1 00:00:01,292 --> 00:00:03,491 So I go into the bathroom with Tom... 2 00:00:03,492 --> 00:00:06,792 And we both, you know... take 'em out. 3 00:00:06,899 --> 00:00:10,756 And I say, "Size more? Try size less." 4 00:00:12,569 --> 00:00:13,922 Wow. 5 00:00:13,961 --> 00:00:16,687 I wanna go to rehab and compare penises with famous people. 6 00:00:16,688 --> 00:00:18,271 All in good time, kiddo. 7 00:00:18,272 --> 00:00:21,835 Well, uh, Pierce, we're very glad to have you back. 8 00:00:21,836 --> 00:00:23,593 I'm assuming. You? 9 00:00:24,642 --> 00:00:26,748 So...What should we do now? 10 00:00:29,462 --> 00:00:30,772 Well, I don't wanna be that guy, 11 00:00:30,773 --> 00:00:33,637 but I guess we should start studying Anthropology. 12 00:00:34,071 --> 00:00:35,162 Okay. 13 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,238 Okay. Um... 14 00:00:39,837 --> 00:00:42,024 Chapter four. 15 00:00:43,568 --> 00:00:45,128 - Hello! - Oh, thank God! 16 00:00:45,129 --> 00:00:46,376 Yes! 17 00:00:46,377 --> 00:00:47,600 Oh, my God. 18 00:00:48,284 --> 00:00:49,753 - Thank you. - What is it, dean? 19 00:00:49,754 --> 00:00:52,258 Oh, haha. I have exciting news. 20 00:00:52,259 --> 00:00:54,024 Vice president Joe Biden 21 00:00:54,025 --> 00:00:56,705 has been visiting community colleges across the country 22 00:00:56,706 --> 00:01:00,106 as part of his "Biden Time Talkin' 'Bout Teachin'" tour. 23 00:01:00,107 --> 00:01:02,072 Mm, folksy, yet progressive. 24 00:01:02,073 --> 00:01:03,370 He does walk that line. 25 00:01:03,371 --> 00:01:06,430 Anyway, his tour is taking him to this neck of the woods, 26 00:01:06,431 --> 00:01:09,687 And at 5:00 P.M. today, he is stopping by Greendale! 27 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:11,961 Eat that, city college and wash it down 28 00:01:11,962 --> 00:01:13,932 with a nice tall glass of suck it. 29 00:01:13,998 --> 00:01:15,479 The vice president is coming. 30 00:01:15,923 --> 00:01:17,169 That explains the people I've noticed 31 00:01:17,170 --> 00:01:18,968 covertly surveilling the campus this week. 32 00:01:18,969 --> 00:01:20,093 Must be Secret Service. 33 00:01:20,094 --> 00:01:22,518 Oh, Abed, will your reality ever come out on Blu-Ray 34 00:01:22,519 --> 00:01:24,814 - so we can enjoy it? - We've been made. 35 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,673 Only problem: Mr. Biden is supposed to be meeting 36 00:01:27,674 --> 00:01:29,028 with the dean... 37 00:01:29,224 --> 00:01:30,911 And the head of our student government, 38 00:01:30,912 --> 00:01:33,242 which in its current form doesn't exist. 39 00:01:33,243 --> 00:01:37,295 So we have seven hours to elect a student president. 40 00:01:37,296 --> 00:01:39,159 Ah, what am I gonna wear? 41 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:42,602 I mean, I could borrow my sister's Uncle Sam outfit. 42 00:01:43,075 --> 00:01:44,436 It's tailored for ladies 43 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:47,190 but what else can I do on such short notice? 44 00:01:47,258 --> 00:01:49,304 Well, you can not dress up like Uncle Sam. 45 00:01:49,634 --> 00:01:51,806 Or admit you don't have a sister. 46 00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:53,655 We're electing a student president. 47 00:01:53,656 --> 00:01:54,529 I wanna run! 48 00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:56,480 I have so many ideas for improving the school. 49 00:01:56,481 --> 00:01:58,705 Improving Greendale takes more than ideas, Annie. 50 00:01:58,706 --> 00:02:01,522 It takes time, gasoline, matches. 51 00:02:01,523 --> 00:02:03,043 Mm, nice. 52 00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,856 Well, news flash, Jeff. Some of us care about more 53 00:02:05,857 --> 00:02:08,161 than just fixing our hair and sculpting our abs. 54 00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:10,097 Wow. You got me pegged. 55 00:02:10,727 --> 00:02:12,396 Democracy. What a ruse. 56 00:02:12,397 --> 00:02:14,063 There's no such thing as a system in which 57 00:02:14,064 --> 00:02:17,044 - the masses hold any... - Everyone wants you to shut up. 58 00:02:17,045 --> 00:02:19,660 And yet I won't. Case in point. 59 00:02:23,019 --> 00:02:27,519 Community 2x17 - Intro to Political Science 60 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:32,020 Sync by vNaru - Corrected by addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com 61 00:02:49,622 --> 00:02:52,998 We tend to take democracy for granted in America. 