deranged woodland rodent. 351 00:12:41,937 --> 00:12:42,836 Bring it home! 352 00:12:42,837 --> 00:12:44,579 We know he smells like band-aids. 353 00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:46,822 We know he dresses like a Cuban cab driver. 354 00:12:46,823 --> 00:12:50,471 We know he exhibits, nay, flaunts proudly 355 00:12:50,472 --> 00:12:53,155 obvious symptoms of over half a dozen disorders 356 00:12:53,156 --> 00:12:55,683 you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy's pets. 357 00:12:55,684 --> 00:12:56,767 Feel the heat! 358 00:12:56,768 --> 00:13:00,178 We know these things about Ben Chang. 359 00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:03,617 And so much more than we ever wanted to know about him. 360 00:13:03,618 --> 00:13:04,511 Why? 361 00:13:05,829 --> 00:13:07,152 Because it's there. 362 00:13:07,464 --> 00:13:09,636 It's on the surface. 363 00:13:09,643 --> 00:13:12,561 What you see may be what you don't want, 364 00:13:12,562 --> 00:13:16,135 but it's also what you get. 365 00:13:17,273 --> 00:13:18,208 Wow. 366 00:13:19,149 --> 00:13:21,713 Who is this kettle-corn-popping phantom? 367 00:13:21,948 --> 00:13:23,677 This human question mark? 368 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:26,211 This number eight scoop of vanilla tapioca 369 00:13:26,212 --> 00:13:28,552 with a Ph.D in being swell 370 00:13:28,553 --> 00:13:31,083 and a master's in "everybody loves me"? 371 00:13:31,084 --> 00:13:32,134 Who is it? 372 00:13:35,130 --> 00:13:36,373 We may never know. 373 00:13:38,347 --> 00:13:40,840 I only know one thing. 374 00:13:42,252 --> 00:13:44,776 Nobody is this good a person. 375 00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:49,602 And nobody can get any worse 376 00:13:49,603 --> 00:13:50,729 than this. 377 00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:55,936 Now. 378 00:14:03,192 --> 00:14:05,443 Who's voting for Chang? 379 00:14:07,366 --> 00:14:09,345 Who's voting for Rich? 380 00:14:12,878 --> 00:14:14,858 - Shirley. - Wow, what you gonna do, baby? 381 00:14:14,859 --> 00:14:16,220 I don't know. 382 00:14:18,290 --> 00:14:21,386 Shirley, this is the best kettle corn I've ever had. 383 00:14:21,387 --> 00:14:23,168 If you don't vote for Rich, 384 00:14:23,559 --> 00:14:24,719 I'll shatter your world. 385 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:25,505 You're gonna what? 386 00:14:25,506 --> 00:14:27,042 I'll shatter your world. 387 00:14:27,043 --> 00:14:28,792 I heard you. I vote for Chang. 388 00:14:28,793 --> 00:14:31,516 - Yes! - Yes! In your face! 389 00:14:31,517 --> 00:14:32,908 - No! - Yes! 390 00:14:32,909 --> 00:14:33,803 No! 391 00:14:34,778 --> 00:14:37,298 Chang and Shirley had sex on Halloween. 392 00:14:38,271 --> 00:14:39,129 What? 393 00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:40,610 - What? - You may be pregnant 394 00:14:40,611 --> 00:14:44,469 - with his baby. - No. No, no, no, no. Mm-mm. 395 00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:45,366 Pierce! 396 00:14:45,877 --> 00:14:47,157 She crossed me. 397 00:14:47,158 --> 00:14:51,048 Is that why you were subtly interrogating me about my sexual activity? 398 00:14:51,438 --> 00:14:53,327 - Troy? - Chang left me a voice mail 399 00:14:53,328 --> 00:14:56,721 on Halloween to say that you two did it. 400 00:14:56,722 --> 00:14:58,341 I could hear you in the background. 401 00:14:59,122 --> 00:15:00,879 Shirley, what is he talking about? 402 00:15:01,241 --> 00:15:02,756 I don't remember that night. 403 00:15:02,954 --> 00:15:04,098 Nobody remembers anything. 404 00:15:04,099 --> 00:15:07,161 Oh, now I understand these photos. 405 00:15:08,844 --> 00:15:10,815 Do you mind if I forward these to my brother? 406 00:15:10,816 --> 00:15:13,262 Oh! I want this man out of here. 407 00:15:13,263 --> 00:15:15,029 Well, you just voted him in, so... 408 00:15:15,030 --> 00:15:16,598 What is wrong with you? 409 00:15:16,599 --> 00:15:17,776 Shirley is in crisis. 410 00:15:17,777 --> 00:15:19,348 This isn't silly anymore. 411 00:15:19,349 --> 00:15:20,786 I don't understand. 