62 00:02:52,999 --> 00:02:56,715 But the fact is men have fought and died 63 00:02:56,716 --> 00:03:00,549 for the sacred right we exercise today. 64 00:03:01,184 --> 00:03:04,301 So anyone who wants to be president, 65 00:03:04,302 --> 00:03:07,006 line up by the ice cream machine. 66 00:03:07,007 --> 00:03:10,249 Your applause will determine who gets into the primaries. 67 00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:13,624 And yes, this is a ladies Uncle Sam outfit. 68 00:03:13,625 --> 00:03:16,302 It's my sister's. It was last-minute. 69 00:03:16,303 --> 00:03:17,383 I had no choice. 70 00:03:17,384 --> 00:03:19,576 I wonder if that's the same sister that tweets me 71 00:03:19,577 --> 00:03:21,589 to ask if I think her brother's cute. 72 00:03:22,020 --> 00:03:22,933 Jeff, what happened to 73 00:03:22,934 --> 00:03:24,743 that pile of campaign fliers I gave you? 74 00:03:24,744 --> 00:03:25,967 I hung 'em all up. 75 00:03:28,650 --> 00:03:29,828 Real nice. 76 00:03:29,893 --> 00:03:31,613 Is it too much to ask you to pitch in? 77 00:03:31,614 --> 00:03:34,211 I'm sorry, Annie. I'm not the worker bee type. 78 00:03:34,212 --> 00:03:36,976 I'm more of a silverback gorilla with the claws a lion, 79 00:03:36,977 --> 00:03:39,635 the teeth of a shark, and the quiet dignity of a tortoise. 80 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:42,000 All right. First up is this fella. 81 00:03:42,091 --> 00:03:43,326 Let's go. Come on. 82 00:03:43,327 --> 00:03:44,743 All right, tell everybody your name. 83 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:46,586 - Garrett. - Okay, Garrett. 84 00:03:46,587 --> 00:03:48,496 And why do you want to be president? 85 00:03:48,497 --> 00:03:51,681 I wanted ice cream, so I got in line... 86 00:03:51,682 --> 00:03:54,718 Okay, okay. He wanted ice cream. 87 00:03:54,719 --> 00:03:56,032 So what do we say, gang? 88 00:03:56,033 --> 00:03:57,239 Does he make it to the next round? 89 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:58,641 By applause. 90 00:03:59,179 --> 00:04:01,978 Oh! We've got our first nominee. 91 00:04:01,979 --> 00:04:03,240 All right, the bar has been set. 92 00:04:03,241 --> 00:04:05,578 All right, stand to the side. Stand to the side. 93 00:04:06,143 --> 00:04:07,336 You know what? 94 00:04:07,337 --> 00:04:09,661 At least worker bees can set aside their egos 95 00:04:09,662 --> 00:04:11,870 and join together to support a larger cause. 96 00:04:11,871 --> 00:04:15,646 Oh, right, because politics are all about larger causes. 97 00:04:15,954 --> 00:04:16,915 Face it, Annie. 98 00:04:16,916 --> 00:04:21,882 Politics are all about ego, popularity, and parlor tricks. 99 00:04:21,883 --> 00:04:23,264 Don't kid a lawyer. 100 00:04:23,852 --> 00:04:26,005 Well, if I see one, I won't. 101 00:04:27,664 --> 00:04:30,448 Oh, it's a girl! Look at this. 102 00:04:30,449 --> 00:04:32,696 She's got a yellow shirt and a hat. 103 00:04:32,697 --> 00:04:33,924 Who are you, sweetie? 104 00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:35,053 Uh, Vicki. 105 00:04:35,054 --> 00:04:37,107 Who's up for some Vicki, huh? 106 00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:40,026 Abed Nadir, I'm special agent Robin Vohlers. 107 00:04:40,027 --> 00:04:40,901 This is special agent Keenlan 108 00:04:40,902 --> 00:04:42,393 of the United States Secret Service. 109 00:04:42,394 --> 00:04:44,731 Will you submit to a search of your personal belongings? 110 00:04:44,732 --> 00:04:45,787 Sure. 111 00:04:48,232 --> 00:04:49,986 If I may ask, how did you notice 112 00:04:49,987 --> 00:04:51,276 the campus was being observed? 113 00:04:51,277 --> 00:04:53,415 I guess I noticed because I'm used to being the only observer. 114 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:56,683 Well, we're not used to being noticed. 115 00:04:57,015 --> 00:04:58,438 That sounds a little sad. 116 00:05:00,597 --> 00:05:01,779 He's clean. 117 00:05:03,335 --> 00:05:05,255 Although I could issue a warning 118 00:05:05,256 --> 00:05:07,081 for this bootleg of The Last Airbender. 119 00:05:07,082 --> 00:05:08,412 Where were you a week ago? 120 00:05:11,943 --> 00:05:13,027 You can keep it. 121 00:05:13,808 --> 00:05:15,960 Well, another one makes the cut. 122 00:05:15,961 --> 00:05:17,491 Congratulations, Leonard. 123 00:05:18,154 --> 00:05:19,988 Oh, yes, wonderful. 124 00:05:19,989 --> 00:05:22,506 Next up, Annie Edison. 125 00:05:25,181 --> 00:05:27,235 My name is Annie Edison. 126 00:05:27,236 --> 00:05:30,038 And if elected, I promise to make Greendale 127 00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:33,458 the signature community college of the entire western 128 00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:36,729 - 3/4 of the Greendale area. - Annie! 129 00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:41,022 Oh, whoa! Looks like you're in the running, Annie. 130 00:05:41,088 --> 00:05:44,566 Looks like it is hard not to be. Next up... 131 00:05:44,567 --> 00:05:46,161 I'm sorry. Hey, I got the heat, I gotta go. 132 00:05:47,159 --> 00:05:50,298 I believe that humankind need not be governed. 133 00:05:54,917 --> 00:05:56,178 I don't care. 134 00:05:57,692 --> 00:05:59,922 Well, it's good to know there's a floor on this thing. 135 00:05:59,923 --> 00:06:02,256 Thank you, miss Perry. 136 00:06:02,342 --> 00:06:05,121 Oh, Annie, I'm so proud of you. 137 00:06:05,122 --> 00:06:06,649 People love you. 138 00:06:06,650 --> 00:06:09,076 I believe this campus is a good place, 139 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,373 filled with good people who just need someone 140 00:06:11,374 --> 00:06:12,849 to protect their interests. 141 00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:14,953 Jeff Winger! 142 00:06:16,684 --> 00:06:19,915 My name is Jeff. I'm no politician. 143 00:06:19,916 --> 00:06:21,316 I'm just a fella. 144 00:06:21,526 --> 00:06:25,352 I think that beer should be cold and boots should be dusty. 145 00:06:25,573 --> 00:06:27,558 I think 9/11 was bad. 146 00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:31,936 And freedom, well, I think that's just a little bit better. 147 00:06:33,953 --> 00:06:36,045 Whoo! Yeah! 148 00:06:50,781 --> 00:06:51,796 The countdown has begun. 149 00:06:51,797 --> 00:06:53,735 And at 5:00 tonight, one student will be president 150 00:06:53,749 --> 00:06:55,228 while the rest will simply be. 151 00:06:55,229 --> 00:06:57,243 For Greendale campus TV, I'm Abed Nadir. 152 00:06:57,244 --> 00:07:00,766 I'm Troy "Butt Soup" Barnes. What? That's my name. 153 00:07:00,767 --> 00:07:02,681 As we head into the first round of the debates, 154 00:07:02,682 --> 00:07:04,186 there are eight candidates in the lead. 155 00:07:04,187 --> 00:07:06,958 Annie Edison... smart, attractive, but easily vexed. 156 00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:08,638 - Leonard Rodriguez... - Did he change his last name? 157 00:07:08,639 --> 00:07:09,966 Yeah, he's trying to court the Hispanic vote. 158 00:07:09,967 --> 00:07:11,173 Alex "Starburns" Osbourne... 159 00:07:11,174 --> 00:07:13,846 Creepy. Seems Greek. Possible drug dealer. 160 00:07:13,847 --> 00:07:15,324 - Jeff Winger. - Crowd favorite. 161 00:07:15,325 --> 00:07:16,371 They call him Hot Wings. 162 00:07:16,372 --> 00:07:17,948 - Magnitude. - Short for Magnetic Attitude. 163 00:07:17,949 --> 00:07:19,208 He's a one-man party. 164 00:07:19,209 --> 00:07:20,944 Pierce Hawthorne. The wizard of wet wipes. 165 00:07:20,945 --> 00:07:21,968 I live with that dude. 166 00:07:21,969 --> 00:07:23,825 He's got night terrors and a rotary phone. 167 00:07:23,826 --> 00:07:25,439 - Garrett. - That guy's just a mess. 168 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:26,841 It's like God spilled a person. 169 00:07:26,842 --> 00:07:29,882 - And Vicki. - Yellow shirt, hat. 170 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:33,081 Girl... you know, you gotta ask yourself right now, Abed. 171 00:07:33,768 --> 00:07:36,347 - What's up with politics? - Yeah, yeah. 172 00:07:36,348 --> 00:07:37,480 You're precisely right, Troy. 173 00:07:37,481 --> 00:07:38,679 You know, I hear they're getting ready to start, 174 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,552 so we'll turn it over to coverage of the debates. 175 00:07:45,474 --> 00:07:46,433 Who's that? 176 00:07:46,434 --> 00:07:48,768 Special agent Vohlers. United States Secret Service. 177 00:07:49,039 --> 00:07:51,414 Do you just constantly have your own little side adventures? 178 00:07:51,415 --> 00:07:52,363 Yep. 179 00:07:53,148 --> 00:07:54,287 Me too. 180 00:07:59,003 --> 00:07:59,950 Hmm. 181 00:07:59,951 --> 00:08:01,725 Jeff, knock it off. 182 00:08:01,726 --> 00:08:02,966 You're not running sincerely. 183 00:08:02,967 --> 00:08:04,736 You're not even interested in student government. 