412 00:15:20,982 --> 00:15:22,548 Just... just wait, baby. 413 00:15:22,549 --> 00:15:24,327 I don't understand either, but we can work this out. 414 00:15:24,328 --> 00:15:25,609 We'll figure it out. 415 00:15:29,185 --> 00:15:30,429 Andre, no. 416 00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:36,640 I think that this is a good time to go. 417 00:15:36,641 --> 00:15:37,649 Rich! 418 00:15:37,650 --> 00:15:38,662 No! 419 00:15:42,389 --> 00:15:44,375 You finally did it, Jeff Winger. 420 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,478 You finally hurt this group in a way that'll never heal. 421 00:15:49,937 --> 00:15:51,127 Kettle corn! 422 00:15:58,468 --> 00:15:59,485 There you are. 423 00:16:00,255 --> 00:16:01,463 Can you please explain to me 424 00:16:01,464 --> 00:16:02,409 what the hell you've been doing? 425 00:16:02,410 --> 00:16:04,326 Well, Annie, when a man 426 00:16:04,327 --> 00:16:06,062 loves food and beverages very much 427 00:16:06,063 --> 00:16:07,596 and they pass through his system, 428 00:16:07,597 --> 00:16:09,482 - they make... - I'm not in the mood, Jeff. 429 00:16:09,483 --> 00:16:10,307 Explain your behavior 430 00:16:10,308 --> 00:16:11,516 with Rich today. 431 00:16:11,517 --> 00:16:13,463 Sorry, not everyone is as in love 432 00:16:13,464 --> 00:16:15,707 with Dr. Do-No-Wrong as you are. 433 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,219 And don't say it's because I'm jealous 434 00:16:17,220 --> 00:16:18,040 of him being with you. 435 00:16:18,041 --> 00:16:20,239 Oh, come on, Jeff! 436 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,273 I'm sick of this. 437 00:16:21,274 --> 00:16:22,776 One minute, I'm too young to date. 438 00:16:22,777 --> 00:16:25,049 The next, you're trying to get rid of guys I like. 439 00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:26,849 Either you want me or you don't. 440 00:16:26,850 --> 00:16:27,784 What's it gonna be? 441 00:16:27,785 --> 00:16:29,189 I wish I could give you an answer 442 00:16:29,190 --> 00:16:32,271 that makes sense, but relationships are complicated, 443 00:16:32,272 --> 00:16:33,817 and we're in the men's room. 444 00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:37,208 Fine. Well, I'm gonna ask Rich out. 445 00:16:37,465 --> 00:16:39,057 Nothing complicated about that. 446 00:16:42,980 --> 00:16:44,047 - There you are. - Did I walk 447 00:16:44,048 --> 00:16:45,119 into the wrong bathroom? 448 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:46,806 You have to find Andre and talk to him. 449 00:16:46,807 --> 00:16:48,173 Shirley is devastated. 450 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,273 Since when do you want him back in her life? 451 00:16:50,274 --> 00:16:52,237 I don't deny that I'm not a fan of the guy, 452 00:16:52,238 --> 00:16:53,201 but I'm a fan of Shirley, 453 00:16:53,202 --> 00:16:54,880 and this is what she wants. 454 00:17:03,541 --> 00:17:04,436 There you are. 455 00:17:11,734 --> 00:17:12,977 Mezzanine? 456 00:17:20,426 --> 00:17:22,166 - Nice sweater. - Thanks. 457 00:17:22,431 --> 00:17:23,800 My dad gave it to me. 458 00:17:24,968 --> 00:17:28,773 - So, um... - Look, I'm not mad at Shirley. 459 00:17:28,942 --> 00:17:29,951 You're not? 460 00:17:30,066 --> 00:17:32,437 No. I'm mad at myself. 461 00:17:33,098 --> 00:17:34,619 You know, if I hadn't left her like I did, 462 00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:36,297 then none of this would have happened. 463 00:17:37,697 --> 00:17:40,162 You ever have something that you didn't truly appreciate 464 00:17:40,163 --> 00:17:42,010 until you didn't have it anymore? 465 00:17:42,011 --> 00:17:45,374 Oh, yeah. Keristina. 466 00:17:45,724 --> 00:17:46,426 Old girlfriend? 467 00:17:46,427 --> 00:17:47,695 Almond facial scrub. 468 00:17:47,696 --> 00:17:49,129 They only make it in Finland. 469 00:17:50,344 --> 00:17:52,992 The old me would have been long gone by now. 470 00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:54,878 I didn't think I could ever change, 471 00:17:54,879 --> 00:17:57,051 but I'm gonna tell you, the love of a good woman 472 00:17:57,052 --> 00:17:58,544 makes anything possible. 