184 00:08:04,737 --> 00:08:06,659 I know, and yet, the people love me. 185 00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:09,093 It's almost as if politics were a huge joke. 186 00:08:09,094 --> 00:08:10,971 Okay, look. 187 00:08:10,972 --> 00:08:12,846 I'm sorry I asked you to hang my fliers, 188 00:08:12,847 --> 00:08:14,848 but I suggest you drop out right now, 189 00:08:14,849 --> 00:08:16,184 because not only will I beat you, 190 00:08:16,185 --> 00:08:17,332 I will make you cry. 191 00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:18,298 Mmm. 192 00:08:18,462 --> 00:08:20,833 Oh, I feel a slight ego 193 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,936 blowing in from the east. 194 00:08:21,937 --> 00:08:23,700 You're gonna feel my foot blowing in from the south. 195 00:08:23,701 --> 00:08:24,873 Bring it on, Ponce de Leon. 196 00:08:24,874 --> 00:08:26,716 I'm gonna, Greg Muldunna. 197 00:08:27,998 --> 00:08:29,040 It's a real guy. 198 00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:30,231 He owns a mattress store downtown. 199 00:08:30,232 --> 00:08:31,476 You can look it up. 200 00:08:33,205 --> 00:08:34,412 Hey, Vicki. 201 00:08:34,532 --> 00:08:35,617 Psst! 202 00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:39,119 Vicki, look at me. Psst! 203 00:08:40,005 --> 00:08:42,107 - I'm going to crush you. - Pierce! 204 00:08:42,108 --> 00:08:42,903 Stop that! 205 00:08:42,904 --> 00:08:44,309 I'm gonna eat your brains, Vicki. 206 00:08:44,343 --> 00:08:46,141 I'm gonna slurp 'em right out of that melon 207 00:08:46,142 --> 00:08:46,897 you call a head. 208 00:08:46,898 --> 00:08:48,647 A reminder to all candidates: 209 00:08:48,648 --> 00:08:50,716 Your microphones are currently on. 210 00:08:50,717 --> 00:08:52,937 Well, they better be, 'cause I'm on fire up here. 211 00:08:53,964 --> 00:08:55,943 You freak people out, you know that? 212 00:08:55,944 --> 00:08:57,401 You look weird... 213 00:08:58,332 --> 00:08:59,702 Because of your overbite. 214 00:08:59,703 --> 00:09:01,919 Okay, let's just get started. 215 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:06,006 Welcome to the Greendale Community College presidential debate. 216 00:09:06,221 --> 00:09:10,116 Candidates, if elected, what will you do? 217 00:09:10,336 --> 00:09:11,428 Oh, Annie? 218 00:09:11,429 --> 00:09:14,148 I'm running on a platform of school improvement. 219 00:09:14,149 --> 00:09:16,420 If I'm elected, the black mold 220 00:09:16,421 --> 00:09:18,706 will be removed from the east stairwell. 221 00:09:18,707 --> 00:09:21,583 The assailant known only as "the asscrack bandit" 222 00:09:21,584 --> 00:09:23,264 will be brought to justice. 223 00:09:23,265 --> 00:09:25,689 And I will balance the school's budget 224 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,552 by eliminating administrative redundancies. 225 00:09:29,579 --> 00:09:31,357 Okay. I'm in the room. 226 00:09:31,358 --> 00:09:33,233 Thank you, miss Edison. 227 00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:34,332 Mr. Winger? 228 00:09:34,333 --> 00:09:36,097 Well, that's an important question. 229 00:09:36,293 --> 00:09:39,268 And it's important to students like Jeremy, 230 00:09:39,269 --> 00:09:41,885 who told me today that he is majoring in Astronomy 231 00:09:41,886 --> 00:09:43,954 and is supporting two children. 232 00:09:44,220 --> 00:09:46,949 It's an important question to Maria, 233 00:09:46,950 --> 00:09:49,799 who's a beautiful Latina born in Nicaragua, 234 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,449 working in the cafeteria. 235 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,490 What will I do, dean? 236 00:09:53,491 --> 00:09:56,591 Well, these people don't want me to say what I'll do. 237 00:09:56,605 --> 00:09:59,656 They want me to do what I'll say. 238 00:09:59,657 --> 00:10:00,737 Oh. 239 00:10:03,266 --> 00:10:05,362 They love it when you shuffle the words around. 240 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,119 Magnitude? 241 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:08,441 Pop! Pop! 242 00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:09,687 Oh, no! 243 00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,102 Same question. 244 00:10:13,103 --> 00:10:14,317 Same answer. 245 00:10:14,366 --> 00:10:15,439 Pop! Pop! 246 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:16,660 Oh! 247 00:10:18,495 --> 00:10:20,413 Mind if I ask you a few questions, Mr. Nadir? 248 00:10:20,414 --> 00:10:21,367 Okay. 249 00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:22,537 Was there a specific reason 250 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,154 you had to repeat the first grade? 251 00:10:24,155 --> 00:10:25,644 Well, from what I'm told, 252 00:10:25,645 --> 00:10:26,855 I didn't know how to use scissors, 253 00:10:26,856 --> 00:10:27,960 I sat in the middle of the seesaw, 254 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:28,767 and I always found the distinction 255 00:10:28,768 --> 00:10:30,398 between duck and goose to be very arbitrary. 256 00:10:30,399 --> 00:10:32,110 Couldn't you just pick the sixth kid every time? 257 00:10:32,111 --> 00:10:33,317 That's what I... 258 00:10:34,174 --> 00:10:35,449 Would have done. 259 00:10:35,674 --> 00:10:37,063 I went with four. 260 00:10:39,234 --> 00:10:41,534 Geez, get a room, you two. 261 00:10:42,228 --> 00:10:44,361 Pierce Hawthorne, your platform? 262 00:10:44,362 --> 00:10:46,118 My platform will be one high enough 263 00:10:46,119 --> 00:10:48,108 to push Vicki off to her death. 264 00:10:48,109 --> 00:10:49,236 Ugh! 265 00:10:49,611 --> 00:10:50,879 Vicki! 266 00:10:50,891 --> 00:10:52,489 It looks like Vicki is out of the race. 267 00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:53,964 Oh, well, then I am too. 268 00:10:53,965 --> 00:10:55,402 I was only here to get back at her 269 00:10:55,403 --> 00:10:56,945 for not lending me a pencil. 270 00:10:57,009 --> 00:10:58,635 Okay. Wow. 271 00:10:59,040 --> 00:10:59,829 Uh, well... 272 00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:01,414 Can we get back on track here? 273 00:11:01,415 --> 00:11:03,454 I just want to get the black mold 274 00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,235 out of the east stairwell. 275 00:11:05,236 --> 00:11:09,264 I just want to clean up Greendale. 276 00:11:09,265 --> 00:11:10,996 Are you saying Greendale is dirty? 277 00:11:10,997 --> 00:11:13,061 Oh, boo. 278 00:11:13,093 --> 00:11:14,851 - Boo. - Well... 279 00:11:15,596 --> 00:11:16,930 Of course it's dirty. 280 00:11:16,931 --> 00:11:18,089 Everyone knows that. 281 00:11:18,090 --> 00:11:19,311 I don't, Annie. 282 00:11:19,823 --> 00:11:21,227 I think it's clean. 283 00:11:21,337 --> 00:11:23,017 I think it's the cleanest school 284 00:11:23,018 --> 00:11:24,810 in the entire country. 285 00:11:24,993 --> 00:11:25,823 You know it is. 286 00:11:25,824 --> 00:11:26,599 Looks like Jeff Winger's really 287 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:27,822 got this thing in the bag. 288 00:11:27,823 --> 00:11:28,755 Sure does, Troy. 289 00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:29,859 Say what you will about this or that, 290 00:11:29,860 --> 00:11:31,163 but people just like the guy. 291 00:11:31,727 --> 00:11:34,929 Read my lips... 292 00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:38,053 No matter what you're told... 293 00:11:38,241 --> 00:11:41,370 We have to clean the mold. 294 00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:44,222 No matter what you're told... 295 00:11:44,223 --> 00:11:46,707 We have to clean the mold! 296 00:11:46,708 --> 00:11:47,786 That's right, people! 297 00:11:47,787 --> 00:11:50,028 No matter what you're told... 298 00:11:50,029 --> 00:11:52,180 We have to clean the mold. 299 00:11:52,181 --> 00:11:52,984 - Come on. - Yeah! 300 00:11:52,985 --> 00:11:54,659 Well, this is interesting. 301 00:11:54,660 --> 00:11:56,014 Annie Edison has reduced her platform 302 00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:58,671 to one issue and turned that issue into a sound bite. 303 00:11:58,672 --> 00:12:01,653 And it rhymes and people love it. 304 00:12:01,793 --> 00:12:03,558 This election's become a real horse race. 305 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:05,646 According to our polls, the campus is almost 306 00:12:05,647 --> 00:12:06,650 evenly divided. 307 00:12:06,651 --> 00:12:08,111 Now keep in mind the margin of error 308 00:12:08,112 --> 00:12:09,352 on this thing is about 98%. 309 00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:10,091 Could be higher. 310 00:12:10,092 --> 00:12:11,231 We don't even know how to do margins of error. 311 00:12:11,232 --> 00:12:12,391 We talked to two people at a vending machine. 312 00:12:12,392 --> 00:12:14,072 Well, I'm being told we're taking a quick break, 313 00:12:14,073 --> 00:12:15,562 - but stay tuned. - They have to stay tuned. 314 00:12:15,563 --> 00:12:17,320 - It's closed circuit television. - Don't know what that means. 315 00:12:17,321 --> 00:12:18,579 And we're out. 316 00:12:20,608 --> 00:12:21,960 Can I get an apple juice, please? 317 00:12:21,961 --> 00:12:24,335 Freshly squeezed this time or so help me God, Maurice. 