473 00:18:01,651 --> 00:18:03,851 Well, it looks like I'm gonna be a daddy again. 474 00:18:04,242 --> 00:18:05,678 - Yeah, but... - Hey. 475 00:18:05,833 --> 00:18:08,015 Doesn't matter who the baby's father is. 476 00:18:08,165 --> 00:18:09,786 I'm in it for the long haul. 477 00:18:10,406 --> 00:18:11,571 And if it's mine, 478 00:18:11,855 --> 00:18:13,565 it's gonna be a great football player. 479 00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:15,314 And if it's Chang's, 480 00:18:16,686 --> 00:18:18,085 we'll go for golf. 481 00:18:26,991 --> 00:18:28,196 - Hey. - Hey. 482 00:18:30,759 --> 00:18:32,198 Annie just texted me. 483 00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:33,520 She asked Rich out. 484 00:18:34,707 --> 00:18:35,523 Cool. 485 00:18:35,524 --> 00:18:36,535 He said no. 486 00:18:37,622 --> 00:18:39,758 He said she's great but too young. 487 00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,679 Don't say anything until I've said what I've got to say. 488 00:19:16,624 --> 00:19:18,710 I've known you for almost two years now, 489 00:19:18,711 --> 00:19:22,285 and I've never taken you as seriously as I should have. 490 00:19:22,830 --> 00:19:27,594 You are the strangest, coolest, most genuine person 491 00:19:27,595 --> 00:19:31,587 I've ever met, and the thing that scares me 492 00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:35,067 about you is how good you make me wish I was. 493 00:19:37,087 --> 00:19:38,370 Help me, Rich. 494 00:19:38,692 --> 00:19:40,286 Help me become like you. 495 00:19:41,376 --> 00:19:45,801 I mean, I am so amazing. 496 00:19:47,435 --> 00:19:49,105 But I'm not perfect. 497 00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:51,631 You are. 498 00:19:53,146 --> 00:19:55,051 Give me that power. 499 00:19:56,410 --> 00:19:58,003 So I can abuse it. 500 00:19:59,257 --> 00:20:01,902 Jeff, you are one funny bunny. 501 00:20:01,903 --> 00:20:03,564 You can't just fake being good 502 00:20:03,565 --> 00:20:05,194 in order to get away with doing bad things. 503 00:20:05,195 --> 00:20:07,159 Oh, I completely understand. 504 00:20:07,508 --> 00:20:11,593 And do you understand that I still have to try? 505 00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,621 And if you don't help me, 506 00:20:15,087 --> 00:20:16,409 you're a bad person. 507 00:20:17,935 --> 00:20:19,723 You got me there, guy. 508 00:20:19,858 --> 00:20:21,453 Come on in and dry off. 509 00:20:22,878 --> 00:20:25,577 Oh, it smells delicious. Are you baking? 510 00:20:25,578 --> 00:20:27,302 Yeah, muffin tops. 511 00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:31,643 And we're back. Today, we'll show you 512 00:20:31,644 --> 00:20:33,677 how to make homemade kettle corn with Dr. Rich. 513 00:20:33,678 --> 00:20:34,481 Rich, how do I get 514 00:20:34,482 --> 00:20:35,812 one of those giant spoons? 515 00:20:35,813 --> 00:20:38,115 Well, actually, I carved this one myself 516 00:20:38,116 --> 00:20:40,337 after lightning struck an oak tree in my backyard. 517 00:20:40,338 --> 00:20:42,310 - Ooh. - And then I made my nephew 518 00:20:42,311 --> 00:20:43,078 a rocking horse. 519 00:20:43,079 --> 00:20:45,446 - That's adorable. - It smells heavenly. 520 00:20:45,447 --> 00:20:47,377 Dr. Rich, what sets your kettle corn apart? 521 00:20:47,378 --> 00:20:49,145 Well, it's a secret ingredient... 522 00:20:49,146 --> 00:20:50,534 a couple extra pinches of love. 523 00:20:50,535 --> 00:20:52,291 Oh, you can't beat that. 524 00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:53,861 - It feels good. - Not this again. 525 00:20:53,862 --> 00:20:56,593 Rich, you know they're doing a fake morning show? 526 00:20:56,905 --> 00:20:58,187 There are no cameras. 527 00:20:58,543 --> 00:20:59,439 I know. 528 00:20:59,594 --> 00:21:01,572 It's just a fun way to start the day. 529 00:21:01,573 --> 00:21:02,967 So grab a paddle, partner, 530 00:21:02,968 --> 00:21:04,395 and hop on in here. 531 00:21:04,396 --> 00:21:06,068 You know what, that does sound... 532 00:21:06,069 --> 00:21:07,019 Yeah. 533 00:21:08,943 --> 00:21:11,586 Troy and Abed in the morning.