318 00:12:24,336 --> 00:12:26,455 Abed, those guys in the suits 319 00:12:26,456 --> 00:12:29,141 are trashing your dorm room real bad, bro. 320 00:12:37,368 --> 00:12:38,293 What are you doing? 321 00:12:38,294 --> 00:12:39,681 Random spot check, Mr. Nadir. 322 00:12:39,682 --> 00:12:40,874 Stay out of our way. 323 00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:42,029 Nothing suspicious. 324 00:12:42,030 --> 00:12:43,910 Glenn, bring the car around. 325 00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:49,181 What are you looking for, Robin? 326 00:12:49,182 --> 00:12:51,385 Fertilizer, car battery, PVC piping, 327 00:12:51,386 --> 00:12:52,499 anything suspicious. 328 00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:53,944 Because you think I'm suspicious? 329 00:12:55,870 --> 00:12:58,523 Or because you wish I was suspicious, 330 00:12:58,524 --> 00:12:59,823 so that you would have an excuse to see more of me. 331 00:12:59,824 --> 00:13:00,884 This was a random spot check. 332 00:13:00,885 --> 00:13:02,697 - Do you like me? - That's not really relevant. 333 00:13:04,736 --> 00:13:06,120 That's close enough. 334 00:13:06,781 --> 00:13:08,032 Are you sure? 335 00:13:09,236 --> 00:13:10,690 You smell like nice soap. 336 00:13:11,604 --> 00:13:12,824 I have to go. 337 00:13:15,940 --> 00:13:17,349 I'm sorry you weren't a more obvious 338 00:13:17,350 --> 00:13:19,192 potential threat to the country. 339 00:13:24,594 --> 00:13:27,489 People are pretty excited about this black mold issue. 340 00:13:27,490 --> 00:13:28,244 We'll see. 341 00:13:28,245 --> 00:13:29,372 For my closing statement, I'm thinking 342 00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:31,234 about smashing a watermelon with a hammer. 343 00:13:31,235 --> 00:13:33,516 Jeff, if I admit politics are stupid, 344 00:13:33,517 --> 00:13:35,173 will you stop making them stupid? 345 00:13:35,174 --> 00:13:36,548 You're gonna split the vote and Starburns 346 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:37,767 is gonna end up president. 347 00:13:37,768 --> 00:13:40,132 I'm the only one up here who's trying to get something done. 348 00:13:40,133 --> 00:13:42,661 And you deserve to be allowed to do it? 349 00:13:42,736 --> 00:13:45,000 You're entitled to be president? 350 00:13:45,141 --> 00:13:47,375 The gloves are coming off. You understand me? 351 00:13:47,597 --> 00:13:49,863 I have an audio-visual presentation. 352 00:13:49,864 --> 00:13:51,045 Wow. I'm shaking. 353 00:13:51,046 --> 00:13:52,908 You should be. You should be. 354 00:13:52,909 --> 00:13:55,567 All right, let us resume. 355 00:13:55,875 --> 00:13:58,348 Star-burns, we haven't heard from you 356 00:13:58,349 --> 00:13:59,700 on this black mold issue. 357 00:13:59,701 --> 00:14:01,713 Yeah, I actually withdraw my candidacy. 358 00:14:01,714 --> 00:14:04,253 I fear a political career will shine 359 00:14:04,254 --> 00:14:06,280 a negative light on my drug dealing. 360 00:14:06,281 --> 00:14:07,516 Thank you. 361 00:14:08,175 --> 00:14:11,291 Dean, before this election stops being about the issues, 362 00:14:11,292 --> 00:14:13,529 I have a question for my opponents. 363 00:14:13,934 --> 00:14:15,559 What's your favorite color? 364 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,275 Mine's a three-way tie. 365 00:14:17,450 --> 00:14:20,778 Red, white, and blue. 366 00:14:22,297 --> 00:14:24,050 Magnitude, a response? 367 00:14:24,051 --> 00:14:25,659 I think you know, dean. 368 00:14:26,541 --> 00:14:28,373 Pop! Pop! 369 00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:33,643 Oh, I set him up. 370 00:14:33,644 --> 00:14:36,024 I have an audio-visual presentation, dean. 371 00:14:36,025 --> 00:14:37,559 Oh, well, that sounds interesting. 372 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,006 What's your presentation, Annie? 373 00:14:39,007 --> 00:14:41,304 My presentation is a copy of Jeff Winger's 374 00:14:41,305 --> 00:14:44,939 1997 audition tape for MTV's The Real World. 375 00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:46,406 What? What? 376 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,675 Let's just roll it. Thanks. 377 00:14:50,345 --> 00:14:52,490 Hey, I'm Jeff Winger and I'd love 378 00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:55,042 to be on MTV's Real World: Seattle. 379 00:14:55,043 --> 00:14:56,537 So check this out. 380 00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:02,394 ♪ Well I guess it would be nice ♪ 381 00:15:02,938 --> 00:15:05,402 ♪ if I could be on MTV ♪ 382 00:15:05,403 --> 00:15:07,884 ♪ so please please take a look at me ♪ 383 00:15:07,885 --> 00:15:10,291 ♪ for the real world ♪ 384 00:15:10,584 --> 00:15:12,051 ♪ Oh I'm gonna apply twice ♪ 385 00:15:12,052 --> 00:15:13,423 Where the hell did you get that? 386 00:15:13,424 --> 00:15:16,271 Folks, who do you want shaking Joe Biden's hand 387 00:15:16,272 --> 00:15:17,677 at 5:00 P.M.? 388 00:15:17,789 --> 00:15:19,990 Me or... 389 00:15:20,801 --> 00:15:23,087 Shut up! I was, like, 19. 390 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:26,280 We've all been 19, Jeff, and none of us did this. 391 00:15:26,411 --> 00:15:27,430 None of us. 392 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:30,872 Pop! Pop! 393 00:15:31,481 --> 00:15:32,644 I hate you! 394 00:15:32,645 --> 00:15:34,183 I hate this school! 395 00:15:34,781 --> 00:15:37,432 And I hope you all get black mold poisoning! 396 00:15:37,433 --> 00:15:38,347 Oh, Jeffrey, no! 397 00:15:38,348 --> 00:15:40,524 I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! 398 00:15:40,525 --> 00:15:42,034 Oh, Jeffrey, no. 399 00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:53,016 Are you in here? 400 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,811 Yeah, to be alone. 401 00:15:55,812 --> 00:15:58,190 I've already established the men's room doesn't work. 402 00:15:58,569 --> 00:16:00,018 You have an apartment. 403 00:16:00,019 --> 00:16:01,223 There are people in the parking lot 404 00:16:01,224 --> 00:16:02,621 singing that song. 405 00:16:03,321 --> 00:16:04,864 I went too far. 406 00:16:05,296 --> 00:16:06,299 I'm sorry. 407 00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:08,225 I didn't know it would be that bad. 408 00:16:08,364 --> 00:16:09,475 You knew. 409 00:16:09,476 --> 00:16:10,775 You didn't care. 410 00:16:11,119 --> 00:16:12,134 But don't apologize. 411 00:16:12,135 --> 00:16:13,819 I got what I deserved. 412 00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:17,639 I am a gross, jaded adult 413 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,494 with control issues that couldn't let 414 00:16:19,495 --> 00:16:23,062 a young, bright, idealistic kid run for president. 415 00:16:26,497 --> 00:16:28,543 Wait, isn't there a final round of debates? 416 00:16:28,816 --> 00:16:30,670 Yeah. I... 417 00:16:31,551 --> 00:16:32,360 You guys! 418 00:16:32,361 --> 00:16:33,161 You're missing it! 419 00:16:33,162 --> 00:16:34,899 Troy, I'm out. 420 00:16:34,905 --> 00:16:35,839 Me too. 421 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,482 I withdrew my candidacy. 422 00:16:37,544 --> 00:16:39,210 Nobody that treats a friend the way that I did 423 00:16:39,211 --> 00:16:40,774 is fit to represent the student body. 424 00:16:40,775 --> 00:16:42,801 Uh, yeah, I know you're both out. 425 00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,331 I'm saying you're missing it. 426 00:16:44,332 --> 00:16:46,600 It's the political showdown of the century. 427 00:16:46,601 --> 00:16:47,699 Come on. 428 00:16:47,731 --> 00:16:49,087 Pop! Pop! 429 00:16:50,106 --> 00:16:51,464 Pop! Pop! 430 00:16:52,363 --> 00:16:53,748 Pop! Pop! 431 00:16:54,392 --> 00:16:55,864 Pop! Pop! 432 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,472 You should have stayed in the running. 433 00:16:57,473 --> 00:16:58,958 You're the only real candidate. 434 00:16:58,959 --> 00:17:02,049 No, I was just another jerk trying to win a contest. 435 00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:03,718 You were right the whole time. 436 00:17:03,719 --> 00:17:05,401 I just couldn't admit it until I saw you 437 00:17:05,402 --> 00:17:07,332 running away crying. 438 00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:08,756 Yay. 439 00:17:08,757 --> 00:17:11,390 I care what you think about me, you know? 440 00:17:11,391 --> 00:17:14,466 Yeah, well, I care what you think about me. 441 00:17:15,006 --> 00:17:16,295 That's why this happened. 442 00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:17,733 Okay, well... 443 00:17:18,999 --> 00:17:20,810 Resolved, then. 444 00:17:21,522 --> 00:17:22,907 Resolved. 445 00:17:26,115 --> 00:17:28,201 When we seek to destroy others, 446 00:17:28,411 --> 00:17:30,375 we often hurt our self. 447 00:17:31,548 --> 00:17:35,081 Because it is the self that wants to be destroyed. 448 00:17:35,399 --> 00:17:38,111 Pierce, you're not usually so poignant. 449 00:17:38,112 --> 00:17:41,946 Well, Vicki finally lent me her pencil. 450 00:17:41,947 --> 00:17:43,580 Oh, my God! Pierce! 451 00:17:43,581 --> 00:17:45,136 Go to the health center! 452 00:17:45,261 --> 00:17:46,556 Yeah. 453 00:17:47,688 --> 00:17:49,910 Well, we've finally reached the end of election road. 454 00:17:49,911 --> 00:17:52,010 Arguments have been made, pops have been popped. 455 00:17:52,011 --> 00:17:54,080 Hearts have been stirred, perhaps broken. 456 00:17:54,513 --> 00:17:56,849 The only thing that remains is to tally the vote 457 00:17:56,850 --> 00:17:59,030 in this matchup between the youthful, 458 00:17:59,031 --> 00:18:00,767 charismatic Magnitude, 459 00:18:00,768 --> 00:18:02,709 and the Leonard "the Human Raisin" Rodriguez. 460 00:18:02,710 --> 00:18:04,674 Two men fighting for the same piece of earth. 461 00:18:04,955 --> 00:18:06,931 One recently born. One soon to die. 462 00:18:06,932 --> 00:18:09,648 A competition reflecting the pointlessness of life. 463 00:18:10,445 --> 00:18:12,327 Pull up, Abed. You're in a nosedive. 464 00:18:12,435 --> 00:18:14,413 I'm being told now that dean Pelton 465 00:18:14,414 --> 00:18:15,332 is prepared to announce a winner. 466 00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:17,267 We take you now live to across the room. 467 00:18:17,268 --> 00:18:19,826 Okay. Here we go. 468 00:18:19,827 --> 00:18:21,488 Thank you, Sergio. 469 00:18:21,571 --> 00:18:23,474 With 11 votes cast... 470 00:18:23,475 --> 00:18:25,602 11? Come on, people. 471 00:18:26,953 --> 00:18:30,759 The landslide winner of the student election 472 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:34,937 with seven votes is... 473 00:18:34,938 --> 00:18:36,369 South Park. 474 00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:39,139 Okay. You know what? 475 00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:41,195 I seem to recall this is why we abolished 476 00:18:41,196 --> 00:18:42,933 student government in the first place. 477 00:18:42,934 --> 00:18:45,724 This is exactly what happened ten years ago. 478 00:18:46,537 --> 00:18:49,227 Hey, how hard is it to get rid of black mold? 479 00:18:49,443 --> 00:18:51,602 What do we need, buckets and sponges? 480 00:18:52,333 --> 00:18:54,502 I don't actually know. 481 00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,461 We'll look it up. 482 00:18:57,787 --> 00:18:58,952 M'lady. 483 00:18:59,248 --> 00:19:00,422 Well, there you have it. 484 00:19:00,423 --> 00:19:01,877 In a shocking write-in upset, 485 00:19:01,878 --> 00:19:04,258 the Comedy Central cartoon series South Park 486 00:19:04,259 --> 00:19:06,888 has been elected president of the Greendale student body. 487 00:19:06,889 --> 00:19:08,763 Not that shocking to me. I voted for it. 488 00:19:08,835 --> 00:19:09,761 - For real? - Mm-hmm. 489 00:19:09,762 --> 00:19:11,205 Me too. Aww. 490 00:19:11,305 --> 00:19:12,984 We can never stop being friends. 491 00:19:13,375 --> 00:19:14,744 As the confetti gets swept away 492 00:19:14,745 --> 00:19:16,395 and we begin gearing up for next year's election, 493 00:19:16,396 --> 00:19:18,615 for GCTV, I'm Abed Nadir saying, 494 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:19,394 "Did you know you could make napalm 495 00:19:19,395 --> 00:19:21,266 out of common dish soap and cat food?" 496 00:19:21,721 --> 00:19:22,877 What? 497 00:19:23,011 --> 00:19:24,076 Why would you say that? 498 00:19:31,702 --> 00:19:33,383 - Vohlers. - Hmm? 499 00:19:33,384 --> 00:19:34,366 Yeah. 500 00:19:36,294 --> 00:19:37,005 I'm sorry, sir. 501 00:19:37,006 --> 00:19:38,520 We're gonna have to move on to city college. 502 00:19:38,521 --> 00:19:40,830 Apparently there's an elevated threat level at Greendale. 503 00:19:40,999 --> 00:19:41,826 But don't worry. 504 00:19:41,827 --> 00:19:44,488 I'll check it out...Personally. 505 00:19:44,489 --> 00:19:45,526 Whatever. 506 00:19:47,983 --> 00:19:51,403 I had a dream I was the regular president. 507 00:19:57,612 --> 00:19:59,328 You've done so much for our city. 508 00:19:59,329 --> 00:20:03,231 Kickpuncher, is there anything that we can give you? 509 00:20:03,972 --> 00:20:06,265 Don't call me Kickpuncher. 510 00:20:06,403 --> 00:20:08,927 Call me...David. 511 00:20:20,735 --> 00:20:21,906 This was fun. 512 00:20:23,331 --> 00:20:24,374 Maybe you can observe me having dinner 513 00:20:24,375 --> 00:20:25,778 next time you're in town. 514 00:20:25,926 --> 00:20:27,822 Honk twice for "yes," once for "no." 515 00:20:30,547 --> 00:20:34,193 Cool. Cool, cool, cool.